Ainchase "Ain" Ishmael (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
eidxiety) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
sticksandbones2025-12-04 06:33 pm
eidxiety) wrote in sticksandbones2025-12-04 06:33 pm
Entry tags:
- !netbook,
- cookie run: elder faerie cookie,
- cookie run: pavlova cookie,
- cookie run: silent salt cookie,
- demon slayer: akaza,
- demon slayer: shinobu kocho,
- elsword: ain,
- elsword: elsword,
- infinity train: ryan akagi,
- kpop demon hunters: mystery,
- kpop demon hunters: zoey,
- original: luca aurelius,
- pokemon: corbeau
[netbook] shitty newspaper advice column
[The person writing this does not state their name, but Ain's curly and cute handwriting is like... really fucking obvious, so he's clearly not trying to HIDE this for sure.]
Many people have come to me over the years for advice. [No one has done this.] And through my powers of observation, I have realised that many of you need more advice on things. Luckily, I love anonymity and not outing people's problems, so I've compiled tailored advice for those who need it in a safe and completely anonymous format! :O
Birthdays!!!
This is the most important thing, so this goes first. Elsword's birthday is on the 28th and I know we all can't tell time here, but it's SOON, and you all have to be nice to him on his birthday and congratulate him on being 19 and being very very cute, or I'll put cat food in your shoes. Oh, and my birthday is on the 15th and I will be 507 years old ^^
[If there was any doubts as to who this is... there shouldn't be anymore! also @ elsword sorry he forgot he hasn't told you he's an angel yet]
Advice!!!!!
From: Mr. and Ms. Dead People
Dear Advice Notebook:
We are dead where we come from. This is not the fault of the Forest, who does not count in this instance because he cheats and sucks really bad, but is because we died back home before coming here. We would really like to go back home though, because we love our home and want to see it thrive. Assuming a way home ever opens, what is your advice on how we should go about going home?
Thank you very much and you are extremely cool and pretty.
Wow! My advice to you is don't go home and stay here where you're alive, because dying sucks and how are you supposed to appreciate your world if you're deceased?? You can't. Skill issue if you want to go back home to continue to be dead after this warning. :O
From: Mr. and Ms. Timeline Anomalies
Dear Advice Genie:
The timelines have affected us. We are not where we are supposed to be.
I don't even know what to say about this other than get better timelines :O! Have you tried not playing jump rope with the concept of space and time and infinity and like black holes and stuff?? Please do not do this again.
From: Many Many Many Mr. Bad Word For Sarkazes
Hello Advice Person:
Some of us were born this way and we are discriminated against. Some of us were humans who were turned into the bad word for Sarkaz. We are very sad because we want to be loved. What do we do?
Do not worry. It's not your fault you were born or turned into that I think?? God still loves you. Not my God because she sucks and is mean but I mean the Goddesses here. And probably not your gods either now that I think about it, if you are having this issue :O! But that's okay because you can just kill them.
From: Mr. Loverboys and Ms. Lovergirls
Dear Romantic Advice Notebook:
How do I get my love interest to notice me? I would like to "get it", as the kids say.
I have a lot of advice for you, as someone who knows a lot about love! My disclaimer is that I do not like girls romantically so this will be based on how I've observed lesbians for the past five years of my life. I know many lesbians.
1. If you like women, women I think like flowers, long walks on the beach, having nails that can cut someone to ribbon, swords of the sword variety and not of the innuendo variety but they might like those too idk, being called pretty, and not having to do everything themselves. If you are a man and you make your wife do everything for you I hope you die painfully and slowly :O Anyway, the point is that you must treat women like they are pretty and delicate flowers but also acknowledge that they will kill you and many of them are secretly armed. You should fear them. And you should give them the things they like (above) as a courtship offering, like how birds do.
2. If you like men, men like swords of the sword variety we've gone over this part, shoving each other into lockers and walls and stuff, guns, violence in general, camping, outside, and feeling like they have a sense of belonging and that they're wanted. Did you know if you compliment boys they get very flustered? This is because boys are not used to receiving compliments because they are taught to suppress their emotions. Please allow boys room to let their emotions out. When you give boys all of this, they will like you. Also, you must not fear this creature, the boy, because that gives them too much power.
3. If you like people who are a secret third or fourth thing, give them all your material possessions and follow fire code.
With all of these in mind, and keeping in mind these are generalizations, there is a fourth thing I can do for you. I can make you lingerie so you can impress your love interest or existing partner. This, however, costs shells and I will not make this for anyone under 18. You'll also have to be very cool with me taking measurements of your butt.
From: Ms. Cat
Meow meow meow, meow. Meow meow meow meow meow. Mrrawwrrr... Meoww! Mew :3
Meow! Meow meow, mrrrrr, mrrrp! Meow meow :3 :3 :3 Meow? Mrrp, mrrrw! Mew!!! <3
From: Mr. Horns
Dear Advice Person Dude Thing:
I feel insecure about my appearance and worry that I'm worthless now. Do you have any advice?
My advice to you is that I still love you and find you beautiful. :O Don't give up on yourself!!
That's all for my advice column :O Next week: What to do when you really want to run a man through and can't, and "how to cope with the fact that you're trapped in the hell woods and could die at any moment", and also winter fashion advice and how to bake very tiny cupcakes.
[There will not be a next week to this, what compelled you to fucking do this.]
Many people have come to me over the years for advice. [No one has done this.] And through my powers of observation, I have realised that many of you need more advice on things. Luckily, I love anonymity and not outing people's problems, so I've compiled tailored advice for those who need it in a safe and completely anonymous format! :O
Birthdays!!!
This is the most important thing, so this goes first. Elsword's birthday is on the 28th and I know we all can't tell time here, but it's SOON, and you all have to be nice to him on his birthday and congratulate him on being 19 and being very very cute, or I'll put cat food in your shoes. Oh, and my birthday is on the 15th and I will be 507 years old ^^
[If there was any doubts as to who this is... there shouldn't be anymore! also @ elsword sorry he forgot he hasn't told you he's an angel yet]
Advice!!!!!
From: Mr. and Ms. Dead People
Dear Advice Notebook:
We are dead where we come from. This is not the fault of the Forest, who does not count in this instance because he cheats and sucks really bad, but is because we died back home before coming here. We would really like to go back home though, because we love our home and want to see it thrive. Assuming a way home ever opens, what is your advice on how we should go about going home?
Thank you very much and you are extremely cool and pretty.
Wow! My advice to you is don't go home and stay here where you're alive, because dying sucks and how are you supposed to appreciate your world if you're deceased?? You can't. Skill issue if you want to go back home to continue to be dead after this warning. :O
From: Mr. and Ms. Timeline Anomalies
Dear Advice Genie:
The timelines have affected us. We are not where we are supposed to be.
I don't even know what to say about this other than get better timelines :O! Have you tried not playing jump rope with the concept of space and time and infinity and like black holes and stuff?? Please do not do this again.
From: Many Many Many Mr. Bad Word For Sarkazes
Hello Advice Person:
Some of us were born this way and we are discriminated against. Some of us were humans who were turned into the bad word for Sarkaz. We are very sad because we want to be loved. What do we do?
Do not worry. It's not your fault you were born or turned into that I think?? God still loves you. Not my God because she sucks and is mean but I mean the Goddesses here. And probably not your gods either now that I think about it, if you are having this issue :O! But that's okay because you can just kill them.
From: Mr. Loverboys and Ms. Lovergirls
Dear Romantic Advice Notebook:
How do I get my love interest to notice me? I would like to "get it", as the kids say.
I have a lot of advice for you, as someone who knows a lot about love! My disclaimer is that I do not like girls romantically so this will be based on how I've observed lesbians for the past five years of my life. I know many lesbians.
1. If you like women, women I think like flowers, long walks on the beach, having nails that can cut someone to ribbon, swords of the sword variety and not of the innuendo variety but they might like those too idk, being called pretty, and not having to do everything themselves. If you are a man and you make your wife do everything for you I hope you die painfully and slowly :O Anyway, the point is that you must treat women like they are pretty and delicate flowers but also acknowledge that they will kill you and many of them are secretly armed. You should fear them. And you should give them the things they like (above) as a courtship offering, like how birds do.
2. If you like men, men like swords of the sword variety we've gone over this part, shoving each other into lockers and walls and stuff, guns, violence in general, camping, outside, and feeling like they have a sense of belonging and that they're wanted. Did you know if you compliment boys they get very flustered? This is because boys are not used to receiving compliments because they are taught to suppress their emotions. Please allow boys room to let their emotions out. When you give boys all of this, they will like you. Also, you must not fear this creature, the boy, because that gives them too much power.
3. If you like people who are a secret third or fourth thing, give them all your material possessions and follow fire code.
With all of these in mind, and keeping in mind these are generalizations, there is a fourth thing I can do for you. I can make you lingerie so you can impress your love interest or existing partner. This, however, costs shells and I will not make this for anyone under 18. You'll also have to be very cool with me taking measurements of your butt.
From: Ms. Cat
Meow meow meow, meow. Meow meow meow meow meow. Mrrawwrrr... Meoww! Mew :3
Meow! Meow meow, mrrrrr, mrrrp! Meow meow :3 :3 :3 Meow? Mrrp, mrrrw! Mew!!! <3
From: Mr. Horns
Dear Advice Person Dude Thing:
I feel insecure about my appearance and worry that I'm worthless now. Do you have any advice?
My advice to you is that I still love you and find you beautiful. :O Don't give up on yourself!!
That's all for my advice column :O Next week: What to do when you really want to run a man through and can't, and "how to cope with the fact that you're trapped in the hell woods and could die at any moment", and also winter fashion advice and how to bake very tiny cupcakes.
[There will not be a next week to this, what compelled you to fucking do this.]
no subject
Truces seem to be the norm here, I see. A common enemy does unite, I suppose!
That sounds exciting. And maybe a little beyond my time. But I'm sure your songs are wonderful.
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Yeah! Like we're all in this together so why be enemies, you know?
I could play some for you sometime if you want! I have recordings of our practice sessions on my phone!
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I'll come by and keep you company! My name is Zoey. :)
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I'm Shinobu Kocho.
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[ And soon, Zoey is breaking into the clinic. It isn't hard to do when the doors are open for all but like, you know. It still takes a minute for her to find the right room, but once she does: ]
Hey! Are you Shinobu?
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( even now she hasn't taken the butterfly clip out- it's perhaps the only armor she can have right now, and she won't remove it. she's propped up in some pillows, the book in her lap, but she also looks... tired. )
Zoey?
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Yep, that's me! It's nice to meet you in person.
[ Let her pull up a chair to sit in, here. Nice and comfy next to the bed. ]
How long are you in for? Did they say?
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[ hold the FUCK on ]
Oh my god, are you sure you're okay? Like you look-- well, you look tired but you generally look fine, but like! What happened?
im so sorry forher
( as one does. )
If you're familiar with Kyojuro Rengoku, he and I are coworkers. A particularly powerful demon... ( she pauses. and then beams. ) Was a real prick!
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[ Zoey nods, completely and totally understanding. ]
Yeah, I know him! He was like, yelling a lot in text when he first got here? But he's doing better now. Ooh, did he tell you about me though? I don't know if he did, but I fight demons, too!
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I'd be happy to clear up anything he might not have! From what I know, our worlds are kind of different.
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[ Tone it down, Zoey. Shinobu is tired and recovering from injury. This isn't the time to get excited. Don't be too much. ]
Well, um. We can talk about other things? Or I can show you the songs I mentioned. Whatever you want to do!
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Thank you. ... You remind me of my best friend, actually, so you being here is still very much a comfort, despite this being our first meeting. I'd love to hear your music.
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[ And she genuinely would. That's not just her saying something. But if Shinobu wants to hear their music, she'll go ahead and pull out her phone. It's muscle memory at this point, pulling up their old videos. She watches them daily. ]
Sorry it's on a tiny little phone screen, but hopefully you can see it okay. This is the music video for our most popular song, or at least it's the most popular one right now. It's called "Golden".
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( but shinobu is completely, immediately distracted by. what. what is that. it's... playing sound, and showing moving images? the music isn't anything she's used to in any sense of the word, but it's catchy. and the vocals...
between the foreign technology and the modern music, it's all a bit overwhelming, in the best way. )
I've never heard anything like it before! And that device! It's fascinating! Thank you, Zoey.
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[ But her face is lighting up as Shinobu discovers cell phones. She knows it's probably overwhelming to anyone that hasn't seen this sort of thing before, but it sounds like Shinobu isn't shy about letting someone know when she doesn't want to do something, so she'll just watch out for that. ]
Cool, right? Everyone in my world has these. You can watch videos on them like you just did, but you can also record videos and take pictures, and you can talk to anyone from any distance either by speaking into it or by typing out the words. Not to mention all the games you can play on it, and all the information you could possibly want is right there at your fingertips. It's too bad the internet doesn't work here, or I'd show you.