I want you, Nick. [The name slips out before he can stop himself.] Here. With me. I do.
[His voice catches on something, a ragged noise leaving him before he can stop it. Saying as much aloud makes him feel small and terrified. Every time he's wanted something, it's been ripped away. Putting it out into the world feels like writing Wolfwood's name in blood. But if he can't admit that much, if he can't overcome that fear, they won't get anywhere.]
I know you don't need to hear about all the things I've lost. 'n you don't need to know about the things I've done. But I - [When he closes his eyes, he sees bodies. Sometimes, it's those he's damned. Other times, it's the people he's loved along the way. The grip he has on his arms tightens, the metallic fingers gouging in hard enough to bruise.
Focus.]
No, no. [He shakes his head.] That isn't it. It's that - I don't get to make that choice. It doesn't matter how scared I am. [And he is. That's what it comes down to. He's terrified of losing Wolfwood like he's lost every other good thing in his life.] It's not my choice to make. Not for you. You're a grown man, and you can protect yourself a lot better than I can protect me. So really, I oughta be trusting in you, right?
no subject
[His voice catches on something, a ragged noise leaving him before he can stop it. Saying as much aloud makes him feel small and terrified. Every time he's wanted something, it's been ripped away. Putting it out into the world feels like writing Wolfwood's name in blood. But if he can't admit that much, if he can't overcome that fear, they won't get anywhere.]
I know you don't need to hear about all the things I've lost. 'n you don't need to know about the things I've done. But I - [When he closes his eyes, he sees bodies. Sometimes, it's those he's damned. Other times, it's the people he's loved along the way. The grip he has on his arms tightens, the metallic fingers gouging in hard enough to bruise.
Focus.]
No, no. [He shakes his head.] That isn't it. It's that - I don't get to make that choice. It doesn't matter how scared I am. [And he is. That's what it comes down to. He's terrified of losing Wolfwood like he's lost every other good thing in his life.] It's not my choice to make. Not for you. You're a grown man, and you can protect yourself a lot better than I can protect me. So really, I oughta be trusting in you, right?