[Shut the FUCK UP you have SO many friends here don't even try to deny it.
Anyway, since they're inside Wolfwood can't legally smoke without someone trying to kill him over it, so he'll pull a sucker from his pocket to pop into his mouth to give his jaw something to work over while they talk.]
Anyway...s'prolly better to too say what isn't a problem, here. This Grove is a prison, and we're all trapped in it. You can't leave, and if you try you'll prolly die out there against the fog wall that keeps us here. There's a creature in the Forest that thrives on tormentin' us all, so...if you're here for any time at all, I hate to tell you that's what you got to look forward to.
[no!!! that's not the kind of offerings they would get. exciting. amazing. they're watching every step enraptured, basically chinhandsing the entire time.]
You must be pretty strong then, to be walking around such dangerous creatures on the regular.
Nothing like that. I just like talking to people! They're willing to tell you all sorts of things if you just ask.
[some more than others, of course]
Life and death has always kind of been an interest of mine, so I naturally wanted to know more when I learned people come simply just come back from it here. Perhaps you might have even more insight, if you've died twice.
Shadow Milk Cookie | Cookie Run: Kingdom | Returning player
[If you notice me trying to hammer out his voice no you don't. I'm nervous don't fucking look at me. BIG SPOILERS FOR BEAST-YEAST CHAPTER 7-8 ALSO. JIC.]
[Arrival: TMW you find a clown in the woods. Nightmare scenario.]
[Do you know what's wild? Stumbling across a fucking half-dead looking clown laying on the forest floor. He's singed, his clothing's a mess. His hair is ...uh. Writhing. Hair probably shouldn't do that. It also probably shouldn't have eyes. Eyes that suddenly snap open before you get too close.]
[Abruptly, the clown, too, snaps awake and suddenly pushes himself up from the ground.]
...What?
[He says to the ground with a wide, deeply bewildered expression. His hair continues to writhe. Then suddenly it goes rigid.]
Hahahaha ...WHAT!?
[Netbook post.]
[It's very possible you heard an incredibly loud screaming meltdown at some point in the woods. Don't worry about that. Shadow Milk is totally good and not at all a wreck and he is definitely not bitter and angry over what happened in his domain with Pure Vanilla Cookie. He's so fucking cool right now, he's totally still in control, even if the shitty god here cut his claws and took his fangs EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL.]
[Time to make this everyone's problem now and be as insufferable as possible.]
[Opening the netbook on this day greets you with a burst of bright glitter and blue neon writing.]
What a QUAINT little place this is! As hilarious as it's been watching a bunch of fools get constantly trapped by that sentient taffy spreading all over the place, I'm starting to get
So what's the skinny here, folks? What's the HOT GOS? Who's making eyes at the milkman while the husband's away? Who's got their sticky hands in the charity jar? Give me aaaaall the scandal! It doesn't have to be true! In fact! Make it all up! Just make it INTERESTING. I'm really begging here, because if I don't get SOME kind of entertainment soon I'm gonna start making it myself.
Let me give you a little spoiler here, dear audience. YOU REALLY DON'T WANT THAT,
[Goofs and Gaffs.]
[You are out minding your own business when suddenly you come across a box. It's a nice looking box! Maybe a gift box! It's addressed to you! How peculiar! Of course the minute you open the box a shitty clown doll on a spring bursts out of the box with a whole pile of confetti.]
[This is accompanied by a roar of laughter from behind. Floating some distance away is the shitty jester that shares the dolls likeness.]
Ooooooh, you should have seen your FACE! Priiiiiiiiceless!
[ He knows what it is that calls him into the woods, though he tries to deny it. That feeling of... completeness. His other half. The thick river of deceit he had been seeping deep into before he was pulled here.
It's familiar and he hates it. Tells himself he's going in to kill it once and for all. Suffer it not to cause troubles here in the grove
Not even the loud what that echoes can stop him, as he steps into the clearing Shadow Milk has found himself in. But it's the sight of the Master of Deceit himself that finally makes him falter, and he stares.
[What a surprising state to find the Master of Deceit in! He's down right fucking bedraggled. But you know what? While he is having a meltdown over whatever might be going on with this crazy (witch? WITCH?) body he's suddenly found himself in, raking nails into his skin, he does finally pick up on the presence that's come to meet him (why didn't he know immediately? Why doesn't he know anything that's going on here? Where is it? Where's the kn-)]
-I'm here.
[And then he sees Truthless standing before him and his reaction is like someone jammed his hand into hot coals.]
[ That is certainly not the reaction Truthless was expecting. The last they had seen each other, they had been on... not good terms, Truthless would never call it that, but Shadow Milk had been-
Not this. Not like Truthless had spat onto one of the more insidious rumors Shadow Milk has concocted. Or insulted his little hat or something.
So he blinks, confused, Shadow Milk getting some of the truest reactions out of him yet. As he always manages.
[And he would know, wouldn't he? If he can't glean anything from the world around him, he can see into Truthless no matter what, right? Because of who they were. It feels familiar and it feels inviting almost until the part of him that remembers what just happened burns him, and he suddenly riles back up again. The fury practically dripping off of him.]
And I'll pull yours out of your traitorous head!
[No silly quips, no sass, just pure anger. He sweeps his hand out to summon his staff, pulling it out of one of his little dark portals. He raises it above his head and for a moment everything grows dark, energy thrums around them-]
[ That anger. It's not like Truthless hasn't seen it before. It's the anger from the tree, Shadow Milk plans foiled. Raw and blistering. But it's also different. There's something about it that sends ice down Truthless' spine. Because ever since becoming Truthless, Shadow Milk has never directed the anger at him.
What had he done?
He moves to defend himself, lifting his own staff in turn, though he knows against the anger of the Beast he's not yet his equal. But he can't crumble here, not yet, so he raises his own higher-
And pauses with it over his head as Shadow Milk magic simply ... fizzles out.
He blinks again.
Then brings his staff down with a resounding whack on Shadow Milks head, as if to knock sense into him. ]
I have never betrayed you, your claims of traitor are unfounded.
[He says, literally from the ground after getting clunked on the head by Truthless' stupid staff. This really is very pathetic. His head is spinning, he's so angry and upset he can taste it in the back of his throat. This body is disgusting and it's making it so hard for him to actually think straight which is something that should be fucking impossible by virtue of who he is.]
[Like a petulant child throwing a tantrum, he gets to his feet and full on bodily tackles Truthless to the ground. If he can't call on his magic he'll just do it the old fashion way.]
I don't care if the timelines have merged! I don't care if you're you or that wretched, bright eyesore! You tricked me! You tricked me! I'll destroy you and your soul jam right here!
[Boy, there sure is a strange shake to his voice.]
[ Isn't that what you wanted? He almost asks, but the sight of Shadow Milk so... turned around as he is mollifies him a little. It's pathetic. A cream cat thrown into the rain and now it- ]
A-ah?!
[ The sudden tackle shocks him as unexpected as it is, knocking him out of his thoughts as readily as it knocks him to the ground. His staff clatters away as he drops it upon landing. It knocks the air out of him which let's the Beast rail as he catches his breath.
He bristles and reaches up to push at the other physically, forgetting he can simply blast him back magically cause there's that oh so familiar Shadow Milk Migraine. ]
You have lost what little sense you had left! I don't know what you're talking about! But if I did, shouldn't you have PRIDE that I did so?! Sweet Little Vanilla, so soaked in deceit, that he is able to pull one over the very Master that taught him?!
[Good, you'll want to hold him back, because his hands are reaching for your throat, Truthless. Luckily he's not all that physically strong like this, but he sure is trying regardless.]
PRIDE!? [He practically screams, voice cracking.] We belonged together, you said! Only you could understand me! YOU PROMISED ME ETERNITY AND BETRAYED ME!
[How dare he hold his hand out to him, look at him like that, and promise more. Rip his soul right from his chest and lay it bare. And now? AND NOW? Who is he even looking at now? He doesn't know! He doesn't know!]
[The noise that tears out of him is distraught and barely human. A scream of defiance and anguish.]
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