[OPEN] truthfully, i've never seen an episode of the bachelor in my life

[eidxiety]

Who: Ain & You
What: We're watching the Bachelor/ette and playing with bubbles
When: Late Jan/Early Feb
Where: Therapy Building
Warnings: whatever goes on on reality TV probably


[Ain's curly handwriting appears in the netbook one morning.]

Hiii come to the therapy building if you want to sit around the TV and watch this show Nikolaus and Ezell got me! It's called The Bachelor, I think it's romantic? ^^ Bring food :O

[He does not explain further, because he is engrossed in reality TV drama. If you come into the therapy building, though, he's laying on the couch with a bubble gun that shoots flower-shaped bubbles, somehow, and spraying those into the air while holding a plushie under his other arm and watching...

It looks like some catgirl is screaming her head off at a dog boy? Obviously Ain has the Terran edition of this series, thanks Ezell.

He'll motion you over to sit with him if he spots you come in and point enthusiastically at the TV.]

He just threw a whole cake in her face on a date as a joke, and she's mad about it. That's what you missed so far. There's also been a cheating scandal, drama with someone not admitting they had children, and stuff like that~. Do you want me to rewind it?

Comments

[lupusxylem]

[It is quite likely Wolfwood was already here with Ain when he started watching. Not because he cares about this crap- god no- but because he knows Ain likes it, and he knows Ain is very emotionally vulnerable right now and this is the first time he's been this happy in, uh...weeks? So, yeah. He will be here as moral support.

That, and making fun of trashy TV is enjoyable in its own right. Not like he ever was afforded the opportunity to do this back home.]

Why are straight people like this?

[eidxiety]

[Wolfwood will have bubbles in his hair if he's not careful.]

Dunno~. I'm trying to think... do I know any straight people? Probably not, since I've never met anyone that acts like that~.

[Ain you can't be heterophobic like this (yes he can).

On-screen, there's a party going on with the girl and all the eligible bachelors, and two of the men are white-girl wasted on champagne while another judges them in the corner. Ain, who's laying in Wolfwood's lap, points to one of the drunks.]

The Sarkaz boy with the long hair is sooo cute.

[Ain you think every man is cute, at least until most of the ones on this show open their mouths.]

[lupusxylem]

Why ain't I surprised t'hear that?

[Wolfwood smirks, resting his arm back across the couch. His other hand is playing with Ain's hair, and yes, he definitely has bubbles in his hair right now.]

This is a good excuse to watch a bunch of hot guys argue over a girl though, so there's that.

[And if you don't care about the girl (like that), then even better!]

[submittome]

[ Oh, Affogato is there. He doesn't pay any attention to the television usually, especially when he's cuddling with Mizuki and he's playing his games. So of course he's going to march downstairs - how dare Ain not come and get him?! - and over to the couch to sit. He's in a comfy robe, his hair is twisted up and he's slapped a cleansing scrub on his face. He is truly embodying daytime talk show.

And he swats at the bubbles. ]

Of course? And I'm truly insulted you didn't come fetch me immediately.

[eidxiety]

[Ain will not bubble Affo, he knows better than to interrupt a man's beauty time.]

Aww, sorry, I didn't know if straight people drama was your thing.

[Ain c'mon man you know it is. Anyway, he's rewinding to the start of this episode, because holy shit.]

The other episodes of this season weren't that entertaining, but I'm not that far in. Apparently the concept is she has to pick a man to spend her life with, and people got kicked off for being boring, or for not having social graces. This is the part where I think it gets juicy, you know, considering the cake.

[eidxiety]

My opinion is, if she likes multiple of them, she should just have all of them. I guess that's not how this show works, though.

[These shows want you to pick ONE, but it's okay because largely none of them are worth picking.

Ain will lay there with his bubble gun, being generally annoying with it, up until there's a loud musical sting and the camera zooms in on a Perro and a Liberi who are just. Punching the shit out of each other. This poor girl looks a mix between horrified and entertained. Ain is severely lacking context because he was spaced out into his bubbles, but now his attention is on the screen.]

Is this normal behaviour for people? Is this how macho men are supposed to act?

[lupusxylem]

Would be nice, but that wouldn't make for the good, reality TV drama they want. Gotta make shit difficult for the contestants.

[He also imagines most of these men are too douchey to share, and would consider dating the same girl to be weird and homo or whatever the fuck.

Anyway a fucking fistfight breaks out, and Wolfwood snorts and sits back like "damn okay this finally got good all of a sudden".

...at least until Ain says that, which causes Wolfwood to falter. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh-]

I mean. Fightin' over a girl like that is fuckin' dumb.

[He says, a macho man who fights Flamebringer on a near daily basis]

[eidxiety]

[As far as Ain knows, Wolfwood and Flamebringer aren't fighting over a girl (or a boy for that matter) so it's fine to punch each other. Probably.]

But why is it a contest? Not the punching each other, I mean the whole setup. Shouldn't you fall in love naturally?

[Ain you're too much of a romantic idealist for this kind of shit.

Straight people want drama. That's all there is to it.]

[lupusxylem]

[Well, Wolfwood doesn't have reality TV back where he's from, so he isn't sure if his assessment is even correct...but he'll answer anyway, crossing his legs at the ankle.]

I mean. Would you wanna watch if it wasn't a contest? Would it be as excitin' if these dumbasses weren't punching each other bloody to see who got the girl?

[submittome]

[ The fucking look Ain gets is so full of insult it's a shock the poor Angel doesn't just combust on the spot. ]

And clearly I was wrong about you having a brain cell to call your own!

[ There's actually no fire in his voice despite his look, and he settles in like a fuzzy marshmallow as Ain rewinds, his eyebrow going up as Ain explains. ]

Why must she marry either of them? Just fuck them and move on, or collect them if she desires.

[eidxiety]

Yeah, 'cause it sounds more romantic to date everybody??

[Ain is a Member Of The El Search Party and sometimes it really shows.]

Wouldn't it be so cute to watch people fall for each other genuinely? I'm going to go to Terra and make my own TV show, and then you'll see that I'm right.

[He says this, but he's totally enjoying the manufactured drama here, especially as someone ends up with liquor being spilled on them. "Oops," the contestant says, "I didn't meaaaan to," they lie.]

[eidxiety]

Haha, I share my braincell with other people~. It's not my turn with it today.

[At least he takes that on the nose.]

I guess because the point of the show is to get married, right? I bet these things end in divorce really quickly. [Ain can't imagine it would end any other way, considering how many things are being thrown, and the way these men are insulting each other. In one of the interview rooms, a male contestant with dog ears claims that he's "rich", and Ain points enthusiastically at the screen.] Or she'll stay with him because he has lots of money. I don't know why he's not telling her that, though.

Is having money an unfair advantage?

[submittome]

[ Good, because Affogato actually thinks Ain is incredibly intelligent, and he will lean in a little to prop himself up, kicking his legs up onto the couch. He wishes he had popcorn. Or some sweet little dainties, his eyes on the television. ]

Mmm, it most certainly is. When you're rich, you're attractive. With enough gold, you can buy yourself whatever you desire. Clothes, jewelry, men and women. Power. Loyalty, for as long as the coin lasts.

[ He frowns just a little, his hand coming up to his chin as he chews a bit on his thumbnail. He's already invested. ]

The moment the money runs out, however~ If she picks him for his money, it's his power she's after. Or- the stability. Money means you never want again. He's not bad looking, either... Mm, he's not telling her because he doesn't want her to be after him just for the money.

[lupusxylem]

Cute, sure. But cute don't keep shows on TV, ratings do. And you get ratings when people fistfight and yell at each other.

[He's not surprised Ain just wants to be cute and date. That's like, his entire thing.]

Pretty sure a lotta this shit is scripted too.

[eidxiety]

Scripted... how so? Like, the people who own the show are treating them like actors in a play and telling them to do something? I thought this was "reality" TV?

[eidxiety]

[Affo is so invested in this show.. .it's so endearing. Ain's just happy he's having a great time analysing the hell out of this show.]

Do you think anyone on a show like this actually falls in love? [Said as the camera pans over the bachelorette's expression as she describes her perfect date and proposal. She wants to go boating out on a lake surrounded by lanterns, mentioning that it happened in a movie she saw once.] She seems like a romantic, but she's on a short timeline, too.

[lupusxylem]

Well...kinda. I mean, obviously it ain't all scripted fully. I mean like...

[He gestures at the TV.]

They obviously pick people they know are gonna cause problems. And don't you notice how the problem people seem to stick around even though everybody hates 'em?

[eidxiety]

Mm... yeah, I guess so. I figure people just like annoying people?

[You have to understand. Ain is purposely annoying and His friends keep him around.]

[lupusxylem]

[Yeah Ain you are like, exhibit A.]

It's usually a pretty specific kinda' annoyin'. If you're annoyin' but not fun to watch or be around...people ain't gonna like that. Like I'm sure some of these people are both annoyin' and so insufferable it hurts to watch 'em for too long. They're only enjoyable cause everyone else hates 'em as much as you do.

[submittome]

It's a show. A play, scripted despite their attempt to make it look less so.

[ He's already invested and it's been what, two minutes? Drama is his thing, especially when it happens to everyone else. He reaches up to idly scratch at his face mask against his chin, eyes locked on the television. ]

... Off camera, though? Perhaps. But she won't find the one here.