Ainchase "Ain" Ishmael (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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sticksandbones2026-01-15 01:39 pm
eidxiety) wrote in sticksandbones2026-01-15 01:39 pm
Entry tags:
[netbook] shitty advice column part 2 electric boogaloo
[mother needs bonus ac thanks]
My antenna is wiggling. I sense people who need help... advice, even. Hi, welcome back to Ain's Advice Column! I'm writing this while staving off madness from being cooped up inside haha ^^ Let's start with some basic advice for everyone!
DO NOT GO OUTSIDE
STOP GOING OUTSIDE
YOU ARE NOW ALLERGIC TO OUTSIDE STOP TOUCHING GRASS THIS INSTANT!!!
Even though all of us are going stir-crazy, this is not an excuse to go touch the bugs. Please don't touch the bugs or the goo or the doppelgangers, my heart can't take much more of this.
Fun Date Ideas For When You're Stuck Indoors!
I know we're all wishing to go to the restaurants or make snowmen outside, but unfortunately, outside is the apocalypse. Instead, here is a curated selection of fun things to do when that stupid red moon thingy won't stop staring into your window!
💚Make meals together, and then have a contest to see who can eat them the fastest
💚Paint the walls of your inn room(s) and throw paint at each other
💚Turn doing the dishes into a contest where the person who sucks least at doing them gets extra kisses!
💚A secret fourth option that I shan't say
💚Build a fort with all the extra pillows and blankets! Then hide snacks like nuts and cheese in the maze you create to give your partner enrichment. ^^
💚Clean your rooms together :/ Seriously clean them.
A Belated Recipe For Very Tiny Cupcakes!
I did promise this but then I had a mental breakdown, so please accept my condolences for not giving you this recipe sooner.
This recipe makes 120 tiny cupcakes.
THINGS YOU NEED:
5 mini cupcake pans
120 mini cupcake liners for your pan
1 teaspoon measuring cup
1 thing to mix with
Enough piping bags to frost them with depending on if you're a 1 flavour or 2 flavour kinda guy
INGREDIENTS (all room temperature) (please trust me on this):
FOR THE CUPCAKES:
1/4 cup of unsalted melted butter
1/2 cup of that rough white sugar, it starts with a G
1 egg. This is all you need. Trust me.
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract. This is ALL YOU NEED.
3/4 cups of cake flour
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
a pinch of salt
1/4 cup of milk. If you're lactose intolerant I can't help you.
FOR THE FROSTINGS:
Vanilla buttercream:
1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
2 cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1-3 tablespoons of heavy cream as needed
RAINBOW SPRINKLES, MANDATORY if you don't put sprinkles on your cupcakes you're dead to me
Chocolate buttercream:
1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
2 tablespoons unsweeted cocoa powder
2 oz dark chocolate, melted and cooled
1-2 tablespoons heavy cream as needed
CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES, MANDATORY!!!!!
ACTUAL BAKING INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Preheat the oven to 350°F and line your mini cupcake pans with mini cupcake liners.
2. In a large bowl, whisk together the melted butter and sugar until smooth. Add in the egg and vanilla extract and whisk until fully incorporated.
3. In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, and salt.
4. Mix half of the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients, then add in the milk. Once incorporated, add in the remaining dry ingredients and mix until just combined. The batter should be thick.
5. Fill each cupcake liner about 3/4 full with your little teaspoon measuring thingy.
6. Bake at 350°F for 10-12 minutes or until a cake tester comes out clean. Like a fork or a toothpick.
7. Remove from pan and let cool on wire rack. Cool them completely before frosting or you're gonna have a bad time.
VANILLA BUTTERCREAM:
1. In a large bowl, cream the room temperature butter and powdered sugar until smooth. No I don't know why they call it "creaming" it.
2. Add in the vanilla extract and beat the frosting to death for 4-5 minutes until lightly and fluffy.
3. If needed, add in cream 1 tablespoon at a time until desired consistency is reached.
4. Frost the mini vanilla cupcakes with vanilla buttercream and garnish with rainbow sprinkles IMMEDIATELY, OR ELSE.
CHOCOLATE BUTTERCREAM:
1. Melt the dark chocolate and let cool almost to room temperature. It should be melted but cool to the touch.
2. In a large bowl, cream the room temperature butter and powdered sugar until smooth.
3. Add in the cocoa powder and mix until fully combined.
4. Slowly drizzle in the melted chocolate as you mix, until it's fully incorporated into the buttercream. Beat the frosting like you've never forgotten what it's done to your family for 4-5 minutes until light and fluffy.
5. If the frosting in too thick, add in 1 tablespoon of cream at a time to thin it out a bit.
6. Frost the mini cupcakes with chocolate buttercream and garnish with chocolate sprinkles or else I'll Get you :D
This will probably take up all of the space in the oven and good luck getting them out of the tray when they're so tiny. I recommend tweezers and prayer.
Very Specific Advice!
From: The Coalition of the People Who Hate Ain's Funny Posts
We hate you a lot. There is no point to the things you do. You are unfunny. You are annoying. Please put the notebook down and stop trying to have fun when everything is going to shit.
Skill issue. Endure me or I send Nikolaus after you <3
From: Male Pisces
There is no note on this one I just wanted to say if you are a male Pisces you have issues you need to work on such as stopping your gaslighting, manipulation, and avoidance. The chaos of your mind is not welcome here. I think The Forest is probably a male Pisces which would explain a looooot.
From: Misters and Misses Struggling With Romance (There Are Many Of You)
Help.
Okay, I'll do my best! Here is my advice.
Gently sequester them somewhere private, like not on the couch in the middle of the inn lobby where God and everyone can see you. Tenderly cup their face in your hands, or if you don't want to do that, hold their hands in yours like they are a precious treasure.
KISS THEM ON THE MOUTH.
I'm tired of watching you people. Get Together or I will start locking you in rooms.
That's all for my advice column :O Next week: Probably nothing because I'm tired of being here and mental health is not real.
My antenna is wiggling. I sense people who need help... advice, even. Hi, welcome back to Ain's Advice Column! I'm writing this while staving off madness from being cooped up inside haha ^^ Let's start with some basic advice for everyone!
DO NOT GO OUTSIDE
STOP GOING OUTSIDE
YOU ARE NOW ALLERGIC TO OUTSIDE STOP TOUCHING GRASS THIS INSTANT!!!
Even though all of us are going stir-crazy, this is not an excuse to go touch the bugs. Please don't touch the bugs or the goo or the doppelgangers, my heart can't take much more of this.
Fun Date Ideas For When You're Stuck Indoors!
I know we're all wishing to go to the restaurants or make snowmen outside, but unfortunately, outside is the apocalypse. Instead, here is a curated selection of fun things to do when that stupid red moon thingy won't stop staring into your window!
💚Make meals together, and then have a contest to see who can eat them the fastest
💚Paint the walls of your inn room(s) and throw paint at each other
💚Turn doing the dishes into a contest where the person who sucks least at doing them gets extra kisses!
💚A secret fourth option that I shan't say
💚Build a fort with all the extra pillows and blankets! Then hide snacks like nuts and cheese in the maze you create to give your partner enrichment. ^^
💚Clean your rooms together :/ Seriously clean them.
A Belated Recipe For Very Tiny Cupcakes!
[Under the cut because this got long, mod note this is not a real recipe for hamster-sized cupcakes please do not follow this]
I did promise this but then I had a mental breakdown, so please accept my condolences for not giving you this recipe sooner.
This recipe makes 120 tiny cupcakes.
THINGS YOU NEED:
5 mini cupcake pans
120 mini cupcake liners for your pan
1 teaspoon measuring cup
1 thing to mix with
Enough piping bags to frost them with depending on if you're a 1 flavour or 2 flavour kinda guy
INGREDIENTS (all room temperature) (please trust me on this):
FOR THE CUPCAKES:
1/4 cup of unsalted melted butter
1/2 cup of that rough white sugar, it starts with a G
1 egg. This is all you need. Trust me.
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract. This is ALL YOU NEED.
3/4 cups of cake flour
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
a pinch of salt
1/4 cup of milk. If you're lactose intolerant I can't help you.
FOR THE FROSTINGS:
Vanilla buttercream:
1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
2 cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1-3 tablespoons of heavy cream as needed
RAINBOW SPRINKLES, MANDATORY if you don't put sprinkles on your cupcakes you're dead to me
Chocolate buttercream:
1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
2 tablespoons unsweeted cocoa powder
2 oz dark chocolate, melted and cooled
1-2 tablespoons heavy cream as needed
CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES, MANDATORY!!!!!
ACTUAL BAKING INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Preheat the oven to 350°F and line your mini cupcake pans with mini cupcake liners.
2. In a large bowl, whisk together the melted butter and sugar until smooth. Add in the egg and vanilla extract and whisk until fully incorporated.
3. In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, and salt.
4. Mix half of the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients, then add in the milk. Once incorporated, add in the remaining dry ingredients and mix until just combined. The batter should be thick.
5. Fill each cupcake liner about 3/4 full with your little teaspoon measuring thingy.
6. Bake at 350°F for 10-12 minutes or until a cake tester comes out clean. Like a fork or a toothpick.
7. Remove from pan and let cool on wire rack. Cool them completely before frosting or you're gonna have a bad time.
VANILLA BUTTERCREAM:
1. In a large bowl, cream the room temperature butter and powdered sugar until smooth. No I don't know why they call it "creaming" it.
2. Add in the vanilla extract and beat the frosting to death for 4-5 minutes until lightly and fluffy.
3. If needed, add in cream 1 tablespoon at a time until desired consistency is reached.
4. Frost the mini vanilla cupcakes with vanilla buttercream and garnish with rainbow sprinkles IMMEDIATELY, OR ELSE.
CHOCOLATE BUTTERCREAM:
1. Melt the dark chocolate and let cool almost to room temperature. It should be melted but cool to the touch.
2. In a large bowl, cream the room temperature butter and powdered sugar until smooth.
3. Add in the cocoa powder and mix until fully combined.
4. Slowly drizzle in the melted chocolate as you mix, until it's fully incorporated into the buttercream. Beat the frosting like you've never forgotten what it's done to your family for 4-5 minutes until light and fluffy.
5. If the frosting in too thick, add in 1 tablespoon of cream at a time to thin it out a bit.
6. Frost the mini cupcakes with chocolate buttercream and garnish with chocolate sprinkles or else I'll Get you :D
This will probably take up all of the space in the oven and good luck getting them out of the tray when they're so tiny. I recommend tweezers and prayer.
Very Specific Advice!
From: The Coalition of the People Who Hate Ain's Funny Posts
We hate you a lot. There is no point to the things you do. You are unfunny. You are annoying. Please put the notebook down and stop trying to have fun when everything is going to shit.
Skill issue. Endure me or I send Nikolaus after you <3
From: Male Pisces
There is no note on this one I just wanted to say if you are a male Pisces you have issues you need to work on such as stopping your gaslighting, manipulation, and avoidance. The chaos of your mind is not welcome here. I think The Forest is probably a male Pisces which would explain a looooot.
From: Misters and Misses Struggling With Romance (There Are Many Of You)
Help.
Okay, I'll do my best! Here is my advice.
Gently sequester them somewhere private, like not on the couch in the middle of the inn lobby where God and everyone can see you. Tenderly cup their face in your hands, or if you don't want to do that, hold their hands in yours like they are a precious treasure.
KISS THEM ON THE MOUTH.
I'm tired of watching you people. Get Together or I will start locking you in rooms.
That's all for my advice column :O Next week: Probably nothing because I'm tired of being here and mental health is not real.