If it were the real me and you | OPEN

[lupusxylem]

Who: Wolfwood and YOU!
What: Wolfwood schedules a cult book burning and invites everyone
When: March 10th
Where: The Church
Warnings: Relevant info for this event can be found here, general warnings for: monster attack which could lead to blood/gore/etc in threads, please tag accordingly! Will update as needed



Netbook | Morning

Hey everyone, it's me Wolfwood. Nicholas D. Wolfwood if you're new.

So, here's the deal. The church I bought has a problem. It came with a bunch of religious texts inside of it, and while that's...you know. What you'd expect in a church, these ones are like

super fuckin culty.

Not exactly what I asked for. Not that I asked for them at all. I keep trying to get rid of them but they keep showing up again later so

Basically Im gonna be burning them again this evening if anybody wants to come to the bonfire, or help me in getting rid of them cause theres a shit ton. Bring marshmallows or whatever, I dont care.

and before someone comes preaching to me about burning books, again: its cult propaganda bullshit. read it for yourself if you dont believe me
just make sure you chuck it in the fire afterwards or ill do it myself.

Church | Evening

[Should you choose to come to the Church later that evening for whatever reason, you'll find the Priest himself already hard at work setting up a pyre in the yard just outside of it. (Just look for the massive bound cross propped up nearby, you can't miss it.) With the way he loads up the firepit he's created with kindling, it's clear he's already had to do this once before. It's a bit tricky to find anything dry given that the snow is still on the ground in a lot of places, but he's making do with what he's got. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Beyond getting the fire going, there's a matter of getting the aforementioned books out of the church. It's just as Wolfwood described, should you grow curious and crack one open. They're very religious, but strangely...plant focused. Like it's a religion that revolves around the Forest itself, almost. Definitely nothing orthodox about this, that's for sure. There are quite a number of them to take care of as they've all refilled the church pews since the last time he did this.

Or, perhaps you're just here because you think bonfires are cool and want to simply enjoy yourself for a change. The Forest seems to have had its fun with the animal race given that everyone's back to normal at this point, so really, why not kick back and enjoy the warmth of the flames while it isn't sub-zero temperatures outside anymore?

Feel free to mingle...or don't. Perhaps the distant unease in the atmosphere is enough to stop you.]

Comments

Evening

[simplicitas]

Hi, Wolfwood-hyung.

[Elsword hates the forest just as much as you, possibly more, and so he is here to burn things too. He has brought food for the whole occasion, directly from his smokehouse, and Wolfwood gets some, too, while they toss things into the fire. It's brisket. :)]

Take a break and eat something?

[lupusxylem]

[Wolfwood glances down at Elsword as he makes his way over, tossing another book onto the pyre before dusting soot off his hands. He grunts, nodding towards what Elsword is holding.]

Whatcha got?

[simplicitas]

Brisket. I smoked it myself. I figured... if we're going to have a barbecue, [that is Not what this is,] we might as well have food.

[He brought plates and everything, look, have a plate.]

[lupusxylem]

Hah, well...it wasn't exactly advertised as one, but sure. I don't think anyone's gonna complain about food.

[He'll take one of those plates then, because as it turns out he's never had like. Nicely smoked meat before. He's cooked worm meat over a campfire before but he's not exactly sure that...counts.]

Thanks angel. Smells really fuckin' good, too.

[simplicitas]

It's a passive-aggressive barbecue. [Ain would love it.] You're welcome, though. I like making camping food. I'm not the best cook, but I think I make good meats, at least.

[That's why he got a smokehouse built in his yard. "Yard" because it's not like he has a fenced property, but generally a yard is the grass immediately surrounding the house, so. Y'know.]

I hope you like it.

[lupusxylem]

[Wolfwood is just going to pick up this brisket with his hands and eat it like god intended. If there's one thing Wolfwood is probably never going to stop liking, it's meat...especially meat that's been prepared in such a unique way as this.]

This is good. Real good. I've only ever made camping food too, but I've never been able to smoke meat like this. You're a natural.

[simplicitas]

[This is correct. I said he brought plates not that he brought silverware.

Elsword does the same thing, honestly. Where is he storing the rest of this good question, probably just outside the church I didn't get that far, it's RP we don't have to worry about it.]

I'm glad. [He doesn't look or sound it, but it's Elsword. The flatness in his tone is normal.] I can show you how to use the smokehouse, if you want. It's just in my yard, and you know my door is always open. We do a lot of cooking at my house, between me and Mizuki.

[Mizuki is the better chef flavours-wise and understanding-the-food-wise. His presentation leaves something to be desired, though. Elsword's simply looks like something your dad would make on the grill. It's meat. Eat it. He has no room for that flowery plating shit.]

[lupusxylem]

Wouldn't be a bad thing to learn. I just wouldn't wanna hog your smokehouse, yaknow.

[Unless he convinces Vash they need to have one built outside their house too...hmm. Thoughts for future him, and only if he manages to get good at doing it.]

So what do you do exactly? Just leave the meat in there until it's...I dunno, smoked?

[simplicitas]

Sort of. You want to put whatever dry rubs or spices on the meat first, then set it in there. The smokehouse has to be a consistent temperature the entire time, so you have to babysit it to make sure the fire doesn't go out and that the coals or wood you're using stay hot. You leave it in there for twelve to twenty-four hours.

[Look at all these big words he knows.]

That's pretty much it. If you do it right, it turns out moist but still with the smoke-and-spice flavour like this. If you do it wrong, it dries out completely.

[lupusxylem]

[Shoving more meat into his mouth as they talk.]

So can you do it with fish, too? Is it any meat?

[Could

Could he do this with worm meat if/when he ever goes back home asking for a friend]

[simplicitas]

Yeah, you can smoke fish. But it doesn't take as long as red meats do. It only needs to be smoked for an hour.

[Takes a big fucking bite.]

I think any meat can work. I don't see why it wouldn't. [mmmm smoked woerm]

[lupusxylem]

I ask because the only kinda meat that isn't Thomas that we have to eat back home are sandworms. Which...ain't super pleasant on its own.

[Wolfwood is used to just eating that shit raw, but. Most people are not.]

I've cooked it over a campfire, but that hardly counts as smokin' it, I'd imagine. And it's really tough. I dunno if that makes a difference.

[simplicitas]

Who is Thomas and why are you eating him?

[i'm sorry this is 100% a serious tag]

[lupusxylem]

[I love Elsword and also you holy shit im dying]

...hah? No, a Thomas. Not who. They're a kind of bird.

[simplicitas]

Why did you give them people names?

[ELSWORD PLEASE]

[lupusxylem]

[Elbuddy-]

I dunno. Don't ask me, ask the guy who decided to call them Thomas.

Anyway they're blue. They kindof look like...they grow up pretty big. Like as tall as me big.

[If you needed any more clarification.]

[simplicitas]

Right. The blue birds in your memory. I remember now.

[As strange as that sounds, for Elsword to say "I remember"... it was recently enough. He's been getting a little better. There's a momentary twinge of pain behind his eye when he thinks of memories, though, once which he quickly shakes off.]

They were cute when they were tiny.

[lupusxylem]

Yeah? That's good.

[It's good to hear he remembers, even if it's just a small thing. It feels like a victory, of a sort.

Wolfwood takes another piece of brisket to eat.]

We raised 'em at the orphanage, but we didn't actually use them for livestock. We ate the eggs mostly, and just having them around was good for us.

Well...it was good for me, anyway. I enjoyed taking care of 'em.

[simplicitas]

I didn't ever imagine you'd like raising animals. No offense. You just don't look like the sort of person who would.

[He's stereotyping you. He's sorry but he's also not.]

Maybe you could take care of some animals here? You have your dog, but what about other stuff?

[lupusxylem]

Other stuff...?

[...huh. You know, he hasn't thought about that, actually...]

Ain't really thought about it. I guess I got a bunch of pigeons now I didn't ask for...dunno if you can really "raise" those.

Wouldn't mind having Thomas around again, though.

[simplicitas]

You can raise pigeons. They're actually pretty smart animals, and they're nice, too. [Except Passenger, who doesn't count.] Are they weird pigeons? Like the birds here with too many eyes?

[Takes a big bite out of his brisket. He's almost polished his portion off by now. He'll probably get up to start throwing things into the fire afterwards. Fuck you, forest.]

[lupusxylem]

They don't got tons of eyes, but they're like...made of plants? If you've seen those animals runnin' around.

[Wolfwood sighs. He's been having A Time with the pigeons. As soon as Elsword gets up to join in with the bonfiring, Wolfwood will as well. No better way to bond than to mutually say Fuck You to the Forest.]

They look like shrubs sitting up in the rafters. Would prolly mistake them for bushes if they didn't move.

[simplicitas]

Oh, they're the cute ones.

[Nods to himself like the plant animals are cute, the biblically accurate ones are sort of not. Elsword sets his plate aside and stretches, making his way toward what i assume is a stack of cult texts rife for burning. He picks up one heavy-looking book and leafs through it, frowning.

His head hurts. The book gets snapped shut, and he paces back to the bonfire itself.]

Do you... think you have to water plantanimals? [help]

[lupusxylem]

[There are plenty of books here that Wolfwood took the time to pull out of the church and have stacked up for being burned earlier, so Elsword is welcome to them. You can't just dump them all in at once, you see, or the fire could go out and then you have to start all over again. So he's been kindof feeding them into the fire slowly, just a couple at a time. He'll stand when Elsword does, making his way over to grab up a couple for himself.]

Not sure. Maybe? I ain't been watering them though...

[...huh. Maybe that's why they won't listen to him. Maybe he should invest in a bird bath or something, but then they'd never leave.

He walks over to the fire as he says this, and unceremoniously chucks one of the books into it. The embers scatter up into the air the moment the book lands onto the heap of ashes of the previous that have already been burnt.]

[simplicitas]

[Wolfwood throws a whole book into the fire, but Elsword is being pettier; he's ripping the pages of this book out individually, crumpling them with his corrupted hand, and tossing them into the flames. It feels good. The Forest has only given him hell since he arrived, so why can't he give it hell back?]

You should try watering them. Or make a fountain for them. A fountain would be nice. You could build it into the side of the church, maybe? [He's having this perfectly pleasant, normal conversation while he thinks about how he's mad at the Forest and he's mad at the world and he's burning cult texts. You know, normal Elsword shenans.] I guess it's close to the river, but it might be dangerous for them to go bathe in the river because of that big crocodile in there. Have you seen that thing?