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sticksandbones2024-03-23 02:24 pm
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Entry tags:
Back Up The Stairs Again
Who: The April Fool Himself, Vash the STampede
What: Vash returns to the Grove
When: Early, early morning, April 1st.
Where: Around the Grove
Warnings: Sibling death, Vash related Vashing, gradual mentions of corruption. Brief mentions of eye changes possibly verging on eye horror?
i. Running in Shoes that Shine — Outside the Church, OTA
[When Vash emerges from the woods, it’s well past midnight. Most anyone in the grove would likely be asleep, and he wouldn’t blame them for it. In fact, he’s counting on it. The last thing he wants is to be disturbed like this. He has a task to complete, and the last thing he wants is to field questions.
Nai’s body is laid down beside the grave that holds Wolfwood. He doesn’t yet process that space has collapsed in on itself, too focused on making sure his brother is properly secured. His jacket is removed, and set to the side. The knife tendrils are laid out like wings behind him. It almost looks like he’s sleeping in the moonlight. Almost.
The conversation he has with Heimr is quick. Just a shovel, please don’t ask any questions. He’s sure the shopkeeper knows he’s been gone for weeks. He doesn’t want to hear any of it. He takes the shovel and trudges back to the church.
Digging the grave takes ages. It’s slowed by the wounds still clinging to Vash’s body. The newer ones, ones that cropped up when he strayed too far from the path in his exhaustion, tear themselves open anew. His already torn thermal becomes wet with blood and sweat. But still he digs.
By the time the sun rises, Nai has been placed into the dirt and covered up anew. Vash stares down at his work with an unreadable expression. He still wears Wolfwood’s glasses. He refuses to take them off. It means his vision is darkened to an almost crippling degree. If someone approached, he wouldn’t know it.]
ii. With Blood that isn't Mine — Inside the Church, Closed to
livlaughlove and
lupusxylem
[At some point, Vash shakes off whoever has approached him. He enters the church, movements stiff, pained, and robotic. He kneels before the cross, his head bowed low. He’s never believed in this particular god. In a lot of ways, it feels wrong to kneel and pray to Him, when he’s already cast his faith behind a different divine. But Nick did believe, as far as Vash knew, and Nai had at least seemed interested in the teachings of this faith. And so to this God he prays.
Forgive them. Let them rest peacefully. Let them find comfort.
It’s short, all things considered. He doesn’t want to linger here overlong, not after everything that’s happened. Not when he still isn’t ready for questions. But when he tries to rise, he finds his legs locking up on him. All at once, his body feels weak. Instead of standing, he collapses against the cold ground. He stares up at the cross, wondering if this is spite somehow.
And then his vision darkens.]
iii. A Stinging Trophy — Around the Grove
[A few days and reunions later, Vash at least seems capable of walking around the grove on his own. Wolfwood’s glasses have been replaced with his own. These aren’t quite as capable of hiding the changes that the darker lenses might have. His eyes have shifted, almost as if the sky blue hue of his iris had begun to bleed into the sclera. The faint, pastel blue hint might even be imperceptible at first glance.
If you’re caught staring, Vash will simply look away, waving anyone off with a half-smile.]
It’s nothing. Just picked up a little something while I was lost in the woods. It’ll fade, I’m sure.
iv. Of the Battles I've Survived — Wildcard
[Vash is going to be throwing himself back into the Grove like nothing happened. Feel free to encounter him anywhere around the town. Or, reach out to me and we can plot something out!]
v. SUPER SECRET BONUS PROMPT
[A few days after his arrival and subsequent chat on the Netbook, something new appears in the grove. Where once Beiwe's statue stood alone, now a second statue joins her. Which means over the next few days, Vash can be found trying to make sure she's well-cared for in her new home. He brings a cutting from his Geranium, still growing strong, and tries to get it to root within the dirt there. A few other flowers are gathered for her as well.
Anyone on the Netbooks will find a short note in their pages. "Ourania is home. Please come say hi!"
More importantly, he can be found sitting in front of her every evening, just as the moon reaches its highest point within the sky. He isn't sure if he's praying so much as he is just talking, but Vash can be heard speaking to her all the same. It's usually casual conversation, but there's plenty of praise being heaped on as well.
He's new to this! Don't judge him!]
What: Vash returns to the Grove
When: Early, early morning, April 1st.
Where: Around the Grove
Warnings: Sibling death, Vash related Vashing, gradual mentions of corruption. Brief mentions of eye changes possibly verging on eye horror?
i. Running in Shoes that Shine — Outside the Church, OTA
[When Vash emerges from the woods, it’s well past midnight. Most anyone in the grove would likely be asleep, and he wouldn’t blame them for it. In fact, he’s counting on it. The last thing he wants is to be disturbed like this. He has a task to complete, and the last thing he wants is to field questions.
Nai’s body is laid down beside the grave that holds Wolfwood. He doesn’t yet process that space has collapsed in on itself, too focused on making sure his brother is properly secured. His jacket is removed, and set to the side. The knife tendrils are laid out like wings behind him. It almost looks like he’s sleeping in the moonlight. Almost.
The conversation he has with Heimr is quick. Just a shovel, please don’t ask any questions. He’s sure the shopkeeper knows he’s been gone for weeks. He doesn’t want to hear any of it. He takes the shovel and trudges back to the church.
Digging the grave takes ages. It’s slowed by the wounds still clinging to Vash’s body. The newer ones, ones that cropped up when he strayed too far from the path in his exhaustion, tear themselves open anew. His already torn thermal becomes wet with blood and sweat. But still he digs.
By the time the sun rises, Nai has been placed into the dirt and covered up anew. Vash stares down at his work with an unreadable expression. He still wears Wolfwood’s glasses. He refuses to take them off. It means his vision is darkened to an almost crippling degree. If someone approached, he wouldn’t know it.]
ii. With Blood that isn't Mine — Inside the Church, Closed to
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[At some point, Vash shakes off whoever has approached him. He enters the church, movements stiff, pained, and robotic. He kneels before the cross, his head bowed low. He’s never believed in this particular god. In a lot of ways, it feels wrong to kneel and pray to Him, when he’s already cast his faith behind a different divine. But Nick did believe, as far as Vash knew, and Nai had at least seemed interested in the teachings of this faith. And so to this God he prays.
Forgive them. Let them rest peacefully. Let them find comfort.
It’s short, all things considered. He doesn’t want to linger here overlong, not after everything that’s happened. Not when he still isn’t ready for questions. But when he tries to rise, he finds his legs locking up on him. All at once, his body feels weak. Instead of standing, he collapses against the cold ground. He stares up at the cross, wondering if this is spite somehow.
And then his vision darkens.]
iii. A Stinging Trophy — Around the Grove
[A few days and reunions later, Vash at least seems capable of walking around the grove on his own. Wolfwood’s glasses have been replaced with his own. These aren’t quite as capable of hiding the changes that the darker lenses might have. His eyes have shifted, almost as if the sky blue hue of his iris had begun to bleed into the sclera. The faint, pastel blue hint might even be imperceptible at first glance.
If you’re caught staring, Vash will simply look away, waving anyone off with a half-smile.]
It’s nothing. Just picked up a little something while I was lost in the woods. It’ll fade, I’m sure.
iv. Of the Battles I've Survived — Wildcard
[Vash is going to be throwing himself back into the Grove like nothing happened. Feel free to encounter him anywhere around the town. Or, reach out to me and we can plot something out!]
v. SUPER SECRET BONUS PROMPT
[A few days after his arrival and subsequent chat on the Netbook, something new appears in the grove. Where once Beiwe's statue stood alone, now a second statue joins her. Which means over the next few days, Vash can be found trying to make sure she's well-cared for in her new home. He brings a cutting from his Geranium, still growing strong, and tries to get it to root within the dirt there. A few other flowers are gathered for her as well.
Anyone on the Netbooks will find a short note in their pages. "Ourania is home. Please come say hi!"
More importantly, he can be found sitting in front of her every evening, just as the moon reaches its highest point within the sky. He isn't sure if he's praying so much as he is just talking, but Vash can be heard speaking to her all the same. It's usually casual conversation, but there's plenty of praise being heaped on as well.
He's new to this! Don't judge him!]
no subject
He is thankful, up until now, he's never really needed to express it verbally.
As they make their way to the front, though, Wolfwood will sit back and murmur to Livio.]
Hey. Can I talk to you, before we go in there?
no subject
he can worry about that later, he supposes. right now, he should give all his attention to nicholas.]
Of course.
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I know both you and I ain't much for big emotional speeches, so I'll make it short. I just...
You've been here for me this entire time. You've been bendin' over backwards just to make sure I got everything I need, and...you've been gettin' caught between me n'blondie's messes ever since you got here on top of that.
[His thumb brushes over his knuckles, not unlike how Livio held his hand when he woke up in the clinic.]
I wanna know how you're feelin' about it. And...I want you to know that you don't have to deal with this with me, but I want you there as much as I feel like you've got a right to be there.
But that's only if you wanna be here.
[Because he knows you, Livio. You're going to do whatever he tells you, whether it's what you actually want or not.]
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It isn't that I don't wanna be there for you. It's just... I feel like it ain't my business, mostly. I mean, I'm mad. I'm mad he did the exact opposite of what you asked him, but not because it made things harder on me or anything. Just because it went against the one thing you asked. But then, it's your choice to forgive him or not, not mine.
[he sighs, shifting and letting his gaze drift away.]
... I also know he's beatin' himself up about it already, and I don't wanna make him feel cornered.
[and, predictably...] But I'll be there if you need me to be.
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[He isn't sure what Vash is expecting they'll say to him, but he does know that Vash is likely in there self deprecating as they speak. None of the three of them are mentally well, is the takeaway.
After a moment of silence, Wolfwood will gesture for Livio to come a step closer. If and when he does, he'll reach out to rest his other hand briefly against his middle. If he could be standing, it would be his chest, but...you know.]
It's less that I need you to be there, and more that I don't want to leave you out. I mean...I need you just as much as I needed him. I love you, Liv.
[He closes his eyes, pulling Livio's hand close enough so that he can press his lips to his knuckles.]
I'll be okay, whatever you want to do. I just want it to be your choice, not mine. You feel me?
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he doesn't want anything to do with this. he also doesn't want to be left in the dark. he doesn't want nick to singlehandedly fight against vash's self-flagellation. he also doesn't want vash to face nick alone.
the only hint at any of this mental spiral is the quickened pulse wolfwood may feel in the veins of livio's hand, pressed so sweetly to his lips.]
I'm sorry, if I've put too much on you. I didn't think of it like that.
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Just as he had.
He takes note of his quickening pulse, shaking his head a little as he draws back a fraction.]
Nah. Everything has been a bit much, but it hasn’t been you. I can’t really thank you enough for stickin’ by me until now.
Which is why I’m tellin’ you that you can go, or you can stay. I’m leavin’ that up to you.
[Which he realizes is it’s own stress considering how Livio operates.]
I won’t be mad either way.
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and yet... he wants so badly to walk away.
ugh. he can always stand in the corner and let himself drift out of the conversation, right? he hardly needs to try, these days.]
I'll... always be here for you. [ultimately, he means that. so he takes control of his hand back to caress at nick's cheek.] Whenever you're ready.
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I know you will be.
Let's get in there. Add's probably got him settled somewhere by now.
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Vash? It's us.
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But the curtain is pulled back, and there's plenty of privacy to be had. Not that Vash is eager for what conversations would crop up. They were both right, that Vash had begun to twist himself up. He can't imagine what other reason the two of them would have for lingering outside, beyond simply not wanting to see him.
Once again, the thought occurs to him. That he should have stayed gone. That he should have wound up dead. Wolfwood had enough on his place. He didn't need an absentee partner when he had a perfectly reliable and kind man to stand beside him.
He looks up only for a second, studying one man then the other. He can't linger on Wolfwood for long, and Livio doesn't fare much better. He feels the weight of what he'd done to them heavy on his shoulders, and it forces his gaze to turn downward once again. The strange discoloration of his eyes is all the more evident in the fluorescence of the clinic.]
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Ruminating and being angry about how things had gone for a solid week should have given him an exact script of things to say, but now that he's here? Now that he's seeing Vash again- eye to fucked up eye? The words aren't coming to him so easily. He'd waited for Livio to push his chair into the room, near Vash's bed but not so close as to be beside it just yet, and now...the silence reigns.
It is stifling. The emotions he's grabbling with are threatening to drag him under, and he hates it more than anything. He wants to be angry, enraged, but just as much as he's upset...he also just wants to hold him. He wants to fall asleep in his arms and pretend none of this ever happened.
But he can't. He has to break the silence.]
...why did you leave.
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And maybe that's for the best. Hiding right now, when Wolfwood wanted an honest answer, wasn't going to do either of them any good. Vash might balk at the idea of talking about his actual feelings, but he isn't going to fight it.
(Is he hurt that Wolfwood doesn't ask about his wellbeing? Maybe. But in the same instant that he thinks it, Vash knows that he doesn't deserve it. Wolfwood had suffered far more than him, after all.)
In any case, he doesn't know if the answer he has will satisfy. But he offers it up nonetheless.]
I don't know. [His head shakes.] Town felt so small. Like I couldn't breathe anymore. All I could think was "how am I gonna live in this place when I've only ever known it with him." Like I was the only one goin' through that, right? [He looks at Livio, then away. The floor is particularly interesting today.]
And maybe I had this fool thought in my head. That I was gonna track the creature down to wherever it lived and... convince it to stop. To not hurt anyone else. Talk real sweet, like I always do when I'm in trouble. And maybe it'd pan out like it did every other time.
[He laughs, barking out a noise that tastes bitter on his lips.]
It didn't do me any good. Went the exact opposite direction. Got my ass handed to me. The other thing I always do.
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It's because he's always acted with his heart, not his head.
He looks down for just a moment, eyeing wherever Vash's hands might have ended up. On either side of him on the bed, or maybe in his lap.]
"The road to hell's paved with good intentions". You've prolly heard that one.
[Wolfwood sighs heavily, his nails digging into the arms of his chair.]
...when I woke up, Liv told me you took off into the woods, and that he hadn't seen you again. That it'd been weeks since.
You didn't plan on ever makin' it back. Did you?
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granted, he's been wondering the same thing -- why vash thought abandoning nicholas' last wishes was worth it. a suicide mission to take out the creature sounds... about right, actually.
livio doesn't blame vash for leaving him behind. hell -- if nick hadn't deliberately asked him to hang tight, if he hadn't thought of poor angelina, livio might have done damn near the same thing.
he keeps to himself. waits for their conversation to reach its conclusion. tries to act like he isn't there, as much as he physically can.]
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(Why did they put up with him? Their forgiveness had to run out sooner rather than later, right?)
There's no hiding the way Vash winces at the question. Maybe it makes him angry, too. He had known it would be a distinct possibility, but he hadn't set out to die. Maybe it smarts because the second he came face to face with death, he knew he'd made a mistake. That he just wanted to be back here.]
I don't know what I was thinking. I do know that I was hurting — already said that. All I could think was that I wanted to save just one person. Convince the Creature, maybe. Or I'd find - [He trails off. He isn't ready for that conversation yet. Nor does he deserve to weep and bemoan his circumstances when everyone else was already suffering.]
I knew there was a big chance that I'd get my ass handed to me. That the Creature wouldn't be too happy about me showing up. But I wasn't runnin' off to die. I was just... running.
[His head lolls back, gaze fixing on the ceiling.]
It had only felt like a few hours by the time I... got to the coast. And after everything... [He motions, vaguely, to his wounds.] I don't know how long I slept. But it never felt like weeks. A day. Maybe three at most.
no subject
A place that had trusted Vash to be there when he couldn't.]
...yer lucky to be alive, yaknow.
[He growls, and the chair suddenly shifts. For a moment, it almost looks like he's going to wheel it away.
Instead, though, he moves closer to Vash's bedside. He pushes himself all the way over until he's close enough to touch, if he wanted.
He pulls off his shades, folding and tucking them into the collar of his shirt. It makes it harder for him to hide behind their dark lenses, but it also means that Vash can't avoid his gaze anymore. Nor is Wolfwood having to watch the way those criss-crossing glowing lines frame his new scars.]
I'm...glad you're alive. Cause I laid here thinkin' we'd never see you again.
[His expression falls a fraction, his gaze sliding over to where Livio stands across the room. He doesn't want to speak for Livio. He doesn't want to put him in a position where he has to involve himself.
He places his hand on the bed, just an inch or so away from Vash.]
...Fuck, Vash. I...hate it when you do shit like this. I hate it when you make me feel like this.
[...]
....and. None'a this woulda' happened if I'd just listened.
no subject
Wolfwood is right that he can't avoid his gaze any long though. He tries to at first, eyes fixed over the man's shoulder. But it doesn't last. He meets his eyes and —
for the first time he starts to tear up. The sickening blue is gone now, leaving the gaze he's far more familiar with. If he really felt like being sappy, he'd call it the eyes he fell in love with. Gross.]
I'm sorry. [He ignores Wolfwood's hand, in favor of laying his forehead against the man's shoulder. It's probably too much to ask for. He knows he doesn't deserve it. But his heart aches and his body hurts and je just wants to be selfish for a second or two.
Only that. His head lifts just as fast as it'd come to rest against him. His gaze lifts to Livio now.]
To both of you. I shouldn't have left you. Ignored what you asked of me. And I'm sorry it took... Took what it did to get me to realize how bad I messed up
[Only now does Vash take Wolfwood's hand. He clutches it between both of his own, gentle at first, then firm. He forces himself to stare at Nick once more.]
But it's not your fault. Please, please don't blame yourself.
no subject
Despite everything.
When he sinks forward and lays his forehead against his shoulder, Wolfwood doesn't move. He stays very still, his eyes drifting half closed. He was going to interject if that apology didn't go to Livio as well, so it isn't until Vash thinks to address the other man that Wolfwood's raising hackles lower again.]
...yeah. You shouldn't've. And I think you owe Liv more of an apology than me.
[He says that quietly, just as Vash reaches for his hand to take.
He was almost beginning to worry he wouldn't. He chooses to not address the last thing Vash says, at least not yet. None of them can deny it: Wolfwood's actions set this domino affect into action. That's all there is to it.]
no subject
I'm not angry with you. [and that's true enough. he's now heard a direct apology to nick, a genuine one not seeped in self-deprecation. and just to address what wolfwood tacks on...] I forgive you, for my part.
[somehow, though... this doesn't feel like enough. they're both clearly still stuck in their own heads, blaming themselves. the last thing livio wants is to place blame for the bonfire on either of their shoulders when they're already so weighed down, but...]
... Any one of us could have stopped it, and we didn't. [it doesn't feel fair that he's the only one who came out of this unscathed, though. (which isn't true, given the new scars visible on his forearms, but he's bled less recently than either of them, so that's how he sees it.)] I'm not saying either of you... had something coming to you because of it. I just mean... maybe it'll be an easier burden if we all agree to carry it.
no subject
He can take a hint.
His shoulders do droop with the faintest hint of relief when Livio accepts his apology. It's a step. One he doesn't deserve, but a step nonetheless. For the first time, he tries to smile. It's small, wobbles at the edges and fades completely as grief takes him, but for a second it was there.
He nods along with Livio's words. He can at least get behind shouldering a burden with someone, even if he thinks he should take the lion's share. That, he knows they'll never agree to, though.]
Liv- ah, I mean... Livio's got a point. Better if we all try to take ownership, yeah?
[In his heart, he knows he should say more. But above anything, he's exhausted. The last few days, weeks if the others are to be believed, lay heavy on his shoulders. He's done his best to be strong and not favor his own wounds when he's hurt so many other people, but it's getting harder the more time that passes. And, more than anything? Trying to pretend to be okay with the distance, however earned, is beginning to wear on him.]
Look, I should... probably get some rest. And I'm sure the good doctor's gonna come around with more needles soon enough. You two should probably head out. Don't want either of you to get uncomfortable.
no subject
[Wolfwood interjects, his gaze still focused on Vash. There's a reason he's been so still, simply accepting the gestures and watching without reciprocating, and it isn't out of coldness, no matter how it may seem. He needed to give Vash the time to speak his piece. Livio time to, as well. He cannot claim to know exactly the status of Livio and Vash's relationship, but as far as Wolfwood himself is concerned, they're a trio in his heart. And to hear that Livio harbors no ill will speaks volumes.
Not that he ever assumed such, of course. It's clear that Livio, for all of his time in the Grove, has been a lot better at managing his anger than Wolfwood has. It...says a lot, considering.
He exhales heavily, having seen the way Vash let go of his hand to draw back into himself. So, instead of reaching for it again, Wolfwood will push his chair a fraction closer until the arms touch the mattress, close enough that he can reach out and rest his palm- rough and calloused- against the side of Vash's face. Fingertips ghosting over patched up cuts and scrapes, both old and new. Looking at his eyes more than anything, clocking the way they aren't right.
Wolfwood brushes his thumb over Vash's cheek, as if contemplating.]
You're an idiot. And I'm still mad at you. [...] But you're an even bigger idiot if you think I'm gonna leave when we just got you back.
[Then, his hand moves, shifting around to more along the back of Vash's head, the edge of his thumb skating over his sideburns.]
...I missed you. Alright?
no subject
Unfortunately, the whimper isn't the worst thing that could have happened to him. It doesn't take long for his breath to hitch. He still tastes the despair he'd felt at the hands of the monster in the lighthouse. He'd been so afraid of not making it home, of not having this ever again. Now that it's all at least begun to work itself out -
He's always been good at biting back his feelings. Unfortunately, he's felt so much over the last few days that he can't swallow it all down. His composure begins to fragment, then shatters completely with a very wet, very desperate sob. He leans forward, pressing his face down against Wolfwood's shoulder.]
I didn't think - I was so - [He tries to will himself to get it together. He's not supposed to cry. And even if he did, the least he could do was sound like a damn grown adult about it.]
I thought I was gonna die out there. And all I could think is how much you'd both worry. That I'd ditched someone I cared about and - [He sniffs, wet and pathetic.] I didn't want to lose either of you. Wanted to see you both again.
no subject
So, as Vash sinks forward again and buries his face into Wolfwood's shoulder, not only does he keep his hand cradling what is now the back of Vash's head, he'll reach his other arm around and actually embrace Vash fully, for the first time since either of them have been back. It's a lighter hold at first, almost tentative...but then he redoubles his efforts, his fingers digging into the back of his thermal as he grips Vash to his chest like a lifeline as the Independent starts to cry even harder.]
Hey....hey. I know. [He murmurs against Vash's ear, his fingers pushing through those blonde locks.] I'm...I'm just glad you made it back to us.
[He didn't miss those injuries. There's a reason he refused to speak to Vash until he was certain he'd get himself looked at.
And now he has...and now he's here. And as he sits there holding Vash, he sort of turns his head a bit against his shoulder, angling himself so he can look back across the room at Livio. It's a silent invitation, given how much Vash has been peppering in those "both of you"s.]
We're gonna be alright now. Shhh.
no subject
to hear that vash thought of him when he was out there getting beaten to hell and back...
he's never seen vash cry. and nick is looking at him for... help? or just... inviting him to allow himself to be included, when they've both basically been saying it the entire time?
well. he's nothing if not practiced in shoving things down, so his mixed emotions can wait. vash and nick's distress are far more important right now. liv moves to the bedside and sits at the edge of the mattress, enough to wrap an arm carefully around vash as well. his free hand finds wolfwood's head, stroking over his hair in a motion meant to soothe both of them.]
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