sticksandbones

Maybe they're growing back.

[ It's not a thought he likes. This corruption has to be taken out of Beat somehow. Zahliya can remove corruption, can't he? Might be worth a try...

For now, he just. Continues with his grooming. A little more carefully this time, because ew. ]

Sounds like you have quite the history with plants. What was the hanahaki about, I wonder?

[ Hmmmmmmmm? ]

[ God he doesn't want to be a shrub anymore. He guesses he has to bite the bullet and get set on fire, screaming and crying the entire time. The thought itself makes him want to cry and maybe be a little sick.

The distraction about hanahaki is nice and he lets out an embarrassed laugh. Which is funny considering how hardcore he's already told Josh he loves him. ]

Uh. Shit, yo. Fer extra cringe, imagine this before I toldchu I loved you an' shit.

[ He parts some fur to show the scar over his heart. ]

The bitch Fog or someone decided ya know? We got too many things we keep close so time to spill our guts or be consumed by 'em. Typical shoujo shit. My heart literally burst from my chest wid branches holding sakura, plum, paulownia....

[ Then parts his shaggy hair for the eye, the lighter blue peeking at Josh playfully. ]

An' wisteria here. I don't 'member why now, but I think it had somethin' to do with someone in my family, since I think that's our family flower. Somethin' I wanted to say to 'em.

[ Wow. This Ryslig place sure sounds unforgiving. Josh, for a moment, finds himself glad that he wasn't there. Well, he was, in some sense. But not him. Another him? Either way, he's avoided dealing with the mortifying ordeal of being known, at least in that sense. Having all of his secrets dragged out in front of everyone for all to see sounds absolutely awful. ]

Mm... Sounds like one of those missing memories of yours.

[ It's Rhyme. He knows it has to be. Or maybe his parents? Either way, he knows to tread gently when it comes to discussing lost memory. Beat doesn't seem concerned, so he won't be, either.

Instead, he smiles at that pale blue eye, and turns his focus to the aforementioned flowers. ]

All three of us, hm? That's quite the bunch of feelings you were holding in, there. Is that how I found out?

Ye, the price of death back then was gettin' somethin' memory wise snatched away. The place tried to make you think you'd lived there the entire time. I knew some who were so far gone...

[ He shakes his head a little, dropping that. He doesn't want to think of them. And if he thinks of the others, he thinks of all his friends he's missing and his heart hurts so badly. Instead he coughs a little, blushes. Which only shows up in his ears. ]

UH... well... I mean... I think you knew before hand 'cuz I almost blurted it out to you once before after yellin' atchu to stay 'cuz of shit goin' on. But I think it really hit home then. Kinda hard to go NUH-UH when yer gobbin' up flower petals and yer hearts literally leakin' wid 'em.

[ Speaking of, Beat's look turns way too gremlin and his grin tries to match while a muzzle. ]

Wanna know what flowers you had?

There's always a price. At least in my case, it's more borrowing and less keeping. I don't see much sense in taking memories and keeping them while that person lives on. Making them think they've always lived there isn't going to do a thing for your district.

[ It's said while he's still grooming, very matter-of-factly. Whoever is running the UG in this place, they're doing an awful job.

It's no surprise to hear that Beat was so far gone he not only was experiencing the typical hanahaki flower coughing, but bursts of flowers that erupted out of his skin. Beat is a very emotional man and wears his heart on his sleeve. But the moment that Beat offers to tell him what his own flowers were... ]

I was coughing them up, too?

[ Well. Morbid curiosity. He is the cat in this scenario. ]

Yeah, toss yer idea of a game out, this wasn't even Shinjuku game. There was no tryina make us better. There was only turning us into Monsters and pitting us against the humans she hated.

[ He shakes his head a little, then sighs softly as the brushing calms him back down, Beat stretching his legs out a little.

Then smirks to the question. Aha. Knew he'd want to know. In his own way. Though his smirk slides away a little. ]

Not jus' coughin' 'em up. A ring 'round yer head like a crown, of yellow roses. Irises, from yer eyes. They uh, blinded you entirely.

[ Beat remembers, when he usually has troubles remembering some stuff. This was important. So important to him. ]

Sakura and wisteria in yer lungs, drownin' you.

Mm, so it was a revenge game. Not a great idea for a long-term motive.

[ He has Opinions. Buuuut he will hold off on them, for now. It's not a place he'll be or even see, so not his monkeys and not his circus.

But ah, he has made a mistake. Hearing about the other ones are interesting - hanahaki doesn't normally come with such gruesome body horror, and he laughs at his own expense for a moment. Blinded by Shibuya's flower. What kind of statement is that supposed to make?

But coughing up wisteria and sakura, to the point where it was drowning him? That's a sobering thought. Partially, anyway. He can understand it now, in a way, but he's been worn down by Beat. Had the other him been worn down, too? And what of the sakura? He knows who it would have been for, it couldn't be for anyone else. But why? How?

... mm. No. He knows the answers to these questions, too. He doesn't want to think about it. ]

And how did we resolve the issue?

[ His voice is calm, measured. As if he wasn't just basically accused of pining without actually being accused of pining. ]

Science!

[ It's said with a little laugh, and he turns himself around fully this time, to face Josh, grinning up at him. ]

It was too early fer botha us, but def way too early fer you. You were stubbornly goin' to let it kill ya, an' kinda frankly, so was I. But the humans of the place figured they could get it outta us with their tech and it worked. Confessions averted an' we both lived. Shit, we even got the zoomies over it.

[ His expression softens as he thinks about it, about Josh back then. Just like he was now, if not a little more vulnerable due to being depowered. Closed, guarded, unwilling to admit things he wanted or desperately needed. Starving for the touch but fearing it so bad it made him sick. ]

We 'ventually got there, of course, but not then.

[ ... ah. He can hear all that. Mmmm he is being seen and he's still conflicted on whether or not he likes it. An awful lot like Beat's thoughts of him starving for touch.

mmmmmmmm ]

Well, thank goodness for modern medicine, at least.

[ Dying from self-inflicted hanahaki is suitably dramatic, at least. Sounds like something he'd do in that situation.

Josh's fingers continue to pull out burrs and bits as Beat talks to him, the brush making an appearance only once he's worked out all the tangles first. But he's getting there. Not much longer to go. ]

How long did it take me? To get there, I mean. Just out of curiosity.

[ His expression relaxes and he closes his eyes again, tail wagging as he lets Josh continue to work the burrs out. He'll find more twigs tangled here or there. Not blooming as they once were and looking scraggly, but still holding one. Only a few of them, however, are attached. Other's come out easily enough with a little tug that shows yeah. They're just twigs. ]

Mmm, few more months? There was kinda no denyin' it, at that point, but it was a slow process. Ain't wanted to rush things.

[ He hesitates, frowning a little the best he can with a muzzle. ]

The reason it happened so fast to begin wid, I think, is like... I joke I wore you down but we went through a lot together. You were human again, you were havin' to deal wid stuff you weren't used to dealin' wid anymore. Added on top of the shit we was bein' forced through... I read 'bout trauma survivors bondin', an' I think it started like that but we both grew into each other, you know? I was there durin' yer worst moments, an' fer a while it was jus' us. I had yer back, an' you had mine, 'cuz we was all we had. Then I fuckin' fell, heh.

[ It doesn't take long for Josh to be fully finished picking out all the little bits and bobs that made their way into Beat's fur. He's careful this time about the twigs. He's here to groom, not to maim. The brush gets employed as soon as there isn't any more debris to get in the way, which is just as soothing for him as it is for Beat. Just one more good pass all over... ]

Mm, good to know. So it was a matter of necessity at first, and then it... proceeded.

[ The best way he can put it.

It sounds so easy. Like all of his problems would be solved if it was for trauma, weird as that may be to say. It's just them here, too, but... somehow, he feels robbed. Forced onto the harder path. Jealous of a version of him that had the means for adjusting handed to him. There's no trauma here to bond over. In Beat's other world, this other him had had the trauma to push him out of his comfort zone. But what's his push here? Beat has already had his, a long time ago by the sound of it.

He's being thrown directly into the hot water and trying his best to keep from boiling.

... oops, his fingers went still. Let's fix that! Nothing wrong here. ]

Sounds like the two of-- [ No, no, Beat thinks of him and the other Joshua as one in the same. ] --we went through quite a lot. It's a shame I can't recall it.

[ When Josh says it like that, a little something inside Beat deflates. It's not like he's wrong, it only started because they needed someone to lean on, but it makes it sound so... undesired. Undesirable? Unwanted? Beat isn't sure but it makes it feel a way.

Especially as the fingers still.

Beat huffs gently and offers Josh a smile, eyes squinting open again and he shakes his head. ]

You can always check my memories, dunno how unaltered they gonna be due to shit but they're there. Uh, my side at least. But hey. It's aight. Listen, yo.

[ He reaches up with those stupid big paw hands of his and take Josh's to still them, hold them. His tail wags. ]

It's aight if you don't wanna go down that path? Memories make us part of who we is, yo. Yer Josh, as much as any other Josh is, but you ain't MY Josh if you don' wanna be. I'll still treatchu wid love an' respect, 'cuz you deserve nothin' less, but I can drop the lovin' stuff. I know we played an' teased 'fore, but we can go slower. Or not at all. You ain't gotta try to be no one you think you ain't, 'cuz you is you an' yer the one I fell in love wid. Sass an' snark an' shittery an' all.

[ Honestly, the offer is tempting. He's peeked in on Beat's memories before, and what he's seen has made him feel warm in a way he hasn't felt in a long, long time. And that was just the generic stuff, not entirely romantic. He can only imagine...

But then Beat's paws are taking his own, and Josh pauses, fingers stilling under those big, warm pads. And he listens - really listens - to Beat's words of assurance. It's good to know that he has this option, it really is. However... ]

No.

[ It's short and sweet, more used as a means to make Beat stop than anything. Beat may recognize this as... very similar to Composer mode, in a way. All business and no play. ]

I'm not doing this because I don't want it. I'm asking because I'm-- Mm.

[ How to phrase this... ]

... I'm trying to understand how it worked. You've been through this. I haven't. If you know me, you recall my... hesitation, in all of this, don't you? I'm simply trying to find the best way to navigate. What works, what doesn't.

[ He angles his eyes down, at the big paws enclosing his thin fingers, and keeps them there. ]

I don't want you thinking that I'm uninterested. If I was, I wouldn't have let it go as far as it did before you ran away. I know what I want. But I want to make sure that I do this in a way that doesn't make me undermine myself.

[ The no makes his ears go up and his muzzle close on his tongue. He's paying attention, even if he looks dorky while doing it with the tip bleeping out. He listens as Josh tries to explain how he feels, and how he wants to go about it.

Give him a second as the words filter through the Beat-processing Center, and then he nods. ]

You interested, but you don' wanna do it in a way that makes it feel forced fer you. Or like you tryina fill shoes that ain't quite yers? But hmm... I can't really say how it worked, 'cuz heh... you know how my brain works.

[ Things deemed unimportant get filed lower. While Josh and Neku and Nanami and Shoka are all filed high, so everything related to them is clearer, the exact HOW of his relationship with Josh, the process behind it, what things happened. They sort of got left to the wayside.

Because the important thing was it was happening. ]

Dig away, yo. I already toldchu I trustchu wid my brain, an' that ain't changed jus' 'cuz I went an' peed on trees fer two months.

[ To that, Josh nods. That's a good way to put it. Beat understands - he knew he would. Beat has the emotional intelligence for it. Meanwhile, he feels like he's fishing in a barrel with dynamite. Even just attempting could backfire horribly... and yet he's attempting anyway. ]

That's it exactly. It wouldn't be genuine if I forced it, and it wouldn't be fair to you, either.

[ He can hear that brain working, though. Hear those thoughts. He's more likely to find important things, this he knows - that's the case with most people. But here, knowing that he's important enough to be lifted to the top along with the others...

Nodding again, Josh keeps his hands right where they are in Beat's paws, eyes briefly unfocusing as he digs in. It isn't hard to find things, it really isn't. And the fine details aren't there, but...

Kisses. A first date. Running together as squirrels, stealing a hot dog, stealing... other things, oh dear. Late nights spent up talking. The wrapping paper tube fight in the kitchen. Being spun wildly out of control in a literal downward spiral that could have killed both of them if not for the last second parting.

... mm. He's beginning to see a path. Not an easy one, he's going to have to do some clearing, but the beginnings are there. This all could be his. This all is already his, if he can dig through his own head enough. ]

I think I have some ideas.

[ All the jewels buried in the back yard. Beat threatening Josh with the pool because he lied about his birthday. Getting a crafted iris in glass. Holding his hand while he changed in the tub. Breaking his fourth card in half and giving one half to Josh.

The comment makes him smile, tail thumping softly against the bench he was sitting on for grooming. ]

You always do.

[ He curls Josh's hands together, pressing them with his. ]

An' I know you wanna but I still say no rush. Shit flows the way it flows, yo. Also, it gonna suck 'cuz I know you hate it, but communication. [ Teasing. ] Consent is fuckin' hot. [ NOT teasing. ]

[ Ew. Communication. But, in this case... he can make an exception. Maybe. Try, at the very least. Still, he sighs dramatically, shaking his head in mock-defeat. ]

Consent to what, exactly? You still haven't made me boobielays.

[ Though, this time, he can't keep the smirk off of his face. ]

I'm fine with taking it slow. I'd prefer it over the alternative, actually. Let's see where this goes.

Bro! I promise you will get yer babylies!! Gimme like two hours!

[ A playful huff and he shakes his head. ]

Oh, I dunno, yo. Consent fer kisses. For hand holds. For other things. Jus' always lemme know if you want somethin', if you don' want something. Like... can I give yer hand a kiss?

[ He will even return back to human for it. Oops. Naked. Whatever. The man has no body shame, but at least now he has lips. ]

You just came back. You don't have to do it in two hours. I'll take pity on you this time.

[ This time, he says, as if he hasn't before. The request makes him snort out a laugh, and he holds out his hand like some kind of royalty expecting the royal rings to be kissed in fealty. Beat's nudity is ignored - he thinks he may be becoming used to it at this point. ]

You can. But you're brushing your teeth before kissing anywhere else.

Oh yeah nah, yo. My mouth is nasty. S'why only this.

[ And he turns Josh's hand palm upwards instead to lay a little kiss in it, then fold Josh's fingers over the kiss spot. Then squeeze his hand gently and let go, beaming. ]

An' now that I'm clean, time to streak to the Inn an' get dressed an' brush my damn teeth and make you somma the best booziebabies ever.

[ There's something so... tender, so sweet about the gesture that it catches Josh off guard, just a tiny bit. His smile falters for a half second as his fingers are folded over, and even after Beat lets go, he keeps his hand that way. Leaves it slightly lifted instead of letting it fall to his side, like he's holding on to something precious. ]

Since you're back in human form, I could make you a towel, you know. But, if you're that keen on the idea...

[ He shrugs his shoulders. Not his problem if other people get traumatized! It could be entertaining, actually. He turns around, making sure that anything used is back where it belongs so Beat can run along.

But he holds that hand to his chest, when he thinks Beat isn't looking. ]

It's the prisiple of the matter, yo.

[ For a moment he simply sits there and watches as Josh turns, then he heh's and gets up to......... streak out of the bathhouse.

There he goes. He's at least kind enough to hold his hands over himself so no on gets an inadvertent eyeful. Only of booty cheek. ]

IT'S FUCKIN' COOOOoooooooooold....

bork?

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