[netbook] ain's movie reviews // cws: horror themes, mentions of substance abuse in films

[eidxiety]

Hiii :O I've spent the last while going around to every theatre I could find in Neo Eden and watching a lot of movies ^^ I don't know if anyone else likes movies as much as I do but here are my honest reviews:

Theatres:
Swanlake Cinema (134 South Glitch Way):
- Did not have swans or lakes??
- Seats were sticky
- The nachos were okay but the popcorn tasted like air somehow
- 1/5 stars

Lumina Theatre (559 Pixel St):
- DO NOT order the popcorn with extra zönk you WILL regret it (popcorn is neon pink though which is pretty cool)
- Chocolate Fanta is the worst drink I've ever had in my life
- Sprite 3 is probably good idk Add wouldn't let me have any
- The screen was large and the movie selection is pretty good
- 3.5/5 stars

Utopia Drafthouse (3228 Byte Blvd):
- It's actually a restaurant-theatre combined so your food sort of spawns in on the little table in front of you after you write down your order (in the pitch dark might I add)
- The food was really good
- Asked for my ID to confirm I'm 21 (I'm 505??? can't they tell???)
-
-
- I'm going to be honest I don't remember what films I watched but I know it was three of them, I just drank sangrias the entire time so I was too drunk to recall haha
- 10/5 stars I will be there tomorrow

Movies: (Contains spoilers do not look if you don't want spoilers ok thank you)
Skinwalker's Lair (horror):
- Really boring beginning
- I liked the part where the skinwalker is actually in the form of a deer that stalks the group the entire time, but gradually grows more decrepit as its illusion starts to break apart and it becomes fully monstrous before unhinging its jaw (its teeth go All the way down its throat by the way) and it consumes the flesh of an innocent teenager, then shapechanges into the person it ate
- Very cool I hope to never encounter one! haha!
- 8.5/10 for the slow opening and product placement issues

Pepperburn (romance? art movie? black comedy???):
- A very good story about a student who gets fixated on a popular aristocrat and falls in love with him, and deals with some issues like substance abuse and mental health :O Mr. Jellyfish would probably like this one
- For some reason the main character licks the bathtub drain after his love interest is done bathing??? I did not like this part
- The themes of excess and obsession are very good, please go watch it
- 10/10 I cried and the bathtub scene is ignorable

Midsummer (folk horror):
- I don't recommend watching this one if you don't like excessive gore/nudity/sexual themes :O
- I like the part where the main character's ex boyfriend is paralyzed and zipped up into a skinned bear suit and burned to death :) He sucked
- 9/10 too many naked women for my tastes but I liked the rest of it

Forty Shades of Green ("romance"???):
- The worst portrayals of BDSM I've ever seen
- Too pornographic and abusive
- 0/10 also way too straight, straight people are you okay? This is what you guys get? Seriously???


Tomorrow I'm going to go see a vampire movie called "Daylight" ^^ I'll let you guys know what I think, apparently the vampires are sparkly in that one haha.

Comments

[ezellotry]

.....

hey, Ain, before we watch a movie together, you'll have to let me check the reviews on it first, love.

[eidxiety]

But doesn't that spoil the experience :O It's more fun if you just trust me. ^^

[psychokinesia]

What reviews? There aren't any real people here, just mindless machines. Are you going to ask the police for their input on Daylight?

[psychokinesia]

Why are theatres scored out of 5 but the movies out of 10? Just pick one and stick to it, otherwise the entire post becomes needlessly confusing.

Also, the special effects in that so-called "horror" movie were awful. A creature with a mouth of that size and design wouldn't be able to hold up its own jaw, let alone eat a person. I wouldn't expect a tech-illiterate person like you to be able to tell the difference, but it was obvious to me that the creature was just a digital prop inserted into the recorded footage after the fact. Also, they completely forgot to bring up the plot point about Jexx's Oogle Glass and seemed to completely forget he had them at all by the second half of the movie, creating a MASSIVE plot hole leading up to his death. Why would they even mention something like that if it wasn't going to come up later? Poor writing, poor effects, and a pointless ending that doesn't give any kind of resolution so they can tease a "sequel"... honestly, I have to wonder how this even made it to theatres. I guess this doll house doesn't have any sort of quality control since there's no one here but us. It wasted too much time on the doomed romantic subplot, but I did like the night club scene and the part where they broke into the library restricted section. The security drone played a minor but in my opinion pivotal role.

Regardless, I couldn't imagine giving a disaster like that anything more than a 6.5/10. You need to raise your standards.

[eidxiety]

To bother you specifically ^^

You just think a creature like that can't exist because you're scared of it, haha. I'm surprised you rated the movie so high considering how freaked out you were~.

[psychokinesia]

I was NOT freaked out, stop spreading baseless nonsense. It just surprised me the first time, I reacted like any reasonable person would!

[he screamed and may have impulsively grabbed Ain's arm...... but like in a straight guys being bros kind of way. obviously.]

[eidxiety]

You clung onto me like a damsel in distress. If you didn't like horror movies, you could have said you didn't want to watch one. I wouldn't have minded that.

Not that I mind you clinging either. ^^

[psychokinesia]

That didn't happen and you can't prove it!

I was surprised and partially blinded by that horrible spicy popcorn, so I may have mistakenly touched you once. And if you don't want an apology you're not going to fucking get one, so that's the end of that discussion. Moving on!

I don't like horror movies because the act of "getting scared on purpose" is idiotic, not because any of it actually scared me.

[eidxiety]

I didn't ask for an apology :O

That was jumpscare horror, haha. Maybe we should watch psychological horror instead since it won't make you scream? ^^ Midsummer was good but I've already spoiled one of the best plot points. There's another one I wanted to see called "Get Out" and it has no monsters because the monsters are the other people and society's choices.

[could not think of a funny alternate name for Get Out (2017) so it just exists now.]

[lupusxylem]

needs to raise his standards alright

also if youre so smart you should make your own rating post damn

[psychokinesia]

I just did, dumbass, what did you think you were replying to?

[lupusxylem]

pepperburn sounds fucking gross
i cant believe you gave that 10/10

[sesa]

I want to try the zönk popcorn now, to be honest with you. You’ve left me morbidly curious!

[lupusxylem]

you rated a single movie
ain rated every movie theater AND movie he saw
yours is kinda weak in comparison just sayin

[psychokinesia]

[Get Out (2055) brought to you by Aci-Clean Hand Soap, guaranteed to remove all biological matter it touches whether you like it or not! There's no clean better than Aci-Clean!!]

Ugh. If it's anything like whatever Midsummer was, I'm not interested. Gore and the human body is of no interest to me.

[................. he may have also had to look away at all the gory scenes in the movie. man has literally been on battlefields but still gets queasy looking at fake blood.]

I rather see something that goes into detail about this world's technology. That's the only part about any of this that interests me. [that would be called a fucking documentary]

[psychokinesia]

I rated what I watched, haven't you heard of quality over quantity? Where's your detailed movie review, since you're such a fucking expert?

[lupusxylem]

[Hm. Touche, asshole.]

ive been busy working
none of these sound that good anyway

[eidxiety]

I don't think it involves gore, but I think it involves something like being trapped in one's own body while someone else pilots it from the outside due to science. I think it involves a brain transplant? Spoilers I guess :O

I don't think that's something you'll find at any of the cinemas I've been to, but maybe at a video store? There's one called Bustblocker by the apartments, you can rent anything there.

[eidxiety]

It's really strong horseradish I think? I've never had horseradish until now but it was SPICY!

cw: saltburn? nsfw commentary??

[eidxiety]

It's one scene! The aristocrat jerks off in the bathtub and the student watches him secretly and then starts licking the drain. :/ It's pretty gross but the rest of the movie is good, I promise.

[there are multiple awful scenes in that movie actually but for legal reasons I'm not bringing those into this nice post]

It was soooo good it was super romantic. The obsession kept mounting and mounting, and the parents on the estate grounds didn't care about anything their children were doing because they were too involved in their own idea of utopia to focus on the real issues at hand. Some of them die but the parents can't be assed. This is one of those really sad "everyone dies" movies, including the love interest of the main character.

It's suuuuch a good film it's so beautifully shot too :O You should definitely see it

[eidxiety]

Nikolaus will you come see Get Out with me since Add won't? :O

[psychokinesia]

Working on what, exactly? It must be important if you don't even have time for your so-called boyfriend.

I, meanwhile, have already made numerous breakthroughs in both enhancing and controlling the police force here... but even someone as important as I can spare a few hours to entertain that idiot. I suppose your lack of attention must be why he keeps badgering me with such requests.

[psychokinesia]

I never said I wouldn't see it.

[eidxiety]

Okay ^^ Then come find me later. We'll go to the fancy theatre~.

[psychokinesia]

A brain transplant would be terribly inefficient. Transferring one mind into another would be easier to achieve with something like a Nasod implant. Download the mind from one body into a second host and then either eliminate the original or leave it as a back-up... I'm familiar with some of the theory behind it, so it might be interesting to see this world's take on the concept. [Overmind would've loved/hated Get Out.]

In the meantime, I suppose I'll take a look into this Bustblocker. It's always useful to have more datapoints to work with, anyway.