[netbook] ain's movie reviews // cws: horror themes, mentions of substance abuse in films

[eidxiety]

Hiii :O I've spent the last while going around to every theatre I could find in Neo Eden and watching a lot of movies ^^ I don't know if anyone else likes movies as much as I do but here are my honest reviews:

Theatres:
Swanlake Cinema (134 South Glitch Way):
- Did not have swans or lakes??
- Seats were sticky
- The nachos were okay but the popcorn tasted like air somehow
- 1/5 stars

Lumina Theatre (559 Pixel St):
- DO NOT order the popcorn with extra zönk you WILL regret it (popcorn is neon pink though which is pretty cool)
- Chocolate Fanta is the worst drink I've ever had in my life
- Sprite 3 is probably good idk Add wouldn't let me have any
- The screen was large and the movie selection is pretty good
- 3.5/5 stars

Utopia Drafthouse (3228 Byte Blvd):
- It's actually a restaurant-theatre combined so your food sort of spawns in on the little table in front of you after you write down your order (in the pitch dark might I add)
- The food was really good
- Asked for my ID to confirm I'm 21 (I'm 505??? can't they tell???)
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- I'm going to be honest I don't remember what films I watched but I know it was three of them, I just drank sangrias the entire time so I was too drunk to recall haha
- 10/5 stars I will be there tomorrow

Movies: (Contains spoilers do not look if you don't want spoilers ok thank you)
Skinwalker's Lair (horror):
- Really boring beginning
- I liked the part where the skinwalker is actually in the form of a deer that stalks the group the entire time, but gradually grows more decrepit as its illusion starts to break apart and it becomes fully monstrous before unhinging its jaw (its teeth go All the way down its throat by the way) and it consumes the flesh of an innocent teenager, then shapechanges into the person it ate
- Very cool I hope to never encounter one! haha!
- 8.5/10 for the slow opening and product placement issues

Pepperburn (romance? art movie? black comedy???):
- A very good story about a student who gets fixated on a popular aristocrat and falls in love with him, and deals with some issues like substance abuse and mental health :O Mr. Jellyfish would probably like this one
- For some reason the main character licks the bathtub drain after his love interest is done bathing??? I did not like this part
- The themes of excess and obsession are very good, please go watch it
- 10/10 I cried and the bathtub scene is ignorable

Midsummer (folk horror):
- I don't recommend watching this one if you don't like excessive gore/nudity/sexual themes :O
- I like the part where the main character's ex boyfriend is paralyzed and zipped up into a skinned bear suit and burned to death :) He sucked
- 9/10 too many naked women for my tastes but I liked the rest of it

Forty Shades of Green ("romance"???):
- The worst portrayals of BDSM I've ever seen
- Too pornographic and abusive
- 0/10 also way too straight, straight people are you okay? This is what you guys get? Seriously???


Tomorrow I'm going to go see a vampire movie called "Daylight" ^^ I'll let you guys know what I think, apparently the vampires are sparkly in that one haha.

Comments

[ezellotry]

.....

hey, Ain, before we watch a movie together, you'll have to let me check the reviews on it first, love.

[eidxiety]

But doesn't that spoil the experience :O It's more fun if you just trust me. ^^

[ezellotry]

I mean this with all the love in my heart, but I cannot take your judgement on something that you give a 10/10 with that kind of description. I feel like maybe we just like different kinds of movies, though…!

[eidxiety]

No no it's really good!! I already explained it to Nikolaus but go look and get back to me :O

There are a lot of movies I want to see while I'm here. Do you think Ms. Trader will let me buy some from her when we go back home? I haven't found a place to buy more movies and I haven't been able to take anything through the mirror :/

[ezellotry]

I could probably ask Ms. Ydalir for a box of miscellaneous movies from my home, no problem. There's a few movies I would like to show you, personally. How do you feel about crime or detective genres?

[psychokinesia]

What reviews? There aren't any real people here, just mindless machines. Are you going to ask the police for their input on Daylight?

[ezellotry]

We don’t have actors or scriptwriters either. Yet they exist. It’s a very strange place.

i'm sorry

[eidxiety]

The movies roll credits and there are actors listed though :O I've seen every Timothee Chalamet movie. I bet he's AI-generated or whatever the term is though so he's probably not real.

I love him <3

[ezellotry]

That's what I mean. It's weird that they exist but they don't. I'm glad you like the movies, though.

[psychokinesia]

That's



Wait, what the fuck? Who the hell are these actors then??

[psychokinesia]

Why are theatres scored out of 5 but the movies out of 10? Just pick one and stick to it, otherwise the entire post becomes needlessly confusing.

Also, the special effects in that so-called "horror" movie were awful. A creature with a mouth of that size and design wouldn't be able to hold up its own jaw, let alone eat a person. I wouldn't expect a tech-illiterate person like you to be able to tell the difference, but it was obvious to me that the creature was just a digital prop inserted into the recorded footage after the fact. Also, they completely forgot to bring up the plot point about Jexx's Oogle Glass and seemed to completely forget he had them at all by the second half of the movie, creating a MASSIVE plot hole leading up to his death. Why would they even mention something like that if it wasn't going to come up later? Poor writing, poor effects, and a pointless ending that doesn't give any kind of resolution so they can tease a "sequel"... honestly, I have to wonder how this even made it to theatres. I guess this doll house doesn't have any sort of quality control since there's no one here but us. It wasted too much time on the doomed romantic subplot, but I did like the night club scene and the part where they broke into the library restricted section. The security drone played a minor but in my opinion pivotal role.

Regardless, I couldn't imagine giving a disaster like that anything more than a 6.5/10. You need to raise your standards.

[eidxiety]

To bother you specifically ^^

You just think a creature like that can't exist because you're scared of it, haha. I'm surprised you rated the movie so high considering how freaked out you were~.

[psychokinesia]

I was NOT freaked out, stop spreading baseless nonsense. It just surprised me the first time, I reacted like any reasonable person would!

[he screamed and may have impulsively grabbed Ain's arm...... but like in a straight guys being bros kind of way. obviously.]

[eidxiety]

You clung onto me like a damsel in distress. If you didn't like horror movies, you could have said you didn't want to watch one. I wouldn't have minded that.

Not that I mind you clinging either. ^^

[lupusxylem]

needs to raise his standards alright

also if youre so smart you should make your own rating post damn

[psychokinesia]

I just did, dumbass, what did you think you were replying to?

[lupusxylem]

you rated a single movie
ain rated every movie theater AND movie he saw
yours is kinda weak in comparison just sayin

[lupusxylem]

pepperburn sounds fucking gross
i cant believe you gave that 10/10

cw: saltburn? nsfw commentary??

[eidxiety]

It's one scene! The aristocrat jerks off in the bathtub and the student watches him secretly and then starts licking the drain. :/ It's pretty gross but the rest of the movie is good, I promise.

[there are multiple awful scenes in that movie actually but for legal reasons I'm not bringing those into this nice post]

It was soooo good it was super romantic. The obsession kept mounting and mounting, and the parents on the estate grounds didn't care about anything their children were doing because they were too involved in their own idea of utopia to focus on the real issues at hand. Some of them die but the parents can't be assed. This is one of those really sad "everyone dies" movies, including the love interest of the main character.

It's suuuuch a good film it's so beautifully shot too :O You should definitely see it

[lupusxylem]

thats supposed to be ROMANTIC????
jesus h christ

[Ew he hates it he hates art people]

ain theres gotta be romance films way more worth your time than that cmon

[eidxiety]

It's a dark romance :/ they're different. It's meant to tell a story through symbolism too. You wouldn't get it I guess.

I was going to watch a cute one called Wish You that stars two super cute male leads who are musicians who fall in love.

[i'm not going to make up a funny heehee title for this one either please please go watch Wish You it's SO cute]

[sesa]

I want to try the zönk popcorn now, to be honest with you. You’ve left me morbidly curious!

[eidxiety]

It's really strong horseradish I think? I've never had horseradish until now but it was SPICY!

[sesa]

Horseradish? Is that all?

…but wait, wouldn’t a thick sauce like that melt the popcorn?

[eidxiety]

Yeah. Guess what happened to the popcorn. :/

And what do you mean "is that all"? Horseradish is really bad! Add and I were DYING