Who: Mizuki and You! What: Catch-all, psychology and philosophy things, etc. When: July (and maybe also August-) Where: Around !!! Warnings: Will be in the titles where applicable.
[ As always, Mizuki keeps a few mental health questionnaires posted just outside of his home - the therapy building. He does his best to keep them replenished, as well as putting a few in the lobby of the inn to be a little more accessible to people.
As for the people who have filled them out with enough concerning responses, then... congratulations! You're getting one entire sea jelly in your personal space! (Yay!) Mizuki doesn't have any qualms to drag you kicking and screaming if he feels you're avoiding help, but he doesn't immediately resort to this. Rather, he'll pull out his phone to ask: ] Are you free now? I'm absolutely free, if you feel like now's good to talk about some concerns I have from your questionnaire.
[ If you just so happen to be a returning client, he'll even forgo the asking, and just hold your hand to take you back to his office. Good luck!! ]
[He kind of doubts it, though. Once he's seated in the therapy building, since he's been dragged here, he'll wait for Mizuki to go grab his questionnaire.]
[ After they're inside and somewhere more private, Mizuki will retrieve Flamebringer's two forms. For now, the first is set aside to address the second, and he takes it over to Flamebringer to point at all the "Skip" answers he put down, as well as the relationships one. He uses his pendant to speak into Flamebringer's mind, so he doesn't have to keep using his phone and doesn't have to free his hands. ]
Okay, we can absolutely start there. You mention that you find Ezell's assumptions about you frustrating. I know you mentioned in the response why it frustrates you, but I'd like you to reiterate it.
Here, you can read it over if you need a reminder.
[ He will hand over Flamebringer's questionnaire and simply sit back to prepare himself for Flamebringer to speak. ]
I just don't like having words put in my mouth. I guess I feel like he's not listening to me when I tell him I'm trying to change, or that certain things are just part of my culture and beliefs. Guess I feel like he's, I dunno, trying to push his practical sensibilities onto mine.
...
Lots of shit is important to both of us. I don't think we should compromise on our beliefs, but I have a hard time accepting his when I feel like he doesn't accept mine. And yeah, we've talked about it. It sucks every time.
What signs would you say he's been giving you to lead you to believe that he isn't listening?
Unfortunately, relationships do often require compromises, especially if the things you hold onto conflict with one another. But if it gets to a certain point of conflicting, I don't know if therapy would be able to help…
[ AKA sometimes people just aren't meant to be together, but he's not going to say that. Just yet, anyway. He doesn't know what's going on, after all, and knowing Flamebringer, it's probably something like "he doesn't like that I'm an arsonist" which Mizuki thinks is a fair thing to dislike- ]
I don't know if he's not listening or if something else is going on. I can't tell. I've told him multiple times I'm not gonna go off and do reckless shit in battle anymore, but oftentimes he still seems convinced that I am. I'm trying to show him that I've changed. And then he gets, I don't know... weird about it when I try to explain that there's a culture surrounding that choice, too. That he can't knock the fight out of me because I was born with it, even if I've agreed to only battle when it's to protect us or out of defense or because Rhodes wants me to.
[He already only fought on his own terms, but he's tightened up on it since.]
He'll say shit like he's sorry for inconveniencing me, or that he's guilty because he's forcing me to do shit. If I didn't want to do shit, I simply wouldn't do it. And he goes on about how he feels worthless, and that's not something I think I can help. I've tried helping. But it's almost like he doesn't hear my pep-talks, even if they're probably shit.
[Flamebringer, who doesn't know what depression is: ?]
[ Mizuki is not going to interrupt Flamebringer at all, but instead just listen to him talk. It isn't hard, though, to pick up on what's "wrong" as Flamebringer continues talking. Mizuki just looks more startled than anything. What with the amount of people with ✨severe depression✨, both on Rhodes, and realistically here at the Grove, he's surprised Flamebringer seems to talk about it like an alien trying to explain how human mental health works.
I don't... necessarily think that he isn't "listening". From what you're telling me, it sounds as though Mister Enforcer might just have... some self-esteem issues, on top of depression? That's not something that'll be fixed with one conversation. There's a lot of things that have to be at play. It's a chemical imbalance in your brain, after all, so... it takes a lot of time to regulate yourself. Especially for people who are adjusting to other things. Before Rhodes, he hadn't ever left Laterano, right? Plus there's being at the Grove now...
That is to say, you can help, but no one thing you say or even one conversation will help immediately. It... does have to be over time, and Mister Enforcer has to work to bettering himself, too. But so long as you can let him know you're there to support him, even if you cannot help immediately, that will go a long way.
Yeah, I know he has self-esteem issues. I'm trying to boost him up. I think he's perfect, and I tell him that every time I can, but I dunno... I wonder if I'm not doing it right.
[Mizuki is explaining depression to him and Flamebringer has his brow scrunched like he's extremely confused by this. Like... what...]
I know he's depressed, but everyone gets depressed, right? [...honey] I'm not giving up on him, I want to make him happy, but I guess I'm running out of ideas as to how I can do that. I know that I'm historically a piece of shit, but I'm trying for him, I swear.
[He's just! also frustrated! He doesn't understand what depression is like yeah everyone gets depressed when bad things happen? Just go do something fun about it???]
Great! We can talk in the office - it's a bit more private in there. Before we head there, though, do you remember the sorts of answers you put on the questionnaire I had out?
[ His office isn't far, at least. Mizuki will more than happily let Aira take a seat and get comfortable before he goes bombarding him with questions. ]
We could go down the line, then. That seems the easiest. Unless you have anything particular you're itching to talk about?
[Stan's original questionnaire had concerning things in it, but he's recently submitted a new form because his family has insisted that he needs some kind of mental health help or some nonsense. So he filled it out (with them supervising so he actually did it) and sent it in, and the tone is definitely a little more concerning than it was before! Some parts are still flippant of course, but a surprising amount of questions are answered seriously.
Which means Stan probably should have seen this ambush coming.
He's still not looking so great after coming back from being a raging Beast in May, so all six of his eyes go wide and dart from Mizuki to the screen and back again.]
Uh. Concerns...? What, did I flunk it or something?
[He tries to laugh like he's joking, but he's actually very much not joking. Maybe he DID flunk the questionnaire and Mizuki's here to stamp him as totally uncurable!]
I would not say there’s a way to “flunk” a questionnaire. It’s something you fill out at your comfort, not a quiz. I just noticed you put “maybe” on coming to see me, so I figure we’d go over the things you believe we should talk about? How does that sound?
[ Regardless of his answer, Stan is getting his hand held so he can politely start to guide him toward the therapy building’s office. ]
You know, you also have to be interested. It defeats the purpose if you just go doing this because someone else wants you to. But if you're just looking to "get them off your back", I'm more than happy to just talk about things you want to talk about, and you can say we had our session?
[ And, like, if that in itself ends up sliding down the therapy path, then ooooh nooooo (hehe) ]
[His impression had been that it was more like he'd lay back on a couch and Mizuki would ask him to tell him about his father and he'd go on and on while Mizuki took notes and eventually declared him clinically insane. He looks...suspicious, but cautiously optimistic. Mizuki would lie for him?]
Well. I guess that'd work. And then if they ask about it I can say I did it and when they don't believe me you'll be able to tell them I did!
It's not right to try and force someone to doing something they're not ready to do, or don't think they need. That just makes them resent that thing and those people, and I'd really rather prevent all of that. Besides, talk therapy isn't for everyone. You might find something that works better for you. For example, I've had quite a few people use the rage room.
Anyway, Dipper's one of my very good friends, so it's only right if I learn about your interests and such.
That's psychotherapy. Or, perhaps more accurately, talk therapy. Straight jackets aren't usually involved? At least never the kind I received, haha! But there's also animal assisted therapy, exposure therapy, creative arts therapy, play therapy, physical therapy… etc. etc. The list is very long, and it's very expansive to help with people with different problems.
A rage room is a room generally filled with standard household objects — furniture, vases, plates, picture frames, appliances, etc — which the person using may break anything inside. It's meant to be broken. Generally, it's a way for people with pent up emotions to release that frustration in a safe manner.
[ Whoo, that's a lot of typing. Finger cramps Mizuki gives Stan a moment to process all this before he continues. ]
He has. I would like you to tell me about them, though. It's different hearing it from the person who really enjoys what they're doing, right?
Oh. So....breaking stuff on purpose that you don't have to replace afterwards? Or pay for?
[That sounds fun as hell, actually. And it doesn't even really sound like therapy? It sounds like just getting to hit stuff on purpose, and he LOVES hitting stuff on purpose! He can't hide the excitement in the question.]
Yeah, I guess that's true...and, uh. You can do the telepathy thing, right? Ford's the one who gets weird about that, not me, so you don't have to type out a whole novel there if you don't feel like it.
[It's easy for him to say, since he knows a lot more than the average person about what's going on in his head and how to hide things from anyone poking around in there.]
[ Mizuki does start typing again, at first, but he'll look up from his phone when Stan says he doesn't have to. He just worries, since so many people freak out about it. That, aaaand it's also not the most reliable form of communication. The pendant that he uses for it will sometimes filter words out or give thoughts that he didn't mean to be heard, but that's probably fine. Beats having to continue typing. ]
If you're certain! I just didn't want to make it uncomfortable.
Anyway, yes, like breaking stuff on purpose without having to replace it. It's magic, so once you leave the room, it "resets". There's even a sledgehammer in there, too~!
Eh, it wouldn't be the first time I looked like I was talking to myself. But that does sound kind fun! There's nothing like smashing something to pieces when you feel like crud.
[Which, coincidentally, wouldn't be the first time he's done that either - but this time it would be something that's supposed to be broken. After blurting that out though, a different thought hits him and he clarifies with a cough.]
[Lily had. Suggested he do the questionnaire, and while he had encouraged Pavlova to maybe seek him out, he had no intention of really doing so himself. He checks MAYBE on the paper and promptly goes about his business not expecting anything.]
[So when he is in the garden pruning Blueberry Beholders vining up the sides of the greenhouse he pauses. All the eyes on the vine as well as the eye on his staff swivel to look at him.]
[What is he handing him... The eye on the staff squints.]
I thought I answered everything pretty normally! I'm not so sure what you think we should talk about.
[If it wasn't already obvious with his everything, Shadow Milk likes to just fucking lie about everything. What a surprise.]
walks in a week late with starbucks (sry my body has been killing me)
I wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable or anything like that. If you don't believe you need someone to talk to, I'm the last person who would force you to doing anything.
I would like to talk if you're indifferent either way, however.
[Him? Uncomfortable? He is the one who makes people uncomfortable for kicks. He is the Beast of Deceit, the deranged, the insane, cracked and corrupted-]
Hm.
[He could simply disappear through a portal if he dislikes this, he tells himself, before he sighs and puts upon this look of being inconvenienced.]
Well, I suppose there's nothing wrong with speaking to a captive audience! Just don't be disappointed if you don't like the sort of things I have to say! After all, most people find me preeeeetty unnerving!
[ Mizuki's shoulders shake a bit in a silent laugh — amusement before he settles to type on his phone again. ]
We would have that in common then, Mister Shadow Milk Cookie.
[ Blue yanderes gotta stick together, or something. Mizuki will coax him to follow to the office of the therapy building before he makes him talk, though. Privacy is important when it comes to this stuff, after all. There might not be cops here, but he still thinks patient-therapist confidentiality is important. ]
Now, do you have a topic in mind you want to talk about immediately? Anything you're looking to get out of the session here today? I can ask you questions or get you to elaborate on things from your form if nothing particular comes to mind.
[That is true, he does remember their little exchange before on the netbook. He files that away.]
[But sure, he will come to the office. He will float along after him, sitting on his staff like it's a witches broom.]
Oh, I don't know. It's not as though your kind of services were available to me in the past! [Where could he even begin to start? Frankly.] How about you tell me what you thought was most interesting about my answers and we go from there, hm?
[ That amount of people who don't have therapy in their worlds is increasingly concerning. Like, Mizuki isn't going to pretend the Terrans here are doing better because they do have therapists, but also, like, at least they've had outlets??? ]
I'm not really good at making decisions like that. "Interesting" is… you, how you think, how everyone thinks. But I suppose that starting with the things easiest for me to analyze might be best?
[In all fairness he is old enough to be considered Primordial, so he simply predates the existence of the job. If the Beasts had had access to therapy they probably would not have become Beasts.]
More of a follower than a leader, are we? [That surprises him a little.] Hn.
[Right, he'd actually written something down there that was kind of factual. Does he actually want to talk about that? Well, it's not like it's a secret- Shadow Milk seems weirdly uncomfortable for a minute, debating if he should ollie the fuck out now or- Ugh. Lily would be kind of disappointed in him if he didn't give it a shot, right? UGH, he can't believe he cares about that.]
I was locked in a dark void of a prison for thousands of years. It was dreadfully boring in there. I hate the idea of going back to it, so of course my burdensome subconscious likes reminding me of this! It's really annoying now that I don't have the omniscient feeling of having All Knowledge running in my head, my mind seems to think filling it with these nightmares is a good substitute!
I just find it easier if I'm being told what to do. For all parties involved.
[ Come now, Shadow Milk, surely you didn't think Mizuki would start with the things that're fun to talk about! That's not why he's here, after all. He does pick up on his discomfort, at least. It doesn't make Mizuki willing to change the topic or anything, but it does make him put his phone down briefly and look at Shadow Milk with undivided attention.
Once he finishes, though, he will pick it back up and type with a mildly unreadable expression. Less because he's not feeling things, and more just because he's letting it process. It's not as though his books would go into depth about such unique situations like this. But the good thing about being in a hivemind with eldritch gods means it's particularly easy to draw off their experiences and attempt to make something coherent. ]
"Locked"? How did you get there to begin with? Do you always have this nightmare? If only "sometimes", have there been patterns you've noticed that seem to trigger or quell it?
Oh sure, it's all nice and easy at first when you just follow blindly, trusting your orders, until one day your omnipotent source of direction suddenly disappears, leaving you abandoned and without answers! Nothing quite gives you dread like the pleas to your creator falling on deaf ears! Then what will you do?
[Hm, what a tangent to go on for a silly response to Mizuki's explanation. Couldn't mean anything. He carries forward. While his eyes seem foggy and unfocused, the eye on his staff is sharp, and he is watching Mizuki just as closely.]
I was locked up by the very same creator I begged for answers from. How cruel of her to ignore me so utterly in my time of need, but when I decide to take matters into my own hands and sow destruction and chaos upon her happy little terrarium, I'm the Beast!
[he scoffs.]
I have this nightmare often enough. I usually don't if I sleep w- [And oh, look at that, he is just going to start coughing violently.]
[ Couldn't mean anything! Not a thing!!! Mizuki just smiles sympathetically, not about to go telling Shadow Milk more of himself. Mostly because "oh, I'd be dead if the gods in my head vanished" is such a downer. He does make mental note of that, though. Maybe he and Shadow Milk are, like, way similar? If that's the case, he thinks maybe this won't be that bad.
Well, except for the part where he doesn't want to talk about things. It's fine, though. He gets it. Opening up is hard. ]
It's not uncommon to want to find ways to hurt those who hurt you. My mentor once said that the harm people do unto you drowns your forgiveness. It falls deeper underwater based on the severity of the harm, and your willingness to find that forgiveness is akin to how long you can hold your breath to go and get it. And sometimes, some may find it's not worth it to risk drowning.
…Metaphorically. My mentor talked in riddles a lot, haha.
May I ask what "take matters in your own hands" means to you? What goals did you have? Do you still resent your creator?
[If you can make it somehow his idea he may yap your head off! Or he might just lie about things! Who knows with him! He probably wants you to think he is some irredeemable monster because that's an easy mask to fall back on.]
[Old habits are hard to break, even when he's trying his best to stop being awful.]
That's quite a metaphor. Poetic, even. Unfortunately my willingness to dive is far less than most, I'll wager. Oh, but the harm done sank quite deep in the sea, I think.
[It's okay, metaphors are great, because you can twist and hide things in them without being outright truthful. They're fun. They frustrate people. They're half-truths and half-lies, obscuring what could be in front of you while keeping it as plain as the nose on your face.]
I was a scion of Knowledge, I was held in a tower while those of cookiekind flocked to me, hands outstretched. "Oh, Fount of Knowledge, please tell us the Truth of all things!" but when I gave them what they asked, it was too harsh and bitter for them to understand. Poor little me despaired over this, and when I was left ignored by the Witch who made me, I decided I would spin them sweet lies instead. It made them happy! And they didn't doubt me for a moment, because of who I was.
That was when I realized just how much the world was in the palm of my hand. Oh, the havoc I wrought, masquerading as a Virtue, toppling civilizations and orchestrating wars for my own amusement, all because they believed every word I said.
[He's leaving out quite a lot, Mizuki might pick up on this, or maybe you're willing to believe a man who calls himself the Beast of Deceit.]
Of course I resent her, still. What misguided cretin gives life to something like me, places godhood on it's shoulders, and then punishes it for what it wreaks?
[ The mind is a fascinating thing. Even within cookies, it seems. Each mind so vastly varied, and yet so very much the same. There's a foreign feeling in familiar situations. There's a familiar sensation in foreign emotions. Mizuki should not be using these vulnerable moments in others to help himself understand the individual thinkers as a whole, but he cannot help himself. It's exciting, isn't it? It's also tragic, of course, but who says those things can't exist congruently? Especially as he can truly analyze someone's descent like this. He so badly wants to know how people like you tick, Shadow Milk. He wants you under a microscope and pick all the little parts of your brain.
He won't, of course, but he looks way too enthused to be talking about these traumas.
He understands that this is not everything to his story, but it isn't as though Mizuki is going to pry more out of him. If this is as much as Shadow Milk is willing to give, then it's more than enough. ]
I do not know, but I imagine you probably have theories, right? [ He will absolutely let Shadow Milk babble. It's kind of his goal, really. Hence why his questions are getting a little more concise. ]
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Jellynapping (Open!)
As for the people who have filled them out with enough concerning responses, then... congratulations! You're getting one entire sea jelly in your personal space! (Yay!) Mizuki doesn't have any qualms to drag you kicking and screaming if he feels you're avoiding help, but he doesn't immediately resort to this. Rather, he'll pull out his phone to ask: ] Are you free now? I'm absolutely free, if you feel like now's good to talk about some concerns I have from your questionnaire.
[ If you just so happen to be a returning client, he'll even forgo the asking, and just hold your hand to take you back to his office. Good luck!! ]
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I take it you have something you want to ask about that isn't related to gardening or murder?
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Do you remember the sorts of things you put on the questionnaire I put out?
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[You were coming off your argument with Ezell probably, so yeah.]
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[He kind of doubts it, though. Once he's seated in the therapy building, since he's been dragged here, he'll wait for Mizuki to go grab his questionnaire.]
What, uh... what was giving you red flags?
[Flamebringer. Everything???]
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Can we start here?
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...if you want. [This is not an answer.] I guess.
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[ He's doing his best, Flamebringer. He is just small! ]
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Let's go with the one I actually answered. The skips were skips for a reason.
[Buddy.]
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Here, you can read it over if you need a reminder.
[ He will hand over Flamebringer's questionnaire and simply sit back to prepare himself for Flamebringer to speak. ]
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...
Lots of shit is important to both of us. I don't think we should compromise on our beliefs, but I have a hard time accepting his when I feel like he doesn't accept mine. And yeah, we've talked about it. It sucks every time.
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Unfortunately, relationships do often require compromises, especially if the things you hold onto conflict with one another. But if it gets to a certain point of conflicting, I don't know if therapy would be able to help…
[ AKA sometimes people just aren't meant to be together, but he's not going to say that. Just yet, anyway. He doesn't know what's going on, after all, and knowing Flamebringer, it's probably something like "he doesn't like that I'm an arsonist" which Mizuki thinks is a fair thing to dislike- ]
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[He already only fought on his own terms, but he's tightened up on it since.]
He'll say shit like he's sorry for inconveniencing me, or that he's guilty because he's forcing me to do shit. If I didn't want to do shit, I simply wouldn't do it. And he goes on about how he feels worthless, and that's not something I think I can help. I've tried helping. But it's almost like he doesn't hear my pep-talks, even if they're probably shit.
[Flamebringer, who doesn't know what depression is: ?]
1/2
Uh- ]
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That is to say, you can help, but no one thing you say or even one conversation will help immediately. It... does have to be over time, and Mister Enforcer has to work to bettering himself, too. But so long as you can let him know you're there to support him, even if you cannot help immediately, that will go a long way.
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[Mizuki is explaining depression to him and Flamebringer has his brow scrunched like he's extremely confused by this. Like... what...]
I know he's depressed, but everyone gets depressed, right? [...honey] I'm not giving up on him, I want to make him happy, but I guess I'm running out of ideas as to how I can do that. I know that I'm historically a piece of shit, but I'm trying for him, I swear.
[He's just! also frustrated! He doesn't understand what depression is like yeah everyone gets depressed when bad things happen? Just go do something fun about it???]
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I-- um. Sure I have time...
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[ He's a little nervous but he'll follow along wherever Mizuki takes him! ]
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We could go down the line, then. That seems the easiest. Unless you have anything particular you're itching to talk about?
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[ Mostly because he is incredibly prone to thinking himself into a tizzy. Mizuki will unfortunately come to realize this in time. ]
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Which means Stan probably should have seen this ambush coming.
He's still not looking so great after coming back from being a raging Beast in May, so all six of his eyes go wide and dart from Mizuki to the screen and back again.]
Uh. Concerns...? What, did I flunk it or something?
[He tries to laugh like he's joking, but he's actually very much not joking. Maybe he DID flunk the questionnaire and Mizuki's here to stamp him as totally uncurable!]
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[ Regardless of his answer, Stan is getting his hand held so he can politely start to guide him toward the therapy building’s office. ]
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Whatever. Might as well get this over with. Then maybe my family'll get off my case about it...
[Then at least he can tell them he went once, and maybe that'll be enough.]
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[ And, like, if that in itself ends up sliding down the therapy path, then ooooh nooooo (hehe) ]
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[His impression had been that it was more like he'd lay back on a couch and Mizuki would ask him to tell him about his father and he'd go on and on while Mizuki took notes and eventually declared him clinically insane. He looks...suspicious, but cautiously optimistic. Mizuki would lie for him?]
Well. I guess that'd work. And then if they ask about it I can say I did it and when they don't believe me you'll be able to tell them I did!
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Anyway, Dipper's one of my very good friends, so it's only right if I learn about your interests and such.
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[He raises an eyebrow at the rest of his justification though.]
If that's all you want, Dipper's probably already told you a lot of it.
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A rage room is a room generally filled with standard household objects — furniture, vases, plates, picture frames, appliances, etc — which the person using may break anything inside. It's meant to be broken. Generally, it's a way for people with pent up emotions to release that frustration in a safe manner.
[ Whoo, that's a lot of typing. Finger cramps Mizuki gives Stan a moment to process all this before he continues. ]
He has. I would like you to tell me about them, though. It's different hearing it from the person who really enjoys what they're doing, right?
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[That sounds fun as hell, actually. And it doesn't even really sound like therapy? It sounds like just getting to hit stuff on purpose, and he LOVES hitting stuff on purpose! He can't hide the excitement in the question.]
Yeah, I guess that's true...and, uh. You can do the telepathy thing, right? Ford's the one who gets weird about that, not me, so you don't have to type out a whole novel there if you don't feel like it.
[It's easy for him to say, since he knows a lot more than the average person about what's going on in his head and how to hide things from anyone poking around in there.]
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If you're certain! I just didn't want to make it uncomfortable.
Anyway, yes, like breaking stuff on purpose without having to replace it. It's magic, so once you leave the room, it "resets". There's even a sledgehammer in there, too~!
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Eh, it wouldn't be the first time I looked like I was talking to myself. But that does sound kind fun! There's nothing like smashing something to pieces when you feel like crud.
[Which, coincidentally, wouldn't be the first time he's done that either - but this time it would be something that's supposed to be broken. After blurting that out though, a different thought hits him and he clarifies with a cough.]
--well. Y'know. Within reason.
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[So when he is in the garden pruning Blueberry Beholders vining up the sides of the greenhouse he pauses. All the eyes on the vine as well as the eye on his staff swivel to look at him.]
[What is he handing him... The eye on the staff squints.]
I thought I answered everything pretty normally! I'm not so sure what you think we should talk about.
[If it wasn't already obvious with his everything, Shadow Milk likes to just fucking lie about everything. What a surprise.]
walks in a week late with starbucks (sry my body has been killing me)
I would like to talk if you're indifferent either way, however.
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Hm.
[He could simply disappear through a portal if he dislikes this, he tells himself, before he sighs and puts upon this look of being inconvenienced.]
Well, I suppose there's nothing wrong with speaking to a captive audience! Just don't be disappointed if you don't like the sort of things I have to say! After all, most people find me preeeeetty unnerving!
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We would have that in common then, Mister Shadow Milk Cookie.
[ Blue yanderes gotta stick together, or something. Mizuki will coax him to follow to the office of the therapy building before he makes him talk, though. Privacy is important when it comes to this stuff, after all. There might not be cops here, but he still thinks patient-therapist confidentiality is important. ]
Now, do you have a topic in mind you want to talk about immediately? Anything you're looking to get out of the session here today? I can ask you questions or get you to elaborate on things from your form if nothing particular comes to mind.
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[But sure, he will come to the office. He will float along after him, sitting on his staff like it's a witches broom.]
Oh, I don't know. It's not as though your kind of services were available to me in the past! [Where could he even begin to start? Frankly.] How about you tell me what you thought was most interesting about my answers and we go from there, hm?
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I'm not really good at making decisions like that. "Interesting" is… you, how you think, how everyone thinks. But I suppose that starting with the things easiest for me to analyze might be best?
Can we talk about your nightmares?
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More of a follower than a leader, are we? [That surprises him a little.] Hn.
[Right, he'd actually written something down there that was kind of factual. Does he actually want to talk about that? Well, it's not like it's a secret- Shadow Milk seems weirdly uncomfortable for a minute, debating if he should ollie the fuck out now or- Ugh. Lily would be kind of disappointed in him if he didn't give it a shot, right? UGH, he can't believe he cares about that.]
I was locked in a dark void of a prison for thousands of years. It was dreadfully boring in there. I hate the idea of going back to it, so of course my burdensome subconscious likes reminding me of this! It's really annoying now that I don't have the omniscient feeling of having All Knowledge running in my head, my mind seems to think filling it with these nightmares is a good substitute!
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[ Come now, Shadow Milk, surely you didn't think Mizuki would start with the things that're fun to talk about! That's not why he's here, after all. He does pick up on his discomfort, at least. It doesn't make Mizuki willing to change the topic or anything, but it does make him put his phone down briefly and look at Shadow Milk with undivided attention.
Once he finishes, though, he will pick it back up and type with a mildly unreadable expression. Less because he's not feeling things, and more just because he's letting it process. It's not as though his books would go into depth about such unique situations like this. But the good thing about being in a hivemind with eldritch gods means it's particularly easy to draw off their experiences and attempt to make something coherent. ]
"Locked"? How did you get there to begin with? Do you always have this nightmare? If only "sometimes", have there been patterns you've noticed that seem to trigger or quell it?
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[Hm, what a tangent to go on for a silly response to Mizuki's explanation. Couldn't mean anything. He carries forward. While his eyes seem foggy and unfocused, the eye on his staff is sharp, and he is watching Mizuki just as closely.]
I was locked up by the very same creator I begged for answers from. How cruel of her to ignore me so utterly in my time of need, but when I decide to take matters into my own hands and sow destruction and chaos upon her happy little terrarium, I'm the Beast!
[he scoffs.]
I have this nightmare often enough. I usually don't if I sleep w- [And oh, look at that, he is just going to start coughing violently.]
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Well, except for the part where he doesn't want to talk about things. It's fine, though. He gets it. Opening up is hard. ]
It's not uncommon to want to find ways to hurt those who hurt you. My mentor once said that the harm people do unto you drowns your forgiveness. It falls deeper underwater based on the severity of the harm, and your willingness to find that forgiveness is akin to how long you can hold your breath to go and get it. And sometimes, some may find it's not worth it to risk drowning.
…Metaphorically. My mentor talked in riddles a lot, haha.
May I ask what "take matters in your own hands" means to you? What goals did you have? Do you still resent your creator?
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[Old habits are hard to break, even when he's trying his best to stop being awful.]
That's quite a metaphor. Poetic, even. Unfortunately my willingness to dive is far less than most, I'll wager. Oh, but the harm done sank quite deep in the sea, I think.
[It's okay, metaphors are great, because you can twist and hide things in them without being outright truthful. They're fun. They frustrate people. They're half-truths and half-lies, obscuring what could be in front of you while keeping it as plain as the nose on your face.]
I was a scion of Knowledge, I was held in a tower while those of cookiekind flocked to me, hands outstretched. "Oh, Fount of Knowledge, please tell us the Truth of all things!" but when I gave them what they asked, it was too harsh and bitter for them to understand. Poor little me despaired over this, and when I was left ignored by the Witch who made me, I decided I would spin them sweet lies instead. It made them happy! And they didn't doubt me for a moment, because of who I was.
That was when I realized just how much the world was in the palm of my hand. Oh, the havoc I wrought, masquerading as a Virtue, toppling civilizations and orchestrating wars for my own amusement, all because they believed every word I said.
[He's leaving out quite a lot, Mizuki might pick up on this, or maybe you're willing to believe a man who calls himself the Beast of Deceit.]
Of course I resent her, still. What misguided cretin gives life to something like me, places godhood on it's shoulders, and then punishes it for what it wreaks?
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He won't, of course, but he looks way too enthused to be talking about these traumas.
He understands that this is not everything to his story, but it isn't as though Mizuki is going to pry more out of him. If this is as much as Shadow Milk is willing to give, then it's more than enough. ]
I do not know, but I imagine you probably have theories, right? [ He will absolutely let Shadow Milk babble. It's kind of his goal, really. Hence why his questions are getting a little more concise. ]