sticksandbones | [NETBOOK]

[Indeed, Luca does crack a grin at that. Ryan isn't exactly subtle. At the same time, though, he knows that his own eye is well-trained to that sort of thing. He also can't imagine coming from a world where that isn't relatively normal, either. He doubted anyone batted an eye when Aquila married her wife, despite being the highest ranking person in the country. Augustus had bristled at the concept when he was still living, but that was solely for a need to continue on his family line. And if nothing else, he'd backed down easily enough thanks to Cyrus's own pressuring.

Trying to place himself in Min-Gi's shoes, however...]

So, let us consider a different perspective. Someone who is not as honest with himself. Who has experienced a world that invokes real fear for being who they are. And, let's be honest, someone a little thick when it comes to those matters.

[He leans back, drumming his fingers on the counter.]

But that then begs the question: if you've known each other for so long, then Min-Gi should have seen that, right? And looking at the two of you, the only person he knows better than himself is you. So, if he could not recognize that in you, is there a chance he cannot see it in himself yet?

[Still, Luca can understand the sentiment in Ryan's words. He doesn't hesitate to in backing down.]

If having him around means that much to you, and if you truly think the outcome will be so bleak, then I will not pressure you. I... think I can understand, better than most, how hard it is to lose something so important.

[It isn't always easy to put himself in Min-Gi's shoes, despite how long they've known each other. Their upbringings were really different, and Ryan's brain rushes so much that it makes it hard to remember not everyone thinks the way he does. In the last year though, he's gotten better at it. They both have, through hard work and trying.

So he tries hard now, letting Luca guide him.]

Wait, so...you think he's in the closet?

[He sounds unsure, but not totally dismissive. It's not something he ever considered, since his own closet was made of glass.]

I guess it's not impossible? But even if that's true - and that's a HUUUGE "if" because I'm still pretty sure he's straight - he's, um. He's a really nervous person? I used to be a lot worse about pushing him before he's ready for something. I can't do that to him. And...I seriously don't know what I'd do if I wound up having to be by myself again. I don't know what I will do once he marries a girl for his parents someday!

[He drains a little more of his glass with that, but this time he looks to Luca. He feels so weird going on about his own problems as if they're actually real valid problems without letting Luca talk about himself too, and it seems like as good an opening as any.]

You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but...you lost something?

It's possible. To be honest, Ryan, you know him better than I ever could.

[Which, Ryan at least appears to have some semblance of an answer to that. Luca doesn't entirely agree that it's a huge if, but there's still a lot he doesn't know about either of the men.]

There are steps between demanding he confess his feelings or interests, and saying nothing. Perhaps you could broach the subject delicately. You both have a rather minimal knowledge of the things you saw in Night Vale, yes? Perhaps you might approach it as exchanging knowledge. In doing so, maybe he might reveal something about himself. Or learn it.

[A half-grin works its way over his lips.]

Consider the alternative. What would he do if he was closeted, and you let him marry for obligation, rather than love.

[Of course, that smile swiftly fades. He glances away from Ryan, studying the shelves of the bar.]

I suppose it isn't fair to press you into confessing all of your deepest secrets to me and not share a few of my own. Still, I would rather focus on you right now, if that is alright?

[He wasn't expecting that exactly, but after an awkward beat he nods, and offers him a little grin.]

Yeah. Totally. I mean, that would be terrible if I was like "oh you don't have to talk about it" and then turned around and went "No actually that's not alright, tell me EVERYTHING," right? It's fine, man.

[Focusing only on him is a little more uncomfortable but he'll live somehow.]

I've definitely taken some baby steps with that, but he never seems like he wants to talk about it. Night Vale was...like, it's not like I'm totally inexperienced with the scene? I've gotten into so many clubs! [WINK.] But where I'm from the big pride marches are more, I dunno. Political? It's a protest!

[How's that for exchanging knowledge? He finally meanders to the real question at the heart of it all, and thinking about it weighs on him. Before he answers he finishes his drink, stars and all.]

He'd...probably be kind of miserable, huh. Like he always is when he does something he doesn't want to just because he thinks he has to do it for his parents. He'd make himself settle down, get a quote-unquote "real" job that drains his soul away...his wife would probably be nice though. He'd feel like absolute dogshit for not being madly in love with her, but at least she gets along with his mom. And he'd totally agonize over turning into his parents, but he'd still go through all of it because he'd do anything for them.

[And Ryan isn't in the picture, period.]

[Luca gets the faintest feeling it isn't entirely "alright," but he isn't going to press the matter. Not when he isn't all that eager to talk about it. He merely shrugs wordlessly, content to let the subject drop without any urging one way or another.]

It is strange to think of worlds that could be so opposed to something so normal. [But even as he wsays that, he knows much of what he considers normal would be completely foreign to the citizens of the Grove.] That said, I can see why he would be so resistant about it.

No one should have to live in fear of who they are. I cannot imagine it makes it easy on him. Or you, for that matter.

[Luca only gives Ryan a sad smile as he weaves through his tale.]

You have thought about this a lot. And for i long time, it sounds like. I... do not envy your position.

[Ryan shrugs too. He has thought about it a lot, but it's hard to picture a life where he didn't have to think about it so much.]

Things weren't exactly great before, but they definitely used to be better than they are now. [He sighs.] Without getting too deep into it, a lot of gay guys are getting sick and dying, and a lot of straight people are scared they're going to catch it. There's no cure and people only kind of know how it spreads, so...y'know. I'm just glad he doesn't buy into any of that and isn't afraid to touch me at all.

[Luca's probably seen it - the two of them touch each other a lot more than heterosexual platonic friends would.]

It's rough, but honestly? It kind of makes this place really cool. The whole time we've been here, I've never had to deal with any of the stuff I had to back home. It's so nice.

[Despite everything with Min-Gi, Ryan feels like he can really breathe here. He can breathe and he didn't even fully understand how much he was suffocating before now.]

[The very thought makes his heart ache. There is much he could complain about in his world, but at least the people he had met didn't condemn his choices. Even the Phoenix's judgement was reserved for preserving its own line, rather than passing judgement on Luca himself.]

You ought to visit Renova at some point, then. Provided we are able to comfortably move around, when all is said and done. [He shifts just enough to nudge Ryan's shoulder, hoping that the gesture might draw him from some of his troubled thoughts.]

It has its troubles, certainly, but no one particularly cares about that. And any illness that does go around is easily cared for by our healers. They have to be adept in that, seeing as how much my sibling whores around.

[Still, Ryan is right. There is a malevolent energy to their life here, but during moments like these... it's nice. There is no pressure to be anything like they were "supposed" to be in their separate lives.]

If nothing else, you have my word that I will continue to keep it that way. As best as I can, at least.

[It's exactly the kind of comfort he needs. Invitations, nudges, little jokes here and there. He wasn't expecting the sibling whoring line and snorts out a laugh, despite himself - but he gets it, he has siblings somewhere. He nudges Luca back, and even grins.]

Renova, huh? I'd totally visit if we can. Like, I don't know if it'll actually work like that, but if it does that'd be so cool!

[Granted, Min-Gi might not be on board with jumping into more wormholes, but if they're able to travel freely there's probably no harm in it, right? Sticking around a place too long can get boring anyway. And in the meantime, the Grove hasn't been so bad, so far. Dangerous, sure, but good company helps a lot.]

Thanks, man. It totally shows. [He waves a hand in a playfully grand gesture.] The Grove gayborhood just wouldn't be the same without its local bartender!

[Luca's just happy Ryan laughed. For everything that's happened, it's good to know that he still can find a bit of humor somewhere.]

I can only hope that it does. I've come to care about a fair few people here. If I did not have duties to tend to back home, I'd even consider staying.

[That, and he still can't keep his mind from drifting to River, wondering how he'd been since departing the city.

In any case, it's Ryan's turn to make Luca laugh. He catches himself snorting, before giving a bow.]

I'm happy to help cultivate our little gayborhood. And to keep it well-watered. [He winks, before the mirthful expression fades in the slightest.] Everyone deserves somewhere to be. To have a home and belong. If I can offer that in the slightest, then I am glad to.

Yeah, totally. [Something hits him as he says this though, and he gets a more thoughtful look.] I like it here, but I've never really thought about staying on purpose like that. It's complicated but...we kiiiinda already made his family super worried about him disappearing once before? [A shrug, like it's normal:] This isn't exactly our first wormhole to another dimension's rodeo.

[The train is a whole different conversation though, so he tucks that thought away.]

You definitely do, man. Everyone who comes in here always looks like they feel super welcome. [He grins, and does a little finger-gun gesture.] I'm not a bartender or anything but if you ever need someone to fix you a drink for a chance, hit me up!

[The look Luca gives him is both skeptical and amused. He takes a moment to shake his head before continuing.]

I can only imagine what you two have gotten up to. [He drums his fingers against the bar.] But I agree, in a way. I spent far too long worrying my loved ones. Kiera may be here with me, but she is not the only one that I owe a return to.

[His expression falters, looking the slightest bit troubled once again. At least Ryan's assurance takes the edge off.]

I am glad to hear that. [He forces a smile.] And I will be sure to take you up on that when I need it.

I'll have to tell you about it some time - if I did it now, you'd probably have to cut me off.

[He says this with a laugh and a smile. The story is so outrageous that it could absolutely be mistaken for drunken rambling, even after just one drink. Besides, it seems like neither of them are fully up to talking about their adventures back home - he catches that look, and chooses to let it go.]

Good! It's the least I can do after whining about my love life for this long.

[And really, it's nice to be able to say so openly, even if it's just to one person in private. There's a lot he's been holding back and it's a weight off of his shoulders to let someone else know about it.]

[NETBOOK]

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cw: AIDS mention

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