08 ⸸⸸ netbook

[livlaughlove]

[so, somebody slept well through the fammeet and any other interesting events of the past few days. anyone with a bracelet connection to them (so, like, ain, and maybe wolfwood if the bracelets work in extended... groups... yerp) will have noticed razlo now just as conked out as livio. their sleep is deep, but painful -- nothing out of the ordinary for them, though. they just need rest.

when livio finally can open his eyes without wincing in the sun... he takes a while to mull something over before showing his face in the grove again. and eventually, his handwriting begins, a stark, clean contrast from razlo's all-caps chickenscratch, in the netbooks.]

This is Livio. First off, I'm sorry if I worried anyone over the past [there's a long pause before he continues:] while. If Razlo said or did anything upsetting to you, let me know how to make it up to you.

The main reason I wanted to apologize is that I kept something from all of you. The school office has some filing cabinets that contain records of some of our past lives, probably just school staff and students. I have not read anything in detail about anyone, just enough to realize what exactly I was looking at, at which point I stopped. I didn't want to snoop, and I didn't want to know about myself. I kept the cabinets locked and didn't mention it before because I was worried that other people would spiral over it, too, or intrude on other residents who didn't want their pasts to come to light, or that somehow the forest would use it against us, or

[he doesn't finish that line of thought, because his own anxieties would go on forever, so he just moves on.]

I just worried. A lot, for a long time. But it was wrong of me to keep it from everyone. If you want to look for any records of yours, your family's, your friends, I'll leave the keys in the office. I still don't know if this is the right decision, but it should never have been mine to make alone.

[yet another... solid minute passes before he adds one last line.]

Also, I'm sorry for being so long winded. This probably could have been a lot shorter. And less pitiful sounding.

I'm doing it again.

OK, bye.

[three last lines. hi, he is humiliated.]

Comments

[eidxiety]

[Thank fuck the bracelets don't do that or Livio would be emotionlocked with 5 people because Ain has issues /answering this question before it hits the Q&A chat

Anyway please imagine Gnosis from heaven rattling the bars of his cage like LIVIO WHAT DO YOU MEAN thanks. Ain, meanwhile:]

No one be mean to Livio or I will hunt you down and fucking kill you ^^

[aIN]

It was noble of you to want to protect everyone, hon. It's okay. I'm not mad.

[livlaughlove]

[jesus fucking christ.

sorry grampa gnosis he wishes he had the balls to say this before you went to heaven]

Please don't do that.

[eidxiety]

I'm just saying. ^^

How are you feeling? :O

[livlaughlove]

I appreciate you trying to look out for me, but I don't want people to get hurt or even threatened on my behalf.

[he is just going to pretend he didn't see the question though. is ain surprised? liv would rather die than inconvenience him OR talk about his feelings, of which there are many and they are all Very Loud and Mean To Him.]

[eidxiety]

[No surprises, and Ain doesn't know why he asked because he's got the bracelet on and all, but also.]

Haha, you don't wanna talk about it, huh? Well, that's fine too.

[livlaughlove]

[a taste of his own medicine, huh... that's a little frustrating. and livio isn't as familiar with the bracelets as raz, so he isn't yet -- yet!! -- clever enough to try suppressing his feelings on the matter. this is going to end up a nightmare, actually.]

I'll be alright.

[look he acknowledged ain's concerns, now can his spearmint angel do the same please -- ]

[eidxiety]

[Ain really should explain them because right now his ass is feeding whatever the straight jacket version of white noise would sound like into it. Do not ask if he is okay he is unhinged, actually.]

Okay~ I won't murder anyone for you then~

[livlaughlove]

[it's like having a SECOND razlo in the back of his head! thanks, he kind of hates it actually!]

Thank you. I love you. [just in case that needs to be said. standing his ground is so hard and the Last thing he wants is for ain to think he hates him or something because of a disagreement. livio is very well-adjusted and has an extremely secure attachment style what are you talking about]

[eidxiety]

[Sorry Liv, while you were gone Ain tripped and fell into a yandere arc :( ]

I love you~ haha~ I missed seeing you around, you know!

[Ain would never think Livio hates him! If he did the sudden weird pulse of possessive biteyness would be, uh, a lot worse!]

[livlaughlove]

[yeah uh... about that...

it takes him a good while to work up the courage to respond. if livio's usual guilt is a heavy burden, this feels like being absolutely steamrolled.]

I'm really sorry.

[love_swan]

[ Well he was GOING to ask something, but it ends up as a startled scribble after reading Ain's addition. ]

[livlaughlove]

[???? hello??

after a few seconds of waiting for this mysterious scribble to continue...]

Hi? [he is so tactful thank you]

[love_swan]

[ He's still scared please hold.

Eventually he continues, but it's in small print ]

I was gonna ask if I could look but now I'm worried I'm bothering you.

[livlaughlove]

You're not. I promise.

You don't need permission, either.

Unless you mean you need a hand finding it.

[love_swan]

I'm... A little new, I'm not sure where much is right now... I'm sorry.

Don't worry about it, I don't want to trouble you.

[lupusxylem]

[Wolfwood needs no introduction. His chicken scratch cursive is very identifiable.]

hey
Hey.
It’s okay.

Where are you? I wanna come see you.

[livlaughlove]

[yaaay livio gets to bawl like a baby in t-minus five minutes --]

The school greenhouse.

[lupusxylem]

Got it.

[He's practically tossing away his netbook to head that way, and even though he's good at keeping his concern off his face, it's palpable in the tension in his shoulders and the way he carries himself as he beelines it for the school. Angelina trots happily at his side, mostly because he didn't have the heart to make her stay behind when she'd been so excited to come out. He doubts Liv will mind.

It isn't long before Wolfwood's poking his head in, giving the doorframe a gentle knock just in case.]

Liv...?

[livlaughlove]

[of course he wants to see nick. it's been so long, even if livio wasn't remotely conscious. but he's also dreading having to address everything that's happened, or hasn't happened... he shut down completely after vash's corpse was put on display for everyone to see, and things would have taken an even worse nosedive if razlo hadn't picked up the pieces of him, like always.

he doesn't know how to act when wolfwood arrives, besides trying his damnedest to keep a straight face and voice. it's become too much of a pattern that liv just... breaks down on him. it wouldn't be fair to do that after he's the one who left wolfwood alone to cope with vash's loss.]

Hey. [despite his best efforts, there's a crack to his voice as he stands, and his eyes don't quite meet nick's.]

[lupusxylem]

[The thing is? While Wolfwood could be pissed at Livio for that, he has every right to be, he just...can't. He can't, because he gets it. In some ways, it makes Wolfwood a little jealous actually, wishing he had his own Razlo to lean on in times like these. It sure would make existing a whole lot fucking easier, but he's never been one to fold in situations like these.

More than anything, he's missed Livio. Seeing him now is just...relieving, more than anything, no matter how he's acting right now.]

Hey.

[He approaches him slowly like a startled animal, wanting to reach out for him but feeling like maybe he'd upset him if he did that too soon. But what if he assumes he's mad at him if he doesn't? Mmhh. He decides to stop just within reach, looking back at Livio despite the fact Livio won't look at him.]

I'm. Really fuckin' glad to see you, you know.

[alphacraft]

You aren't responsible for how people react to information they've sought out voluntarily.

[ ... ]

Nor are you responsible for anything Ain does in your name.

[livlaughlove]

It feels like I am. Would be.

[alphacraft]

We are all responsible for our own choices and actions.

If you read a book from a library and found that the contents upset you, would you blame the librarian?

[livlaughlove]

Well, no, but that isn't the same. It feels more like handing someone a book that I know will probably upset them, and telling them to have at it.

[alphacraft]

In fact, you've said nearly the opposite.

[livlaughlove]

[uh]

Sorry?

[alphacraft]

You've explained what the text contains and why it might be upsetting, as well as expressed your opinion that it might be best if nobody read them at all.

[livlaughlove]

Well, yes, but I still feel like putting it out there at all might not be helpful.

Sorry. I'm not trying to argue. I get what you mean.

[alphacraft]

And I'm not trying to comfort you. Merely stating my capacity to make my own choices.

[ Now that's a lie. ]

[livlaughlove]

It wasn't my intent to say folks can't think for themselves, either.

Jeez, I talk too much, don't I?

[i mean hey she's got him fooled, so good for her.]

[alphacraft]

Perhaps not, but you did take the choice away from us.

[livlaughlove]

Yeah. I did.

[alphacraft]

Something to consider for next time. We are each responsible for our own choices, but only if we're given the chance to make them.

[ghostharasser]

[Oh. This is VERY interesting information.]

Don't sweat it, dude. For what it's worth, I probably would have done the same thing. I am like the King of overthinking everything.

[livlaughlove]

Sorry to hear that. It's

[...........]

It ain't fun.

[ghostharasser]

No. No it isn't.

That said.

Sorry I broke into your school the third day I was here (over a year ago) (probably)

[livlaughlove]

Well, hey, now, it isn't mine, it's everyone's. I just took to repairing it. So you didn't "break in" to anything. Unless you literally broke part of it, or something, in which case I officially pardon you of any wrongdoing.

[ghostharasser]

Sweet, I'll take it!

[Now that doesn't have to keep him up at night anymore. He only broke like. A little bit of it. The door fell all on its own.]

You're a cool dude, you know that?

[livlaughlove]

[what the fuck don't make him cry (easiest task in the universe)]

Haha, I don't know about that, but thanks.

Did you find what you were looking for at the time?

[ghostharasser]

Eh, so I broke in to look for resources. I'm used to hellscape dimensions where stuff is scarce so I went into survival mode when I got here. I didn't end up scavenging much, but luckily I didn't need to since this place provides what you need for the most part. It's kinda nice in that regard.

[livlaughlove]

That's [...] concerning. Are you okay?

But yeah, at least we got a good little community here.

[ghostharasser]

Man, that is a loaded question. Generally? Yeah, I'm fine. Am I aware of how insane my teen years have been? Definitely. Should I be okay? Probably not.

Yeah, the people here work together uh, for the most part, but also we have Ydalir and Heimr who are able to get us mostly what we need. We have shops and cafes and food isn't hard to come by. Compared to where I was before, it's basically a paradise.