[only kyojuro would see humanity in the demon who was, only moments ago, thinking with wanton lust about eating him. it's touching and insulting, both. akaza wishes kyojuro would value himself as much as he does others, even those like him who don't deserve it.
he can't help but sink to his knees beside kyojuro's chair, just like he did at his bedside who knows how long ago. akaza lowers that bandaged hand in his and bows his forehead over it in humility and reverence.]
You're too kind. [his tone doesn't bite, but it is by no means complimentary. it got you killed, is the underlying message. i don't want it to get you killed again.]
Perhaps I am. [He says it without the faintest hint of regret. If this were to to be the reason he died, then so be it. He would rather meet his end clinging to the morals that had been so important to him, than to forsake them at the very end.]
And you may be too cruel. [Not in the way Kyojuro knows Akaza may think. No, Kyojuro refers strictly to the cruelty the man has reserved for himself.] There is much you have done to change yourself, just as there is much you still can do. But you cannot change the very nature of your being. To deny yourself what you need to survive is torture. And we both know it will end in a way that will only make you hate yourself more.
[Since Akaza is still clinging to his hand, it's easy enough to try and shift it in a way that prompts the man to look upward. Hopefully, he takes the reassuring smile offered to him to heart.]
I will not harp on it any further. I suspect we could go around for hours on the subject. But I hope you will at least consider my words.
[as loathe as he is to admit it, akaza sees the wisdom in these words. as much as he hates needing to feed, and as little choice as hakuji truly had in becoming this wretched creature kneeled at his enemy's feet like a loyal hound... torturing himself, as kyojuro aptly puts it, is not what those he left behind would want for him. not his father, not his master, not his...
his breath shudders.]
... I will. I promise.
[rather than continue to get lost in his head, akaza turns his senses toward the bounds of the building. one hand lowers to the ground, palm flattening against it before his compass flares to new life beneath him. maybe refreshing it will keep him more aware in this confounding place.]
[There is still so much that Kyojuro does not understand about Akaza. He wants to, but there is a wall between the two of them that he cannot find it within himself to demolish. It isn't helped by the fact that Kyojuro can detect a distinct unwillingness on Akaza's part to have it brought down, either. Nevertheless, in moments like these, he cannot help but languish at its presence. It feels so impossible to help when he doesn't know what he's up against.
In a way, it is not unlike this impenetrable fog. It would be far easier if he knew what was behind it all. Assuming the entity behind it was anything like a demon had proven foolish. He would have been long dead were that the case.
Such thoughts, however, are the reason why Kyojuro cannot bring himself to rest, even if he knows it would do his body good. The edges of his vision are still faintly blurred, but Kyojuro pushes through. As Akaza shifts into his own guarded position, Kyojuro stands. He knows better than to hope for food in the pantry after all this time, but he finds himself checking all the same. It winds up being a worthwhile effort, as Kyojuro finds himself in possession of a single undamaged can of food. The label is worn away, but opening it reveals a mess of beans, meat, and the scent of spices.
It will have to do.
Likewise, Kyojuro winds up settling near a window. He remains out of direct view, opting to instead stare through the fog churning outside.]
[ironically, akaza finds his walls broken down more by the day. it's becoming more a matter of... how the hell does he bring any of this up? it feels unfair to place additional burdens on kyojuro when the man is already sacrificing so much for him.
he can sense kyojuro as clearly as he can see him, and vague hostile energy in the distance, but nothing near enough to be a threat. good. so long as it stays that way, kyojuro will have time to recuperate. and if it doesn't... well, akaza is feeling on top of the world. he has no doubt he can take those fucking things alone, if need be.]
No one besides -- those things. [or things like them. akaza's own specters look quite different from kyojuro's.] You?
The cat. [Aaaand realizing that isn't quite specific enough.] Cy, I mean.
[Beyond that, nothing. It's an unsettling thought. Now that their emotions are beginning to even out, his mind wanders to the task at hand. He thinks of his brother, somewhere out in the mist. He can't help but wonder if the scent in the air is as nauseating for Senjuro as it is for him.
Or if his head, too, snaps in the direction of a voice that isn't truly there.]
Senjuro is out there somewhere. [He fidgets with the fabric wrapped around his palm.] Which means I should not linger long.
[that doesn't reassure akaza much, if at all, but he understands kyojuro's need to prioritize his family. at the same time, he... isn't really keen on showing himself to the youngest rengoku. he doesn't think he could ever face any of the family, actually, after he killed kyojuro, even if he is still able to exist here.]
Then... when you're ready, allow me to clear a path for you.
[Kyojuro doubted that it would. Really, if it were any other situation, maybe he would have listened to Akaza and sat on his hands. Together, they could probably reasonably defend their location without any issue. But leaving Senjuro to his own devices out there?
The thought threatens to make his stomach turn over.]
I should not need much more time. Until then... [He glances over to Akaza, looking the man up and down, then glances back outside.] We may yet come face to face with the shadows of our own pasts. Is there anything I should know before then?
[He doesn't mean to pry. But if Akaza is going to have his past forcibly revealed, perhaps he should have the option of discussing it himself first.]
[... maybe there is a part of him that's just... scared to reveal these things out loud. akaza can infer what kyojuro means by that, but it doesn't make it any easier to face. with any luck -- like he's ever had such a thing -- he can just ignore it, pretend he doesn't understand, and hope and pray that it never becomes relevant.]
Nothing, save that I understand your family is the most important thing. [don't do something stupid, don't sacrifice yourself for me and leave your brother alone when you just got him back, he means.]
[Kyojuro worries the inside of his cheek for a long moment, weighing whether or not he should press. If ever there was a time to do it, it would be now. Things would not have been nearly so surprising beneath the circus, if Kyojuro had known more than a handful of things about Akaza's past.
But he's asking too much for too little. And when in doubt, he'll fall back to old strategies:]
Speaking of family, there is a chance we see my father again out there. The air reeks of his presence. [Yeahhh, not gonna expand on that one.] If we do... I ask that we run, rather than fight.
[Not just because he doesn't want to witness Shinjuro being ripped apart in the same way he watched those slayers. Rather, he fears what the man might be capable of.]
[akaza can only guess what that means -- and it's clear enough that kyojuro doesn't want to elaborate, so he doesn't press. even though kyojuro is obviously doing his best to coax something similar out of him.]
Fine. [even if he would rather be rid of the man who caused kyojuro so much grief, he understands.
there's a long silence, as akaza wars with himself.]
... You don't have anything to worry about on my part. They would never hurt anyone. [nobody but him.]
[Based off of that information alone, Kyojuro can make a guess or two. When he'd lamented once wanting to meet a teacher like the man Akaza described, he certainly hadn't meant like this.]
Whatever happens, we should stay together. We will be better equipped to face our own monsters when one of us is there to call each other back.
[Translation: whatever does happen, Kyojuro will be there for Akaza. Not with a blade, but with a gentle reminder. They've already got a leg up this time.]
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sticksandbones2025-10-03 12:37 pm
no subject
he can't help but sink to his knees beside kyojuro's chair, just like he did at his bedside who knows how long ago. akaza lowers that bandaged hand in his and bows his forehead over it in humility and reverence.]
You're too kind. [his tone doesn't bite, but it is by no means complimentary. it got you killed, is the underlying message. i don't want it to get you killed again.]
no subject
And you may be too cruel. [Not in the way Kyojuro knows Akaza may think. No, Kyojuro refers strictly to the cruelty the man has reserved for himself.] There is much you have done to change yourself, just as there is much you still can do. But you cannot change the very nature of your being. To deny yourself what you need to survive is torture. And we both know it will end in a way that will only make you hate yourself more.
[Since Akaza is still clinging to his hand, it's easy enough to try and shift it in a way that prompts the man to look upward. Hopefully, he takes the reassuring smile offered to him to heart.]
I will not harp on it any further. I suspect we could go around for hours on the subject. But I hope you will at least consider my words.
no subject
his breath shudders.]
... I will. I promise.
[rather than continue to get lost in his head, akaza turns his senses toward the bounds of the building. one hand lowers to the ground, palm flattening against it before his compass flares to new life beneath him. maybe refreshing it will keep him more aware in this confounding place.]
Please, Kyojuro, rest. I'll keep watch.
no subject
In a way, it is not unlike this impenetrable fog. It would be far easier if he knew what was behind it all. Assuming the entity behind it was anything like a demon had proven foolish. He would have been long dead were that the case.
Such thoughts, however, are the reason why Kyojuro cannot bring himself to rest, even if he knows it would do his body good. The edges of his vision are still faintly blurred, but Kyojuro pushes through. As Akaza shifts into his own guarded position, Kyojuro stands. He knows better than to hope for food in the pantry after all this time, but he finds himself checking all the same. It winds up being a worthwhile effort, as Kyojuro finds himself in possession of a single undamaged can of food. The label is worn away, but opening it reveals a mess of beans, meat, and the scent of spices.
It will have to do.
Likewise, Kyojuro winds up settling near a window. He remains out of direct view, opting to instead stare through the fog churning outside.]
Have you found anyone else yet?
no subject
he can sense kyojuro as clearly as he can see him, and vague hostile energy in the distance, but nothing near enough to be a threat. good. so long as it stays that way, kyojuro will have time to recuperate. and if it doesn't... well, akaza is feeling on top of the world. he has no doubt he can take those fucking things alone, if need be.]
No one besides -- those things. [or things like them. akaza's own specters look quite different from kyojuro's.] You?
no subject
[Beyond that, nothing. It's an unsettling thought. Now that their emotions are beginning to even out, his mind wanders to the task at hand. He thinks of his brother, somewhere out in the mist. He can't help but wonder if the scent in the air is as nauseating for Senjuro as it is for him.
Or if his head, too, snaps in the direction of a voice that isn't truly there.]
Senjuro is out there somewhere. [He fidgets with the fabric wrapped around his palm.] Which means I should not linger long.
no subject
Your brother? [his eyes come to rest on the bandaged hand. what a fucking mess.]
Can you wield your sword properly one-handed?
no subject
[A threat on Akaza's level would be another story, but they'll both have to hope that isn't a possibility. More importantly though.]
Not with any sort of breathing technique, though. It is still... too early.
no subject
Then... when you're ready, allow me to clear a path for you.
no subject
The thought threatens to make his stomach turn over.]
I should not need much more time. Until then... [He glances over to Akaza, looking the man up and down, then glances back outside.] We may yet come face to face with the shadows of our own pasts. Is there anything I should know before then?
[He doesn't mean to pry. But if Akaza is going to have his past forcibly revealed, perhaps he should have the option of discussing it himself first.]
no subject
Nothing, save that I understand your family is the most important thing. [don't do something stupid, don't sacrifice yourself for me and leave your brother alone when you just got him back, he means.]
no subject
But he's asking too much for too little. And when in doubt, he'll fall back to old strategies:]
Speaking of family, there is a chance we see my father again out there. The air reeks of his presence. [Yeahhh, not gonna expand on that one.] If we do... I ask that we run, rather than fight.
[Not just because he doesn't want to witness Shinjuro being ripped apart in the same way he watched those slayers. Rather, he fears what the man might be capable of.]
no subject
Fine. [even if he would rather be rid of the man who caused kyojuro so much grief, he understands.
there's a long silence, as akaza wars with himself.]
... You don't have anything to worry about on my part. They would never hurt anyone. [nobody but him.]
no subject
Whatever happens, we should stay together. We will be better equipped to face our own monsters when one of us is there to call each other back.
[Translation: whatever does happen, Kyojuro will be there for Akaza. Not with a blade, but with a gentle reminder. They've already got a leg up this time.]