[Okay, he’s realizing the lighthearted approach was a mistake. For what it’s worth, it wipes the smirk off his face real quick when Ain curls up like that, prompting Wolfwood to lower his arms into his lap.]
I never said I didn’t want to. And just cause shit’s been shitty don’t mean you can’t talk to me.
[He refuses to admit, openly, that he’s been sad, or that he’s been struggling. Therapy can make him recognize these feelings but it sure can’t force him to admit to having them.]
N…trust me, there’s no plan. I have never really been able to plan for anythin’. Not now.
We're talking now, that's not what I meant. I meant that you've been upset, and it's not like we talked about you being upset either. [It's not like Ain isn't, either, but at a certain point you have to go numb to all the death and surrounding circumstances. This is why he went to Zahran after Add died.] I know I've been shutting down a lot.
[Sighs.]
I guess... I don't know why I'm upset. I guess it's just old hangups I have about feeling unimportant. Not that you've done a bad job recently, I mean — that's why it's old. You don't have to do anything, but you do have to talk to me if you don't want to do something.
[Like, he'd still be pretty hurt if Wolfwood said he didn't want to marry Ain, but that's a whole other discussion from there.]
[Wolfwood is quiet for a time, and it’s clear he’s trying to choose his words carefully. He has a penchant for shoving his feet in his mouth even when he doesn’t mean to, and maybe that’s why he’s often so avoidant of these kinds of serious, personal conversations. It’s not just with Ain either, but everyone. The only person he’s really opened up to in a more “yeah I’m depressed” way is Mizuki, but he’s not all that sure it counts.
He chews on the inside of his cheek, then lifts a hand to rub the side of his face. They really haven’t talked about the past couple weeks, but Wolfwood was fine with that. He has no right to be sad, he feels, and it’s easier to just…avoid it. Talking about it makes him feel worse (bad, incorrect). When he does finally speak, his voice is unusually quiet.]
I feel like…I worry, I guess, that I ain’t good enough for you. And I’m not comparin’ myself to anybody, I just mean me. As a person.
[Oh...Ain wiggles into his lap, and Wolfwood takes this opportunity to loop his arms around Ain's shoulders, gathering him up into an embrace as they sit there, softly illuminated by the crystals Wolfwood chose to sit beneath.]
I know. Huge fuckup like me, though...
[On top of the cult. The Eye. Knives. The collapse of their society as they know it...]
...you wouldn't have much of a future, with me. You deserve to be happy.
I don't think you get to tell me if I would or wouldn't have a future with you. Or if I would or wouldn't be happy with you. I think those are my feelings, that I get to decide what I think about them. And I think I would be really happy for the rest of our lives, and I would be grateful to have you at my side and drag you everywhere.
[The dragging-Wolfwood-everywhere part is important, okay. Ain huffs against his chest, wiggles, and then sits up in Wolfwood's arms a bit. His chin gets propped up on Wolfwood's chest, and his dragon tail flicks a little while he wraps his arms around the other man's torso.]
I've also made lots of mistakes. I just don't talk about them because Mr. Jellyfish says I avoid my problems~.
[With Ain sitting like that, it means he has his head on Wolfwood's chest in such a way that he can look down at him and see him, with his big ol' eyes and everything. This...little guy that he's somehow fallen for so hard. That he loves so, so much.
His expression softens as he lifts a hand to brush some of Ain's bangs from his eyes, threading his fingers through the silver locks at the back of his head.]
Yeah. Yeah...me too.
[...]
I. Ain, there's somethin' you should know about me. Not somethin' I've lied about, or nothin'...but somethin' I was told. Somethin'...I shouldn't actually know. Somethin' I don't know for sure will happen, but...
[Something that is- perhaps- part of why he's dragged his feet this whole time.]
I dunno...if he ever told you, but. Livio was from...a different timeline, I guess, than me and Vash were. He remembered...different stuff. Different people. His whole world seemed different, but similar. He wasn't the Livio I grew up with in my orphanage, was the best way I could understand it.
And...
[Ain will feel the slowly building, spiking anxiety between their connection even as Wolfwood tries to swallow it back. He doesn't want to express it, just as much as he doesn't want Ain to have to feel it any more than he does.]
In...his version of our world. I don't...live much longer. He remembers me dyin', and buryin' me...and everything.
[...]
I have no reason to think the same thing happens back home. Our worlds ain't the same, but...it freaked me out, yaknow?
[Which is a hell of a thing for Wolfwood to admit, seeing as how he's never been afraid of death before.]
[...oh. You know what, that... that makes sense. Ain mirrors Wolfwood's fear back at him, unfortunately, which likely doesn't help the situation much. It's strange feeling Wolfwood terrified. Usually he's Ain's rock.]
...so. [He declares, with a sudden strange sense of confidence that overrides everything else, marked by a plap of his fat tail on the hard ground.] That just means you have to stay with me forever, then. That no one goes back to No Man's and you follow me elsewhere when we can all go home~. Then you won't die, and no one has to bury you, and you can stay with me forever.
Easy!
["Abandon your responsibilities and stay with him forever" is really nice on the tin, except it's completely impractical and idealistic. Add had said as much himself before he disappeared.]
Easy, he says. He says it with such confidence that- at first- Wolfwood doesn't really know how to reply. He's so chipper and sure of himself, like this absolutely will be what happens, and that the Forest won't have its own plans. There's not even a guarantee he'd go back to No Man's, much less somewhere else. Livio didn't go home, he knows that for a fact. And Vash...
He doesn't know. He really has no idea now, not when his body had been discovered, and he didn't come back after that. How are you supposed to think, when the world gives you that kind of knowledge?
So, to say that he believes Ain would be...a lie. But that part really isn't what matters right now. What matters is the sentiment. The fact Ain loves him so much that he'd just...say something like that, with his full chest.
Wolfwood maybe doesn't know just how much he's been holding in, or for how long, to the point where he doesn't even realize it when tears well up and break free from his eyes, spilling over helplessly down his cheeks and off his chin. He looks back at Ain, his eyes dark and shining, and when he tries to open his mouth to speak...he can't. His lip just trembles, so he bites down on it hard to keep the sobs from escaping.
Ain sits up a little straighter, pushing off of Wolfwood and sitting squarely between his legs while he tries to assess what he broke. Let's see, the bracelet says that he did? a thing?? how does he articulate thingdoing. What emotion is this. Is Wolfwood happy? Relieved? Is he sad? Help, Ain knows 2 emotion and he isn't sure what's happening—]
Um! If I said something you didn't like, you can tell me! I'm sorry I made you cry!
[Wolfwood shakes his head quickly, but he still can’t talk. The second he even utters that curse is when his shoulders start to shake, and he has to take Ain’s face gently between his. He presses their foreheads together, kisses his lips…
But then, he breaks down. He ducks his head forward against Ain’s shoulder and sobs, clutching at the front of Ain’s shirt. But at least like this, he can…]
T-…thank you. For…for bein’ here. A-and puttin’ up with my sh-shit…I really don’t deserve…
[He shakes his head, choking on another sob as his words get tangled up in his throat.]
Huh...? I'm not putting up with— [Ain rubs Wolfwood's back in slow, comforting circles, his tail wrapping around Wolfwood's back and holding him. Thank Goodness his tail is long enough to do that much.] I love you, you know? And that's why I keep asking you to spend the rest of our lives together...
[Poor Wolfwood. Ain wishes he knew how to comfort people, but he's historically been really bad at that for his entire life, oops.]
[For a while, Wolfwood doesn’t try to say more. He just…cries. He lets out this build up of emotion from weeks and weeks that he’s kept held in, all of the stress and uncertainty…and mourning, really. Both he and Ain had lost a lot in a very short amount of time, and even someone as hardened as Wolfwood can only take so much before you just…can’t, anymore.
Ain reassures him even as he weeps, feeling more and more inadequate, but also so…grateful. He can’t imagine Ain would want to expend this much energy and care on just anyone, after all.
Eventually, his tears taper off. He calms down and finds himself reduced to the occasional hiccup as he catches his breath, his vision still blurry even after pushing his shades up to sit in his hair. He must look insane right now, with his scarred up face covered in tears. But…that doesn’t stop him from looking at the ground around himself, feeling around for a moment with his fingers. He brushes away the dirt until he feels something firm catch on his index finger, prompting him to dig it out with a little more force. It takes him a moment to see it for what it is: a crystal piece from one of the many they sit beneath, a brilliant chartreuse that reflects the light in a million refractions against his darker skin.
He closes his fingers around it, then takes one of Ain’s hands shakily, pressing it into his palm.]
I’ll be here. For…for as long as I can, alright? I’ll be here for you.
[Ain is moving to wipe Wolfwood's tears off on the fur ruff of his sleeves, meanwhile, and hardly expects to be prevented with a Shiny. For a moment, he blinks down stupidly at it like he isn't entirely sure what he's looking at, rolling it between his fingers against his palm, before a grin splits his face.
Ohhh, he sees. He sees now. The tip of his tail slowly but inevitably begins wagging.]
Haha... you think I'd say no, ever? You're silly~. Of course I'll still have you. You're part of the future I want to have.
[Sniffing wetly with one hand still cupped underneath Ain’s, he leans in to press a kiss to the crystal’s surface, before looking up at him through his bangs.]
S-sorry it ain’t a ring. Maybe could find somebody to make it into one?
Haha, I think I can. I hope you don't mind if I take some creative liberties~.
[He's going to go back to laying on Wolfwood by the fire, assuming Wolfwood doesn't want to keep weeping into his shoulder. Not that Ain minds, but he also wants to snuggle and nuzzle up under Wolfwood's chin, okay.]
So, what do we do now? Do we announce our engagement by walking out of the cave and going back to the peak to scream at everybody? Do you think they're camping out by now~?
[Don't worry, he's done crying now. That was his yearly cry, if he cries again please do the merciful thing and just kill him before it gets that incoherent.
He's happy to lay there with Ain as they are, holding Ain close in his lap with his head resting against his fluffy silver curls. His head hurts, and his face feels gross from crying...but he can feel the happiness between their connection. It bubbles up like a babbling brook and chases away the lingering anxiety and trepidation, leaving only contentment and a pleasant sort of anxiety, that sort of nervous energy you get after something big like this.]
Hah... we could. Maybe best to save it for when people prolly ain't sleepin', though.
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[Okay, he’s realizing the lighthearted approach was a mistake. For what it’s worth, it wipes the smirk off his face real quick when Ain curls up like that, prompting Wolfwood to lower his arms into his lap.]
I never said I didn’t want to. And just cause shit’s been shitty don’t mean you can’t talk to me.
[He refuses to admit, openly, that he’s been sad, or that he’s been struggling. Therapy can make him recognize these feelings but it sure can’t force him to admit to having them.]
N…trust me, there’s no plan. I have never really been able to plan for anythin’. Not now.
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[Sighs.]
I guess... I don't know why I'm upset. I guess it's just old hangups I have about feeling unimportant. Not that you've done a bad job recently, I mean — that's why it's old. You don't have to do anything, but you do have to talk to me if you don't want to do something.
[Like, he'd still be pretty hurt if Wolfwood said he didn't want to marry Ain, but that's a whole other discussion from there.]
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He chews on the inside of his cheek, then lifts a hand to rub the side of his face. They really haven’t talked about the past couple weeks, but Wolfwood was fine with that. He has no right to be sad, he feels, and it’s easier to just…avoid it. Talking about it makes him feel worse (bad, incorrect). When he does finally speak, his voice is unusually quiet.]
I feel like…I worry, I guess, that I ain’t good enough for you. And I’m not comparin’ myself to anybody, I just mean me. As a person.
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scoot
scoot
...
scoot
Flop! Ain is now laying on Wolfwood and trying to wiggle into his lap to be held. Sharing body heat will do them some good anyway.]
If I thought that, I wouldn't want to marry you, you know.
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I know. Huge fuckup like me, though...
[On top of the cult. The Eye. Knives. The collapse of their society as they know it...]
...you wouldn't have much of a future, with me. You deserve to be happy.
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[The dragging-Wolfwood-everywhere part is important, okay. Ain huffs against his chest, wiggles, and then sits up in Wolfwood's arms a bit. His chin gets propped up on Wolfwood's chest, and his dragon tail flicks a little while he wraps his arms around the other man's torso.]
I've also made lots of mistakes. I just don't talk about them because Mr. Jellyfish says I avoid my problems~.
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His expression softens as he lifts a hand to brush some of Ain's bangs from his eyes, threading his fingers through the silver locks at the back of his head.]
Yeah. Yeah...me too.
[...]
I. Ain, there's somethin' you should know about me. Not somethin' I've lied about, or nothin'...but somethin' I was told. Somethin'...I shouldn't actually know. Somethin' I don't know for sure will happen, but...
[Something that is- perhaps- part of why he's dragged his feet this whole time.]
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[Strange thing to say, but if it's connected to their supposed lack of a future, then... he has to wonder what it is.]
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And...
[Ain will feel the slowly building, spiking anxiety between their connection even as Wolfwood tries to swallow it back. He doesn't want to express it, just as much as he doesn't want Ain to have to feel it any more than he does.]
In...his version of our world. I don't...live much longer. He remembers me dyin', and buryin' me...and everything.
[...]
I have no reason to think the same thing happens back home. Our worlds ain't the same, but...it freaked me out, yaknow?
[Which is a hell of a thing for Wolfwood to admit, seeing as how he's never been afraid of death before.]
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...so. [He declares, with a sudden strange sense of confidence that overrides everything else, marked by a plap of his fat tail on the hard ground.] That just means you have to stay with me forever, then. That no one goes back to No Man's and you follow me elsewhere when we can all go home~. Then you won't die, and no one has to bury you, and you can stay with me forever.
Easy!
["Abandon your responsibilities and stay with him forever" is really nice on the tin, except it's completely impractical and idealistic. Add had said as much himself before he disappeared.]
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Easy, he says. He says it with such confidence that- at first- Wolfwood doesn't really know how to reply. He's so chipper and sure of himself, like this absolutely will be what happens, and that the Forest won't have its own plans. There's not even a guarantee he'd go back to No Man's, much less somewhere else. Livio didn't go home, he knows that for a fact. And Vash...
He doesn't know. He really has no idea now, not when his body had been discovered, and he didn't come back after that. How are you supposed to think, when the world gives you that kind of knowledge?
So, to say that he believes Ain would be...a lie. But that part really isn't what matters right now. What matters is the sentiment. The fact Ain loves him so much that he'd just...say something like that, with his full chest.
Wolfwood maybe doesn't know just how much he's been holding in, or for how long, to the point where he doesn't even realize it when tears well up and break free from his eyes, spilling over helplessly down his cheeks and off his chin. He looks back at Ain, his eyes dark and shining, and when he tries to open his mouth to speak...he can't. His lip just trembles, so he bites down on it hard to keep the sobs from escaping.
Why? After everything, why is he crying...now?]
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Ain sits up a little straighter, pushing off of Wolfwood and sitting squarely between his legs while he tries to assess what he broke. Let's see, the bracelet says that he did? a thing?? how does he articulate thingdoing. What emotion is this. Is Wolfwood happy? Relieved? Is he sad? Help, Ain knows 2 emotion and he isn't sure what's happening—]
Um! If I said something you didn't like, you can tell me! I'm sorry I made you cry!
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[Wolfwood shakes his head quickly, but he still can’t talk. The second he even utters that curse is when his shoulders start to shake, and he has to take Ain’s face gently between his. He presses their foreheads together, kisses his lips…
But then, he breaks down. He ducks his head forward against Ain’s shoulder and sobs, clutching at the front of Ain’s shirt. But at least like this, he can…]
T-…thank you. For…for bein’ here. A-and puttin’ up with my sh-shit…I really don’t deserve…
[He shakes his head, choking on another sob as his words get tangled up in his throat.]
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[Poor Wolfwood. Ain wishes he knew how to comfort people, but he's historically been really bad at that for his entire life, oops.]
You don't have to thank me.
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Ain reassures him even as he weeps, feeling more and more inadequate, but also so…grateful. He can’t imagine Ain would want to expend this much energy and care on just anyone, after all.
Eventually, his tears taper off. He calms down and finds himself reduced to the occasional hiccup as he catches his breath, his vision still blurry even after pushing his shades up to sit in his hair. He must look insane right now, with his scarred up face covered in tears. But…that doesn’t stop him from looking at the ground around himself, feeling around for a moment with his fingers. He brushes away the dirt until he feels something firm catch on his index finger, prompting him to dig it out with a little more force. It takes him a moment to see it for what it is: a crystal piece from one of the many they sit beneath, a brilliant chartreuse that reflects the light in a million refractions against his darker skin.
He closes his fingers around it, then takes one of Ain’s hands shakily, pressing it into his palm.]
I’ll be here. For…for as long as I can, alright? I’ll be here for you.
If…you’ll still have me.
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Ohhh, he sees. He sees now. The tip of his tail slowly but inevitably begins wagging.]
Haha... you think I'd say no, ever? You're silly~. Of course I'll still have you. You're part of the future I want to have.
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S-sorry it ain’t a ring. Maybe could find somebody to make it into one?
[Goes to Ydalir like pls]
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[He's going to go back to laying on Wolfwood by the fire, assuming Wolfwood doesn't want to keep weeping into his shoulder. Not that Ain minds, but he also wants to snuggle and nuzzle up under Wolfwood's chin, okay.]
So, what do we do now? Do we announce our engagement by walking out of the cave and going back to the peak to scream at everybody? Do you think they're camping out by now~?
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He's happy to lay there with Ain as they are, holding Ain close in his lap with his head resting against his fluffy silver curls. His head hurts, and his face feels gross from crying...but he can feel the happiness between their connection. It bubbles up like a babbling brook and chases away the lingering anxiety and trepidation, leaving only contentment and a pleasant sort of anxiety, that sort of nervous energy you get after something big like this.]
Hah... we could. Maybe best to save it for when people prolly ain't sleepin', though.