The air is cold, the sky dreary. Ever since your return to Aldric’s Grove, the chill in the air is as bitter and sharp as a knife. The scent of stew from the General Store’s windows is comforting, almost as much as the teas Ydalir is handing out if you pass by her tent. Nene puts baskets of her fresh produce on every doorstep or before the doors of people’s rooms in the inn, and Evan and Rillian join her sometimes, the two also handing out sweaters or cloaks. It’s not going to be as bad as last year, but a bitter winter is coming. It’s best to be prepared, isn’t it?
As the winter approaches, plantimals busy themselves to prepare as best they can, too. Pinecone squirrels harvest away nuts while one by one birds move as close to warmth as they can — and that may well just be Sehul and Aurora’s domains. The river water is clear as ever and even colder, with only the blessed trees and bushes still flowering and bearing fruit.
Yet nothing prepares anyone for the green mist, knee-high at the lowest, waist-high at the highest. It smells earthy and grassy, almost floral like a garden,and it pours out of
the research hall.
There’s a chill in the air. Something… strange is happening, yet again.
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sticksandbones2025-11-06 02:45 pm
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Well, I did mean it when I said usually. Nothing applies to everyone. It didn't apply to my father, that's for certain.
[Ryan just rolls his eyes and moves on. Oh well. It's his loss in the end.]
Anyway, I think that still counts. A lot of people who don't marry for reasons other than themselves wind up very unhappy, and that unhappiness becomes a big part of them. And if the reason why is because they're trying to love someone they don't love, then shouldn't it count?
[It isn't as though marriages like that don't exist in his world. Surely some get married to people their parents have approved of, or have political marriages, or even just marry out of convenience. If it isn't something both parties want though, someone is bound to be miserable.]
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[For all Mr. Akagi's faults, it still catches Min off guard that he would actually leave. He's not sure how to process that. Ryan sounds bitter, but if he's anything like the one he knew, then maybe that's just because their relationship was never that good in the first place.]
I'm sorry.
[Exactly what he's sorry for he isn't sure, but it seems important to express it. Ryan's always deserved better than a crappy father, and he's sure this one does too.]
I don't think that's always true, but... no matter how much I try to think about how many people go along with who their family wants them to marry and work it out, it's hard to imagine I could do that and be happy.
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Thanks. Don't worry though. I haven't seen him since I was small and I still had a wonderful, amazing life even without him in it.
[Sometimes that empty pain could be felt, but that hole grew smaller and smaller over time and in death he can barely feel it at all, aside from letting out a sarcastic remark here or there. Still, it's nice having it be seen. He doesn't have the same worries his reincarnation does about other people noticing him in a state other than happy.
He hums thoughtfully at Min-Gi's take on marriage, mulling it over for a beat.]
I'd say that means it's an big part of who you are, wouldn't you? It doesn't matter if anyone else's marriages work or not. If not being able to be with the person you love would make you unhappy, then being with someone you love sounds like it would be really important to you. Or at least, something you want even if others might not want it for you.
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[He wants to try a relationship, but with Ryan seeming to pull away from him and his own insecurities over it he's not whether it will work or not he's worried that it might not.]
Part of me thinks if I mess this up, then I'll ruin our friendship too. I don't know how to avoid that if it goes wrong.
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[He was young at the time, much younger than this Min-Gi, but it was still a valid worry at the time. He also suspects that his reincarnation understands this a little more than Min-Gi thinks he does. He's sat on these feelings for a long, long time, after all.]
The thing is, you've already set things into motion. I know that you're scared, but things will be different either way. That doesn't mean anything will be ruined though. Relationships change and grow all the time. It's not exactly the same as when you were children, or teenagers, and it will probably feel different again when you're older. You can miss how things were, but you can't go backwards.
[Ryan knows this must be hard to hear, and not exactly what he wants. He smiles kindly though and gestures vaguely upward. It's not nighttime yet, but that doesn't mean the stars are gone.]
Your relationship, romantic or otherwise, will still be there. Just...rotated. Like constellations moving across the sky.
[As he says this, he points and moves his finger in an arc above them, mimicking the slow motion of the moving stars.]
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Yeah. That makes sense. I don't want to go back exactly. I just... I wish it had felt more like my own choice to tell him.
[Maybe that means he would never have been brave enough, but it still doesn't feel good to have felt as though he was backed into it.
He looks up at the sky, pleasantly surprised by the reminder of the inscription inside the ring Ryan had found.]
Is that why you call him that? Your star?
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[And he means it. He can't even imagine how badly it would have gone if something had forced his hand and made him tell his own Min-Gi about his secret crush before he was fully ready.
The question surprises him a little, but only for a second. Then he beams, full of sunshine and love. He hasn't looked unhappy in their talk, but it's almost like it gives him the warmth of life back for a moment.]
He's my favorite star in the whole sky! There's thousands, maybe even millions out there, but no one shines like he does!
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You really think that?
[He's aware that's not something he should question about another person, but... it's also him that he's talking about.
His confidence in himself has grown, and he can see that even more in his other self. It's still hard to truly believe that just thinking about him could make someone so happy though.]
What makes him shine?
[He asks it awkwardly, cringing slightly at daring to ask something so indulgent. It feels like it might be a betrayal to his own Ryan in some way, but the way he talks about his past self just feels so unabashed even by Ryan's standards.]
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[He always has and always will, even now. He doesn't judge Min-Gi at all for asking though - he's pretty sure he would want to know too if the roles were reversed. Besides, there are few things he loves like talking about how much he loves Min-Gi.]
It's everything, really. He's so bright, first of all. The smart kind of bright, I mean. He knows so much, but seeing him excited to learn more about something he's interested in is so adorable. And he gets this really handsome look when he's thinking hard about something? You won't find anyone who knows more about instruments or navigating by starlight. He's an incredible musician and writes some of the greatest lyrics I've ever heard - though, once they get old enough sometimes they start to embarrass him. I love all of them though, every single one.
[Hopefully Min-Gi was prepared for an excitable Ryan babbling of an answer, because he could gush for days.]
He cares so much too, more than could ever be said in words. He leads me like the North Star and I'm never, ever lost when we're together. I know he calls me his Sun, but the truth is that Stars are suns too. They're just a little farther away and more mysterious. Starlight is soft and soothing and beautiful, and every day I'm amazed that I'm the one who gets to orbit him.
[This is the moment he seems to realize he might have been talking for A Little Too Long though, and he laughs when he realizes it.]
Sorry! I'll keep going on until the moon rises if I don't stop myself!
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It's fortunate that he stops, or Min-Gi may have imploded. He's clearly embarrassed long before Ryan stops talking, though this Min definitely sounds different. Their strengths and interests don't quite align enough for it to really feel like him.
No wonder this Ryan thinks he's so special.]
It's okay. I probably should have expected it?
[How could he though? He's already said so much, and apparently could go on. It leaves him at a loss of what to say.]
Sorry.
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Don't worry! I'm the one who got carried away. Besides, no offense but it would be weird to tell you more? You've got to be around Davey's age and I'm certainly not telling him!
[That gets another snicker out of him, but then he mellows. He doesn't want to pick on this Min-Gi, or tell him things he doesn't need to think about. If Min-Gi will allow him, he'll rest his hand on the back of his.]
I mean it. There's nothing you need to apologize for here. You're a shining star too, you know. Even if you can't see it and even if I'm not the one who grew up with you, I can tell.
[A beat. After all his gushing, he should clarify--]
...Platonically, of course. You'll have to hear the romantic version from your Ryan one day.
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Platonically. Obviously.
[Obviously.]
How do you say that stuff about him so easily? The Ryan I know is great at talking without having to think about it too, but I've never been good at that.
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He mercifully doesn't comment further on how obviously platonic it is, and he lets Min-Gi's hand go.]
Hm. I don't think I've thought about it that way before...
[Ryan glances up to the sky as if it might know the answer somehow.]
I'd love to tell you it's rehearsed, but it's really not. I'd also love to tell you I've never said anything that embarrassed my Min-Gi in public, buuuut it's happened now and then. Other than that...it's just never embarrassed me, I suppose? He makes me happy, and I want people to know that. People should know how wonderful he is. He should know how wonderful he is! I never, ever want him to wonder about that even for a second. I want him to feel good and loved!
[If he doesn't say how he really feels, then no one else is going to! It would just live in his head and gnaw on his brain and he has to let those feelings out sometimes.]
I do try and reel it in a little for his sake though. It's easy to catch yourself loving someone the exact way you want to be loved - which isn't bad exactly, but you have to balance it out and listen to your partner's needs too. You know?
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His past self is clearly far more comfortable with public affection compared to how he feels, but from what this Ryan is saying he's not completely immune to embarrassment, which means that's a part of him he may never be free of. He's not sure whether that's a good thing or not, but it sounds as though this version of Ryan doesn't mind it as long as his needs are considered by his Min-Gi too.]
I'm not sure how to balance it.
To me it feels as though that kind of stuff should be private. I'm pretty sure I'd feel the same no matter who I had feelings for. My parents care a lot about each other, but they touch each other less in public than Ryan and I do even as friends. I don't think I could ever be as comfortable as you two are.
[It doesn't help that some of his feelings around it are undeniably some combination of fear and shame.]
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I wish I could tell you how, but it's something you'll have to balance out with your Ryan, I'm afraid. But I'm sure that you'll find that balance with him. You don't have to give up everything that makes you comfortable in order to be with someone. It's just not all or nothing either.
[For either of them, really. The present-day Ryan has some growing to do on that front as well. They both have to give and take, and neither of them are really doing it perfectly.
The next tangent seems to be a complete change of subject, but the ghost of Ryan grins at Min.]
Have you heard of binary stars? They're two stars that orbit around each other, caught in each other's gravity. They both push and pull and push and pull, over and over. It's what lets them stay together where they are, forever.
[As a visual aid, he holds out his index fingers pointed in opposite directions and uses his both his hands to spin them and make unbroken circles. It's more complicated than that and his own Min-Gi could probably give a longer talk on the subject and how it works, but the basic understanding is enough to get the point across.]
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[Implementing it is another matter. He simultaneously feels as though he's letting Ryan down while also feeling as though he's expecting far too much from him. This Ryan is right though. This isn't something he can resolve with him here and now. It's a separate conversation he needs to have with the Ryan he's trying to navigate being in love with.
Thankfully, Min-Gi is more than familiar with Ryan's apparent subject changes. Even if it had been more subtle he'd likely have seen it for what it was, but this particular analogy... it's not hard to see where Ryan's going with it and how it's relevant to them. Ryan likely recognizes the expression that Min gets when he's embarrassed he isn't familiar with something he's been asked about. While it's less common on his own partner's face now, it was a frequent one back in their school days.]
I haven't. I didn't even know stars could orbit.
[It almost sounds like fiction, but he trusts him not to lie to him. He sounds certain enough that he doesn't even try to rationalize it as a misunderstanding.]
I guess that sounds familiar. Even as friends, that's what it feels like to be around each other. We're so different, but we've always been together. I don't remember a time when people didn't think of us as a pair.
[The memory of the months they'd been apart flickers in his mind, but he doesn't want to bring the tone down more by bringing it up now. That had been a blip in their lives, and one he's determined they won't repeat. They're both their own people, but he only truly feels complete as long as he still has Ryan close by.]
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He doesn't want to embarrass him though, because he does remember that sweet face and how much it bothered his own Min-Gi, so he tries to be gentle.]
Lots of things in the night sky orbit something! We're so far away that it all looks still, but the whole universe is moving constantly. Which means it's never boring, not even for a second!
[He doesn't always follow the math or science behind it, but it's hard for him to imagine not being in total awe of the stars. Min-Gi seems to understand anyway though, even without the same enthusiasm. As long as his point got across, that's all that matters.]
Exactly. And it takes a lot of force to push something out of that orbit.
[Or, in a more modern sense - "they're stuck together, so now they're stuck with each other". He can't resolve this for Min-Gi, but he can cheer him on.]
I think you'll both be alright. It might be hard, but you'll get somewhere comfortable. Even if you're uncertain about it, I still believe in you two.
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The part he's trying to emphasize is the metaphor, and it is a good one. Min-Gi can see why they see themselves in the stars.]
I hope you're right. He's the most important person in my life. I don't want to mess that up.
[Things have been very different for their past selves, but it still feels reassuring to have his faith.]