Indeed. That being said, should you decide that you need room to breathe, I will understand completely. Just say the word.
[ Because he can already tell that River... seems like a handful. And that's to say nothing of the history that Luca and River may have together that Joshua has no idea about. It would be understandable if Luca needed some space to handle anything that might come up.
But with Luca's hand being extended to him, how could he say no? He reaches out, taking it in his own and giving it a gentle but reassuring squeeze. ]
The offer is... a lot to consider. My initial reaction was to doubt his sincerity, but when I spoke to him, he made a point. Both Beiwe and Ourania are not present. Either they are blocked out somehow, or... no, I dare not fear the worst.
The truth of the matter is, we have been unable to do anything to change our situation. The troubles that typically plague the Grove seem to be over by month's end, but this continues to not only stretch on, but grow worse with time. The moons above... one of them is Valisthea's. We spent so long looking at it as children that I would recognize its craters anywhere, and now it is cracked in twain. Whatever this thing is, it holds a power over us akin to the gods and goddesses themselves. As much as I still intend to search for an alternative solution... we may need to ally ourselves, if it comes down to it. Better the devil you know, I suppose, as uneasy as it makes me.
To be honest, you might just be the breath of fresh air that I need.
[Haha, gay?
Truthfully, though, River is a handful. That much had been quickly made apparent even during their initial brushes back home. Whether it be the constant need for a fight, the attention he seemed to always desire, or the general chaos he seemed to attract, things never seemed to slow down around him. That had been part of his charm, when Luca had wanted to lose himself. Now, though, having settled down and found a modicum of peace, it would be nice to share a similar mindset with someone from time to time. Joshua complemented River perfectly in that way.]
I understand you completely. [But Luca knows where this is going.] ... Admittedly, I would not feel right trying to dissuade you. I suspect I will have my own role to play in this offer soon enough.
[ Oh, super gay. Joshua shifts his hold on Luca's hand just a little, enough to bring his knuckles to his lips for a gentle kiss. ]
Then, I shall endeavor to be the sweetest air from a warm spring morning fresh after the rain, because you deserve no less.
[ They are both extremely gay.
Luca's words make Joshua frown, though. For all that he's willing to put himself on the altar, so to speak, the thought of Luca participating makes his chest tighten with unease. ]
[A shiver works through Luca, one not at all related to the weather outside. He glances away with a huff, cheeks warming beneath the affection, then doubly so at those words.]
You need not try that hard, Joshua. You are all those things.
[He should have known that Joshua would act with trepidation. For all that they are both willing to throw themselves at the jaws of death, the idea of the other doing so is an uncomfortable one.]
My relationship with River, positive though it has turned, is also quite contentious. We made something of a tradition, fighting one another to the death. [Luca's death, specifically.] Several months apart from his perspective has surely left him itching for a return to form. And now he has the perfect stage for it.
[Despite the grave tone Luca speaks with, a thrill does run through him. He's missed their bloody spars, even if he might pretend otherwise for Joshua's sake.]
[ That is... a lot to unpack. Not surprising on River's front - he feels like the man must bond via a good fight or something. Not that there is anything wrong with that, of course. There are plenty that do.
But a fight to the death... Joshua averts his eyes for a moment. Right now, he doesn't know of anyone that has died thus far that has actually lost anything. In fact, it seems as though for once, they only stand to gain from it. But that is because Suri wants something from them. Once everything has been dealt with, he doesn't doubt it will go back to the same old same old. ]
... if that is... what you would like to do, then I will not stop you. I do not intend to judge what makes you happy.
[ He pauses, then turns his eyes back to look at Luca once more. ]
But once this is over, once death returns to having a price... Please, be careful. I cannot bear to see you die, but to see you lose something in addition would be a pain worse than death.
Admittedly, Luca had not thought of it from that perspective. It wasn't as if he was not constantly aware of what death meant here. Rather, his mind has been firmly focused on the past, where such consequence did not exist. It sends a pang of guilt through him, and he cannot help the way he instinctively steps forward, crowding into Joshua's space as he takes the taller man's face into his hands.]
I can assure you, I have no intention of losing my life in such a way. [Suri's promises aside, there was far too much risk involved. But also...] The man I was back then... [Joshua had been lucky, considering the fact that they had met long after the darker and desperate side of Luca had begun to peel away.] Given the fact that our Beasts were polar opposites, it had been my hope that by dying by River's hand, it might have been a more permanent method of being freed from the Phoenix.
[Now, that was no longer the case. And more importantly, he could no longer rely upon the Phoenix's failsafe, either.]
So long as I cannot be revived by my old methods, I would not take such a risk. There is far too much that both myself and my loved ones might lose.
[ Respectfully, Joshua listens. And he continues to listen, even as he slowly melts into Luca's touch. He... understands, to an extent. He knows that the Phoenix had been an awful experience, and to some, death is a more preferable outcome than being beholden to a creature that cares only for itself. He can't blame Luca for considering it. Actively seeking it, though...
But it is no matter. Luca doesn't seem to be interested in such a thing anymore. Joshua lets out a soft sigh of relief, lifting one hand to cup Luca's at his cheek. ]
Thank you. I appreciate your consideration.
[ And, as if to seal the words, he leans down to press a gentle kiss to Luca's forehead. ]
Out of respect for your relationship, I will not endeavor to step in to protect you, should it happen. I can only hope that you will be safe on your own, or that, by some miracle, my feather might be spared the nullification and can protect you from the worst.
[It is a relief to hear Joshua's words, especially after Kiera's own condemnation. Their outright rage at Luca's own consideration had left him soured. Even if he knew he could not blame them — they had lived through the worst of Luca's despair, after all — the fact that even in this single circumstance they could not make an allowance still weighed heavily upon him.
Right now, though, he does not want to consider that. He closes his eyes, basking in the tender affection.]
And I appreciate your understanding, Joshua. More than you know. [He slides a hand backward, gingerly carding through his hair.] Thank you for always watching over me, my beloved.
[ The fingers in his hair make Joshua shiver in a way that isn't entirely because of the cold, but he remains steadfast. They are still relatively in public view, or could be, at any rate. As much as he'd like to lean down for a proper kiss, he will not put that on Luca right now. ]
And I will continue to do so, whether you survive your encounter or not.
[ He murmurs the words against Luca's hair, then pulls back, smoothing his palm over his partner's cheek. ]
When this is all over, I should like to court you properly. We shall have a picnic, perhaps, or dinner beneath the stars.
[Though Joshua may hesitate, Luca has no such qualms. He presses up on his toes, lips brushing briefly over Joshua's own, before he settles back down. They are largely alone, with the only risk of being seen coming from those that might be wandering around outside. Luca liked to hope that they would be far more preoccupied with fending off any sort of crawlers to pay attention to the quiet moment being stolen away.]
I think I would like that. Though, I might lean toward a daytime excursion, if at all possible. [An almost playful smile dances across Luca's lips.]
It is still far too cold to be fumbling about after dark.
[ Oh. In the face of his own hesitance, the kiss makes Joshua's cheeks flush pink for a moment, eyebrows lifting. But the moment Luca has parted, he simply laughs, a soft and airy sound, and leans back down to return the favor in kind. Considering the precedent has now been set, he is far less shy about it. ]
A picnic, then. On a sunny day, no less, so that my beloved may stay warm. Should any snow intrude upon your presence, I shall melt it away.
[ Because he remembers how they first met, attempting to burn away the snow. He will not hesitate to do it again. ]
[It's Luca's turn to laugh, a soft and breathy thing. Light though the noise may be, it carries with it an undercurrent of actual delight, unfettered by the present circumstances or earlier conversation. With it comes a sense of relief. At least this was still normal.]
Beasts, how could I forget melting the snow?
[He had been in such a foul mood, yet Joshua had persisted nonetheless. Looking back on it now, Luca cannot help but feel grateful. How different things might have been, had they never crossed paths in such a way.]
[ Founder, but he loves that laugh. It truly delights him, knowing that even in such difficult times, Luca can be this happy. That laugh and that smile are what he wants to protect, more than anything else. ]
I remember it fondly. At the beginning, I thought that perhaps you didn't like me.
[ He, too, laughs. But this time, it's with considerably more genuine happiness, not quite the soft laugh he's used to. ]
Of course, I realized very quickly that this wasn't the case.
[It is simply ridiculous, the way Luca's cheeks begin to flush at Joshua's description of the memory. How humiliating, to know that he had made such a terrible first impression. Worse still was the fact that it had all been intentional.]
In truth, you caught me at a terrible time. I was still trying my best to put on an act that no longer fit me.
[And yet for all of Luca's humiliation, a soft smile begins to cross his lips.]
You and your brother helped me step out of that shadow. I knew that it was no longer who I wanted to be, but I had not figured out where to go from there.
[The praise makes Luca's heart beat unevenly for a moment. Though he tries to hold Joshua's gaze, to convey gratitude without words, it falls all the same. Something stings there for a moment, before he blinks it away.]
It has not been easy, that much is true. It has been a road fraught with loss, as you well know. [It isn't just Clive, but parts of his family, too. Beasts, even being away from home added to that impact.]
But knowing that I have come out from it better than I was... that much is a comfort.
[He squeezes Joshua's hands, more than happy to have them within his grasp.]
Thank you, Joshua. For your role, and for being here even now.
[ There's a glimmer there in Luca's eyes, however briefly, and Joshua's smile warms further. Lifting their combined hands, he uses a knuckle to gently brush at the corner of Luca's eye, just to show that he understands, than he is here for support. ]
There is nowhere I would rather be more than by your side.
[ And for good measure, a soft kiss is placed direct center above Luca's eyebrows. ]
Should you ever doubt yourself, know that I will gladly remind you of the lengths you've gone to change into the person you wanted to be. I shall write you an entire book, if need be.
Mm, is that so? [Emotions are running far too high right now, and the tension has been far too thick. More than anything, he wants to cast away the damper that has been placed upon their moods.] I imagine you would be much happier at my side within a library.
[As Joshua's lips come to rest against his skin, Luca feels his feathers ruffle. He huffs once, without any true malice or frustration behind it.]
Perhaps I will take you up on that. I would quite enjoy being the first to own a published record by Joshua Rosfield.
[ Oh, Luca knows him too well. Joshua laughs, shaking his head. ]
And I would still be by your side, would I not? Though, combining you with a library is quite the prospect.
[ He lifts his hand, smoothing down those feathers, gently letting his fingertips comb through them. Not in any inherently intimate way, but fond and doting. ]
Would you? Perhaps I will make that this year's Starlight gift, then. I have quite some time to work on it.
Perhaps I might come up with a few bad ideas for a later date. Once things even out, that is.
[Because they will even out. Yes, this takeover had spanned across months now, but even so, they had always managed to find their way out of trouble like this. Maybe it would be through Suri's offer. Maybe they would find something else. But one way or another, they would find a way.
And as Joshua's fingers settle against his neck, Luca feels all the more assured in that future. If nothing else came through, he would tear down the diseased moon in the sky himself.]
Will you now? That means I will have to come up with something to equal your gift. A shame it takes so long to prepare a decent wine. I would dedicate a new line to you.
Oh? I look forward to seeing what you might come up with.
[ It's true. This will pass eventually, in one way or another. And when they come out the other end, they will still be here, still be living. Hopefully, anyway. And what better way to give hope than to think of the future?
Once he's had his fill of Luca's feathers at his fingers, he lets his hand shift once more, sliding up to cup Luca's cheek. ]
An entire line of wine dedicated to me. That is certainly an honor, coming from you. Your wines are always quite lovely, as is befitting the man overseeing them.
Mm, I will be sure it is a pleasant surprise. You need one, after all of this.
[So does Luca, but this isn't about him. Not right now. Especially not when he's the one having attention laved upon him. He angles his head to the side, humming out a pleased little noise.]
I cannot take credit for them. Most of the stock is what Heimr provides. And if I feel particularly homesick, I request the bottles that my father was known for. [He trails off, waiting for the usual wave of grief. When nothing comes, Luca finds himself... almost making a face.
Well. He'll have to unpack that later.]
He was a well known vintner before he came into the sort of power our family name would typically provide.
[ Just to point that out. All of them do, but frankly, he is rather intent on showing Luca a good time once this is all behind them. A touch of normalcy, when their world has been so upended lately.
With his hand on Luca's cheek, Joshua listens. And once Luca has finished speaking, he leans down to press a gentle kiss to Luca's forehead. Founder, he finds it difficult to stop showering the man with affection. ]
I would love to try one of those wines the next time you request one, if you don't mind sharing it. The things that are important to you are important to me, as well.
[Once more, Luca's feathers begin to stir, undoing any effort that Joshua put in to smoothing them out. He offers a sheepish look in response, one mired in affection and adoration. Wordlessly, he returns the favor by pressing a kiss to Joshua's chin. It's the best he can do without demanding the man crouch down.]
I admit, I am ashamed to have not offered them sooner. I try to grab them every now and again, for my sibling and I.
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[ Because he can already tell that River... seems like a handful. And that's to say nothing of the history that Luca and River may have together that Joshua has no idea about. It would be understandable if Luca needed some space to handle anything that might come up.
But with Luca's hand being extended to him, how could he say no? He reaches out, taking it in his own and giving it a gentle but reassuring squeeze. ]
The offer is... a lot to consider. My initial reaction was to doubt his sincerity, but when I spoke to him, he made a point. Both Beiwe and Ourania are not present. Either they are blocked out somehow, or... no, I dare not fear the worst.
The truth of the matter is, we have been unable to do anything to change our situation. The troubles that typically plague the Grove seem to be over by month's end, but this continues to not only stretch on, but grow worse with time. The moons above... one of them is Valisthea's. We spent so long looking at it as children that I would recognize its craters anywhere, and now it is cracked in twain. Whatever this thing is, it holds a power over us akin to the gods and goddesses themselves. As much as I still intend to search for an alternative solution... we may need to ally ourselves, if it comes down to it. Better the devil you know, I suppose, as uneasy as it makes me.
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[Haha, gay?
Truthfully, though, River is a handful. That much had been quickly made apparent even during their initial brushes back home. Whether it be the constant need for a fight, the attention he seemed to always desire, or the general chaos he seemed to attract, things never seemed to slow down around him. That had been part of his charm, when Luca had wanted to lose himself. Now, though, having settled down and found a modicum of peace, it would be nice to share a similar mindset with someone from time to time. Joshua complemented River perfectly in that way.]
I understand you completely. [But Luca knows where this is going.] ... Admittedly, I would not feel right trying to dissuade you. I suspect I will have my own role to play in this offer soon enough.
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Then, I shall endeavor to be the sweetest air from a warm spring morning fresh after the rain, because you deserve no less.
[ They are both extremely gay.
Luca's words make Joshua frown, though. For all that he's willing to put himself on the altar, so to speak, the thought of Luca participating makes his chest tighten with unease. ]
What do you mean, exactly?
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You need not try that hard, Joshua. You are all those things.
[He should have known that Joshua would act with trepidation. For all that they are both willing to throw themselves at the jaws of death, the idea of the other doing so is an uncomfortable one.]
My relationship with River, positive though it has turned, is also quite contentious. We made something of a tradition, fighting one another to the death. [Luca's death, specifically.] Several months apart from his perspective has surely left him itching for a return to form. And now he has the perfect stage for it.
[Despite the grave tone Luca speaks with, a thrill does run through him. He's missed their bloody spars, even if he might pretend otherwise for Joshua's sake.]
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But a fight to the death... Joshua averts his eyes for a moment. Right now, he doesn't know of anyone that has died thus far that has actually lost anything. In fact, it seems as though for once, they only stand to gain from it. But that is because Suri wants something from them. Once everything has been dealt with, he doesn't doubt it will go back to the same old same old. ]
... if that is... what you would like to do, then I will not stop you. I do not intend to judge what makes you happy.
[ He pauses, then turns his eyes back to look at Luca once more. ]
But once this is over, once death returns to having a price... Please, be careful. I cannot bear to see you die, but to see you lose something in addition would be a pain worse than death.
cw: suicide/death seeking behaviors
Admittedly, Luca had not thought of it from that perspective. It wasn't as if he was not constantly aware of what death meant here. Rather, his mind has been firmly focused on the past, where such consequence did not exist. It sends a pang of guilt through him, and he cannot help the way he instinctively steps forward, crowding into Joshua's space as he takes the taller man's face into his hands.]
I can assure you, I have no intention of losing my life in such a way. [Suri's promises aside, there was far too much risk involved. But also...] The man I was back then... [Joshua had been lucky, considering the fact that they had met long after the darker and desperate side of Luca had begun to peel away.] Given the fact that our Beasts were polar opposites, it had been my hope that by dying by River's hand, it might have been a more permanent method of being freed from the Phoenix.
[Now, that was no longer the case. And more importantly, he could no longer rely upon the Phoenix's failsafe, either.]
So long as I cannot be revived by my old methods, I would not take such a risk. There is far too much that both myself and my loved ones might lose.
cw: mention of suicide
But it is no matter. Luca doesn't seem to be interested in such a thing anymore. Joshua lets out a soft sigh of relief, lifting one hand to cup Luca's at his cheek. ]
Thank you. I appreciate your consideration.
[ And, as if to seal the words, he leans down to press a gentle kiss to Luca's forehead. ]
Out of respect for your relationship, I will not endeavor to step in to protect you, should it happen. I can only hope that you will be safe on your own, or that, by some miracle, my feather might be spared the nullification and can protect you from the worst.
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Right now, though, he does not want to consider that. He closes his eyes, basking in the tender affection.]
And I appreciate your understanding, Joshua. More than you know. [He slides a hand backward, gingerly carding through his hair.] Thank you for always watching over me, my beloved.
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And I will continue to do so, whether you survive your encounter or not.
[ He murmurs the words against Luca's hair, then pulls back, smoothing his palm over his partner's cheek. ]
When this is all over, I should like to court you properly. We shall have a picnic, perhaps, or dinner beneath the stars.
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I think I would like that. Though, I might lean toward a daytime excursion, if at all possible. [An almost playful smile dances across Luca's lips.]
It is still far too cold to be fumbling about after dark.
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A picnic, then. On a sunny day, no less, so that my beloved may stay warm. Should any snow intrude upon your presence, I shall melt it away.
[ Because he remembers how they first met, attempting to burn away the snow. He will not hesitate to do it again. ]
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Beasts, how could I forget melting the snow?
[He had been in such a foul mood, yet Joshua had persisted nonetheless. Looking back on it now, Luca cannot help but feel grateful. How different things might have been, had they never crossed paths in such a way.]
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I remember it fondly. At the beginning, I thought that perhaps you didn't like me.
[ He, too, laughs. But this time, it's with considerably more genuine happiness, not quite the soft laugh he's used to. ]
Of course, I realized very quickly that this wasn't the case.
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In truth, you caught me at a terrible time. I was still trying my best to put on an act that no longer fit me.
[And yet for all of Luca's humiliation, a soft smile begins to cross his lips.]
You and your brother helped me step out of that shadow. I knew that it was no longer who I wanted to be, but I had not figured out where to go from there.
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Then, I am glad we met you when we did. I am truly honored to have witnessed the person you've grown to be.
[ He shifts once more, seeking out Luca's hands with his own. Just to hold, nothing more. ]
I am proud of you, Luca. Such changes are not easy.
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It has not been easy, that much is true. It has been a road fraught with loss, as you well know. [It isn't just Clive, but parts of his family, too. Beasts, even being away from home added to that impact.]
But knowing that I have come out from it better than I was... that much is a comfort.
[He squeezes Joshua's hands, more than happy to have them within his grasp.]
Thank you, Joshua. For your role, and for being here even now.
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There is nowhere I would rather be more than by your side.
[ And for good measure, a soft kiss is placed direct center above Luca's eyebrows. ]
Should you ever doubt yourself, know that I will gladly remind you of the lengths you've gone to change into the person you wanted to be. I shall write you an entire book, if need be.
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[As Joshua's lips come to rest against his skin, Luca feels his feathers ruffle. He huffs once, without any true malice or frustration behind it.]
Perhaps I will take you up on that. I would quite enjoy being the first to own a published record by Joshua Rosfield.
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And I would still be by your side, would I not? Though, combining you with a library is quite the prospect.
[ He lifts his hand, smoothing down those feathers, gently letting his fingertips comb through them. Not in any inherently intimate way, but fond and doting. ]
Would you? Perhaps I will make that this year's Starlight gift, then. I have quite some time to work on it.
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[Because they will even out. Yes, this takeover had spanned across months now, but even so, they had always managed to find their way out of trouble like this. Maybe it would be through Suri's offer. Maybe they would find something else. But one way or another, they would find a way.
And as Joshua's fingers settle against his neck, Luca feels all the more assured in that future. If nothing else came through, he would tear down the diseased moon in the sky himself.]
Will you now? That means I will have to come up with something to equal your gift. A shame it takes so long to prepare a decent wine. I would dedicate a new line to you.
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[ It's true. This will pass eventually, in one way or another. And when they come out the other end, they will still be here, still be living. Hopefully, anyway. And what better way to give hope than to think of the future?
Once he's had his fill of Luca's feathers at his fingers, he lets his hand shift once more, sliding up to cup Luca's cheek. ]
An entire line of wine dedicated to me. That is certainly an honor, coming from you. Your wines are always quite lovely, as is befitting the man overseeing them.
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[So does Luca, but this isn't about him. Not right now. Especially not when he's the one having attention laved upon him. He angles his head to the side, humming out a pleased little noise.]
I cannot take credit for them. Most of the stock is what Heimr provides. And if I feel particularly homesick, I request the bottles that my father was known for. [He trails off, waiting for the usual wave of grief. When nothing comes, Luca finds himself... almost making a face.
Well. He'll have to unpack that later.]
He was a well known vintner before he came into the sort of power our family name would typically provide.
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[ Just to point that out. All of them do, but frankly, he is rather intent on showing Luca a good time once this is all behind them. A touch of normalcy, when their world has been so upended lately.
With his hand on Luca's cheek, Joshua listens. And once Luca has finished speaking, he leans down to press a gentle kiss to Luca's forehead. Founder, he finds it difficult to stop showering the man with affection. ]
I would love to try one of those wines the next time you request one, if you don't mind sharing it. The things that are important to you are important to me, as well.
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I admit, I am ashamed to have not offered them sooner. I try to grab them every now and again, for my sibling and I.
[It's a good way to drink the homesickness away.]