sticksandbones

🤡

Who: Allen + You!
What: Holy clown boy coming to a Grove near you!
When: Beginning of March
Where: ??? Around
Warnings: None yet, will be in headers as the pop up.

I. I've tasted all your sin (Forest entrance)

[ There is, perhaps, not a single person who would say arriving in the Grove isn't jarring. Some woke up here from their own slumber back home, and that is perhaps the smoothest transition you can get, even even that has yet to be graceful. For Allen, one moment he's holding the hand of his friend, trying to wake him up from what he could only assume was a horrific coma, and then next he's... here. His hand clasps in on itself, and he's suddenly looking around in a panic. He knew that the place he'd ended up may very well kick him out of his consciousness. May lend just the right amount of strength for Nea to pull him out of the "driver's seat", so to speak, but... is that what's happening now? Now, when he was so close to saving his friend?

No.

No, no, no.

The panic sets in as he darts from out of the trees, attempting to look for something, anything that might help him figure out how to get back. It's once he gets into the Grove proper that his eye activates. He has his own questions about that - if he's not in control, where is that coming from? What would his eye see... in his own head? Before he can ponder it for too long, he at least gets one of his answers. What does his eye see? Well.

Death.

It's the first time Allen's seeing souls not attached to something else, but Allen doesn't have time to process that part. Rather, he is trying to remember how to breathe again, because as of now, seeing the horrible visions in front of him - death of his friends, of those he loves, of a fire that isn't really there - all has the air he's trying to get out caught in his throat. It's only once his eye deactivates, the sclera turning from black to white and the red of his eye back to a silvery gray, does he finally have some kind of reprieve from the overwhelm. It's not much. The panic has only gotten worse, after all.

He falls to his knees, gasping for air as if he'd been held underwater for too long. ]

II. You've lost your appetite (for sacrifice) (Timcanpy, the Inn)

[ Timcanpy is a little golden golem. He is here! He isn't sure why he's here, but he is! How exciting! He's gonna...! He's...!!!

...

Where is this!!!!!!!!!! He is going to float out of the inn room he Spawned(tm) in and??? chew on the first person he sees. Hello. ]

III. How can we terminate this parasite (Around the Grove)

[ Fortunately, although the panic attack hits Allen like a train, the fact that he's so fucking hungry does as well. Which means... this is definitely his body. He's not stuck in his head. That's?? Good. Probably. Well, it's not good that he doesn't know where he is, but it's good he's still Him. Does this make sense? No. It doesn't. Fuck, he's SO hungry-

He will very hastily try to find the first person he can and catch their attention with a friendly wave of his normal-looking hand, and in a thick, British accent: ] Cheers! Uh, I have a lot of questions, but... most important, do you know where a bloke might find some food? Preferably, a lot of it?

...

Oh, also, what is that? [ He's, uh, pointing at Moder. ]

IV. If you keep digging up the Host? (Wildcard)
HMU if you wanna do something else pls I have such a strong muse for my baby boy I'm gonna be SO annoying-

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[ As Allen's feet are back on the dirt of the Grove, the pearly white, glowing gateway behind him shatters like glass and simply stops existing. There's a moment where Allen looks like he's really trying to think what this means, the nail of his thumb in his mouth as he's trying to find a way to ground himself in the wake of the hurricane that is his thoughts. It's clear as day on his face, too, that the gears are moving much too fast, and he is figuring out the "what"s and "why"s to questions he hasn't even asked yet.

He only remembers how to talk when Lily touches him, snapping him out of his daze... sort of. He's still bewildered as fuck and not having a good time trying to navigate any of this. The panic is back and he's never been good at emotional regulation. He wasn't raised, he doesn't know- ]

Is this God's punishment?

( the question feels like a slap in the face; she recoils with wide eyes and a sharp inhale--

oh, if only. if only, because then only she would be here, and only she would deserve this-

but

that's not what either of them need right now.

lily exhales, tries to steady herself. )

... No. Never. You have done nothing to deserve this.

( one of her bandaged hands moves to his hand, gentle and guiding. )

I will answer your questions, I promise. But before then... we still have to get you inside, no? You're already processing a lot. Anything else can wait right now.

[ He stares at Lily's hand for a moment, surprised anyone would attempt to grab for his Innocence when he hadn't yet gloved it. The sharp nails and the jagged, almost mannequin-esque joints don't exactly make it inviting, after all. It doesn't take him long to gently take her hand in turn, though. ]

...Okay. [ He doesn't believe that for a second. But he also isn't going to push it, because it's not like Lily knows about Allen. Doesn't know he's a jester in God's court, a science project for the divine. No one needs to know that. Not even Allen, who unfortunately reached for this knowledge and had it bite him in the ass. The saddest part is probably that he would do it all over again.

What is worse, after all? Losing yourself and all your memories, or knowing the cold, awful truths?

And speaking of- ] I can handle it. Whatever you have to tell me, I will listen. It's better to tell me now while I'm overwhelmed, than just trickle the overwhelm over time, right?

I'm used to this sort of thing. I'll be okay.

( she listens, quiet as she leads him to the inn. it still smells familiar to her... )

... Very well. But, um... where would you prefer...? The lobby has a lot of comfortable chairs, and the fire is very warm! But the dining room is also rather comfortable...!

( lily tries to smile, and she's desperate to give him any sort of comfort, but... this is kind of the worst, actually. and should she even broach the unthinkable? aaa! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! no one taught her how to be a normal cookie already, and now there's this thrown into it!

she can at least bring him to the kitchen, where she finally lets go of his hand and puts the folder down so she can get the kettle and tea. as the water starts to heat, she prepares two tea steepers, because oh stars she's going to need some too-

the tea itself smells floral- chamomile, lavender, wildflowers, green earl grey, alongside a honey note. )

I recommend you try the tea once it's ready before adding anything to it, but if you take sweeteners I'd recommend honey with this blend. It should help calm your nerves and is gentle in both flavor and in weight.

Oh, I don't usually mess with tea once it's made for me. I trust the tea maker - it's been considered rude to change it on several occasions for me.

... [ The steepers are very cute, though. He glances up at Lily. "You're not alone," she says, and Allen knows what that means. I'm stuck, too. He doesn't drink it just yet, and as his question comes out, he's staring at his reflection in the tea, instead of up at Lily. ] How long have you been here?

I won't take any offense, I promise.

( it's perhaps the most relaxed smile she's offered yet, as opposed to her nervous or borderline frantic ones from just moments ago. it quickly deflates though, something more melancholy and resigned. )

... Come summer, it will be two years. I woke up on the beach while the rest of the town had been exploring it, so... our captor does like to keep us all together, at least. If your friends are here, they will be close.

...

You had asked if this was God's punishment. It is not your God, but it is a fallen God never the less. Give it not your faith nor respect.

[ For a moment, Allen knits his brows together, tapping his fingers anxiously against the mug. He very likely has similar thoughts to what most would. "That won't be me" or "I'll find a way out", or less optimistically "I won't survive two years away from home" somewhere in his head. But, beyond all of that, he's mostly just trying to sort this information for him to ruminate on later.

... But then she mentions another God, and Allen picks up his head like ?? ] Uh?

... what? [ Don't- ] But there's only one God? [ Damn it, Allen, you stupid fucking Catholic- ] You're mistaken, Miss Lily.

( ...............oh boy who's gonna tell him

she is. fuck.

lily clears her throat. )

Perhaps in your world, yes, but we were all kidnapped across dimensions. This realm hosts divinity in many forms, from the ruling Goddesses to the demigods who protect nature and communities. Our captor is their lost brother who went mad with hatred, risen again to torment those he can get his hands on.

My own realm holds countless gods, though some also worship other factions- like my dear friend's kingdom worships dragons.

[ Truly, there is humor to be found in the fact that Lily could have told Allen about the past lives, about the different universes, about timeline, about the Guardians, about the spirits, about magic, about cookies, about the animal folk, about the world eaters, and yet THIS... this is the thing that makes him go "hwh??? Wh???? HEllo??????" ]

The fuck y'mean there's bloody more of 'em???

[ Ehem. ]

So we're just. Another deity's stupid project? [ Great. Cool. Love that. ]

Yes.

My friend Flamebringer got to blow him up! He did recover though, tragically.

( that's probably the only positive thing she has to say about that battle. with a soft sigh, lily stirs her tea idly. )

... Beiwe, Goddess of the Sun, and Ourania, Goddess of the Moon, are both benevolent. They are kind and loving, and... human. In ways I could not expect. But our captor is a dramatic, selfish, childish, sadistic brat.

Unfortunately, we are still at his mercy, as the Goddesses are severely weakened.

...

( she inhales. )

He pulls us through a rift, but... he can only pull people who already hold an attachment to this realm. How... familiar are you with the concept of... Reincarnation...?

[ Are you sure they're Gods and not just Powerful People With God Complexes? Because there's no way Gods are benevolent and human. Like, maybe benevolent, never human. And even then, a God's benevolence is usually... unknowable. Something only understood by the divine, and not by the mortal.

And. Okay, he lied, he's going through the five stages of grief, but on loop. What do you mean. Why would you word it like that. Is he being Punk'd right now-- ]

...Too familiar. Unfortunately.

[ He's drinking his tea now, thanks. Just downing the whole thing. ]

( oh no, oh no, she fucked up-- )

I... I'm sorry. But, the only people who can be spirited away are... people who's souls originate from this realm. From this town. For years they'd been trapped and tormented by the Fallen Sun, and eventually grew so desperate to escape that a spell was cast... if anyone died here, their soul would be cast to other worlds, other dimensions, so that their deaths would not fuel his power. From there, they would be reborn anew, and hopefully stay in their new home world... but he's brought us back for a round 2.

( for a moment she looks over to the folder, reaches for it-

but she stops herself. he looks terrified. she can't do this to him right now. so instead she simply takes his cup for a refill, because oh no. )

[ There’s a moment where Allen brings his hand up to his face and squeezes his eyes shut tight, before he’s then combing it through his hair and pulling himself back to lean back in his chair. He looks straight up at the ceiling now, inhaling deeply like that’s somehow going to help him absorb all of this. Hey, at least this time, he isn’t actively dying while the information is stored in his brain!

All that air he just took in comes out… in the form of a comically childish raspberry. Yeah, this WOULD happen to him, Allen fucking Walker, huh??? Why not. Add it to the pile! ]

Always bloody reincarnation and God being a proper wanker. Tale as old as time at this point!

[ A sigh, raspberry-less this time. He sits upright again to look at Lily. ]

Sorry, I do appreciate it, but this sounds all mighty close to what I was already dealing with. I’m just going in for a round two, I suppose.

Feel free to continue. If I look angry, I promise it’s not at you.

Well- um. About once a month we get menaced somehow, because our suffering amuses the Fallen Sun. Death isn't permanent, but it still has a cost- It ripped a young girl's arm off, for example...

( she slides his cup back over to him. and then... the folder. )

This is... something I discovered myself a few days ago. I'd been heading to the Archives to try and find more official information when I found you.

I... It will be relevant to you. You don't have to look if you aren't ready yet though.

[ This is a joke.

He knows that people say “history repeats itself”, but Allen would never in a million years guess that it would be so fucking literal. It feels like this is some divine comedy and Allen fucking Walker is the goddamn punchline. Lily keeps talking, sliding him tea and such, and all the while Allen just stares unblinking at his Innocence, lips pressed into a thin line. His fingers lift from the table, the too long black nails tapping against the wood as they do, and he flexes them out, almost expecting them to suddenly defy him somehow.

They do not. It is still his arm.

Or rather, an arm he’s borrowing from God.

…

He picks his head up finally to look at her, another tired, faux smile on his face. If this is a test from God, he’s failed spectacularly. Or perhaps he’s passed? It’s hard to tell with God. He has despair that lives in his heart that tells him that’s a fail, but his will to keep fighting and loving hasn’t been rattled. So maybe God seems that a win?

God fucking sucks.

All of them. ]

Relevant to me? [ About his past life. Or past past life, he supposes. ] Can I hazard a guess, just for fun?

[ Since everything has been repeating thus far. ]

I was a kid here with darker hair. I had a friend named Lavi who had silver hair like mine. Lavi died to protect me and I forgot about him or maybe our soul became an indecipherable amalgamation. Something like that? Or maybe I had a dad here I loved very much, and it’s my fault he died?

Something like that?

[ …Politely, he pushes the folder away. ]

I don’t think I’m ready to relive that part again.

...

( somehow, lily smiles. as she begins speaking, she opens the folder after all. )

Not at all.

( the first image is of lily herself, slightly older than as she appears before him now, bedraggled and beaming at the bundle in her arms as she sits up in bed. )

Allen Wilder was born to one Lily Wilder on a warm day when flowers were in bloom. He had one older brother, though I have not verified who the father was yet.

[ He does not flinch when she opens the folder, though his smile does fall pretty quickly. He doesn’t know what’s in there, but if it has anything to do with the stuff she’s been saying…

…

Huh? ] Born to…? [ He repeats, confused. That’s not right. He didn’t have parents. Not really. The closest thing he had was Mana, and the old woman he called “Mother” who “took care” of him with Cross. But even they weren’t really his parents.

… Lily, huh? He looks up at her. There’s a tiny voice in the back of his head saying he should stay upset, that the “brother” part doesn’t bode well, but… ]

You… I had a mom?

You had a mom. And I know that anyone who loved me would not leave you wanting for anything.

( seamus became a necromancer for his friends. that man would spoil these boys rotten. and then pure vanilla, elder faerie... and the friends she's rediscovered in this world. )

I, um. I won't force any relation you don't want. But... I'm really glad that I got to meet you!

[ Once again, this is a joke. He wants to laugh at it. At the very funny joke that there was yet another Allen before the previous Allen that was before THIS Allen. Was he happier? Was it just an increasing despair scale for Allen’s? Each Allen with a more miserable life than the last??

Once again, Allen is the fucking punchline.

And yet, despite that hollow feeling in his stomach, he still wants to know more. Who was he? What is he SUPPOSED to be? Just who is Allen Walker? He still doesn’t have an answer to that, so despite his better judgement, he reaches out to take Lily’s hands. ]

Do you… Do you remember anything about that? Or…?

Not yet, but sometimes- sometimes we get memories back. And I have a lot of photo albums! I... Ah, I hadn't gone through them before, but when one was knocked out of the shelf, I found these.

( she leans in slightly, elbows resting on the table as she keeps a soft, warm voice. believe her, please- she wants nothing more than to know who they were together. )

I want to, though. I- never considered myself as someone who could have a family. But I also want to know you as you are now.

[ Allen winces, and with a gentle squeeze, he will part their hands here. He supposes that would be too easy. It’s not like just having memories flood into your brain like it’s a play you’re forced to watch.

He laughs, though. ] You and me both. [ He’s not bitter. It’s fine. He’s fine. ] We’re a lot alike in that regard, though. I’m not someone who really knows what having a family is like, or… when I do, it doesn’t seem to last.

So, terribly sorry to disappoint, but I’m not really a good suitor for “son”.

As I said, I won't force anything. But... well, to be honest, that doesn't matter to me at all. I've found some uncanny companionship before. You'd hardly be the worst of it.

( she doesn't reach after him, instead folding her hands together on the table. but... )

Besides, before I was forced to stay in one place by a sadistic god, I was a nomad. I don't think I'm really 'mother material' either!

( half the grove just laughed real loud-

but it's also a quiet plea she's not even aware she's making. stay with her, please, if we aren't good moms or sons we can be bad together- )

[ “Sadistic” and “God” are synonymous at this point. ]

…What are the people like here? If you’ve been stuck — if we’re stuck — what… are things I should expect?

( ah- ... she supposes that- that's fair.

lily is quiet for a moment. )

...

They're all rather colorful. But I love them all dearly. Everyone is from different worlds, and so they may appear differently than you expect. Some of the boys your age and younger are very gentle, while others are more fierce. People butt heads a lot, sometimes... but we also care about each other a lot.

It's best to keep an open mind about others, because some of us come from extremely strange circumstances.

There's a few rowdy folk- Akaza and Flamebringer come to mind especially- but there's also community. You'll be welcomed regardless.

... Oh, ah, we do have some people who are called demons. Flamebringer is not one of them, and 'demon' is a racial slur for his people, so please mind your words.

( she should tell him about her world. so he doesn't get surprised. but... somehow it feels too heavy on her tongue. )

Time flows strangely here, so it's hard to keep track of things. Sometimes days last... well, days, and other times, it's too quick to feel real.

Our captor enjoys throwing different trials and 'games' at us approximately every month. These can range from enchanted items that interfere with your mental state to monsters attacking to, ah, being spirited away to other locations for whatever he wants. I'm told he once made people escape an active volcano...? But he also trapped us in an undersea laboratory for a month, too.

I run the clinic, though I have several people who help now. The most prominent will be Joshua, a young man with strawberry blonde hair. Another is Shinobu Kocho, who has a wide variety of specialties... I believe Lodi also helped last month? There's others as well, so if you need help you won't be lacking.

( he can avoid her if he wants. )

[ Allen listens. He seems to be absorbing everything with gentle nods of his head, as if making an internal checklist. It would be easier if Timcanpy were here with him to record this, but… surely his ADHD can work with him long enough to retain this much without needing to write it down. ]

A lot of this sounds like stuff I’m already used to! So at least I won’t have that hard of a transition during my time here.

I’m an- [ Pause. ] Formerly, I was an exorcist. We killed things we called “Akuma”, though “demons” is not too far off. But I’ve met my fair share of those I trust to know not immediately cast judgement on those who bear that blood oil. [ Well- no. He’s got the spirit though. ]

But I am physically very capable, and I heal quite rapidly compared to most humans, so you won’t have to waste any sort of resources on me. I do well in combat situations, and am willing to be part of any sort of guard or similar such here. I… um? I do require quite a lot of food, though. As in I usually eat meals suited more for three people than just one…

[ It sounds like he’s giving a job interview. And maybe he is- ]

I can also- That gateway I summoned outside? It’s called “The Ark”. It’s sort of… it’s own contained… realm? I suppose? But I can make doorways within it to other destinations. I’m not able to use it to get back home, for some reason, but I might be able to make doorways here, if there’s places that take too long to get to usually.

The only caveat is that I have to have been there, first.

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