sticksandbones

🤡

Who: Allen + You!
What: Holy clown boy coming to a Grove near you!
When: Beginning of March
Where: ??? Around
Warnings: None yet, will be in headers as the pop up.

I. I've tasted all your sin (Forest entrance)

[ There is, perhaps, not a single person who would say arriving in the Grove isn't jarring. Some woke up here from their own slumber back home, and that is perhaps the smoothest transition you can get, even even that has yet to be graceful. For Allen, one moment he's holding the hand of his friend, trying to wake him up from what he could only assume was a horrific coma, and then next he's... here. His hand clasps in on itself, and he's suddenly looking around in a panic. He knew that the place he'd ended up may very well kick him out of his consciousness. May lend just the right amount of strength for Nea to pull him out of the "driver's seat", so to speak, but... is that what's happening now? Now, when he was so close to saving his friend?

No.

No, no, no.

The panic sets in as he darts from out of the trees, attempting to look for something, anything that might help him figure out how to get back. It's once he gets into the Grove proper that his eye activates. He has his own questions about that - if he's not in control, where is that coming from? What would his eye see... in his own head? Before he can ponder it for too long, he at least gets one of his answers. What does his eye see? Well.

Death.

It's the first time Allen's seeing souls not attached to something else, but Allen doesn't have time to process that part. Rather, he is trying to remember how to breathe again, because as of now, seeing the horrible visions in front of him - death of his friends, of those he loves, of a fire that isn't really there - all has the air he's trying to get out caught in his throat. It's only once his eye deactivates, the sclera turning from black to white and the red of his eye back to a silvery gray, does he finally have some kind of reprieve from the overwhelm. It's not much. The panic has only gotten worse, after all.

He falls to his knees, gasping for air as if he'd been held underwater for too long. ]

II. You've lost your appetite (for sacrifice) (Timcanpy, the Inn)

[ Timcanpy is a little golden golem. He is here! He isn't sure why he's here, but he is! How exciting! He's gonna...! He's...!!!

...

Where is this!!!!!!!!!! He is going to float out of the inn room he Spawned(tm) in and??? chew on the first person he sees. Hello. ]

III. How can we terminate this parasite (Around the Grove)

[ Fortunately, although the panic attack hits Allen like a train, the fact that he's so fucking hungry does as well. Which means... this is definitely his body. He's not stuck in his head. That's?? Good. Probably. Well, it's not good that he doesn't know where he is, but it's good he's still Him. Does this make sense? No. It doesn't. Fuck, he's SO hungry-

He will very hastily try to find the first person he can and catch their attention with a friendly wave of his normal-looking hand, and in a thick, British accent: ] Cheers! Uh, I have a lot of questions, but... most important, do you know where a bloke might find some food? Preferably, a lot of it?

...

Oh, also, what is that? [ He's, uh, pointing at Moder. ]

IV. If you keep digging up the Host? (Wildcard)
HMU if you wanna do something else pls I have such a strong muse for my baby boy I'm gonna be SO annoying-

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...You know you don't have to wait for him? You could go do other things in the meantime. Unless there's glue on these seats that I'm unaware of! Besides, going to sleep on these things seems really uncomfortable. I don't want you to have a sore back. [ Once again, Allen, meditating is not sleeping. ]

I never really learned how to pray - I think I've told you that before? Is there a proper way you're supposed to do it? Like... um... posture-wise, or... is there something you're supposed to say...? Are there templates for these things or can you pray for whatever you want?

I know. I'm here because I want to be.

[It's nice and quiet...and while he can also be in the quiet at home, this is a different kind of quiet. Even if the atmosphere leaves a bit to be desired, with how it smells like dust and...old.]

There isn't a template, and there isn't a right or wrong way to pray. Some people recite well-known prayers, while others will just say their own. The one universal constant is to bow your head and close your eyes, and then you just...think the prayer in your mind, as if God were in the room with you and you were speaking directly to Him.

Have you ever heard the Lord's Prayer?

[ Allen adjusts himself to sit a little more proper, setting his hands in his lap as he does the motion of bowing his head and closing his eyes, before looking back at Link with a sort of "Like this?" look to him. Until he speaks, then he's sitting back up straight again. ]

...Doesn't ring any bells.

[Nodding, Link starts to speak without even thinking:]

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy Name,
thy kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those
who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

For thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen.

[ Allen is fully intent to listen. He wonders for a brief second if he needs to be bowing his head and closing his eyes for this, too. If it's impolite or if God will be angry if he doesn't do this right. He doesn't get a lot of time to think about it, for Link gets about to lines in and there's an overwhelming presence that easily brushes away the usual cacophony of thoughts in Allen's head. It presents itself as a voice that isn't Allen's. No. A song. One that attempts to rival the prayer that Link recites. To the point, unfortunately, Allen is unable to truly focus on either.

But at least one of these he knows already.

He flinches a bit, but he doesn't try to stop Link. Mostly because he's surprised himself here, realistically. Once his prayer ends, Allen doesn't reply immediately, still keeping his head bowed and eyes closed.

... ]

[ But, he offers Link a smile after. Too ashamed to tell him he'd only caught roughly half of that. And even then, Allen can't say he'd really grasped it. ]

They don't... make prayer easy to understand, huh?

[ Haha. Ha. ]

[With his eyes closed as they are, Link doesn't pick up on Allen's distress. He's just dutifully reciting the prayer, only looking over at him once it's done. Although he is able to pick up on the hint of something in his eyes...he elects to not press. For now.]

They don't, no. But as I said, you don't have to use pre-written prayers. That prayer is taken directly from two Bible verses. You can just...speak to God, instead. I personally find that more effective.

[Or comforting, at the very least.]

[ At least his thoughts are returning back to him. But now they're all just a confused ocean of various questions that could all likely be summarized as "what the fuck was that?" He can assume that was Nea sticking his fingers in, but he can't be wholly sure. He also hopes... genuinely hopes it was not? That would imply some pretty fucking bad things if it were. He looks back down at his lap. ]

I guess... my issue is that... I wouldn't know what to pray for. I was to try, but the only thing I really want are answers from God Himself. And I know I'm not going to get those, so I... don't see a point, I guess.

I understand. That's a difficult situation.

[Link frowns, sitting back in his seat a little. God, these pews are uncomfortable.]

When I pray, I pray for things such as good health, safety for those I care about, and the strength to do what is right. Though there are certainly times I've caught myself asking him questions that will never get a proper answer as well.

[Such as "why was I born to like men".]

[ Allen is staring at the ceiling again, appreciating the colors from the windows and the way they mix us they overlap one another. It’s something else to focus on, too, which Allen needs. Lest something else presses against his mind without him controlling it. ]

But you don’t have to pray for any of that. God didn’t make you strong, or make you healthy. That’s all things you worked on. And… God didn’t save me from Apocryphos. [ The opposite if you think about it for too long. ] You did.

…

I guess… I just don’t want to ask for something I can give myself. Like, what if there’s a finite amount of stuff I can ask for? Wouldn’t I want to save my prayers for something important, then?

I don't believe prayer is finite. You have to remember, Allen, that...

[Mmm. He closes his eyes, tilting his head back towards the ceiling.]

Much of religion is rooted in faith. People who are not Exorcists, or work with Innocence and Akuma as closely as we do, have to exercise their faith even more diligently, because they otherwise don't have much else to go on. It can be frustrating, but I feel like it's...okay to not have all of the answers. And, I suppose if God gave us everything we needed or wanted at any given moment, we would simply have no need to better ourselves.

At the end of the day, what you ask God for is between you and God alone.

[ The ending of that song... it had to do with prayer, too, he thinks. Something about praying infinitely. He remembers. But... even if that's so, why...? Allen just shakes his head. He should probably just nod and try to pray again, but maybe just suddenly being reminded of Mana has his emotions all on the fritz. So- ]

But you aren't an Exorcist! You may work with the Order, but you don't have Innocence! God didn't give you the ability to do the things you do like the accommodators, and yet you are by far better than most Exorcists I know! That includes myself!!! And you didn't need God's assistance to do that! You did that on your own merits!

I am not asking for all of the answers, I just... you're proof humanity doesn't need divine intervention like what we received. So then, why have we received it when knowledge is far more valuable than intervention is???

[Link is quiet for a moment as he takes in Allen's words, looking up at the cross bearing down on them both. It's kindof ironic that it's clearly a weapon very similar to the ones the Exorcists use...a gun, like Cross Marion's.]

...I don't know.

[He says simply, still looking at the cross as if it will give him the answers, somehow.]

It's something I've been trying to figure out. I suppose more than anything it's just...hard, to not want to believe that God's plan is ultimately just, given how close we always brush with Divinity.

[They live in a world where God is, at the very least, undeniably real.

...but God is also terrifying, and unpredictable. Apocryphos is living proof of that.

Link grimaces and glances away towards the stained glass windows around them.]

I...! I am not trying to say God's plan is the Hells we experience! We've already talked about our feelings about... that.

[ Y'know, about the whole "is there a world" bit. He knows he's not helping here. He's... trying. He really isn't actively trying to shake Link's faith or anything like that. He bites his lip a moment, before opting to stand from the pew and get directly in front of Link. He reaches out to grab Link's hands and hold them tightly in his own. ]

You are proper proof that humans are capable of so much, Li! And if you can work hard to match the divinity accommodators have been given, then that means there's hope for us to find the answers to which we're looking for, without intervention! If all He could give us is guidance, than to not be bound by fate or even His plan is that guidance!

[Oh...

As Allen moves to be in front of him and holds his hands like he does, Link can't help but feel touched. The corners of his lips quirk into something of a smile, even if it's a touch sad.

He brushes his thumbs over the backs of Allen's knuckles.]

...Thank you, Allen. I don't know how you do it, but you always seem to know just what to say.

[ He shakes his head. ] I just say what I believe to be true. And I believe in this!!

[ From where Allen is in front of Link, he gets onto his knees. He brings Link's hands, still in his own, and sandwiches them with his own as he touches his forehead to the hand amalgamation he's made, but specifically against Link's fingers as his head bows and he closes his eyes. The kneeling is... supposed to be important, right? He's pretty sure he's seen the nuns do this before. ]

And I also believe that... if God offers guidance in response to prayer, then listening to our hearts is a reasonable thing to do. That prayer will always be heard. That following our feet and the path we're on will never be led astray, so long as it's what we believe in, above all else. So long as it is a path you walk with those you love! Amen!

-!

[Link watches in quiet befuddlement as Allen suddenly kneels in front of him, and that very act alone causes his heart to leap ridiculously in his chest. It lodges itself in his throat and stays there, annoyingly, pounding so hard it's distracting as Allen presses their joined hands to his forehead and "prays".

Link's logical brain can't help but continue to be incredibly touched by Allen, who is always so sweet, kind, and reassuring. His instinctual, buried under six feet of concrete latent attraction is going

Hot hot hot hot hoT HOT HOT-

He's sweating. He wonders if Allen will notice.]

...Amen.

[He tugs just a little on Allen's hands to get him to open his eyes and lift his head to look up at him, and

Before the urge leaves him and gets replaced with the desire to throw himself out one of the church windows, Link will lean forward at the torso and press his lips to Allen's in the lightest, softest little butterfly kiss imaginable for a man his size.]

[ It isn't hard to get Allen to look up from where he is. Especially after he finishes speaking. "Praying". Realistically, he should try to do so a little more than that, and... even with Link's prior comfort of letting him know he "knows what to say", Allen feels like a fish out of water here. He believes in all of this, but it's also hard for him to properly read Link. He thinks... he's not making things better. He thinks he needs to be doing better.

Until Link kisses him, anyway. Ah. Okay. So then... he really is doing okay, especially if Link suddenly found the confidence to kiss him in the House of God. It might be feather light, and yet it still gets Allen to fluster. His fingers twitch a little against Link's, yet he still tries to return it just as quickly, for fear Link might pull away before he's able to do this much.

...

He hopes Link isn't hurting his back too much leaning this far forward. Maybe kneeling wasn't a good idea- ]

[Honestly, Link doesn't know where that confidence came from, it just...it felt right in the moment, even if his head feels like it's going to explode. There are two wolves inside of him ripping each other apart right now, and one of them is gay while the other is afraid. He wanted to act on the feeling before it left him, even if it was 100% an impulse.

The kiss doesn't last very long at all because Link does end up pulling away a few seconds later, but at least it did give Allen enough time to return it. He's not even thinking about his back to be honest, instead looking down at Allen like a deer in headlights.

He can't believe he just-]

M. My apologies. Was that okay?

[ Allen laughs. It's soft, yet the emptiness of the church carries it in an echo anyway. Despite his prior shock, he gifts Link with one of his saint-like smiles. ]

You don't have to apologize. That was brilliant~

[ He puts his hands on the pews now, using it as a support as he stands back up, only to lean down and pull Link into a hug, settling his head right against his shoulder. He knows Link probably is already kicking himself for this. He can only hope Allen can give him just a little bit of comfort with his choice. Even just a smidge of it would sate Allen. ]

Thank you, Li.

[Oh he absolutely is kicking himself currently, so it's a good thing that Allen reaching out to hug him serves as a distraction for that. Whatever else he was going to say gets caught up in his throat for the moment, his lips trembling before he gets a hold of himself and hugs him back. Like...really hugs him this time, maybe for the first time. He isn't sure he'd call the hug in the ocean a proper one since they got bowled over just seconds after.]

What are you thanking me for? I can't imagine that was...very....good.

I wouldn't say that at all. But... hypothetically, we'll say it wasn't. It still made me happy. Isn't that what matters?

[ He can't really... sit without the hug being weird. Unless he wanted to sit in Link's lap, but he feels like that's how he shatters all of this progress he just made. So, leaning it is. If he has a sore back later, it'll be worth it. ]

I...I suppose you're right. In that case, then...I'm glad that you're happy.

[God, he is so. Stiff. Dry. He's really not good yet at this sort of thing and it shows. Thank God Allen has the patience of a saint because Link is taking these tiny, baby shuffling steps right now, doing his damn best the whole way.]

And I think...at the end of the day, that is what God would want, right? For his children to be happy.

[Within reason, of course. If mass murder makes you happy maybe reconsider.]

[ Nea voice: fuck no, lmao-

Allen gives a little nod. ] That's what I think! It's why I was so adamant... on the beach, about love. I still stand by that.

[ Allen is fine with baby steps. So long as Link keeps walking, no matter how slow, Allen will walk with him. Taking things at one's own pace is important, after all. He doesn't part from the hug, but he does lift his head from Link's shoulder so he can press their foreheads together. ]

I will tell you a little secret, though, Li. Being with you in general, it's proper hard not to be happy.

[Oh he's gonna go explode now, bye-]

That actually reminds me of a question I'd wanted to ask you.

[He's going to gesture for Allen to sit beside him so he isn't leaning over awkwardly, though he's welcome to keep his head on his shoulder if he wants.]

When exactly did you realize you...fancied me?

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