[Kanda would rather not stand here, and if Lavi is going to stand there processing, then Kanda will simply grab the redhead's wrist and start dragging him in the direction of home. Surely those stupid little lightballs aren't indoors? If they're lucky, anyway.]
I don't know, [he snarls,] I don't fucking know, but I suggest moving your ass unless you want to have your brain invaded again.
[Kanda isn't letting go for now, at least until he has dodged all of the glowing orbs of Bullshit and has sufficiently gotten them both home in one piece. The front door gets shouldered open, and he gives no response to any other comments until they're there, in too much of a rush.
No light balls in the house. Good. Kanda immediately lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding and shuffles toward the couch to collapse into a heavy sit.]
Outta the fucking woods for now. [In a literal sense of the word, too.] We don't need to talk about it.
[But maybe they should — commiserate, or at least exchange platitudes and call it there. Kanda is no good at comfort, but even he knows that's a pretty sour memory to have to live at all.]
[Lavi shuts the door behind them, leaning against it with his arms crossed over his chest. Pointedly not looking at his friend, for a few moments it might seem like Kanda's looking at a mirror, with the redhead decidedly giving off an air of "don't interact under penalty of injury" as he gathers back his thoughts.
The details of both fights tangled, faces superimposing... He knows he can easily pick them apart by focusing. But the feelings attached to both memories is raw still, and they feed into each other what with being so similar... Friend pitted against friend unwillingly or unhappily. But survival is necessary to the holder of the memory.
Lavi grunts, his eye flickering with an emotion; regret or pain...and then it's shuffled aside.]
Don't. [He shifts on his feet, arms dropping and shoving his hands in his pockets, still avoiding Kanda's gaze.]
Both of us did what we had to do. Our... [Shaking his head, correcting himself.] My feelings about it... Don't matter.
[There's a tsk on his lips faster than he thinks he's ever tsk'd before.]
Don't let Beansprout catch you saying that. [But is Allen really the point? It's not like he's here to get on Lavi's case about it.] They clearly do, though, or you wouldn't be standing there brooding by the door.
[Just callin' it like he sees it.]
We don't have to talk about it. God knows I wouldn't be much help if you wanted to. I'm just... empathizing. I guess.
[And while Lavi could easily spit out those hateful words he's had to hear time and time again for years—"A Bookman has no need for a heart"—he bites his tongue. Because at the moment, it's kinda hypocritical of him.
Shaking his head again.] I'm pissed off. [He says that flatly.] My memories are supposed to stay that, mine.
[Perhaps he's still being effected by Kanda's memory emotions, the rage in there.
A lengthy pause here.] ...If anything, I'm the one who should be saying that. [Although. Right now, he's not sure how sincerely those words would be taken. Lavi rubs at his face with his hand.]
It happened. That's all. He was there, and then the Earl got his hands in him. Same as your...friend.
Agreed, and that's why I dragged both of us inside before more of those light balls clocked us. Who knows who else is going to see something? Some stranger?
[Which would be a helluva way to meet someone. Kanda loathes the idea more than he can possibly say. For now, he pats the seat next to him on the couch in offer.]
It always ties back to the goddamn Earl. It's a part of life and we both know that, but it's a goddamn stupid one. Look, when we get out of here, I'll race you to see who can slug the motherfucker first.
[If anything, being reminded of those balls of light make Lavi tense right back up. Still, there's a call to the tree that he can't shake.
He shifts on his feet, unsure about the seat-offer. Mostly because it's un-Kanda-like behavior. And he's sure as hell that it's not his own memory influencing the swordsman. And honestly, he doesn't even want to punch the Earl.
Sure, he should. But the rage from Doug's death has long since simmered down. His primary target is Desires now. As much as he would be able to do anything to the Noah in question...]
I'll let you and Allen duke that one out.
[Sorry if you're trying to cheer him up, doesn't seem to be working.]
[This is why he doesn't do the comforting thing. He fucking sucks at it every time, and he knows he sucks at it, and any attempt he makes is usually killed by him saying something stupid. Shout out to telling Allen to vent to him and Allen said "yeah, my dad's dead" and Kanda said "okay but are you sure?" for some goddamn reason.
What is wrong with him, he wonders every day of his life.]
...great. [Fuck dude he's so bad at this.] So, what now? Don't tell me you're going to go mope in bed all day.
[There. That feels a little less forced from Kanda's perspective, even if he knows by this point that is Not The Comforting Thing To Say. He fucking tried man. It was not a good attempt but he did try. Tiedoll, wherever you are, please be proud of your son.]
[Kanda's personality doesn't lend to him being believed, sadly. Perhaps as they grow closer, Lavi will eventually take him at his word. But their growing together is slow! And Lavi does appreciate the attempt, especially considering they were just in each other's heads unwillingly.
Snorting a little and the tenseness starts to leave him. That's the normal Kanda.]
Hardly. [Though, honestly, doing nothing physically would help him get this nonsense in his head sorted. So that means...meditation is the next best thing.]
Can I borrow your garden for a bit? So I can avoid those bobs of annoyance.
Don't care if you do or don't. Link's in there all the damn time and Beansprout pops in. It's not exactly mine.
[Even if he's the one who rolls out of bed at 4am every day to go meditate. He flips his wrist dismissively, like they're talking about the weather and disagreeing on what the cloud cover means.]
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I don't know, [he snarls,] I don't fucking know, but I suggest moving your ass unless you want to have your brain invaded again.
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At least for the first few feet, then he gets his uh...feet under him and is following along with Kanda.]
Not really, yeah?
[Grumble grumble grumble.]
Didn't want it invaded the first time.
[And how the hell does he bring up that whole...kerfuffle.]
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No light balls in the house. Good. Kanda immediately lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding and shuffles toward the couch to collapse into a heavy sit.]
Outta the fucking woods for now. [In a literal sense of the word, too.] We don't need to talk about it.
[But maybe they should — commiserate, or at least exchange platitudes and call it there. Kanda is no good at comfort, but even he knows that's a pretty sour memory to have to live at all.]
But, [after a minute:] s...orry.
[There is an attempt.]
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The details of both fights tangled, faces superimposing... He knows he can easily pick them apart by focusing. But the feelings attached to both memories is raw still, and they feed into each other what with being so similar... Friend pitted against friend unwillingly or unhappily. But survival is necessary to the holder of the memory.
Lavi grunts, his eye flickering with an emotion; regret or pain...and then it's shuffled aside.]
Don't. [He shifts on his feet, arms dropping and shoving his hands in his pockets, still avoiding Kanda's gaze.]
Both of us did what we had to do. Our... [Shaking his head, correcting himself.] My feelings about it... Don't matter.
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Don't let Beansprout catch you saying that. [But is Allen really the point? It's not like he's here to get on Lavi's case about it.] They clearly do, though, or you wouldn't be standing there brooding by the door.
[Just callin' it like he sees it.]
We don't have to talk about it. God knows I wouldn't be much help if you wanted to. I'm just... empathizing. I guess.
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Shaking his head again.] I'm pissed off. [He says that flatly.] My memories are supposed to stay that, mine.
[Perhaps he's still being effected by Kanda's memory emotions, the rage in there.
A lengthy pause here.] ...If anything, I'm the one who should be saying that. [Although. Right now, he's not sure how sincerely those words would be taken. Lavi rubs at his face with his hand.]
It happened. That's all. He was there, and then the Earl got his hands in him. Same as your...friend.
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[Which would be a helluva way to meet someone. Kanda loathes the idea more than he can possibly say. For now, he pats the seat next to him on the couch in offer.]
It always ties back to the goddamn Earl. It's a part of life and we both know that, but it's a goddamn stupid one. Look, when we get out of here, I'll race you to see who can slug the motherfucker first.
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He shifts on his feet, unsure about the seat-offer. Mostly because it's un-Kanda-like behavior. And he's sure as hell that it's not his own memory influencing the swordsman. And honestly, he doesn't even want to punch the Earl.
Sure, he should. But the rage from Doug's death has long since simmered down. His primary target is Desires now. As much as he would be able to do anything to the Noah in question...]
I'll let you and Allen duke that one out.
[Sorry if you're trying to cheer him up, doesn't seem to be working.]
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What is wrong with him, he wonders every day of his life.]
...great. [Fuck dude he's so bad at this.] So, what now? Don't tell me you're going to go mope in bed all day.
[There. That feels a little less forced from Kanda's perspective, even if he knows by this point that is Not The Comforting Thing To Say. He fucking tried man. It was not a good attempt but he did try. Tiedoll, wherever you are, please be proud of your son.]
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Snorting a little and the tenseness starts to leave him. That's the normal Kanda.]
Hardly. [Though, honestly, doing nothing physically would help him get this nonsense in his head sorted. So that means...meditation is the next best thing.]
Can I borrow your garden for a bit? So I can avoid those bobs of annoyance.
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[Even if he's the one who rolls out of bed at 4am every day to go meditate. He flips his wrist dismissively, like they're talking about the weather and disagreeing on what the cloud cover means.]
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[He pauses at the entrance, looking back at Kanda.]
'm sorry about your friend, yeah? Feel free to grab me for a spar later if ya need.
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[This is a promise and not a threat. He's going to Get you, Lavi.]