sticksandbones | Back Up The Stairs Again

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Back Up The Stairs Again

Who: The April Fool Himself, Vash the STampede
What: Vash returns to the Grove
When: Early, early morning, April 1st.
Where: Around the Grove
Warnings: Sibling death, Vash related Vashing, gradual mentions of corruption. Brief mentions of eye changes possibly verging on eye horror?

i. Running in Shoes that Shine — Outside the Church, OTA

[When Vash emerges from the woods, it’s well past midnight. Most anyone in the grove would likely be asleep, and he wouldn’t blame them for it. In fact, he’s counting on it. The last thing he wants is to be disturbed like this. He has a task to complete, and the last thing he wants is to field questions.

Nai’s body is laid down beside the grave that holds Wolfwood. He doesn’t yet process that space has collapsed in on itself, too focused on making sure his brother is properly secured. His jacket is removed, and set to the side. The knife tendrils are laid out like wings behind him. It almost looks like he’s sleeping in the moonlight. Almost.

The conversation he has with Heimr is quick. Just a shovel, please don’t ask any questions. He’s sure the shopkeeper knows he’s been gone for weeks. He doesn’t want to hear any of it. He takes the shovel and trudges back to the church.

Digging the grave takes ages. It’s slowed by the wounds still clinging to Vash’s body. The newer ones, ones that cropped up when he strayed too far from the path in his exhaustion, tear themselves open anew. His already torn thermal becomes wet with blood and sweat. But still he digs.

By the time the sun rises, Nai has been placed into the dirt and covered up anew. Vash stares down at his work with an unreadable expression. He still wears Wolfwood’s glasses. He refuses to take them off. It means his vision is darkened to an almost crippling degree. If someone approached, he wouldn’t know it.]

ii. With Blood that isn't Mine — Inside the Church, Closed to livlaughlove and lupusxylem

[At some point, Vash shakes off whoever has approached him. He enters the church, movements stiff, pained, and robotic. He kneels before the cross, his head bowed low. He’s never believed in this particular god. In a lot of ways, it feels wrong to kneel and pray to Him, when he’s already cast his faith behind a different divine. But Nick did believe, as far as Vash knew, and Nai had at least seemed interested in the teachings of this faith. And so to this God he prays.

Forgive them. Let them rest peacefully. Let them find comfort.

It’s short, all things considered. He doesn’t want to linger here overlong, not after everything that’s happened. Not when he still isn’t ready for questions. But when he tries to rise, he finds his legs locking up on him. All at once, his body feels weak. Instead of standing, he collapses against the cold ground. He stares up at the cross, wondering if this is spite somehow.

And then his vision darkens.]

iii. A Stinging Trophy — Around the Grove

[A few days and reunions later, Vash at least seems capable of walking around the grove on his own. Wolfwood’s glasses have been replaced with his own. These aren’t quite as capable of hiding the changes that the darker lenses might have. His eyes have shifted, almost as if the sky blue hue of his iris had begun to bleed into the sclera. The faint, pastel blue hint might even be imperceptible at first glance.

If you’re caught staring, Vash will simply look away, waving anyone off with a half-smile.]

It’s nothing. Just picked up a little something while I was lost in the woods. It’ll fade, I’m sure.

iv. Of the Battles I've Survived — Wildcard

[Vash is going to be throwing himself back into the Grove like nothing happened. Feel free to encounter him anywhere around the town. Or, reach out to me and we can plot something out!]

v. SUPER SECRET BONUS PROMPT

[A few days after his arrival and subsequent chat on the Netbook, something new appears in the grove. Where once Beiwe's statue stood alone, now a second statue joins her. Which means over the next few days, Vash can be found trying to make sure she's well-cared for in her new home. He brings a cutting from his Geranium, still growing strong, and tries to get it to root within the dirt there. A few other flowers are gathered for her as well.

Anyone on the Netbooks will find a short note in their pages. "Ourania is home. Please come say hi!"

More importantly, he can be found sitting in front of her every evening, just as the moon reaches its highest point within the sky. He isn't sure if he's praying so much as he is just talking, but Vash can be heard speaking to her all the same. It's usually casual conversation, but there's plenty of praise being heaped on as well.

He's new to this! Don't judge him!]

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[this is... painful, and awkward. livio feels like he shouldn't be privy to any of it. as much as he knows he has vash's blessing around being with nick, that doesn't mean he should be involved in their issues. he already knows wolfwood is in pain, but it's as obvious as ever that vash is suffering, too, no matter how much he tries to hide it.

and heaven and hell both know livio has made his fair share of dumbass mistakes that he eventually came to regret.

right now, he looks to nick, again, just from the corner of his vision. he still feels like he needs explicit permission to even look at nicholas while he's going through something. he probably always will, because he, too, lives in a pit of his own guilt.]

Do you... want me to stay with you? Or go with him?

[Wolfwood, as promised, says nothing at all. He has much he wants to say, but he isn't going to say it here, right now. For as upset as he is, he wants Vash to get medical attention. He wants him to be okay, above all else, and he knows better than to think he's fine. It looks like he'd been chewed up and spat out by a monster of some kind, and he still hasn't forgotten how well that went the last time.

He looks over to Livio as he's addressed, his gaze previously lingering on his original shades that Vash left behind. He'd suspected it when he woke up without them, but...it's obvious now that Vash must have taken them from his corpse.]

...go make sure he gets there alright. Keep an eye on him.

[His expression is hard to read as he wheels himself all the way into the aisle, reaching over to retrieve his glasses from the pew.]

I'll meet you there.

[without lingering much, trying to respect nick's wishes, livio nods and hurries out after vash.

assuming the independent hasn't disappeared from sight, he jogs a bit to catch up to him. sweeps around from a few feet to vash's side, just so he doesn't surprise him.]

Hey... [he pauses, as if he wants to say something else. but he likely decides against it, considering he falls in step with vash and looks to the ground.]

[The sound of Livio's approaching footsteps doesn't particularly surprise Vash. He continues walking, maintaining the same pace as he had been. A glance is cast at him sidelong, studying his stance even as he acknowledges the other man's presence.]

You don't have to stay with me. I'm not interested in defyin' anyone anymore.

[He doesn't wait for Livio to try to open the door to the clinic. He steps inside, arm extended to hold the door open for Livio. Who cares if it makes some of the gouges on his arm sting. It's deserved. It's all deserved.]

[he wants to argue that he isn't here to babysit vash, but... that wouldn't entirely be true.

livio also thinks it's kind of ridiculous for the guy who needs medical attention to be the one holding the door, but arguing wouldn't help anything, so he just goes inside.]

I'm not just making sure you came. I'm worried about you, too.

It's a few scratches. Most of them already healed.

[It's not quite accurate. There are gouges and claw marks that have dried blood still clinging to them. At least the burns in the center of his chest have healed, but that seems like a small comfort comparatively.

Still, despite his insistence, he doesn't protest as he's ushered to a bed. He glances toward Livio once, then motions with his head toward the curtain. If he's going to get poked and prodded, he wants privacy. The last thing he needs is for anyone to worry about the extent of his wounds that he's definitely not downplaying.

Thankfully, it's drawn, leaving Vash to his business and Livio to his own.]

Doesn't mean what's still there won't get infected. Or that you're not dehydrated or starving or any number'a things.

[nonetheless, he does as he believes vash requests and takes his leave. now he knows vash is going to at least receive a once-over, so he can go back outside and wait for nick. maybe meet him halfway if he spots him coming up.

it's an awkward position for livio to be in, knowing how rough the ground is and generally how difficult of an adjustment this all is for wolfwood, all while not wanting to hover and add to his struggling self esteem.]

[As Livio exits the clinic to wait for Wolfwood...he'll spot him still halfway across the Grove proper. It's not that he lacks the strength to propel the damn chair, it's just more that this is a skill he did not previously possess, and it's not been enjoyable having to learn it on grass. But slowly and steadily he's coming, at least until he gets a few dozen yards off and has to stop to rest. That's when he'll look up and meet Livio's gaze for just long enough to let him know he needs his help.

He is thankful, up until now, he's never really needed to express it verbally.

As they make their way to the front, though, Wolfwood will sit back and murmur to Livio.]

Hey. Can I talk to you, before we go in there?

[for better or worse, livio might as well be attached to wolfwood. though... truth be told, he isn't sure where he's going to stand once vash is back on his feet. the house is small, and livio was never really a resident. it'll probably be on vash to help nick out like this.

he can worry about that later, he supposes. right now, he should give all his attention to nicholas.]

Of course.

[It isn't until they come to a stop that Wolfwood speaks up...but not without shifting a little in the chair so he can reach over and take Livio's hand.]

I know both you and I ain't much for big emotional speeches, so I'll make it short. I just...

You've been here for me this entire time. You've been bendin' over backwards just to make sure I got everything I need, and...you've been gettin' caught between me n'blondie's messes ever since you got here on top of that.

[His thumb brushes over his knuckles, not unlike how Livio held his hand when he woke up in the clinic.]

I wanna know how you're feelin' about it. And...I want you to know that you don't have to deal with this with me, but I want you there as much as I feel like you've got a right to be there.

But that's only if you wanna be here.

[Because he knows you, Livio. You're going to do whatever he tells you, whether it's what you actually want or not.]

[it's comforting, the touch, especially as gentle and thoughtful as it is. as to whether it actually changes livio's mind, well... it takes him a moment to find words.]

It isn't that I don't wanna be there for you. It's just... I feel like it ain't my business, mostly. I mean, I'm mad. I'm mad he did the exact opposite of what you asked him, but not because it made things harder on me or anything. Just because it went against the one thing you asked. But then, it's your choice to forgive him or not, not mine.

[he sighs, shifting and letting his gaze drift away.]

... I also know he's beatin' himself up about it already, and I don't wanna make him feel cornered.

[and, predictably...] But I'll be there if you need me to be.

Yeah...I know.

[He isn't sure what Vash is expecting they'll say to him, but he does know that Vash is likely in there self deprecating as they speak. None of the three of them are mentally well, is the takeaway.

After a moment of silence, Wolfwood will gesture for Livio to come a step closer. If and when he does, he'll reach out to rest his other hand briefly against his middle. If he could be standing, it would be his chest, but...you know.]

It's less that I need you to be there, and more that I don't want to leave you out. I mean...I need you just as much as I needed him. I love you, Liv.

[He closes his eyes, pulling Livio's hand close enough so that he can press his lips to his knuckles.]

I'll be okay, whatever you want to do. I just want it to be your choice, not mine. You feel me?

["needed" sends livio into a panic, as well as he hides it. he may well be misinterpreting, but his brain is a professional at taking one tiny anxiety-inducing scrap and running away with it.

he doesn't want anything to do with this. he also doesn't want to be left in the dark. he doesn't want nick to singlehandedly fight against vash's self-flagellation. he also doesn't want vash to face nick alone.

the only hint at any of this mental spiral is the quickened pulse wolfwood may feel in the veins of livio's hand, pressed so sweetly to his lips.]

I'm sorry, if I've put too much on you. I didn't think of it like that.

[Fortunately, Livio’s anxiety is causing him to misinterpret things. The situation is not so dire as he fears, no matter how Wolfwood has been feeling about it. It’s just a matter of getting over this hurdle, which…Wolfwood couldn’t even be sure would be one they could cross. There’s no guarantee you come back, and Vash had been gone for weeks.

Just as he had.

He takes note of his quickening pulse, shaking his head a little as he draws back a fraction.]

Nah. Everything has been a bit much, but it hasn’t been you. I can’t really thank you enough for stickin’ by me until now.

Which is why I’m tellin’ you that you can go, or you can stay. I’m leavin’ that up to you.

[Which he realizes is it’s own stress considering how Livio operates.]

I won’t be mad either way.

[he should be there for nick. he knows he should.

and yet... he wants so badly to walk away.

ugh. he can always stand in the corner and let himself drift out of the conversation, right? he hardly needs to try, these days.]

I'll... always be here for you. [ultimately, he means that. so he takes control of his hand back to caress at nick's cheek.] Whenever you're ready.

[There's a pause before Wolfwood's expression softens, and for just a moment, he leans into the touch of Livio's hand like a contented cat.]

I know you will be.

Let's get in there. Add's probably got him settled somewhere by now.

[liv nods, and after he's gotten wolfwood and his chair up the steps and through the door all situated properly, he pushes him over toward where vash was last.]

Vash? It's us.

[Thankfully, the bulk of the work has been done by now. Livio hadn't been wrong that the cuts and gouges on his body were in dire need of cleaning. At this point, though, the wounds had been washed and thoroughly cleaned, and bandages carefully applied. Between the necessary wrapping of his wounds, he looks like he's made of cloth rather than skin. What little does poke through is still plenty marred by his other, earlier scars.

But the curtain is pulled back, and there's plenty of privacy to be had. Not that Vash is eager for what conversations would crop up. They were both right, that Vash had begun to twist himself up. He can't imagine what other reason the two of them would have for lingering outside, beyond simply not wanting to see him.

Once again, the thought occurs to him. That he should have stayed gone. That he should have wound up dead. Wolfwood had enough on his place. He didn't need an absentee partner when he had a perfectly reliable and kind man to stand beside him.

He looks up only for a second, studying one man then the other. He can't linger on Wolfwood for long, and Livio doesn't fare much better. He feels the weight of what he'd done to them heavy on his shoulders, and it forces his gaze to turn downward once again. The strange discoloration of his eyes is all the more evident in the fluorescence of the clinic.]

[It's silent. It's awkward. It's everything Wolfwood was dreading, yet knew needed to happen sooner rather than later. He just wishes he knew exactly what he wanted to say to Vash, here.

Ruminating and being angry about how things had gone for a solid week should have given him an exact script of things to say, but now that he's here? Now that he's seeing Vash again- eye to fucked up eye? The words aren't coming to him so easily. He'd waited for Livio to push his chair into the room, near Vash's bed but not so close as to be beside it just yet, and now...the silence reigns.

It is stifling. The emotions he's grabbling with are threatening to drag him under, and he hates it more than anything. He wants to be angry, enraged, but just as much as he's upset...he also just wants to hold him. He wants to fall asleep in his arms and pretend none of this ever happened.

But he can't. He has to break the silence.]

...why did you leave.

[Right to the point then. Vash wishes his bandages weren't so tight, that he could pull his legs to his chest and hide behind them. He wishes the curtains weren't open, so he could at least pretend like he isn't affected. He does his best to bite back the grief, the guilt, the anger, but he wears it plain on his face. He's too exhausted to keep up the facade.

And maybe that's for the best. Hiding right now, when Wolfwood wanted an honest answer, wasn't going to do either of them any good. Vash might balk at the idea of talking about his actual feelings, but he isn't going to fight it.

(Is he hurt that Wolfwood doesn't ask about his wellbeing? Maybe. But in the same instant that he thinks it, Vash knows that he doesn't deserve it. Wolfwood had suffered far more than him, after all.)

In any case, he doesn't know if the answer he has will satisfy. But he offers it up nonetheless.]

I don't know. [His head shakes.] Town felt so small. Like I couldn't breathe anymore. All I could think was "how am I gonna live in this place when I've only ever known it with him." Like I was the only one goin' through that, right? [He looks at Livio, then away. The floor is particularly interesting today.]

And maybe I had this fool thought in my head. That I was gonna track the creature down to wherever it lived and... convince it to stop. To not hurt anyone else. Talk real sweet, like I always do when I'm in trouble. And maybe it'd pan out like it did every other time.

[He laughs, barking out a noise that tastes bitter on his lips.]

It didn't do me any good. Went the exact opposite direction. Got my ass handed to me. The other thing I always do.

[Wolfwood has to bite his tongue, nearly in half, to stop himself from saying something mean and unhelpful. It speaks to how what he's gone through has affected him, maybe, that he's actually able to hold it back. The self depreciation is as expected as it is hard to listen to, because he knew that's what Vash was going to pepper his explanation with. He wants to tell him that, if he knew it was a stupid, fool idea, then why the fuck did he go through with it?

It's because he's always acted with his heart, not his head.

He looks down for just a moment, eyeing wherever Vash's hands might have ended up. On either side of him on the bed, or maybe in his lap.]

"The road to hell's paved with good intentions". You've prolly heard that one.

[Wolfwood sighs heavily, his nails digging into the arms of his chair.]

...when I woke up, Liv told me you took off into the woods, and that he hadn't seen you again. That it'd been weeks since.

You didn't plan on ever makin' it back. Did you?

[this is every bit as awkward as he imagined. and just as he imagined, livio doesn't think he should be here for this conversation. he doesn't have anything to contribute, doesn't even have any commentary, and he sure as shit doesn't have any business hearing either of them guess at what's going on in the other's brain.

granted, he's been wondering the same thing -- why vash thought abandoning nicholas' last wishes was worth it. a suicide mission to take out the creature sounds... about right, actually.

livio doesn't blame vash for leaving him behind. hell -- if nick hadn't deliberately asked him to hang tight, if he hadn't thought of poor angelina, livio might have done damn near the same thing.

he keeps to himself. waits for their conversation to reach its conclusion. tries to act like he isn't there, as much as he physically can.]

[Perhaps the worst part, is that his words aren't entirely self-deprecation. In his eyes, it's admitting his faults. That had been crucial the last time he and Wolfwood had fought. He hadn't owned the root of the mistake. Now, he's trying to do his best to do just that. The problem is that, like most things, he's going about it in the exact worst way possible.

(Why did they put up with him? Their forgiveness had to run out sooner rather than later, right?)

There's no hiding the way Vash winces at the question. Maybe it makes him angry, too. He had known it would be a distinct possibility, but he hadn't set out to die. Maybe it smarts because the second he came face to face with death, he knew he'd made a mistake. That he just wanted to be back here.]

I don't know what I was thinking. I do know that I was hurting — already said that. All I could think was that I wanted to save just one person. Convince the Creature, maybe. Or I'd find - [He trails off. He isn't ready for that conversation yet. Nor does he deserve to weep and bemoan his circumstances when everyone else was already suffering.]

I knew there was a big chance that I'd get my ass handed to me. That the Creature wouldn't be too happy about me showing up. But I wasn't runnin' off to die. I was just... running.

[His head lolls back, gaze fixing on the ceiling.]

It had only felt like a few hours by the time I... got to the coast. And after everything... [He motions, vaguely, to his wounds.] I don't know how long I slept. But it never felt like weeks. A day. Maybe three at most.

[Some part of Wolfwood knows he's being unreasonable. He's not pulling any punches here, going straight for the questions Vash won't want to answer, and accusations that- while not made entirely in bad faith- aren't putting a lot of faith in Vash's intentions either. But, underneath it all, it's coming from a place that cares. A place that's been hurt.

A place that had trusted Vash to be there when he couldn't.]

...yer lucky to be alive, yaknow.

[He growls, and the chair suddenly shifts. For a moment, it almost looks like he's going to wheel it away.

Instead, though, he moves closer to Vash's bedside. He pushes himself all the way over until he's close enough to touch, if he wanted.

He pulls off his shades, folding and tucking them into the collar of his shirt. It makes it harder for him to hide behind their dark lenses, but it also means that Vash can't avoid his gaze anymore. Nor is Wolfwood having to watch the way those criss-crossing glowing lines frame his new scars.]

I'm...glad you're alive. Cause I laid here thinkin' we'd never see you again.

[His expression falls a fraction, his gaze sliding over to where Livio stands across the room. He doesn't want to speak for Livio. He doesn't want to put him in a position where he has to involve himself.

He places his hand on the bed, just an inch or so away from Vash.]

...Fuck, Vash. I...hate it when you do shit like this. I hate it when you make me feel like this.

[...]

....and. None'a this woulda' happened if I'd just listened.

[Wolfwood doesn't know the half of it. Not that Vash is trying to obscure what happened. If asked, he'll talk about it. But giving both men a sob story about his injuries and his near death experience, or a tale of faith as he was saved by a god he isn't so sure either of them believed in? It didn't feel right. They'd suffered for no reason. Vash had only gotten what he'd deserved.

Wolfwood is right that he can't avoid his gaze any long though. He tries to at first, eyes fixed over the man's shoulder. But it doesn't last. He meets his eyes and —

for the first time he starts to tear up. The sickening blue is gone now, leaving the gaze he's far more familiar with. If he really felt like being sappy, he'd call it the eyes he fell in love with. Gross.]

I'm sorry. [He ignores Wolfwood's hand, in favor of laying his forehead against the man's shoulder. It's probably too much to ask for. He knows he doesn't deserve it. But his heart aches and his body hurts and je just wants to be selfish for a second or two.

Only that. His head lifts just as fast as it'd come to rest against him. His gaze lifts to Livio now.]

To both of you. I shouldn't have left you. Ignored what you asked of me. And I'm sorry it took... Took what it did to get me to realize how bad I messed up

[Only now does Vash take Wolfwood's hand. He clutches it between both of his own, gentle at first, then firm. He forces himself to stare at Nick once more.]

But it's not your fault. Please, please don't blame yourself.

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