new moon

[amethystic]

so
i slept for almost two months apparently

honestly 10/10 would recommend
it felt weirdly dreamless but in a good way



anyway i'm alive

Comments

[purevanillacookie]

Shh, shh, it is okay. Cry it out, my dear.

[ He holds her tightly, letting her curl up into a ball, moving her blankets to help tuck her in further. He rocks her gently back and forth, his hand coming up to stroke over her head, gently tucking strands behind her ears, away from her face.

And he gives the top of her head a soft kiss, before tucking her in tighter. ]

[amethystic]

( nineteen years is a brief flicker of time, for one like him. and yet it is so impossibly long to go without love. imagine that being all that you know. to expect it for so long that you push and claw away from any effort.

it's tiring.

her lungs and eyes hurt, and just being rocked feels so utterly foreign to her. did her father do this for her, before he died? she wasn't even two years old. did vic, before he decided she wasn't worth it?



... did... her mother ever...?

her voice is barely a whisper when she speaks. )

I don't... want to be alone... but its always a lie.

[purevanillacookie]

I know, my dear. I know.

[ And he does. If asked if he was happy before, Pure Vanilla would have answered yes. Of course he was. And he would have to answer the same way to being lonely. The lack of love in their lives might have been different, but it was still the same. To go without being held like you matter as a person. To not hear words of affirmation, of love.

It was only recently he himself felt it.

He sighs softly, rearranging her a little. ]

I cannot say for sure what the future will bring us, but I can offer you this. So long as I am alive, you will not be alone. I will always be with you, my child.

[amethystic]

... If you also lie, I'll curse the entire grove. I won't endure this another time.

( ... it's... not a no. but it's something, for certain. )

[purevanillacookie]

[ That makes him smile a little, and he rests his hand on her head, and then his cheek gently there as well. Keeping her in nice and secure. ]

I do not lie. You have me by your side, my dear. So long as you wish it.

[amethystic]

...Even if I'm clingy? Or act out?

( if she pushes away and runs and hides? )

[purevanillacookie]

Ah, you mean, be a teenager? My dear, of course. You will have your bad days, as often as you have good. I will be by your side through them all.

[amethystic]

( in the most deadpan: )

I have a body count, you know.

[purevanillacookie]

[ That makes him arch his eyebrow because from what she's told him: ]

Have any of those lives taken been by your own will?

[amethystic]

... Some were self defense. Some were just there.

( read: she lost control of her highly dangerous, highly toxic magic in the wrong place. )

[purevanillacookie]

[ Shakes his head gently. ]

If it was not done with malicious intent to end a life, then I cannot judge or condemn you.

[amethystic]

You should! I did terrible things for terrible people!

[purevanillacookie]

Did you do them of your own free will?

[amethystic]

I-

( yes? no? both? they gave her praise and what she thought was love for her crimes. so she continued to commit them. but the moment she showed hesitation or doubt she was hurt. so she kept doing it.

logically, it points to one definitive anser. and yet... )

... I don't know.

[purevanillacookie]

[ That hesitance tells him all he needs to know, and he nods gently against her head, squeezing her softly. ]

I do. You are not a bad person, my dear. Coercion to do things is not a willful desire to harm.

[amethystic]

...

( there's a sniffle as she starts tearing up again, clinging with her one hand. she hates this feeling, so much. pain. memories. hope.


... hope most of all. )

T. Talk it over with your current housemates before you make invitations like this. ... Don't go yet, though?

[purevanillacookie]

Of course, I will talk it over and let you know their thoughts.

[ He already knows what they'll say and he smiles to her request, nodding. ]

I will stay, as long as you desire I stay.

[ He leans back and drags her with him so she can recline, his hand making soothing circles on her back. A parent with their child, soothing them after a rough day. ]

[amethystic]

Good.

( ... what an utterly foreign feeling.

she wishes she could hate it.

... if pure vanilla isn't careful though, felicity may just wind up falling asleep like this, desperately clutching onto his robe so he can't leave. )

[purevanillacookie]

[ If she falls asleep, he won't move her, simply tuck her against him and let her sleep.

.......... If she does, however, he will end up passed out as well, head back in the grandpa pose, propped up by his horns. ]