sticksandbones

[ This is a level of comfort he can easily slip back into. He snorts out a soft laugh, tipping his head. ]

Oh? A promise, you say? I'll hold you to that.

[ In the meantime... Beat, please be more gentle with your fur, it's already coming out in clumps as it is. Ohhhhh he needs a brush. ]

How about I help you out with all that fur? You could use a good brushing. You're probably covered in burrs and brambles, and I'm sure you have a ridiculous amount of tangles.

... Yeah?

[ He perks at the idea of being brushed, tail wagging happily as he looks around to find a place to sit himself down at. Then pause, ears flicking back. ]

Oh, yeah prolly, you sure you wanna brush it? A lots gonna be comin' out, I uh... I mean if it's been two months tha's a lot of build up...

I don't mind. Personal grooming is important, and I'm not letting you walk around representing Shibuya like that.

[ Because that's what he's doing, in a sense. Beat is one of his graduates, after all. Lifting a hand, he manifests a brush in his fingers, then moves to stand behind Beat. Hmm, he's probably going to have to float at some point just to get all the right angles...]

Now, hold still and try not to flinch too much.

[ Because he's not wasting time getting started. This is going to take a minute. ]

[ There's no flinching at all, shockingly. Even when the brush catches and pulls, Beat's a good boy and holds still. And Josh won't see the way his eyes slip shut peacefully, though he will probably note the way Beat's shoulders relax.

Tension slipping out and away.

And sorry the tail is going like mad, there's no holding that still. ]

... Sorry 'bout all yer socks.

[ Oh, good. Because Joshua is being very meticulous with this task. Beat relaxing under the swipes of the brush is the best case scenario, and as he realizes he doesn't have to worry about fighting with anything but that tail - he quickly realizes he is just going to have to float above it - he gets drawn fully into what he's doing.

Which means, he's temporarily holding the brush by the handle in his mouth while his fingers work out a particularly obnoxious tangle. ]

It's fine. I made new ones.

[ ... which comes out more like "Ish fam, I mah nu ums" because of the brush handle, but. ]

[ Honestly the fingers are nice, even if they're untangling fur. It makes him mm happily, trying not to melt into a giant puddle but honestly. It's familiar and it's nice.

And he laughs to the response and the way it comes out. ]

You make nums?

[ He's teasing, he understood it, tilting his head around to give Josh a grin over his shoulder. ]

I love nums!

Edited 2024-10-16 21:08 (UTC)

[ Oh come on. ]

I won't make them anymore if you don't sit still.

[ The brush is floating now, and his fingers are redirecting Beat's head. Stop moving!!! The tangles!! ]

No more nums!?

[ He laughs and lets his head be redirected, tail wagging away gleefully, but he settles again. ]

Shit I owe you so much boobielays fer this.

So much.

[ Is he taking all he can get? Yes. Besides, he's curious to see how Beat's cooking really is.

... is this a twig. Just a whole entire twig entangled in his fur. Ugh. ]

Hold still, I might have to cut this one.

[ The sudden tug of the twig makes him hey! It doesn't feel nice, wrapped up in his fur like that, and he makes a face. ]

Man! What if it's my lucky stick? You jus' gonna take a boys stick?! A GOOD BOYS STICK?! Outr-

[ The moment Josh actually cuts the twig? Beat's words cut off into a yelping shout and he jolts away from Josh, his hand going back to the spot. And the piece of twig Josh snipped off oozes red where it lays. ]

Bro!! No cuttin' me!! Ow!! I was holdin' still!!

[... that. That was not a twig. The clipped off end of it lays on the ground, but he's staring at the stump, which is also oozing red. ]

... these flowers and twigs aren't just flowers and twigs. They're part of you.

[ He doesn't like that. Doesn't like that one bit, nope, no sir. ]

Let me bandage that.

I still got them?! Nah, c'mon, I knew I was corrupted still but the rain...

[ He moves his hand to look down and stare at the blood on it, the spot where Josh had snipped throbbing and he sighs. ]

Nah, it's fine. It'll stop here in a second... It ain't the first time I had plants actually be part of me, you know.

[ He bends to pick up the snip off twig, looking it over. ]

First had - you know hanahaki? Had that shit actually happen once. Then had mushrooms begin to devour me from the inside out. I guess jus' be careful if you find more twigs? Tug an' see if they connected... aw man...

Maybe they're growing back.

[ It's not a thought he likes. This corruption has to be taken out of Beat somehow. Zahliya can remove corruption, can't he? Might be worth a try...

For now, he just. Continues with his grooming. A little more carefully this time, because ew. ]

Sounds like you have quite the history with plants. What was the hanahaki about, I wonder?

[ Hmmmmmmmm? ]

[ God he doesn't want to be a shrub anymore. He guesses he has to bite the bullet and get set on fire, screaming and crying the entire time. The thought itself makes him want to cry and maybe be a little sick.

The distraction about hanahaki is nice and he lets out an embarrassed laugh. Which is funny considering how hardcore he's already told Josh he loves him. ]

Uh. Shit, yo. Fer extra cringe, imagine this before I toldchu I loved you an' shit.

[ He parts some fur to show the scar over his heart. ]

The bitch Fog or someone decided ya know? We got too many things we keep close so time to spill our guts or be consumed by 'em. Typical shoujo shit. My heart literally burst from my chest wid branches holding sakura, plum, paulownia....

[ Then parts his shaggy hair for the eye, the lighter blue peeking at Josh playfully. ]

An' wisteria here. I don't 'member why now, but I think it had somethin' to do with someone in my family, since I think that's our family flower. Somethin' I wanted to say to 'em.

[ Wow. This Ryslig place sure sounds unforgiving. Josh, for a moment, finds himself glad that he wasn't there. Well, he was, in some sense. But not him. Another him? Either way, he's avoided dealing with the mortifying ordeal of being known, at least in that sense. Having all of his secrets dragged out in front of everyone for all to see sounds absolutely awful. ]

Mm... Sounds like one of those missing memories of yours.

[ It's Rhyme. He knows it has to be. Or maybe his parents? Either way, he knows to tread gently when it comes to discussing lost memory. Beat doesn't seem concerned, so he won't be, either.

Instead, he smiles at that pale blue eye, and turns his focus to the aforementioned flowers. ]

All three of us, hm? That's quite the bunch of feelings you were holding in, there. Is that how I found out?

Ye, the price of death back then was gettin' somethin' memory wise snatched away. The place tried to make you think you'd lived there the entire time. I knew some who were so far gone...

[ He shakes his head a little, dropping that. He doesn't want to think of them. And if he thinks of the others, he thinks of all his friends he's missing and his heart hurts so badly. Instead he coughs a little, blushes. Which only shows up in his ears. ]

UH... well... I mean... I think you knew before hand 'cuz I almost blurted it out to you once before after yellin' atchu to stay 'cuz of shit goin' on. But I think it really hit home then. Kinda hard to go NUH-UH when yer gobbin' up flower petals and yer hearts literally leakin' wid 'em.

[ Speaking of, Beat's look turns way too gremlin and his grin tries to match while a muzzle. ]

Wanna know what flowers you had?

There's always a price. At least in my case, it's more borrowing and less keeping. I don't see much sense in taking memories and keeping them while that person lives on. Making them think they've always lived there isn't going to do a thing for your district.

[ It's said while he's still grooming, very matter-of-factly. Whoever is running the UG in this place, they're doing an awful job.

It's no surprise to hear that Beat was so far gone he not only was experiencing the typical hanahaki flower coughing, but bursts of flowers that erupted out of his skin. Beat is a very emotional man and wears his heart on his sleeve. But the moment that Beat offers to tell him what his own flowers were... ]

I was coughing them up, too?

[ Well. Morbid curiosity. He is the cat in this scenario. ]

Yeah, toss yer idea of a game out, this wasn't even Shinjuku game. There was no tryina make us better. There was only turning us into Monsters and pitting us against the humans she hated.

[ He shakes his head a little, then sighs softly as the brushing calms him back down, Beat stretching his legs out a little.

Then smirks to the question. Aha. Knew he'd want to know. In his own way. Though his smirk slides away a little. ]

Not jus' coughin' 'em up. A ring 'round yer head like a crown, of yellow roses. Irises, from yer eyes. They uh, blinded you entirely.

[ Beat remembers, when he usually has troubles remembering some stuff. This was important. So important to him. ]

Sakura and wisteria in yer lungs, drownin' you.

Mm, so it was a revenge game. Not a great idea for a long-term motive.

[ He has Opinions. Buuuut he will hold off on them, for now. It's not a place he'll be or even see, so not his monkeys and not his circus.

But ah, he has made a mistake. Hearing about the other ones are interesting - hanahaki doesn't normally come with such gruesome body horror, and he laughs at his own expense for a moment. Blinded by Shibuya's flower. What kind of statement is that supposed to make?

But coughing up wisteria and sakura, to the point where it was drowning him? That's a sobering thought. Partially, anyway. He can understand it now, in a way, but he's been worn down by Beat. Had the other him been worn down, too? And what of the sakura? He knows who it would have been for, it couldn't be for anyone else. But why? How?

... mm. No. He knows the answers to these questions, too. He doesn't want to think about it. ]

And how did we resolve the issue?

[ His voice is calm, measured. As if he wasn't just basically accused of pining without actually being accused of pining. ]

Science!

[ It's said with a little laugh, and he turns himself around fully this time, to face Josh, grinning up at him. ]

It was too early fer botha us, but def way too early fer you. You were stubbornly goin' to let it kill ya, an' kinda frankly, so was I. But the humans of the place figured they could get it outta us with their tech and it worked. Confessions averted an' we both lived. Shit, we even got the zoomies over it.

[ His expression softens as he thinks about it, about Josh back then. Just like he was now, if not a little more vulnerable due to being depowered. Closed, guarded, unwilling to admit things he wanted or desperately needed. Starving for the touch but fearing it so bad it made him sick. ]

We 'ventually got there, of course, but not then.

[ ... ah. He can hear all that. Mmmm he is being seen and he's still conflicted on whether or not he likes it. An awful lot like Beat's thoughts of him starving for touch.

mmmmmmmm ]

Well, thank goodness for modern medicine, at least.

[ Dying from self-inflicted hanahaki is suitably dramatic, at least. Sounds like something he'd do in that situation.

Josh's fingers continue to pull out burrs and bits as Beat talks to him, the brush making an appearance only once he's worked out all the tangles first. But he's getting there. Not much longer to go. ]

How long did it take me? To get there, I mean. Just out of curiosity.

[ His expression relaxes and he closes his eyes again, tail wagging as he lets Josh continue to work the burrs out. He'll find more twigs tangled here or there. Not blooming as they once were and looking scraggly, but still holding one. Only a few of them, however, are attached. Other's come out easily enough with a little tug that shows yeah. They're just twigs. ]

Mmm, few more months? There was kinda no denyin' it, at that point, but it was a slow process. Ain't wanted to rush things.

[ He hesitates, frowning a little the best he can with a muzzle. ]

The reason it happened so fast to begin wid, I think, is like... I joke I wore you down but we went through a lot together. You were human again, you were havin' to deal wid stuff you weren't used to dealin' wid anymore. Added on top of the shit we was bein' forced through... I read 'bout trauma survivors bondin', an' I think it started like that but we both grew into each other, you know? I was there durin' yer worst moments, an' fer a while it was jus' us. I had yer back, an' you had mine, 'cuz we was all we had. Then I fuckin' fell, heh.

[ It doesn't take long for Josh to be fully finished picking out all the little bits and bobs that made their way into Beat's fur. He's careful this time about the twigs. He's here to groom, not to maim. The brush gets employed as soon as there isn't any more debris to get in the way, which is just as soothing for him as it is for Beat. Just one more good pass all over... ]

Mm, good to know. So it was a matter of necessity at first, and then it... proceeded.

[ The best way he can put it.

It sounds so easy. Like all of his problems would be solved if it was for trauma, weird as that may be to say. It's just them here, too, but... somehow, he feels robbed. Forced onto the harder path. Jealous of a version of him that had the means for adjusting handed to him. There's no trauma here to bond over. In Beat's other world, this other him had had the trauma to push him out of his comfort zone. But what's his push here? Beat has already had his, a long time ago by the sound of it.

He's being thrown directly into the hot water and trying his best to keep from boiling.

... oops, his fingers went still. Let's fix that! Nothing wrong here. ]

Sounds like the two of-- [ No, no, Beat thinks of him and the other Joshua as one in the same. ] --we went through quite a lot. It's a shame I can't recall it.

[ When Josh says it like that, a little something inside Beat deflates. It's not like he's wrong, it only started because they needed someone to lean on, but it makes it sound so... undesired. Undesirable? Unwanted? Beat isn't sure but it makes it feel a way.

Especially as the fingers still.

Beat huffs gently and offers Josh a smile, eyes squinting open again and he shakes his head. ]

You can always check my memories, dunno how unaltered they gonna be due to shit but they're there. Uh, my side at least. But hey. It's aight. Listen, yo.

[ He reaches up with those stupid big paw hands of his and take Josh's to still them, hold them. His tail wags. ]

It's aight if you don't wanna go down that path? Memories make us part of who we is, yo. Yer Josh, as much as any other Josh is, but you ain't MY Josh if you don' wanna be. I'll still treatchu wid love an' respect, 'cuz you deserve nothin' less, but I can drop the lovin' stuff. I know we played an' teased 'fore, but we can go slower. Or not at all. You ain't gotta try to be no one you think you ain't, 'cuz you is you an' yer the one I fell in love wid. Sass an' snark an' shittery an' all.

[ Honestly, the offer is tempting. He's peeked in on Beat's memories before, and what he's seen has made him feel warm in a way he hasn't felt in a long, long time. And that was just the generic stuff, not entirely romantic. He can only imagine...

But then Beat's paws are taking his own, and Josh pauses, fingers stilling under those big, warm pads. And he listens - really listens - to Beat's words of assurance. It's good to know that he has this option, it really is. However... ]

No.

[ It's short and sweet, more used as a means to make Beat stop than anything. Beat may recognize this as... very similar to Composer mode, in a way. All business and no play. ]

I'm not doing this because I don't want it. I'm asking because I'm-- Mm.

[ How to phrase this... ]

... I'm trying to understand how it worked. You've been through this. I haven't. If you know me, you recall my... hesitation, in all of this, don't you? I'm simply trying to find the best way to navigate. What works, what doesn't.

[ He angles his eyes down, at the big paws enclosing his thin fingers, and keeps them there. ]

I don't want you thinking that I'm uninterested. If I was, I wouldn't have let it go as far as it did before you ran away. I know what I want. But I want to make sure that I do this in a way that doesn't make me undermine myself.

bork?

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i stuck a pair of scissors in my mouth for accuracy for this

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