sticksandbones | You'd better watch out, You'd better watch out, YOU'D BETTER W-

Who: Nicholas D. Wolfwood and YOU
What: Saint Nick is coming to town and he's bringing you a present whether you like it or not-
When: It's CHRISTMAS TIME BAYBEE
Where: Wherever your character is you cannot escape
Warnings: Wolfwood's big mouth otherwise N/A, will mark in individual threads if needed!
[You know...it's been a year since he's done this. A year since he showed up. And, to be honest, Wolfwood didn't think he'd be here long enough to be conscripted to do it again.

...Hell, he didn't think he'd be ASKED to do this again. It's not like he makes a very cheerful Saint Nick.

But! He is here!! Wolfwood has actually been up early (which his partners will have noticed, they will have found him just entirely missing that morning no matter how early they woke), first taking a pitstop at Ydalir's to grab up his sack of presents. There are so many more this year than the last, and it's a good thing he has Moder as his steed to help him carry them on her back. He's dressed the part, with a heavy hat that looks kindof silly since he doesn't usually wear them, and a pair of snowboots to match. Last year he was missing the beard, but this year he's actually grown his facial hair out longer than usual. Not a full-on beard, but just on the edge, to the point where it's definitely noticeable. One thing he has this year that he didn't last year is his trusty companion Angelina, who is running through the snow like :D??!!! EXCITED, so you will get to greet her when you receive your gift (if you do not like dogs she will be omitted from the equation, Wolfwood will have her stay outside, she's a very good girl who can be patient and wait with Moder if needed).

You'd better watch out.]

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[And well since Flamebringer is right there...he will get his present next, and unfortunately for Wolfwood he knows what this one is.

He wishes he didn't! But he does.

He's holding an envelope in his hand, and for a long moment he considers just sticking it under the door and leaving. But...he knows Moder would look at him disappointed if he returned in ten seconds so UGHHHHHH FINE HES KNOCKING-]

[Good news about three dudes living under one roof: Gift-giving is easy.

Bad news: one of them is Flamebringer, who hears Wolfwood and thinks nothing of it because yeah, that's the twink's bitch, but then there's a knock and whaaaaaaat do you want. He opens the door, not at all dressed for the weather (it's the usual tanktop and jeans combo) and leans in the doorframe.]

Yeah?

[Ugh. Ughhhhhh. Why are you dressed like that. It's fucking COLD outside and Wolfwood knows for a fact you didn't grow up living in the snow or whatever.

Wolfwood is already pointedly avoiding Flamebringer's gaze as he shoves a wax-sealed letter at him.]

They're makin' me deliver presents. This is yours.

[Motherfucker it does indeed snow in Kazdel it's not a volcano SOMETIMES. But also yeah it's fucking freezing out, spoilers not even Gnosis is having fun with this weather which says a lot, but Flamebringer is? like this.]

Oh, right. Ydalir said you were being conscripted for Christmas. Don't celebrate, personally, but I'm willing to become a full-fledged loyal Lateran schmuck for this.

[For Wolfwood torture :) Anyway, he's taking that letter and popping the seal to get into it and read it. Note he reads... incredibly slowly.]

[Wolfwood is making just, the most hilarious stinky cat face currently. He worries the edge of that envelop between his thumb and forefinger for a moment before he finally shoves it into Flamebringer's chest.]

This is what you wanted, yeah? Just take it and don't say smart shit.

[>Flamebringer will say smart shit

Anyway! The envelope is surprisingly well sealed for Wolfwood's standards, yet all he'll have to do is pull up the wax to open it. Inside is a letter, and it's written in...semi-sloppy cursive, he couldn't be assed to make it SUPER pretty and neat, okay.]

Dear Flamebringer LastName,

You wanted me being nice to you on Christmas, so this is all you're getting for the next 365 days. You'd better thank me, and also burn this letter after you read it otherwise I'll find you and do it myself.

For as much as a God Damn pain in the ass you are, you're not that bad. You're really strong, and brave, and loyal. You fiercely protect the people you care about, and that's the most important thing in my opinion. You're a dick, but you know when to not be when it matters. You're kind to the young and softhearted, which speaks of a good person. Even if you're absolutely insane. Like respectfully what is wrong with you.

You drive be mad and sometimes I wonder why I even engage with you sometimes because you somehow make me so mad, but you're fun to fight with. And I GUESS I don't mind the banter that much. You're the only guy here who can give as good as he gets (next to Razlo, I guess, but he's like ACTUALLY trying to kill me so I don't know)

so

yeah

Merry Christmas or whatever.

P.S.

If you ever need to blow off steam again you know where to find me. I'm giving you free reign to top me ONCE that you can redeem whenever. I don't fucking care, just give me a heads up so I'm not caught with my dick out in a blizzard or some shit.

(burn this im fucking not kidding)

[Again, incredibly slow reading on this man — Kazdelians are mostly-illiterate and he's one of the lucky few who can read, but his literacy doesn't exactly match that of actual novelist Hoederer — but the further he goes down, the more his stupid tail starts to wag, and the more his face splits into a mad grin.

Holy shit he actually did it. And there are actual compliments in here too! That one he wasn't expecting, he was expecting shit like "your hair didn't look bad today and your tail looks less kinked than usual" or something equally snarky and meaningless.

He'd say his heart was warmed if this wasn't so goddamn funny to him.]

You want me to burn it, huh? [Also "Flamebringer Lastname" is correct, you will never know his birth name and at this point my headcanonned birth name will remain in place bc I don't think HG is gonna give us that info eiTHER—] How am I gonna redeem my one free coupon to creampie you if I do that?

[He's joking? Maybe? Probably not actually, but that dumb smirk of his doesn't leave as he backs up further into his (frankly plant-covered) room (ezell lives with two plant freaks clearly), grabs a thumbtack from a nearby corkboard on the wall that largely contains specific watering and fertilizing times for his various plants, and pins that letter right to the middle of it.]

I'd better keep it safe, you know, in case you forget you like being stuffed. [literally shut up you're the same way—]

[Wolfwood watches with his jaw set as Flamebringer takes the letter inside with him and just

Tacks it up on a corkboard, right in front of Wolfwood’s eyes like no, actually, I’m keeping this forever. Not just keeping it either, but sticking it right in the smack dab CENTER of everything else.

It’s absolutely infuriating, yet makes Wolfwood feel weirdly a little smug all at the same time.]

You’re a dick, yaknow that?

[Oh yes Wolfwood I’m sure he’s well aware-]

Really? Is this your first time figuring it out?

[He will not stop smirking, his tail will not stop swaying, he's in a damn good mood. Maybe Christmas isn't so bad......]

I don't have a gift for you, obviously. Again, I don't celebrate this holiday. You can have this as a gift instead: I'll give you a free tat or piercing if you come to the shop, and I promise not to ink "dumbass" or "motherfucker" or any other insult on any part of you. Just art, or whatever cheesy song lyric you want, if you go that route.

...seriously?

[...damn. Okay, that's...actually kindof generous of him. Wolfwood was all ready to get Pissed, but instead he just looks begrudgingly surprised. Thankful, even.]

Yeah, well. If you tattooed somethin' shitty on me I would hafta kill you, so good thing we'll be avoidin' that.

And it wouldn't be a cheesy song lyric. I'd get somethin' cool, like a wolf.

[Wow who could have guessed.]

Wow... do you want it sitting on a log or some shit?

[Rolling his eyes.]

Come by whenever. I'll hook you up. If you want extra shit done, though, I'm still charging you.

[You get one of those things, not both, unless you strongarm him into it then maybe.]

Ha ha. If I catch you doin' that shit, then I will kill you for real.

[Wow Wolfwood don't threaten him with a good time.

He sighs, leaning back on his heels while he idly scratches at his stubble.]

Fine. I'll...think about what I want. I gotta get all these presents delivered before I can think 'bout anythin' else anyway.

Sure. Don't get lost in the snow. ...and just let me know whenever.

[Bye felicia]

You'd better watch out, You'd better watch out, YOU'D BETTER W-

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