New Year, New Cookies

[winterfrosting]

Who: Dark Cacao, Affogato and anyone else in Cookie House willing to brave the blizzard
What: The Sunrise Holiday is here, and already signs aren't good
When: New Years Eve/Day
Where: The Grove
Warnings: Drama, mostly

[Cacao, earlier in the winter, had planned to invite the entire Grove to celebrate his region's most important holiday. But as the cold keeps getting deeper and sharper... no, it was not safe. The household knows his plans to see the new year come in. But he doesn't expect any of them to come out. And if they do not for long.

He's in his full winter gear as he tends a small campfire to hold back the worst of the chill. It's strange, even with it blazing away it barely cuts into the cold at all. And he finds he has to keep feeding it constantly.

It's a bad sign. He doesn't need to be a shaman to know that. He has a notebook out to take note of any signs in the weather or the sun when it arrives. Any strange animals or guests to analyze later. But he knows that will be more Affogato's task then his own. He is here as the King. The Winter Lord. As a sign all on his own.]

I suspect we may not see the sun at all if this snow continues.

Comments

[submittome]

[ He figures that as much. Pure Vanilla will always come first, and he rankles over it. No... no, he's tired of being second. The afterthought. Wanted and desired but never enough to be placed above all others. Even with Mizuki, Mizuki has his love before him. Elsword... But at least Elsword isn't here (at the moment).

And if he comes back, Affogato doesn't know what he will do.

So the words hurt, as much as he wants to hear them. He puts his forehead on Cacao's shoulder and fists his hand into his hair but doesn't tug again. Cacao can't read thoughts, however, so after a moment Affogato speaks up, voice bitter. Slightly choked. Because Gods damn you, Cacao.]

I will not be second place. Do you hear me? I deserve to be someone's... someone's only...

[ He is NOT crying, he is not the type, besides they would freeze on his cheeks, but his voice is miserable. He hates him, he hates him, he hates him. ]

[winterfrosting]

[ ah.

He will admit to himself that he had hoped. Hoped there could be some balance. That he could want and have. He feels so much love in him now that was frozen before that surely he can supply all Affogato could want even if was shared.

But that wasn't fair and he knows it. Still, he slumps with the realization and loss of it. His stoic shell cracks under it. A deep sigh on the edge of a sob. When his affections were nebulous there was always the delusion of possibility- not any more. Now there's finality and he hates it]

Yes, you do. More than most.

[submittome]

I hate you.

[ There's pain there that he's trying desperately not to show, because he wants to be fine with the idea. Sure, he can come second. Maybe even third, if what he sees between Lily and Cacao is real. But it bites deep and rips open old wounds, mocks in voices of the past. Unwanted. Unloved. And if someone says otherwise, it's as a consolation prize.

So he focuses on anger instead. Forces it to come. Forces himself to ignore the sob from Cacao, which eats at the edges of his heart. ]

I hate you.

[ Old venom, even if it doesn't have quite the same bite, and Affogato draws away. Unwraps their tails, draws the hood back up. Hides himself. Turns his back so Cacao can't see him reach his hands up to bury them against his face, wipe away ice. ]

I have given you your portends. We will not see the sun this morn. I am returning to my home.

[winterfrosting]

[ he aches to chase after him. But it would be a false hope. So his hand drops, and the loss of his tail leaves Cacao feeling cold. ]

... thank you for coming, Affogato.

[ his voice raspy. But, no apologies. Because he refuses to apologize for his feelings when they are the truth.]

[submittome]

[ Five words is all it takes to make the anger he had dredged up fall away, and he feels as cold as Cacao. He doesn't hate him. He can't. He hates himself for asking, his voice so soft it might be lost under the weather. ]

Would you give me the same love as the others? Would you treat me equal? Would you invite me into your house, alongside them, despite the pain I caused them?

[winterfrosting]

I would not have said anything if I felt I could not. But that is not the question. Would you be happy with that? Would it just make you suffer?

[submittome]

[ Would he? Would jealousy drive him eventually into further bitterness? Would he ache when he saw Cacao with others?

Would, for love, he be able to give it a chance? For love, should you not make sacrifices? ]

I do not know. Please, let me think?

[ And he has to speak with Mizuki. ]