sticksandbones | [CLOSED] it's not a date... unless?

[Everything in Ain's life is going well (???) for once, a fact he is basing solely on the fact he got both Wolfwood and Add to agree to go see that movie with him. He's stressed to Wolfwood that this is a Platonic Male Outing and not to make Add feel like a third wheel, and has stressed to Add that the two are not to fight. And then re-stressed to Wolfwood that they are not to fight. God willing, they will make it out of this theatre alive and without Ain slipping back into his on-again off-again relationship with his own depression.

Dear Goddesses, please let him have one nice thing.

They're going to the fancy theatre, the Utopia Drafthouse, which is the one with the small tables in front of each seat, that serves food and liquor so long as you write your order down on a card at the seats. The "card" is a digital, tablet type of thing, very small and with an attached stylus, and everything made sort of just spawns on the table after briefly being holographic. Despite that, it's perfectly edible, and Ain would know because he's spent all day here before—

They are also seeing Get Out because he wanted to see his scary movies okay.

Of course, the first step is getting the tickets, and step zero is actually meeting up. They are on step zero. Ain is here first, standing outside the theatre with his tail held up in an arc and wagging behind his back. He is... excited. And also waving at the first person (or people) (if the boys show up at the same time) he spots.]

[Arriving early is non-negotiable. Of course, he can't be too early or he'll come off as some kind of desperate or needy, but there's no way he can allow Wolfwood to arrive before him. So he has to take a slight risk, leaning closer to the "too early" end of the spectrum. At approximately 14 minutes before the agreed-upon time, Add glides onto the street.

And nearly runs directly into Wolfwood. Who ALSO arrived exactly this early.

Did he also run the same calculations??? That bastard... with Ain still far in the distance he allows himself a bitter scowl, bumping shoulders roughly before coasting along at a walking pace.]

Watch yourself, pal. Wouldn't want Ain to think we're not getting along, right?

[and then he casually waves back at Ain like he isn't already talking shit]

[Add has a lot of confidence in Wolfwood’s ability to plan ahead, here. See, he has no reason to feel defensive, he’s already dating Ain and is in a poly relationship besides, so it’d be problematic if he was the jealous type.

…well, no. He IS the jealous type. But jealous in that sort of way that he wants his partners to be well taken care of whoever they’re with, and Add thus far has struck out in that department at literally every turn. Needless to say he’s not super thrilled about today, especially given how he saw their conversation on the network go down…but when talking to Ain it seems things got worked out somehow, and they’re just staying platonic he guesses. Well good, fine.

Just seeing Add’s face right now is enough to make him bristle, but he keeps his cool as he walks with his hands in his pockets, a wolfish grin passing his lips even as Add rams into him.]

Speak for yourself, friend. We’ll see who ends up impressing with our best behavior, hm?

[And as Ain comes into view, Wolfwood nods in his direction with his more cruel grin softening a touch.]

Afternoon, sweetheart.

[He promised to keep it platonic but he will get that out just to get under Add’s skin a little bit. Also it’s a force of habit by now, sue him.]

[Oblivious to how these two are somefuckinghow, Ain's tail starts wiggling even Faster, slapping against the digital marquee behind him as the boys approach. Yay! No one died on the way! They're here at the same time! Nothing will go wrong probably :)]

Hiiii~. [And he does not give Wolfwood a kiss because he was very clear that Add should not third-wheel, he'd feel bad if he invited them both out and ignored Add, but he does look up at Wolfwood with this disgustingly saccharine shine in his eyes before turning his attention to Add.] I didn't buy our tickets yet. It's easy, though. There's a big machine that looks like a vending machine for tickets, so you don't have to talk to anybody.

[A kiosk. That's called a kiosk.]

I'll pay for everything, okay~? [with whose credit card this time, which sugar daddy gave you his card]

[Oh it is on motherfucker.

Using ALL of his willpower not to trip Wolfwood with his dynamos as he steps back onto solid ground. The sweetheart comment... okay, he kind of has him there. Add doesn't call Ain anything besides moron, idiot, and priest (which has been reassigned to Wolfwood for being an even shittier priest), and it would be way too weird to make something up now. Also he spent too much time thinking about this and now the conversation has already moved on. Fuck.]

It's called a kiosk. [helpfully butting in before Wolfwood can beat him at ?????? mansplaining. That makes it an overall 1-1-1 score—]

The person with the largest income should be the one providing, which would no doubt be me in this scenario... but if you insist, I suppose I'll allow it. [it's really for the best that Ain('s sugar daddy) pays or they'd be stuck here for fuck knows how long arguing over who gets to pay probably]

[Catch Wolfwood rolling his fucking eyes when Ain isn’t looking like yeah you stole a bunch of cash, you’re not special. Maybe if Add doesn’t want this to be a date he shouldn’t care about the person with the largest income paying? Like don’t people going on casual friend outings pay for themselves??

God he’s going to have a hernia before this is all over.

Wolfwood keeps his mouth shut in that regard though and takes it upon himself to lead the way over to the kiosks, tapping through the menus for the three of them before stopping at the seat selection, glancing towards Ain.]

You pick where we sit, yeah?

[For the love of GOD please sit between these two.]

Haha, that's okay, I can pay for it.

[And he pulls out Ezell's credit card and taps to select three seats in the middle back row.]

Add knows this already, but when you go to movie theatres, the best seats other than in the projection booth [how did you get into the projection booth] are in the back here. You can see the whole screen better because they're elevated, and you can recline your chair a little without having to worry about hitting the person behind you~.

[No one is in this city Ain... but whatever. Tap tap, Get Out, 1:30pm (they're a bit early), tickets purchased. The kiosk spits out digitized but tangible versions of what a ticket should be, like a backwards version of QR codes. They feel like plastic when touched. #Future.

After that, they proceed further in. Unlike your traditional theatre, this one does not have an immediate concessions counter due to being a restaurant, but there is a bar. Ain looks very briefly at it before he treks ahead to where tickets would normally be checked, but it turns out all they do is put their digital plastic QR code chips into another kiosk, which scans and spits out a theatre number and direction. Cool, we love anti-staff capitalist dystopias. (A skeleton janitor waves at them as they pass.)

To the back of the theatre they go! Where Ain will sit squarely between the two because for as airheaded as he's acting, he knows that they'll probably start slapping each other if he's not between them. Thank God there's pre-show ads and a whole digital menu to look over to keep them distracted (probably).]

[Does going to the kiosks first put Wolfwood ahead of him again?? ... no, no, that's not notable enough to count as anything. It doesn't count. They're still balanced at 1-1-2, it's fine, there's plenty of time to work on his game plan...

The trek inside passes uneventfully, with Ain picking the seats and leading them to the theatre. Ain taking the middle seat is a wise tactical move—this puts Wolfwood at another disadvantage, since Dynamo grants Add the flexibility of a much wider attack range. Not that he's supposed to be picking any fights, but if he WANTED to... he could probably get away with it. It's enough to help him relax, if only a little bit.

Dynamo spreads themselves out, leaving three drones to float behind Add while the rest ????? guard the perimeter, probably. You can never be too prepared for a surprise attack or platonic-date-ruining encounter.

Anyway... all that leaves is the menu. Alcohol is out of the question... he also just. doesn't know what he should order. And doesn't want to pick something "wrong" by mistake. Better to act cool and wait for everyone else to decide.]

[It’s funny how Add is meticulously keeping score while Wolfwood just plans to fuck with Add if he ever gets the chance without making it too obvious. He won’t risk ruining this for Ain, but also…why not see the guy sweat a little? He thinks he’s so smart, well let’s see how he does on a real outing with somebody.

Wolfwood picks up his menu as he reclines in his chair, ignoring the Dynamos as best he can (why do they have to be everywhere) as he peruses the drink menu first. There are a shit ton of beers to choose from…so he decides to order some hard cider because why not? The popcorn menu is conveniently next to that, which causes his nose to wrinkle.]

I’m guessin’ none of these flavors are safe.

[Ain leans over into Wolfwood's space to look.]

That was the other theatre. The one Add and I had the zönk in. [now it sounds like a disease] This one is fairly normal... Haha, well, just don't get anything that sounds too unfamiliar like the meatcorn.

[And then he leans over to talk to Add, but not in his space because they are Just Friends and he knows how Add is about being touched.]

What are you gonna get? [Surely this helps Add make a choice right.] I'm getting a mojito, annnnd...

[Back to his own chair, Ain scrolls the menu with a finger, clearly having not decided himself.]

Chicken fingers. [they will be horrifyingly shaped] Fried pickles... Oh, the curly fries are good too. And a cheeseburger.

[He has picked up Elsword's eating habits, as Add can see. Wolfwood has been used to Ain acting as a black hole for the better part of a year now, but...]

What, too scared to try something new? [says the guy who is too scared to order first] Spicy foods aren't my preference, but after awhile it's not that bad. Kukuku, you should try it sometime.

[More like after awhile his mouth was burning too much to care about the flavour anyway... definitely never ordering zönk again. Still, it would be funny to see Wolfwood suffer a little.

... but anyway, this place doesn't have any zönk. Maybe it's some kind of exclusive thing? Too bad.

Add frowns as Ain rambles on about his own choices. Isn't that way too much for one person?? There's an urge to comment on it, but between the social anxiety and not wanting to make Ain upset he decides not to tell him he'll get fat... well, at least it's enough to set the tone for this outing. Casual snack foods, as expected. And that idiot Wolfwood hasn't even finished his order yet. Finally, an opening—]

Churro popcorn sounds interesting. They also have Sprite 3 Cherry here. [complete with hologram cherries that somehow float around inside it]

Sounds kinda basic, you mean?

[Add voice: are you scared to try something new
Also Add: gets a generic sweet popcorn

Tap tapping his menu…]

I’ll do the Berbere popcorn…and the pulled pork.

[He thought about getting a pizza but wouldn’t it be embarrassing to order a whole pizza and not be able to finish it? I mean Ain could eat the rest, but.]

[Look, his role model for personhood is Elsword and he has a giant fucking tail. Where Do You Think the body fat goes, assuming his angel genetics don't just metabolize everything immediately. He'll worry about his weight when he stops fitting into his skinny jeans.]

Oh yeah, I got to try Sprite 3 another time, since you wouldn't let me share~. It's good, but when I went to the store to buy it, they weren't selling it. I think it's one of those exclusive things... haha. Oh well.

[It's like how Taco Bell hoarded the Baja Blast for way too long.

Ain writes down everything he's getting on the tiny order card, sets it in a designated slot under the arm of his seat, and it takes all of ten seconds for the food to render on the table before it's real. These tiny tables are not meant to accommodate this much food, so it's sort of packed in there... but some rearranging makes it less precarious.

He goes for the mojito first. His tail starts wagging, and whaps Wolfwood across the chest from where it has fit itself between their chairs. Sorry.]

Can I try your popcorn when it... spawns? [general "you" by the way.]

[Add nearly chokes on his own breath. Pulled pork??? At a fucking movie theatre?! That's the messiest possible food he could pick! What the hell is he scheming?!?

But that means... the stakes have been raised. Add frowns, trying his best not to show the intimidation. He has to keep up with this bastard, no way he'll lose here.]

And I'll also get the Filet Mignon Platinum Deluxe. [He has no idea what half that even means, but it's expensive and sounds flashy so... yeah! Take that, Wolfwood, your pulled pork ain't shit! That's definitely another point in Add's favour. He'll regret his food choices later when the platinum-encrusted steak shows up and he has to figure out if he can eat it.

For now he takes a sip of his Sprite 3, making another face out of view as Wolfwood gets thwapped with Ain's stupidly huge tail... why does that bother him? He shakes the thought away, not important—]

It's just popcorn, so do whatever you want.

Oi, watch it.

[Ain’s tail whacks him in the chest, prompting Wolfwood to grab it and gently move it back down between them, his own tail swaying near the floor as he punches in his order and his food starts to materialize. If only he could read minds, he’d get a hell of a kick out of it. Actually, he’d probably just bullshit some thoughts to make Add freak out.

Anyway, yeah, he likes meat what do you want from him? He will raise a brow at Add’s choice, but he doesn’t criticize it or anything (wowe) as his popcorn appears and he plucks it off the table before the sandwich appears to take its place. Wordlessly, he holds the popcorn between him and Ain as he watches this ad for bottled, flavored oxygen play.]

Yeah you gotta help me finish this.

[Ain has been allowed treats :) What the fuck is up with that steak though.]

What does "bubblegum-scented key-lemon flavoured oxygen" even taste like? [What the fuck is a KEY LEMON] Wouldn't the bubblegum smell interfere? ...what does oxygen taste like?

[Said as he grabs a small handful of Add's popcorn, then a small handful of Wolfwood's, and shotguns both of these at the same time and follows that up with liquor. You can really see the Elsword Influence™ in him now.]

[The lack of comment means Wolfwood concedes this point... good, good. That puts them at 3-2-2. A slight lead, but a lead nonetheless. Add takes a handful of popcorn for himself, relishing the taste of success.]

Oxygen is a scentless and flavourless gas, so it would taste like whatever you put into it. Since scent is tied to flavour, it'd taste like a combination of both... really, the question is why anyone would buy a gas that makes up over twenty percent of the existing atmosphere. Then again, the lack of natural plantlife... if nothing is converting carbon dioxide back into oxygen, then...

[... he trails off into mumbling, sorry he's thinking about this now and it's kind of concerning maybe the cyberpunk future is Bad, actually.

He also needs a minute to stare at his platinum steak like why would anyone order this? Insane tbh. A dynamo wanders over to give the thing a scan before he even considers taking a bite.]

[Wolfwood is the real winner here, smirking when he leans over and sees the food that Add ordered.

He’ll lean back and whisper behind Ain in Add’s direction:]

Tell me how your shiny steak tastes, yeah?

[Before sitting forward again to grab a handful of his own popcorn to try.]

Sounds like some kinda novelty thing, anyway. Somethin’ you buy and try just cause you’ve got the money to waste.

[Meanwhile, Ain is three chicken strips in somehow...]

Mm— [hold on, chewing. The next ad starts up and it's a very aggressive advertisement about dental floss with nanomachines in it. "REMOVES PARTICULATES FAST" it claims.] But we can breathe just fine?

[This is a simulation. Anyway, he looks over at that steak because... yeah. Why is it like that?]

Do you think people have learnt to digest metal too? Or is it like those gold flakes that rich people put on food? [ain you're not supposed to eat those. ain did you eat the gold flakes] If you can't eat it, I'll share my food with you~.

... chemical conversion using machines... with the right technology, becomes unnecessary... change in the "taste" of air based on chemical process...?

[...

Yeah, uh. He does not hear a damn thing Wolfwood said. He is too absorbed in his own thoughts to hear that attempted dig, sorry.

He does snap back in for Ain, though, completely oblivious to whatever the fuck Wolfwood just said.]

It's indigestible, but it's not harmful to eat. Same idea as gold flakes, but with this much applied...

[Cutting into his weird steak... the inside looks normal? It smells okay? No poison detected... and he can't put this off forever, so finally, he tries a bite.

... well. The steak part is okay, but it's very crunchy. And tastes like metal. You know, from all the metal.]

It's... fine. [he manages to swallow it but no one can blame him for cutting around the platinum after this.]

[Well fine then, Wolfwood will just roll his eyes. God, what a nerd.

At least HIS food isn’t crunchy and metallic. It’s actually pretty damn good, albeit a bit messy. Thankfully some napkins materialized with his meal, so between these and the popcorn, he’ll be set for the next while. Hopefully getting some of that cider in him will mellow him out as well, but knowing Wolfwood it might just make him spicier.

They’re nearing the end of their ad breaks and opportunities to talk (without being rude to the holograms, anyway). Right now an ad for hovercars is playing, which is arguably the more normal of the ones they’ve seen so far. He mutters under his breath as he shoves popcorn in his mouth.]

Pretty sure food like that is just pretentious for the sake of it.

[read that as "an ad for hoyoverse" and was about to kill you for making genshin impact canon

Ain can hear the way that steak crunches and he wonders briefly how much the Neo Eden dentist costs... and also Wolfwood repeating himself to be a shit. He brushes the feathered end of his tail under Wolfwood's chin in a way that's meant to be shhhh be nice but probably comes across as flirting and/or trying to make him turtle.]

Can I try your apple cider? [ain that's NOT what that is, anyway guess who figures Wolfwood will say yes automatically and just grabs the glass to try it and immediately makes a face—] Mm. Wow, that's...

[He makes a vaguely disgusted noise, sips his mojito, and then leans into Add's space again. Hey stop being distracted—]

Can I try your drink? I'll trade you~.

[Notice how he like. Actually Waits with Add (because he knows better than to start taking)? Anyway y'all have t-minus 30 seconds until the movie starts, as if these assholes won't talk through the whole thing anyway. The lights are dimming as they speak...]

[Damn, I can't believe they added Paomin to the Hoyovercar 3.2 banner. No one even likes those high-pitched motors, who would risk getting that on a $200k roll??

Anyway, he does hear Wolfwood this time. Add clicks his tongue, sawing at the platinum coating with his knife.]

Some species require higher mineral intake. Machines can also make better use of such matter, but I wouldn't expect you to know about that. [wow wolfwood i can't believe you're robo-racist

He's making a face behind Ain's back as he takes a big ol' sippy of Wolfwood's drink. Ugh. Swapping mouth germs... that's basically kissing by proxy. His only comfort is that Ain seems to disapprove of the drink choice, maintaining Add's leading score despite the loss in food choice.

And yet, somehow, it still catches him by surprise when Ain asks him for a sip. Add freezes like a deer in headlights.]

Uh. I thought you tried it already? [He said that, didn't he??? Or... no, right, that was regular Sprite 3. The cherry adds an extra dimension of flavour... Ain has not tried this one.

Would a good friend... share, in this situation?

Is this worth a point?]

... S-sure, I guess. [holding out his drink like he is NOT nervous because it is NOT weird to share a sippy with your platonic bro it's FINE]

[Okay so the ONLY REASON Wolfwood keeps his mouth shut here is because he rolled a 2 instead of a nat 1…but also, he doesn’t want to upset Ain, so whatever. Kindof annoying that Add can get away with sniping at him, but then again Wolfwood started it, so. At least he’s not over there agonizing over a made up “score” when this is supposed to not even be a real date, at least on his end.

He takes mild offense to Ain’s disgusted noise over his drink, prompting him to pick up the bottle and turn it over in his hand. What, he doesn’t like cider? Sure, it’s beer, but…

Oh well, more for him.]

Uh huh…

[Chomp chomping his popcorn…all while watching Ain’s exchange with Add out of the corner of his eye.]

[Look, he'll get Add for being sassy in a Moment. He thinks the mojito might calm him down anyway...? Also no he doesn't like beer, he's a fruity girly drink kinda guy.

He steals Add's glass and replaces it with his own. Unfortunately for Add, he's about to find out real quick that Ain has chapstick on — not lipgloss because it's not a date, blessedly — that tastes vaguely like lychee.

Sip.]

This one is better than Sprite 3. Still crunchy, though.

[He likes the crunchiness of it, but it still doesn't feel exactly Correct going down. It's... It's got a texture, he'd say.

Add can have his drink back after that, just in time for Ain to hiss a "be nice" as the opening credits start. Suddenly his attention is not on the boys but on the food and the movie entirely — even if it's merely aerial shots of an open road and two travellers in a car, while a list of fake actor names sometimes fade in and out of the scene. After a minute or so, the actual dialogue begins — typical plot setup stuff, as all horror films tend to do.

Y'all thought Add was gonna thirdwheel but no, y'all are actually thirdwheeling to Ain and this horror film. RIP. Don't kill each other while he inhales his cheeseburger!]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject