sticksandbones | (no subject)

Who: Ezell and... you!
What: Canon Update and his subsequent mental breakdown
When: After Silent Hill(tm)
Where: The Grove
Warnings: Ezell's deteriorating mental health, for starters- but tags will have cws in the headers as they come up!

I. May the order of Laterano shine upon us, Show us the path of life (Open)

[ Ezell does not remember going into the woods. He remembers the white of the mountains, or maybe it was the white of the shining city of Laterano. The image of it still stuck in his head, despite he's been away from it for over a year at this point. He's not even a field executor anymore, so then... why...?

Regardless, he does stagger out of the forest, and when he realizes he is safely back to the Grove, he should probably head back home. He should probably head back to the bakery and let the people there know he's okay. He can only imagine it must've been jarring for Ain to realize he was out in the woods. Or, maybe it would make sense to head to the center of the Grove to get his bearings, since things have been fucked these past two months, and ensure he's still in the Grove that he knows, and not some secretly twisted version of it.

He does neither of these things. The second he's back in the Grove, he falls to his knees and holds himself. Perhaps it's clear why. The glow from his halo and wings are now completely dull. They don't even seem to give off that mirror-like quality anymore. But, more concerning, they seem... "broken". Like they're glitchy with circular anomalies reminiscent of computer wires sprouting from them.

Anyway, he's probably fine. ]

II. That we may ever live in joy (Closed to the bakery crew)

[ He's getting his stuff and he's going to the Inn. He doesn't know how to face Ain or Flamebringer like this. He doesn't know how to tell them anything that he knows now. He's feeling so many things and he doesn't feel anyone else anymore, and it's... miserable. He's miserable. He knows it's next to impossible to isolate himself when the Grove is the way it is, but he has to.

He just can't be here. ]

III. East of the east of La Unidad, Laterano, holy city of white (Open)

[ Ezell's handwriting is still neat. Even when stressed out to all hell, he's done paperwork for so long this much is easy enough for him. ]

Hello. This is Ezell. The bakery will have the "CLOSED" sign out front for the bakery itself, as I cannot find it in me to run the kitchen at this time. I should be able to return... eventually. Just not right now. However, if those of you wish to enter to enjoy the company of the bunnies, disregard the sign. You're welcome to find comfort with our furry friends.

Thank you for understanding.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Flamebringer is perhaps the person he wants to see the least. He'd taken to the inn kitchen to try and rid this horrible headache of his with coffee and caffeine (please get help, Ezell), but when he sees and hears Flamebringer he just... leaves his mug on the counter and immediately tries to flee for the staircase.

Please don't look at him, ]

[Flamebringer has been tearing up the fucking Grove looking for you, Ezell, he is not going to simply Let you walk away!

He doesn't want to grab Ezell, especially not too tightly when he's clearly feeling bad, so he tries to body-block the way first before grabbing Ezell's shoulder to hold him in place. It's a light grip, easy to break out of. Flamebringer, despite everything, is giving Ezell the option to leave still. But...]

Ezell, talk to me.

[ Ezell loves you so much, Flamebringer. So much, in fact, that seeing you here in front of him and touching his shoulder feels like he's actually burning. It hurts. It hurts to see him worried when Ezell has no idea what to do. He's shivering, but he doesn't leave at least. He isn't looking Flamebringer in the eyes either, though. ]

...I don't... I just don't want to be here, I just feel like I want to disappear. [ He doesn't want to confess he went to Kazdel. It's not fair. After everything he promised Flamebringer, it feels like a slight on him. ] I-I... I feel like I just watched a movie of my life for a few years and just started existing here again. I don't feel like me at all, and... and...

[He drops his hand down, from Ezell's shoulder to his wrist to his hand, where he tries to twine their fingers together if Ezell will allow it. He wonders if they shouldn't have this conversation in one of their old rooms here, so he gradually starts trying to tug Ezell upstairs and out of the kitchen.]

You were there for me crashing out, so I'm going to be here for you, okay? But you have to tell me what's going on, and why you feel that way, and... I don't know, if I can help or what you need.

[If he recycles Mizuki's therapy lessons (they were not lessons, those were sessions dipshit), maybe he can help Ezell.]

[ Unfortunately, they don't even get to the stairs. Flamebringer tries to twine their fingers together and Ezell rips his hand away so that he can awkwardly put his hands against his own stomach and bunch the cloth of his shirt up into his fists. Anxious. All he's felt is anxiety since getting out of the forest. ]

I went to Kazdel. [ He's still not looking at Flamebringer. He doesn't know what he's feeling and it's making him a nervous wreck. It would be easy if he hated Ezell, because at least then they would be feeling the same thing. ] I took Cecelia with me.

[Oookay, they're having this conversation in the kitchen then. That's fine, hopefully no one else comes in and

...

Oooh he doesn't mean to sigh like he does, but it escapes him before he can remember his therapy lessons (SESSIONS).]

And... you got hurt? Someone there tried to kill you? 'S'that why you Fell?

No. Nothing like that... [ ????? Why is that the first thing Flamebringer asks...??? ]

You... you can be angry. I understand. I'm angry, too.

[...]

I'm worried. And yeah, I guess I'm pissed off, but I always knew you were going to do it no matter what I said. You told me that much when we first showed up here, so I guess you got some memories back like I did a while ago.

[Only his were about the landship getting invaded and everyone heading off to Victoria for shelter, and Ezell's...]

I'm not shocked, is what I'm saying. I just want to know what the fuck went on that has you like this now.

[ On the one hand, Ezell knows Flamebringer gets it. As he just said, he's been through this, too. He probably didn't remember things from the Grove, either. But on the other, Ezell is upset that Flamebringer is being so nonchalant about this, as if he's saying "yeah, of course I didn't trust you."

He's not saying that. Ezell needs to get out of his head. But also... ]

...I don't know. I didn't do anything wrong. I was celebrating a birthday with Cece, that's it. I fell, and then... I passed out. That's all I remember.

...fuck, I should've gone with you. I could've protected you or... made sure you knew where you were? Done something? I don't fucking know.

[Yeah, Flamebringer's own crisis is mostly over how he didn't protect Ezell. In his defense, it's not like they liked each other back home, but... hindsight. Hindsight is 20/20 and he's going to kick past-him in the teeth.

He's not good at "caring" emotions. Everything with him is a low simmer, and he swore to himself he'd never explode in anger at Ezell ever again. Not after the first few times. So his "nonchalance" might be a result of that. If only Ezell could read him like he used to, he'd know that nothing about this is nonchalant.]

...you don't know where you are back home, do you?

[ Ezell doesn't say anything. He's just quietly looking at Flamebringer, until, finally, he gives in to his care and worry for him. He's mad, but not at Ezell? At himself? Hhh,,, He loves this stupid idiot man so much. So, so very much. And so, he finally closes the space he'd put between them and just plops his face right into Flamebringer's chest. ]

...I'm somewhere safe. I know that.

[Flamebringer takes this opportunity to wrap his arms around Ezell and squeeze him tight.]

I'll find you. I swear when we get out of here, I'll come find you, okay? Just stay put, if you wake up before I can get to you.

[Please, please wake up before he gets to you.]

I will be okay, Flamebringer. Like I said, some very kind folk were looking out for me and her...

[ Mudrock had a lot of connections, as it turned out. He doesn't remember what happened after he passed out. He wishes he did. He wishes he could ask Cecelia... ]

I'm sorry.

Stop. Don't apologise.

[He flattens his non-Oripathy'd cheek to Ezell's hair and takes a deep breath. God, how he wishes he could just fix this, or that he really had stalked Ezell and Mudrock to Kazdel, or gotten over himself and helped or...]

...just don't go anywhere on me while you're here. I really did almost tear this entire place up looking for you.

[ And the award-winning for world's stupidest utterance by the world's stupidest man goes to: ]

...Why?

...because I love you? [hello—] I was worried you got kidnapped or the Forest took you or... I don't know, I should've checked here first, but I looked all over for you.

... [ He doesn't say anything at first. No noise, no hiccups, no sobs, no nothing, but Flamebringer will still feel the wetness through his shirt from where Ezell's tears spill.

Eventually, though, he will speak: ] I love you, too.