The air is cold, the sky dreary. Ever since your return to Aldric’s Grove, the chill in the air is as bitter and sharp as a knife. The scent of stew from the General Store’s windows is comforting, almost as much as the teas Ydalir is handing out if you pass by her tent. Nene puts baskets of her fresh produce on every doorstep or before the doors of people’s rooms in the inn, and Evan and Rillian join her sometimes, the two also handing out sweaters or cloaks. It’s not going to be as bad as last year, but a bitter winter is coming. It’s best to be prepared, isn’t it?
As the winter approaches, plantimals busy themselves to prepare as best they can, too. Pinecone squirrels harvest away nuts while one by one birds move as close to warmth as they can — and that may well just be Sehul and Aurora’s domains. The river water is clear as ever and even colder, with only the blessed trees and bushes still flowering and bearing fruit.
Yet nothing prepares anyone for the green mist, knee-high at the lowest, waist-high at the highest. It smells earthy and grassy, almost floral like a garden,and it pours out of
the research hall.
There’s a chill in the air. Something… strange is happening, yet again.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sticksandbonesmods) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
sticksandbones2025-11-06 02:45 pm
no subject
It's a little hard to picture them loving you but still choosing not to support you.
[There are some situations where that might be the case, times when supporting someone is enabling destructive behavior, but that doesn't seem like the same thing to him. Min-Gi's love isn't hurting anyone.]
Support is a kind of love, and this sounds...conditional? As if that form of love is going to be ripped away if you aren't the person they want. Is that really how they are, where you're from?
[For Min-Gi's sake, he hopes not.]
no subject
[That's becoming more and more obvious. While the Ryan he knows sees how much his parents care without truly understanding how difficult it is for them to see him make choices they don't expect, this one now believes it means his parents don't love him at all.
It's more complicated than either of them seem to believe.]
They do love me. That's why it'd be so hard for them. You don't know how much it'd scare them if they knew. They'd think I was doing something bad, or reckless, or dangerous. And, like... are they wrong? At the very least it's going to make our lives harder.
no subject
There's one thing this Min-Gi says that catches his attention though.]
I wouldn't know. Are they wrong?
[The question is turned and put back into Min-Gi's hands. Ultimately he's the one who has to make that decision.]
From the little I do know, I don't think you're being reckless. [A soft laugh sneaks out.] With all due respect, I'm...not sure you or my Min-Gi ever could be? That doesn't mean you don't take risks, of course, but you're both very calculated and prepared. It's always made my Min-Gi someone I can really rely on, and I'm sure that extends to you too.
[Hopefully that lands more as a compliment than picking on him. It's a good quality! He doesn't rush into things; he thinks them through.]
As for bad or dangerous...I still really wouldn't know, but do you think your Ryan is doing something bad or dangerous? He's lived that way longer than you, true? I can't even imagine how it must've been without any support or family to rely on...but, I want to hear your judgement on that. Not your family's or his.
[Notably, he does not ask if Min-Gi thinks his Ryan is reckless. They both know the answer to that, unfortunately.]
no subject
[There isn't any hesitation in responding. He's spent years trying to push these kinds of thoughts out of his mind, but that doesn't mean he's always been able to. More recently he's even intentionally tried weighing up what would happen if he did actually talk to them about it. He doesn't think they're right about everything, but he can understand why they'd be concerned. He can understand why they'd believe they'd be supporting him more by rejecting that part of him rather than indulging it.
The other question is one that's harder to answer. Not because Min doesn't know what he thinks. It's because this is Ryan, and even if he isn't the Ryan he grew up with it still feels as though it's something that could be hurtful to him.]
I don't think he's doing anything bad...
[He's wincing as he says it, knowing what the omission will tell the other Ryan.]
no subject
[It's an easy sentence to finish, and he leaves it hanging in the air. It might hurt more if he was alive, maybe, but it's hard for it to reach him now that his life has ended. What could his lifestyle possibly do at this point? Kill him?
Though, he'd be lying if he said it wasn't a little disappointing to hear. It probably shows, even as he tries to remain kind.]
How so? Tell me about it.
[Maybe trying to talk about it out loud will make him realize how bad it actually sounds.]
no subject
It's not like it's his fault. Our world isn't always friendly to people they think are different. You have to be brave to put yourself out there.
[Ryan's always been the braver of the two of them. Sometimes to his detriment, but that doesn't mean it isn't a trait that Min-Gi doesn't admire even if it is one he does find himself fretting over frequently.]
no subject
So it's dangerous to just...be who he is? At all? I know it's a big part of who I am as a person, so it probably is for him too.
[He knows it's true, but he also knows spelling things out logically is useful for Min-Gi sometimes. He's not twisting his words, just asking clarifying questions and trying to see what Min-Gi means - or more accurately, try and show Min-Gi what he sees here.]
...That must be difficult for him to carry alone.
no subject
[Maybe he would have screwed up. It's not as though Min had done the best job of supporting him here, but he'd have tried. Especially in a world that made it feel unsafe to be open. That has to be worth something, right?]
Do you think it's a big part of my past life too?
no subject
[Do what, exactly? The ghost of Ryan doesn't elaborate, and leaves that space blank.]
Still, I can almost understand it - you've been scared, and if he can tell, then that would only make it more difficult to open up.
[The question is easier, but he still leans back on his palms and looks up to the sky.]
I do. I think it's a big part of anyone's life, no matter who they love. Even men who love women tend to consider their relationship a big part of who they are, usually. I mean, think of your father. Being attracted to women isn't the only thing that defines him, but wouldn't it be strange to say being married to your mother isn't a big part of his life?
[The same can't be said of all fathers, he knows. Otherwise his own might have stuck around longer. This isn't about him though, and he turns his attention to Min-Gi and laughs softly.]
But if you're asking me if, oh, I don't know. If my Min-Gi is flirting with men in taverns or shouting what he does in the bedroom from rooftops? [He can't even keep a straight face suggesting it.] Definitely not! He's still you, after all. Still a little private and careful. We're not a secret, but some things are just for us.
[Wink!]
no subject
It both feels impolite and makes him feel stupid to not understand what Ryan is talking about, so he doesn't ask, no matter how much he's going to overthink that blank space later.]
I don't think he could tell. He still thought I was straight until I told him.
[Maybe it's hypocritical, but that scenario still feels different to Min-Gi. He'd been planning to keep it a secret forever up until he told him. The fact he'd felt obligated to admit it was the only thing that had prompted him to even consider a relationship with Ryan might be better than a lifetime of trying to lie to himself, and if he hadn't gained the memory of proposing to him he knows full well he would never have had the nerve to go through with it.
It's the response his own question that really flusters him though. His cheeks go pink and he can't quite meet Ryan's eyes when he talks about his father, and by the time he mentions even the possibility of his past life talking openly about his bedroom activities he looks completely horrified.]
That wasn't what I was asking! I think I get it though?
[Sort of. Mostly he wants to nip this in the bud before it can somehow get more humiliating. He does still want this Ryan to understand where he's coming from though. It's natural he would get his own self's way of thinking quicker than Min-Gi's, but he doesn't want him to leave thinking that this version of Min is more cowardly, or selfish, or doesn't care about his Ryan.]
It's a little more complicated than that still. Where I'm from, sometimes people get married because they're supposed to. That relationship's still a big part of their lives even if they aren't really in love with that person.
no subject
Well, I did mean it when I said usually. Nothing applies to everyone. It didn't apply to my father, that's for certain.
[Ryan just rolls his eyes and moves on. Oh well. It's his loss in the end.]
Anyway, I think that still counts. A lot of people who don't marry for reasons other than themselves wind up very unhappy, and that unhappiness becomes a big part of them. And if the reason why is because they're trying to love someone they don't love, then shouldn't it count?
[It isn't as though marriages like that don't exist in his world. Surely some get married to people their parents have approved of, or have political marriages, or even just marry out of convenience. If it isn't something both parties want though, someone is bound to be miserable.]
no subject
[For all Mr. Akagi's faults, it still catches Min off guard that he would actually leave. He's not sure how to process that. Ryan sounds bitter, but if he's anything like the one he knew, then maybe that's just because their relationship was never that good in the first place.]
I'm sorry.
[Exactly what he's sorry for he isn't sure, but it seems important to express it. Ryan's always deserved better than a crappy father, and he's sure this one does too.]
I don't think that's always true, but... no matter how much I try to think about how many people go along with who their family wants them to marry and work it out, it's hard to imagine I could do that and be happy.
no subject
Thanks. Don't worry though. I haven't seen him since I was small and I still had a wonderful, amazing life even without him in it.
[Sometimes that empty pain could be felt, but that hole grew smaller and smaller over time and in death he can barely feel it at all, aside from letting out a sarcastic remark here or there. Still, it's nice having it be seen. He doesn't have the same worries his reincarnation does about other people noticing him in a state other than happy.
He hums thoughtfully at Min-Gi's take on marriage, mulling it over for a beat.]
I'd say that means it's an big part of who you are, wouldn't you? It doesn't matter if anyone else's marriages work or not. If not being able to be with the person you love would make you unhappy, then being with someone you love sounds like it would be really important to you. Or at least, something you want even if others might not want it for you.
no subject
[He wants to try a relationship, but with Ryan seeming to pull away from him and his own insecurities over it he's not whether it will work or not he's worried that it might not.]
Part of me thinks if I mess this up, then I'll ruin our friendship too. I don't know how to avoid that if it goes wrong.
no subject
[He was young at the time, much younger than this Min-Gi, but it was still a valid worry at the time. He also suspects that his reincarnation understands this a little more than Min-Gi thinks he does. He's sat on these feelings for a long, long time, after all.]
The thing is, you've already set things into motion. I know that you're scared, but things will be different either way. That doesn't mean anything will be ruined though. Relationships change and grow all the time. It's not exactly the same as when you were children, or teenagers, and it will probably feel different again when you're older. You can miss how things were, but you can't go backwards.
[Ryan knows this must be hard to hear, and not exactly what he wants. He smiles kindly though and gestures vaguely upward. It's not nighttime yet, but that doesn't mean the stars are gone.]
Your relationship, romantic or otherwise, will still be there. Just...rotated. Like constellations moving across the sky.
[As he says this, he points and moves his finger in an arc above them, mimicking the slow motion of the moving stars.]
no subject
Yeah. That makes sense. I don't want to go back exactly. I just... I wish it had felt more like my own choice to tell him.
[Maybe that means he would never have been brave enough, but it still doesn't feel good to have felt as though he was backed into it.
He looks up at the sky, pleasantly surprised by the reminder of the inscription inside the ring Ryan had found.]
Is that why you call him that? Your star?
no subject
[And he means it. He can't even imagine how badly it would have gone if something had forced his hand and made him tell his own Min-Gi about his secret crush before he was fully ready.
The question surprises him a little, but only for a second. Then he beams, full of sunshine and love. He hasn't looked unhappy in their talk, but it's almost like it gives him the warmth of life back for a moment.]
He's my favorite star in the whole sky! There's thousands, maybe even millions out there, but no one shines like he does!
no subject
You really think that?
[He's aware that's not something he should question about another person, but... it's also him that he's talking about.
His confidence in himself has grown, and he can see that even more in his other self. It's still hard to truly believe that just thinking about him could make someone so happy though.]
What makes him shine?
[He asks it awkwardly, cringing slightly at daring to ask something so indulgent. It feels like it might be a betrayal to his own Ryan in some way, but the way he talks about his past self just feels so unabashed even by Ryan's standards.]
no subject
[He always has and always will, even now. He doesn't judge Min-Gi at all for asking though - he's pretty sure he would want to know too if the roles were reversed. Besides, there are few things he loves like talking about how much he loves Min-Gi.]
It's everything, really. He's so bright, first of all. The smart kind of bright, I mean. He knows so much, but seeing him excited to learn more about something he's interested in is so adorable. And he gets this really handsome look when he's thinking hard about something? You won't find anyone who knows more about instruments or navigating by starlight. He's an incredible musician and writes some of the greatest lyrics I've ever heard - though, once they get old enough sometimes they start to embarrass him. I love all of them though, every single one.
[Hopefully Min-Gi was prepared for an excitable Ryan babbling of an answer, because he could gush for days.]
He cares so much too, more than could ever be said in words. He leads me like the North Star and I'm never, ever lost when we're together. I know he calls me his Sun, but the truth is that Stars are suns too. They're just a little farther away and more mysterious. Starlight is soft and soothing and beautiful, and every day I'm amazed that I'm the one who gets to orbit him.
[This is the moment he seems to realize he might have been talking for A Little Too Long though, and he laughs when he realizes it.]
Sorry! I'll keep going on until the moon rises if I don't stop myself!
no subject
It's fortunate that he stops, or Min-Gi may have imploded. He's clearly embarrassed long before Ryan stops talking, though this Min definitely sounds different. Their strengths and interests don't quite align enough for it to really feel like him.
No wonder this Ryan thinks he's so special.]
It's okay. I probably should have expected it?
[How could he though? He's already said so much, and apparently could go on. It leaves him at a loss of what to say.]
Sorry.
no subject
Don't worry! I'm the one who got carried away. Besides, no offense but it would be weird to tell you more? You've got to be around Davey's age and I'm certainly not telling him!
[That gets another snicker out of him, but then he mellows. He doesn't want to pick on this Min-Gi, or tell him things he doesn't need to think about. If Min-Gi will allow him, he'll rest his hand on the back of his.]
I mean it. There's nothing you need to apologize for here. You're a shining star too, you know. Even if you can't see it and even if I'm not the one who grew up with you, I can tell.
[A beat. After all his gushing, he should clarify--]
...Platonically, of course. You'll have to hear the romantic version from your Ryan one day.
no subject
Platonically. Obviously.
[Obviously.]
How do you say that stuff about him so easily? The Ryan I know is great at talking without having to think about it too, but I've never been good at that.
no subject
He mercifully doesn't comment further on how obviously platonic it is, and he lets Min-Gi's hand go.]
Hm. I don't think I've thought about it that way before...
[Ryan glances up to the sky as if it might know the answer somehow.]
I'd love to tell you it's rehearsed, but it's really not. I'd also love to tell you I've never said anything that embarrassed my Min-Gi in public, buuuut it's happened now and then. Other than that...it's just never embarrassed me, I suppose? He makes me happy, and I want people to know that. People should know how wonderful he is. He should know how wonderful he is! I never, ever want him to wonder about that even for a second. I want him to feel good and loved!
[If he doesn't say how he really feels, then no one else is going to! It would just live in his head and gnaw on his brain and he has to let those feelings out sometimes.]
I do try and reel it in a little for his sake though. It's easy to catch yourself loving someone the exact way you want to be loved - which isn't bad exactly, but you have to balance it out and listen to your partner's needs too. You know?
no subject
His past self is clearly far more comfortable with public affection compared to how he feels, but from what this Ryan is saying he's not completely immune to embarrassment, which means that's a part of him he may never be free of. He's not sure whether that's a good thing or not, but it sounds as though this version of Ryan doesn't mind it as long as his needs are considered by his Min-Gi too.]
I'm not sure how to balance it.
To me it feels as though that kind of stuff should be private. I'm pretty sure I'd feel the same no matter who I had feelings for. My parents care a lot about each other, but they touch each other less in public than Ryan and I do even as friends. I don't think I could ever be as comfortable as you two are.
[It doesn't help that some of his feelings around it are undeniably some combination of fear and shame.]
no subject
I wish I could tell you how, but it's something you'll have to balance out with your Ryan, I'm afraid. But I'm sure that you'll find that balance with him. You don't have to give up everything that makes you comfortable in order to be with someone. It's just not all or nothing either.
[For either of them, really. The present-day Ryan has some growing to do on that front as well. They both have to give and take, and neither of them are really doing it perfectly.
The next tangent seems to be a complete change of subject, but the ghost of Ryan grins at Min.]
Have you heard of binary stars? They're two stars that orbit around each other, caught in each other's gravity. They both push and pull and push and pull, over and over. It's what lets them stay together where they are, forever.
[As a visual aid, he holds out his index fingers pointed in opposite directions and uses his both his hands to spin them and make unbroken circles. It's more complicated than that and his own Min-Gi could probably give a longer talk on the subject and how it works, but the basic understanding is enough to get the point across.]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)