sticksandbones

🤡

Who: Allen + You!
What: Holy clown boy coming to a Grove near you!
When: Beginning of March
Where: ??? Around
Warnings: None yet, will be in headers as the pop up.

I. I've tasted all your sin (Forest entrance)

[ There is, perhaps, not a single person who would say arriving in the Grove isn't jarring. Some woke up here from their own slumber back home, and that is perhaps the smoothest transition you can get, even even that has yet to be graceful. For Allen, one moment he's holding the hand of his friend, trying to wake him up from what he could only assume was a horrific coma, and then next he's... here. His hand clasps in on itself, and he's suddenly looking around in a panic. He knew that the place he'd ended up may very well kick him out of his consciousness. May lend just the right amount of strength for Nea to pull him out of the "driver's seat", so to speak, but... is that what's happening now? Now, when he was so close to saving his friend?

No.

No, no, no.

The panic sets in as he darts from out of the trees, attempting to look for something, anything that might help him figure out how to get back. It's once he gets into the Grove proper that his eye activates. He has his own questions about that - if he's not in control, where is that coming from? What would his eye see... in his own head? Before he can ponder it for too long, he at least gets one of his answers. What does his eye see? Well.

Death.

It's the first time Allen's seeing souls not attached to something else, but Allen doesn't have time to process that part. Rather, he is trying to remember how to breathe again, because as of now, seeing the horrible visions in front of him - death of his friends, of those he loves, of a fire that isn't really there - all has the air he's trying to get out caught in his throat. It's only once his eye deactivates, the sclera turning from black to white and the red of his eye back to a silvery gray, does he finally have some kind of reprieve from the overwhelm. It's not much. The panic has only gotten worse, after all.

He falls to his knees, gasping for air as if he'd been held underwater for too long. ]

II. You've lost your appetite (for sacrifice) (Timcanpy, the Inn)

[ Timcanpy is a little golden golem. He is here! He isn't sure why he's here, but he is! How exciting! He's gonna...! He's...!!!

...

Where is this!!!!!!!!!! He is going to float out of the inn room he Spawned(tm) in and??? chew on the first person he sees. Hello. ]

III. How can we terminate this parasite (Around the Grove)

[ Fortunately, although the panic attack hits Allen like a train, the fact that he's so fucking hungry does as well. Which means... this is definitely his body. He's not stuck in his head. That's?? Good. Probably. Well, it's not good that he doesn't know where he is, but it's good he's still Him. Does this make sense? No. It doesn't. Fuck, he's SO hungry-

He will very hastily try to find the first person he can and catch their attention with a friendly wave of his normal-looking hand, and in a thick, British accent: ] Cheers! Uh, I have a lot of questions, but... most important, do you know where a bloke might find some food? Preferably, a lot of it?

...

Oh, also, what is that? [ He's, uh, pointing at Moder. ]

IV. If you keep digging up the Host? (Wildcard)
HMU if you wanna do something else pls I have such a strong muse for my baby boy I'm gonna be SO annoying-

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[The fact that Urbain understands every word of that... i hate both of them go in the pear wiggler.]

Great!

You can get closer to her, yeah, and she'll talk to you. She's the Forest Guardian, so she's peaceful as long as you respect nature, or that's what I'm told. [...] You wanna come get food before you start dying though? C'mon, let's go to the inn.

[He'd lead Allen to the bakery because he works there, but uh, that's a business and this is free lunch. So.]

I'm Urbain, by the way!

[ Implying Ezell wouldn’t hear “starving child” and immediately waive all fees— ]

Allen! Charmed! I must warn you, I have quite the appetite. Even when I’m not currently famished.

[ Moder has been Noted(tm). Allen will very likely go talk to her later because she’s very large and looks wise like Hevlaska. Both creatures. 10/10. ]

That's alright, man, I love cooking. [To the inn they go! Where Urbain will immediately become one with the kitchen and Allen is free to linger while he sets out cookware and ingredients and things.] I used to make food daily for all my friends back home, and I was feeding people these last couple months. Uh, kinda, anyway.

[ He will linger, thanks. He’s almost looking at Urbain expectantly, as if he’s gonna ask Allen to chop onions or something. ]

“These people…” everyone must be friends or something here? Uh… do you know… how many are here, by chance?

It's a pretty small place. I think maybe fifty people? Let me see...

[Allen will not be asked to help, he just gets to wallflower while Urbain starts to chop up a chicken and start on a roux.]

There's a lot of people I don't know, but I've seen them around. I asked everyone for their birthdays so I have those all written down even if I haven't exactly seen people face-to-face for very long. Aira, who's got short blonde hair without the pink fade like mine, is a sweetheart. Love that guy. Ezell, uh, I call him Mr. Ezell because he's my boss, he runs the bakery and he gave me a job. He's also got blonde hair and this halo thingy and these light shards that look like wings. His husband Mr. Flamebringer lives there with him upstairs.

Dude, their wedding was suuuper cute. I took pics, do you wanna see?

[Chop, chop, he's removing this tendon from the chicken.]

Anyway, okay, so then there's some other people in the bakery's living space. There's the town tailor Ain and then— ugh, there's Wolfwood, and Wolfwood scares me. So moving on.

Mizuki is the town's therapist. He also kinda scares me but he's chill and I know I have issues. Then there are these people that are convinced they're cookies, but I think they're actually just online roleplayers, but they're all nice so I don't call them out on it. Like whatever man, live your peace I got no issue with you.

There's a bunch of guys that walk around with katanas and call themselves "slayers of demons" or something. Uh, a lot of them were really mean to me, so I don't like them. Akaza threatened to kill me because he misunderstood what I said to him and wouldn't let me clarify. Senjuro is cool though! He's a kid.

Oh, and then there's the Pines family, Dipper and Stan. They're nice people but they're in a cult, I think. There's also a literal talking cat. And then there's Corbeau, who's uh... he's from my world. He's... cool, I mean, he talks like a businessman making a deal all the time but he's cool.

[What a way to talk about a guy you have a crush on—]

A-anyway, I didn't mention a lot of people because I genuinely don't have much to say or know them at all, but yeah! That's a crash course!

……………………………………

[ This is all very helpful information. Thank you, Urbain. You’re so kind, Urbain. Yet Allen seems broken, processing something with a completely broken wheel. ]

His… his? His?

His husband?

…

Men can get married here? But there’s- what? But there’s a Catholic Church here? What do you mean? Th.

Huh???

[Bestie what are you talking about—]

Uh, yeah? Is that unusual where you're from? They can do it where most people are from, I think.

...

Ohhhh, wait, do those weird cannibal Catholic freaks control marriage too? Thaaaat sucks man. The church is Wolfwood's though, and he's engaged to a man right now, so maybe it's not a big deal anymore?

I mean, the Goddesses overseeing this place are lesbians, so.

Cannibal Catholic freaks?!

[ Help, Allen is broken. He’ll need a reboot. What do you mean the Goddesses are lesbians. Wh.

Huh ]

Oh, you didn't know? Dipper says that the Catholics eat people. I stay away from Wolfwood because he also told me he's an assassin and kills people. I dunno what his fiance sees in him 'cause Wolfwood's big and scary and murderous and cannibalistic apparently, and his fiance is dainty and fruity and says "teehee". Maybe it's the bad boy trope in a YA novel.

[Stirring his roux.]

Are you gonna be okay girliepop? Do you wanna sit down?

Wh... no... I'm great... bloody brilliant... [ Why do yo sound like you're haunted by the ghosts, then, Allen- ]

Th... Catholics do not normally eat people. Do you know that? It's important to me that you know that.

...no. I don't know that. Is that true? Dipper made it sound like that's always the case. Maybe it's just Wolfwood.

Is Dipper okay? [ No, next question- ]

No, they- no. Some of them might be a little fanatic about their religion to you, but that's going to be the case with any religion? They aren't-

If they ARE cannibals, it's unrelated to them being Catholic.

Probably not 'cause he's in a cult but like, between you and me? No one here is okay. Lots of bad stuff happening.

[The food is, at least, starting to smell good as it cooks.]

But good to know! Whew, I was super worried dude, not gonna lie. Catholicism and stuff isn't a thing where I'm from and my sole intro to it was Wolfwood who is, again, terrifying and an assassin.

Here, taste this real quick? [And he holds a spoon out to Allen with some of the roux on it.]

That... makes sense. That's sort of just life. Not the cult. That's right fucked. But not being okay.

Does your world have a God people worship? Because if so, I can almost assure you it's likely going to be very similar to the Catholic faith.

[ Anyway, okay, you don't have to ask him twice! He's eating it, and almost glowing at Urbain after he chews and swallows. ]

God blind me, that's brilliant, mate.

Whoa girliepop, I'm not gonna blind you.

[The things Urbain says... but great, awesome, that means things are working the way he wants. Moving onto the next things... namely the dough starters he left out to rise a few hours ago. Time to make croissants!]

We've got a God, yeah. His name is Arceus. It's a bit hard to explain — you prolly aren't familiar with Pokemon, yeah? They're critters. I'll show you one in a sec when I don't have my hands in the dough. The important thing is Arceus made the universe and the other Pokemon and everything, and then there are the Gods of Time and Space, Dialga and Palkia. Then Giratina is the lord of the void, and from there you get to small-time Legendary Pokemon — or Gods, I guess — like how Kyogre is the seas and Groudon the land. It's a whoooooole pantheon.

You give very strange petnames. Has anyone told you that, mate?

[ Allen seems to take most of this in stride, at least. He knits his brow together for a brief moment when Urbain mentions critters and god within the same breath, but ultimately decides that maybe gods can be critters, it makes more sense than them being human- ]

Sure, so... a polytheistic religion? Or, does your world only have one religion? Catholicism is monotheistic, so there's really only one 'God' there.

Oh, shoot, sometimes I forget people aren't used to the way I speak! That's like... okay, my generation is called generation Z and we're known for memes... aaand you don't know what memes are, right, I might ask Mizuki for help with this one.

[After he's folded up all his little croissants and plopped them into the oven, he's turning back to his curry, though he'll stop to reach into his bag and show Allen a Pokeball.]

Polycule religion sounds right! [not what he said] But the thing is, where I'm from, if God ever acts up you could theoretically — if you were brave or stupid — put him in one of these things. It's a Pokeball and it's a house for Pokemon.

[And then he lets Floette out so she can Speen at Allen. Hi!]

This isn't a God though. This is Floette.

Edited 2026-03-08 23:45 (UTC)

[

So anyway, Allen looks fucking horrified! ]

You... can... put God in... [ What does this mean. Why would you have something that can Contain God. That sounds like a recipe for fucking horrors beyond mortal comprehension, ~~or at the very least how you fast track yourself to neon genesis evangelion~~ ] I... feel like that's how you bring Rapture, actually.

[It usually results in world evils yeah—]

What's Rapture? Like, the apocalypse?

Yeah, basically? It’s in the Bible. It’s described as “the end times” when the Lord, uh… gathers his followers, living and dead, and brings them to heaven, while the world dies. Or something like that.

…

I haven’t actually read the whole thing of the Bible yet. [ Allen- ]

Crazy... we don't have anything like that. Maybe because Arceus doesn't get involved in human affairs? Like it would be weird for him to do that. He's chill.

Oh, man, actually, I do know that there was once this guy that tried to use the Pokemon representing life and death to like, end the entire Kalos region. You can think of that like a country I guess. Anyway, he got stopped but like, wowwww dude.

[ THIS IS MCFUCKIN WHY HUMANS CANT HAVE GODLIKE POWERS. THIS IS WHAT HE MEANS GODDAMN! What the fuck.

Allen is vibrating. ]

Wh…

I… I see. [ He doesn’t. He’s having a crisis. Quick, change the subject— ] How’s the food coming along??

Oh, it's great! It's gotta simmer a bit longer to get all the flavour in there, otherwise it's gonna be kinda mid curry and like, [Urbain gestures emphatically with his wooden spoon,] I don't do mid. Ever.

[Anyway, given a few more minutes, Urbain will start assembling food for Allen. Unfortunately (?) it's croissant curry, so the curry is standing up in a tower and is surrounded by croissants, because Urbain is just fucking like this. It's good, though, it tastes good! That's his weird-ass talent! But wow what an intro.]

[ The French were a mistake—

Anyway, Allen will still enjoy the food, thanks. And, to his credit, he does clear his plate, despite his initial confusion to the That. ]

This is brilliant, love. Are you some kind of chef where you’re from, or is this just a hobby?

Nah, it's just a hobby. I feed my friends at the hotel we live at, uh, back home and not here obvs. I love cooking! And seeing people's faces when they like what I make.

Oh, and trolling my bestie Naveen with stuff that's vaguely cursed-looking but still tastes good. He acts like he hates it and then eats the whole plate, it's like, our thing.

(no subject)

godsfavourite - 2026-03-24 12:20 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only