sticksandbones | I'm on the brink of disaster [OTA]

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I'm on the brink of disaster [OTA]

Who: Nicholas D. Wolfwood and YOU
What: Catchall log for the aftermath of Saint Nick
When: December 26th onward
Where: Various
Warnings: Reckless behavior/irresponsible drinking

A) Staring down the consequences | OTA

[It's been a couple days, and Wolfwood is still...well, he sure is. And now it seems that the Grove all gets to have a say in the life and times of No Man's Land, so that's pretty Cool. While he does make sure to keep up with Vash's post and all of the responses out of a sense of schadenfreude, it doesn't exactly make him feel any better. Eventually, he has to put it away and go back outside for a while. Not into the Forest thankfully, but out into the snow just outside the Inn, dressed up in his coat from Heimr with a cigarette clutched tight in his teeth.

He's out here because he kindof has to be. He has a puppy on a leash, who has been waddling around in the snow for the last fifteen minutes, biting at the snowflakes and rolling around on the ground.

He watches, deadeyed, as she stuffs her face into a pile of snow all the way up to her neck.]

...please. Please, god.

[He's begging you

He is begging you to do your business he's so fucking tired]

B) To break hard would be better | Locked to Mizuki

[At some point when the puppy has been taken care of and is curled up asleep on his pillow, Wolfwood leaves again. He heads for the therapy building with full intent of going to the rage room and breaking more shit in the hopes it will help him feel less listless and dumb in the head.

Except...he gets there, and he sort of lingers in the middle of the lobby. Like he's lost, or he's forgotten where the room even is. Perhaps that's what it is, or maybe it's that he knows that breaking things isn't really the solution this time.

Maybe he should just leave.]

C) Tonight I'll do what it takes to fail | OTA

[...so anyway when that didn't work, Wolfwood decided to just grab the last of that whiskey bottle from his room and head back out to go wandering again. There's actually a lot of this town he hasn't visited for one reason or another, and the rec center is a place he flat out didn't know existed. Blessedly empty as it is, it's a siren song calling for him. He drags himself through the snow and inside.

...he's not expecting to find a giant like. Waterpark, or something, in here. Who the fuck built this?

He wanders as he periodically drinks straight from the bottle, wondering if the water is cold. It probably is since it's like two degrees outside. His footsteps echo loudly in the empty space, with pools scattered throughout. His feet are cold. Maybe it'd feel nice if he took his shoes off and just sat at the edge, assuming the pools are heated or something. Would somebody build this whole thing and NOT go to the trouble of doing that?

Fuck, he doesn't know. Nobody has this kind of money back home, and certainly not the resources to be wasting this much water. He sits down on the tile like a toddler and awkwardly kicks off his sockless, very wet (very sad, they're in BAD shape yall) shoes before scooting towards the water's edge.

If you show up right around now you'll just see Wolfwood sitting at the edge with his feet in the water. If you show up like, ten minutes later, it will be to the tune of somebody falling in.]

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[ Mizuki is actually in the midst of making the office a little more comfortable, what with the cool weather, and making sure that the sensory deprivation tanks are still staying at body temperature despite the cold. Somehow, they are! The insane amount of salt inside of them is probably helping.

It's coming in and out of the office to bring things inside to warm up or make it more cozy that he happens upon Wolfwood coming in, mid scooping up some of the blankets he'd brought to go lay them on the couch inside. ]

…Did you come here looking for someone to talk with? [ He heard from Vash they had an argument. Maybe he just needed someone to vent his woes to, too? ]

[Wolfwood will probably come in right around the time that Elsword is in the distance utilizing those waterslides as god intended. And they'll probably look at each other as he's leaving that side of the pool and Elsword will understand that Wolfwood needs a moment alone, mopey as he is, so he'll head off for a bit to get snacks or something and come back. He totally thinks Wolfwood needs snacks, too.

And that is how Elsword ends up coming back right as Wolfwood starts fucking drowning, I guess. Nevermind snacks, those are getting tossed aside as Elsword launches himself at the side of the pool and reaches to drag Wolfwood out. Hi hello. Don't drown pls.]

[Wolfwood blinks slowly, Mizuki's small voice seeming to startle him as if he wasn't expecting someone else to be here. Right. Someone has to run this place, don't they? And now he just looks like he kindof barged in uninvited, which may not be super far off from the truth.]

Uh...sorry. I was looking for that room. With the breakable stuff.

[So, good news. Wolfwood isn't unconscious or anything like that, he's just really wobbly and lost his footing at the water's edge. ...turns out he also can't swim even a little bit, so it's a good thing that Elsword came back for him. He wasn't even expecting Elsword to return at all when he left, so...small blessings today, for Wolfwood.

Anyway, when Elsword manages to get his head above water, Wolfwood immediately starts choking and hacking up water, which is a good sign that he's breathing at least. He doesn't fight Elsword on getting rescued either, gripping onto his shoulder to keep from bobbing back beneath the surface as he drags him up and out over the edge.

Hi, sorry, he's a sloshed disaster and his whiskey bottle is floating in the water. Mercifully empty at least since he finished it off before he came in.]

No need to apologize! That's what this place is here for. But, if you don't mind me asking, is there a particular reason why?

[There's a reason alright. Just not a reason he particularly wants to say, exactly...but at this point, he imagines Mizuki knows to some degree, even if he doesn't realize just how much it involves You Know Who.

He sighs, looking away.]

I need to get some anger out, is all. That's what it's for, right?

It is, of course. S'why it's called a "rage room". I'm not about to stop you, but… would you like someone to talk to as well? I don't see why you can't break shit and also talk to someone about what's frustrating you.

…

It doesn't have to be me, but… um, if it's about Mister Vash, he has… brought up that you guys got in an argument to me…

[Of course. Of course he did.]

What else hasn't he told everyone...

[He mutters to himself, leaning his weight back on his heels so he can look up at the ceiling.]

Yeah. It's about him. But I don't think there's anything to talk about at this point. Like, I don't know what he said to you about me, but...

Not much. He only mentioned that you both argued, that's all. He didn't want to talk about it more than that…

[ Mizuki scuttles over to the rage room, regardless, after setting down the blankets, and he pushes the door open. ]

Come on. You don't have to talk about anything, but I can hang out with you while you get your frustrations out at least. [ Aaaaaand if he just so happens to feel like talking, then he'll be there! Win-win… ]

[.........]

Fine.

[He doesn't...really have it in him to be mean to Mizuki. Not after the meeting. Not after their outing. Mizuki is kindof one of those very few people he has some sort of connection with, so he's being spared his ire, for the time being.

He'll step past Mizuki, then, wandering into the now pristine room.]

...I wrecked this place last time I was here. Guess it really is magic.

Mister Heimr has some sort of magic to make it "reset" when you leave. There's a paint room across the lobby that does the same. Only instead of breaking stuff, you throw paint around. Some people find their peace in construction rather than destruction, but that's why both the rooms exist. There's also a rock climbing wall and trampolines for those who like to climb or just get their energy out… Um… there's probably a lot of other therapy methods I don't know about yet, but I hope this helps you all the same.

[ Mizuki's going to scuttle in and sit in a chair that rests off to the side, though he will move if Wolfwood decides he wants to smack that as well. ]

I can't create.

[He says bluntly as he walks over to pick up the sledgehammer that's always in here, hefting it like an old friend. He then turns to look at a bunch of stacked up glasses on the table nearby.

Yeah. You'll do. He'll just pretend they're Vash's face.

Anyway, going to start setting those up in a line...]

Really, pretty sure the one thing I'm good at is destroying shit.

[ Sometimes you gotta go apeshit, and sometimes the things that are available are sledgehammers and furniture. Go off, king. Mizuki can doodle Vash's face of them if it'll make you feel better— ]

…Do you consider that to be a bad thing?

[He appreciates you, Mizuki. But his imagination is strong enough, he thinks.

Though, before he starts smashing, he pauses at Mizuki's question.]

Well I wouldn't call it good. Most people wouldn't, anyway.

Hm, well, I think a lot of the time it's because that comes with a lot of negative connotations, but… that's not always the case, no. If destruction was a bad thing, demolitionist wouldn't be a job description, and home improvements would have to pray they got termites to get rid of walls and stuff for them. Moreover, the fact that rage rooms exist at all prove that despite being a destructive again, it serves a constructive purpose, in being a very healthy way of getting out your negative feelings.

[ He might have picked up the little kicky feets in his chair from Elsword. ]

Those are just a couple of examples, of course.

[As Mizuki finishes talking, Wolfwood chooses that moment to start breaking glasses. They shatter with a startling din, sending minute shards of glass spraying across the far wall. He is at least careful to angle himself away from Mizuki so he won't be in any danger. He'll wait until he's not making noise breaking things to answer him.]

So what about if it's not things you're destroying. Not buildings, or walls, or glass.

[Another glass explodes.]

You destroy people.

[Whenever Wolfwood stumbles back to his room — drunk and sopping as he may be — he'll find Vash waiting for him. Again. He's changed his clothes for some reason, the tattered coat splayed out around his vantage point on the floor. His head is propped back against the door, and while his eyes are obscured by his glasses, judging by the way his chest rises and falls, and the slight part of his lips, he's, uh.

Well. He's just asleep right there, isn't he? Someone's been waiting a fairly long while, oops.

Good news is that he's not going to notice if Wolfwood wants to get the drop on him? The bruise from their previous squabble is pretty vibrant on Vash's jaw now, especially in the light of the hallway. Thankfully he doesn't seem too bothered by it. But that could be because of the sleeping thing.

... anyway -]

Mmh, well… I think that it depends on the context there, for sure. Like, if you said you were a serial killer, I'd say that's definitely bad, yeah. But if you said you were a war veteran, I'd say those things are probably necessary, sometimes. I'm a mercenary, and I know that the people I work for would never let me hurt someone if it weren't absolutely necessary…

I think the same would go for you, too, Father Wolfwood. Do you "destroy" people for a good cause?

[Another glass shatters. Wolfwood could be beating up the furniture too, but the sound of splintering wood is a bit harder to talk over. He's panting a little now, too, even though he's not really exerting that much energy to do this.

He debates how to answer. He could be incredibly vague, or choose to not answer at all. And for a moment he does maintain his silence.

...

Another glass breaks.]

I'm an assassin. [Is what he chooses to finally say, standing up straight as the sledgehammer hangs at his side.] It sure as hell is not for any good cause.

[Which is...a lie, partially. He's not in the business of killing because he wants to be. It's because he has to be.]

[ Mizuki isn't sure if that frustration there is because he's already frustrated with Vash, or because of something new. He hums a bit, thoughtfully, before he speaks up again. ]

It doesn't sound like a cause you're too keen with. [ He wouldn't use "sure as hell" like that if it were something he cared about. Which — sorry, Wolfwood — gives away his vagueness. ] What do you see as the problem, exactly?

[Wolfwood winces, just briefly, but it's long enough that Mizuki might notice if he's watching carefully. He starts to pace the room a little bit, reaching for more things to set up so he can break them.]

That's not- ...look. I don't really want to talk about why I do it. You say it depends on context, but that's just it. I didn't choose to do what I do, and because of that I'm suddenly this...

[He looks at the glass he'd been holding for the last few moments, staring at the warped version of his own reflection in it.]

Good guy, as if I ain't done awful shit with my life. And that because I'm so good, I deserve..."better".

You deserve… “better”? Could you elaborate?

What does “better” even look like for you?

[Wolfwood is mid-swing, rearing back with the sledgehammer, when Mizuki asks him a question that makes him actually stop. Not because he wants to actually ponder an answer, but because his stress-addled mind starts throwing up answers for him before he can think.

Better? ...Better would be to break his shackles, once and for all. To be able to live how he wanted without the guilt of knowing he'd be dooming another to follow in his footsteps if he did.

Better, is a life with Livio, alive and well and happy like he is here. Better...is fucking around with Vash again, without walking on eggshells or laden with the fear that he'll wake up to him having taken himself out of his life again, for his "own good". It's to be able to feel, just for a moment, how he felt when he and Vash spent the night together after that disastrous meeting.

He draws the sledgehammer back, then lowers it.]

...for me, it'd be to be able to make my own choices for once.

[ Haha. Can’t relate. Imagine having your choices picked for you all the time, that sounds like Mizuki’s dream! He doesn’t say this out loud, though. It’s his job to help Wolfwood down his own path, not relate it to Mizuki’s. ]

What would you say are the things holding you back from doing this?

Replace "things" with "people".

[He kicks a fallen vase across the floor with the toe of his shoe.]

You spend your entire life being gaslit and you start to not want to talk to anybody anymore.

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I'm on the brink of disaster [OTA]

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C and i'm sorry

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DONT BE SORRY

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The Special D Option For Me

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