sticksandbones | Back Up The Stairs Again

Entry tags:

Back Up The Stairs Again

Who: The April Fool Himself, Vash the STampede
What: Vash returns to the Grove
When: Early, early morning, April 1st.
Where: Around the Grove
Warnings: Sibling death, Vash related Vashing, gradual mentions of corruption. Brief mentions of eye changes possibly verging on eye horror?

i. Running in Shoes that Shine — Outside the Church, OTA

[When Vash emerges from the woods, it’s well past midnight. Most anyone in the grove would likely be asleep, and he wouldn’t blame them for it. In fact, he’s counting on it. The last thing he wants is to be disturbed like this. He has a task to complete, and the last thing he wants is to field questions.

Nai’s body is laid down beside the grave that holds Wolfwood. He doesn’t yet process that space has collapsed in on itself, too focused on making sure his brother is properly secured. His jacket is removed, and set to the side. The knife tendrils are laid out like wings behind him. It almost looks like he’s sleeping in the moonlight. Almost.

The conversation he has with Heimr is quick. Just a shovel, please don’t ask any questions. He’s sure the shopkeeper knows he’s been gone for weeks. He doesn’t want to hear any of it. He takes the shovel and trudges back to the church.

Digging the grave takes ages. It’s slowed by the wounds still clinging to Vash’s body. The newer ones, ones that cropped up when he strayed too far from the path in his exhaustion, tear themselves open anew. His already torn thermal becomes wet with blood and sweat. But still he digs.

By the time the sun rises, Nai has been placed into the dirt and covered up anew. Vash stares down at his work with an unreadable expression. He still wears Wolfwood’s glasses. He refuses to take them off. It means his vision is darkened to an almost crippling degree. If someone approached, he wouldn’t know it.]

ii. With Blood that isn't Mine — Inside the Church, Closed to livlaughlove and lupusxylem

[At some point, Vash shakes off whoever has approached him. He enters the church, movements stiff, pained, and robotic. He kneels before the cross, his head bowed low. He’s never believed in this particular god. In a lot of ways, it feels wrong to kneel and pray to Him, when he’s already cast his faith behind a different divine. But Nick did believe, as far as Vash knew, and Nai had at least seemed interested in the teachings of this faith. And so to this God he prays.

Forgive them. Let them rest peacefully. Let them find comfort.

It’s short, all things considered. He doesn’t want to linger here overlong, not after everything that’s happened. Not when he still isn’t ready for questions. But when he tries to rise, he finds his legs locking up on him. All at once, his body feels weak. Instead of standing, he collapses against the cold ground. He stares up at the cross, wondering if this is spite somehow.

And then his vision darkens.]

iii. A Stinging Trophy — Around the Grove

[A few days and reunions later, Vash at least seems capable of walking around the grove on his own. Wolfwood’s glasses have been replaced with his own. These aren’t quite as capable of hiding the changes that the darker lenses might have. His eyes have shifted, almost as if the sky blue hue of his iris had begun to bleed into the sclera. The faint, pastel blue hint might even be imperceptible at first glance.

If you’re caught staring, Vash will simply look away, waving anyone off with a half-smile.]

It’s nothing. Just picked up a little something while I was lost in the woods. It’ll fade, I’m sure.

iv. Of the Battles I've Survived — Wildcard

[Vash is going to be throwing himself back into the Grove like nothing happened. Feel free to encounter him anywhere around the town. Or, reach out to me and we can plot something out!]

v. SUPER SECRET BONUS PROMPT

[A few days after his arrival and subsequent chat on the Netbook, something new appears in the grove. Where once Beiwe's statue stood alone, now a second statue joins her. Which means over the next few days, Vash can be found trying to make sure she's well-cared for in her new home. He brings a cutting from his Geranium, still growing strong, and tries to get it to root within the dirt there. A few other flowers are gathered for her as well.

Anyone on the Netbooks will find a short note in their pages. "Ourania is home. Please come say hi!"

More importantly, he can be found sitting in front of her every evening, just as the moon reaches its highest point within the sky. He isn't sure if he's praying so much as he is just talking, but Vash can be heard speaking to her all the same. It's usually casual conversation, but there's plenty of praise being heaped on as well.

He's new to this! Don't judge him!]

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[unfortunately for livio, he has to be a little bit more on alert, aware of his surroundings, so as to not jostle nick too much or get a wheel stuck in a patch of mud or anything. which means he can't avoid all of the grim reminders.

honestly, the worst of all is realizing that even with how long nicholas was gone, he never thought to fix the goddamn roof.

that thought is forgotten as swift as it came on, though, when he notices vash at the same time wolfwood does. his own irritation with the plant fades entirely, worry taking its place in an instant. he leaves nick just a couple of feet away to kneel beside vash and get a better look at his wounds. none too deep, but it's clear he's lost quite a bit of blood over... who knows what period of time?

he looks up at nicholas, practically begging with those eyes for wolfwood to continue holding off his anger until vash can at least defend himself.]

We should take him to the clinic...

[Livio doesn't have to say anything, Wolfwood knows. And, well...as frustrated and upset as he still is, he isn't about to let that get in the way of Vash getting medical attention, which he clearly needs no matter the explanation for it.

His hands move down to the wheelchair wheels, turning the chair halfway so he can roll it back out of the path down the middle of the pews.]

Go. You get him there. I'll meet you at the door.

[He might need help getting inside since he's been struggling to get the wheels over steps (it's not like the Grove was designed with wheelchairs in mind), but he's at least confident enough that he can get himself over to the clinic from the church.]

[yeah... livio has realized how aggravating it is that nothing is really paved. not that anyone could have foreseen this... but it's certainly something to consider going forward.

more urgently, he nods and turns back to vash.] Hey, Vash -- ? Can y'hear me? We're gonna get you to some help, okay? [his touch is light at first, just a hand on vash's shoulder. testing.]

[Again and again, Vash has had to reconcile with just how long and arduous of a journey it had been. Nothing underscores this more than the way he shoots up at the barest of contact. His teeth grit, and his metal arm quickly reaches up to defend himself. It's only after a few seconds that the memories trickle through, remembering where he is and what he'd last done.]

I - [He forces himself to breath, to focus. He squints behind the dark lenses, vision almost fracturing into countless, compound images, before rectifying themselves. He takes them off, rubbing at his eyes.

Depending on how close Livio is, he'll see the way his eyes have changed. A pastel blue color creeps out from the iris. Something that Vash, presently, isn't aware of.]

I'm fine. It's fine. [The hand against his shoulder is briefly touched, before Vash seems to flinch away from the contact.] I'm okay.

[For a long few seconds, Vash seems to try to gather himself. His arms twine around his waist, as if holding himself together. He draws a few deep breaths in, before finally looking up.]

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

Edited 2024-03-25 02:23 (UTC)

[the moment vash takes a defensive position, livio takes his hand off of him, holding both up as if he's under gunpoint. not scared that vash will hurt him, but to show that he doesn't want to hurt vash.]

Hey... It ain't fine. Y'been missing for -- weeks, Vash. You lost a lotta blood. You need to get looked at.

[... he doesn't say anything in response to the last part. actually, he glances out of the corner of his eye at nicholas, whom he thinks vash really owes an apology.]

Weeks? It's been - [He trails off. Time has always been strange here, he's learned that much at least. And truthfully, he doesn't know how long he'd slept upon the statue in his attempt at recovering. As much as he doesn't want to admit it, time has probably passed to an unfathomable degree.]

I really didn't - I just...

[He tries and fails to find words to summarize how he feels. Even if leaving had been the only thing he could comprehend in the moment, he regrets it now. He regretted it the moment he realized he might not have made it back.]

I made a promise. That I'd stay. And I broke it. [He glances toward Wolfwood, all but waiting for him to spit in the face of his myriad broken promises. How many times had he been scolded for that?

(And still, he'd made yet another despite knowing better.]

I shouldn't have left.

[He is, of course, pointedly ignoring Livio's insistence that he get looked at. He doesn't deserve that kindness. He'll wear these scars like he's worn every other mark he's earned. Anything more would be too merciful for him.]

You shouldn't have.

[Comes Wolfwood's rasping baritone from a few pews down, now that it's abundantly clear Vash continues to dig in his heels about going to get himself checked out.

It's why he presses the heels of his hands hard into the edges of the wheels of his chair, forcing it out from between the pews so Vash can see just what he's missed out on for a week. A clear view of what Wolfwood had to give up just to be here, his pantleg folded and pinned underneath the stump of his thigh.]

And if I could spend a week rotting in the clinic, you can go to get yourself fucking looked at.

I ain't interested in speakin' to you until you go. Got it?

[Focused as Vash has been, he hasn't yet noticed Wolfwood. He's felt a presence, yes, but the silhouette he casts out of the corner of Vash's eye is unrecognizable. He would have sooner believed the wheelchair-bound man to be a new arrival, rather than his beloved.

But given all the time that they've known each other, Vash has memorized the timbre of Wolfwood's voice. In a single second, his heart leaps into his throat, tears springing to his eyes. He feels relief, and is already beginning to blindly stand and surge forward, to fall upon him and sob his relief.

It's in that same second that Wolfwood turns, and the exact extent of his injuries, of everything Vash has missed, is revealed to him. Elation turns to horror as he stares, the great Punisher laid so low. He should have known, of course. Nene had told him about the price paid to come back. But after Vash's own arrival had been... mostly painless, he might have hoped there were exceptions. Miracles.

Nothing like this.]

Nick - [He wants to say more, but there couldn't possibly be words for what he feels, or what he should say. Wolfwood had suffered, and Vash had been absent for it. He had been rendered weak after years of being trained as a weapon. And he hadn't had one of the people he trusted most to get him through it.

He feels sick. In that moment, he wants nothing more than to run back into the woods. To hell with fighting to survive, he didn't deserve it. He would have been better off baring his throat for the beast in the lighthouse.

But that, too, would be a mercy. And though he wants to argue being treated properly, he has no right to make demands or deny Wolfwood this bare minimum. With his eyes falling firmly to the floor, Vash gives a nod.]

I understand. [His voice is hollow, whatever grief he feels being wisely swallowed down. He didn't deserve to cry. He'd always known that.] I'll be there.

[He steps away from Livio, walking down the aisle. He pauses, even with Wolfwood. For a split second he wants to say more. Wants to beg for his forgiveness. He knows better. Instead, he sets the stolen glasses down on the pew closest to him.]

I'm... glad you're back.

[His voice is soft, and quickly drowned out by the sound of his boots as he makes for the exit. He's been told to leave. He won't linger.]

[this is... painful, and awkward. livio feels like he shouldn't be privy to any of it. as much as he knows he has vash's blessing around being with nick, that doesn't mean he should be involved in their issues. he already knows wolfwood is in pain, but it's as obvious as ever that vash is suffering, too, no matter how much he tries to hide it.

and heaven and hell both know livio has made his fair share of dumbass mistakes that he eventually came to regret.

right now, he looks to nick, again, just from the corner of his vision. he still feels like he needs explicit permission to even look at nicholas while he's going through something. he probably always will, because he, too, lives in a pit of his own guilt.]

Do you... want me to stay with you? Or go with him?

[Wolfwood, as promised, says nothing at all. He has much he wants to say, but he isn't going to say it here, right now. For as upset as he is, he wants Vash to get medical attention. He wants him to be okay, above all else, and he knows better than to think he's fine. It looks like he'd been chewed up and spat out by a monster of some kind, and he still hasn't forgotten how well that went the last time.

He looks over to Livio as he's addressed, his gaze previously lingering on his original shades that Vash left behind. He'd suspected it when he woke up without them, but...it's obvious now that Vash must have taken them from his corpse.]

...go make sure he gets there alright. Keep an eye on him.

[His expression is hard to read as he wheels himself all the way into the aisle, reaching over to retrieve his glasses from the pew.]

I'll meet you there.

[without lingering much, trying to respect nick's wishes, livio nods and hurries out after vash.

assuming the independent hasn't disappeared from sight, he jogs a bit to catch up to him. sweeps around from a few feet to vash's side, just so he doesn't surprise him.]

Hey... [he pauses, as if he wants to say something else. but he likely decides against it, considering he falls in step with vash and looks to the ground.]

[The sound of Livio's approaching footsteps doesn't particularly surprise Vash. He continues walking, maintaining the same pace as he had been. A glance is cast at him sidelong, studying his stance even as he acknowledges the other man's presence.]

You don't have to stay with me. I'm not interested in defyin' anyone anymore.

[He doesn't wait for Livio to try to open the door to the clinic. He steps inside, arm extended to hold the door open for Livio. Who cares if it makes some of the gouges on his arm sting. It's deserved. It's all deserved.]

[he wants to argue that he isn't here to babysit vash, but... that wouldn't entirely be true.

livio also thinks it's kind of ridiculous for the guy who needs medical attention to be the one holding the door, but arguing wouldn't help anything, so he just goes inside.]

I'm not just making sure you came. I'm worried about you, too.

It's a few scratches. Most of them already healed.

[It's not quite accurate. There are gouges and claw marks that have dried blood still clinging to them. At least the burns in the center of his chest have healed, but that seems like a small comfort comparatively.

Still, despite his insistence, he doesn't protest as he's ushered to a bed. He glances toward Livio once, then motions with his head toward the curtain. If he's going to get poked and prodded, he wants privacy. The last thing he needs is for anyone to worry about the extent of his wounds that he's definitely not downplaying.

Thankfully, it's drawn, leaving Vash to his business and Livio to his own.]

Doesn't mean what's still there won't get infected. Or that you're not dehydrated or starving or any number'a things.

[nonetheless, he does as he believes vash requests and takes his leave. now he knows vash is going to at least receive a once-over, so he can go back outside and wait for nick. maybe meet him halfway if he spots him coming up.

it's an awkward position for livio to be in, knowing how rough the ground is and generally how difficult of an adjustment this all is for wolfwood, all while not wanting to hover and add to his struggling self esteem.]

[As Livio exits the clinic to wait for Wolfwood...he'll spot him still halfway across the Grove proper. It's not that he lacks the strength to propel the damn chair, it's just more that this is a skill he did not previously possess, and it's not been enjoyable having to learn it on grass. But slowly and steadily he's coming, at least until he gets a few dozen yards off and has to stop to rest. That's when he'll look up and meet Livio's gaze for just long enough to let him know he needs his help.

He is thankful, up until now, he's never really needed to express it verbally.

As they make their way to the front, though, Wolfwood will sit back and murmur to Livio.]

Hey. Can I talk to you, before we go in there?

[for better or worse, livio might as well be attached to wolfwood. though... truth be told, he isn't sure where he's going to stand once vash is back on his feet. the house is small, and livio was never really a resident. it'll probably be on vash to help nick out like this.

he can worry about that later, he supposes. right now, he should give all his attention to nicholas.]

Of course.

[It isn't until they come to a stop that Wolfwood speaks up...but not without shifting a little in the chair so he can reach over and take Livio's hand.]

I know both you and I ain't much for big emotional speeches, so I'll make it short. I just...

You've been here for me this entire time. You've been bendin' over backwards just to make sure I got everything I need, and...you've been gettin' caught between me n'blondie's messes ever since you got here on top of that.

[His thumb brushes over his knuckles, not unlike how Livio held his hand when he woke up in the clinic.]

I wanna know how you're feelin' about it. And...I want you to know that you don't have to deal with this with me, but I want you there as much as I feel like you've got a right to be there.

But that's only if you wanna be here.

[Because he knows you, Livio. You're going to do whatever he tells you, whether it's what you actually want or not.]

[it's comforting, the touch, especially as gentle and thoughtful as it is. as to whether it actually changes livio's mind, well... it takes him a moment to find words.]

It isn't that I don't wanna be there for you. It's just... I feel like it ain't my business, mostly. I mean, I'm mad. I'm mad he did the exact opposite of what you asked him, but not because it made things harder on me or anything. Just because it went against the one thing you asked. But then, it's your choice to forgive him or not, not mine.

[he sighs, shifting and letting his gaze drift away.]

... I also know he's beatin' himself up about it already, and I don't wanna make him feel cornered.

[and, predictably...] But I'll be there if you need me to be.

Yeah...I know.

[He isn't sure what Vash is expecting they'll say to him, but he does know that Vash is likely in there self deprecating as they speak. None of the three of them are mentally well, is the takeaway.

After a moment of silence, Wolfwood will gesture for Livio to come a step closer. If and when he does, he'll reach out to rest his other hand briefly against his middle. If he could be standing, it would be his chest, but...you know.]

It's less that I need you to be there, and more that I don't want to leave you out. I mean...I need you just as much as I needed him. I love you, Liv.

[He closes his eyes, pulling Livio's hand close enough so that he can press his lips to his knuckles.]

I'll be okay, whatever you want to do. I just want it to be your choice, not mine. You feel me?

["needed" sends livio into a panic, as well as he hides it. he may well be misinterpreting, but his brain is a professional at taking one tiny anxiety-inducing scrap and running away with it.

he doesn't want anything to do with this. he also doesn't want to be left in the dark. he doesn't want nick to singlehandedly fight against vash's self-flagellation. he also doesn't want vash to face nick alone.

the only hint at any of this mental spiral is the quickened pulse wolfwood may feel in the veins of livio's hand, pressed so sweetly to his lips.]

I'm sorry, if I've put too much on you. I didn't think of it like that.

[Fortunately, Livio’s anxiety is causing him to misinterpret things. The situation is not so dire as he fears, no matter how Wolfwood has been feeling about it. It’s just a matter of getting over this hurdle, which…Wolfwood couldn’t even be sure would be one they could cross. There’s no guarantee you come back, and Vash had been gone for weeks.

Just as he had.

He takes note of his quickening pulse, shaking his head a little as he draws back a fraction.]

Nah. Everything has been a bit much, but it hasn’t been you. I can’t really thank you enough for stickin’ by me until now.

Which is why I’m tellin’ you that you can go, or you can stay. I’m leavin’ that up to you.

[Which he realizes is it’s own stress considering how Livio operates.]

I won’t be mad either way.

[he should be there for nick. he knows he should.

and yet... he wants so badly to walk away.

ugh. he can always stand in the corner and let himself drift out of the conversation, right? he hardly needs to try, these days.]

I'll... always be here for you. [ultimately, he means that. so he takes control of his hand back to caress at nick's cheek.] Whenever you're ready.

[There's a pause before Wolfwood's expression softens, and for just a moment, he leans into the touch of Livio's hand like a contented cat.]

I know you will be.

Let's get in there. Add's probably got him settled somewhere by now.

[liv nods, and after he's gotten wolfwood and his chair up the steps and through the door all situated properly, he pushes him over toward where vash was last.]

Vash? It's us.

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cw: suicidal ideation

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