after mizuki's revival, before Sea

[submittome]

This is my confession. I, Affogato Cookie, am the one who named the Fallen Sun. I did so early in my arrival, unaware of certain matters that would come of it. I desire to make no excuses, it has been done, and I believed I had my reasons. In my allegiance with him, it was also me who summoned the snake that attacked and harmed White Lily Cookie and Clotted Cream Cookie.

Mizuki was

[ The writing, neat and elegant and swirly until then, becomes a little rougher. ]

an accident. His death was my fault, but I did not want it.

[ Except, in a way, he did to prevent suffering. ]

I ask for no forgiveness, nor do I expect it. All I ask is the chance to make amends. Somehow.


(( note: affogato will not respond to journal responses, if you want to talk to him you'll have to come to him in his room above the therapy building! ))

Comments

response not needed ain just does not feel like issuing a verbal DNI-

[eidxiety]

[one day we can fix them

For now though. Ain stares at this. And then he gets up and goes for a walk, thinking maybe it's not real and that he made it up, 'cause frankly he's distressed about various other things so why wouldn't his anxiety-addled brain just make up a whole situation? Yes, that must be it. So he enjoys his flowers for an hour and heads back to the tailor shop and sits down and opens the notebook up and surprise, the note was in fact real and it is in fact still there.

...

Fuck him, seriously. He should ignore this and just let Affogato do his atonement thing and not say a word to him ever again while he does, but that's going to be difficult, and Ain knows better than to just think he can use his angel powers to make himself disappear again. That wouldn't be fair, either.

Sigh. Sorry about this one, buddy.]

Hi, this is Ain.

You don't have to answer this. In fact, I don't really want you to, but I did want to say this: I wonder if all you really do is hurt people. I don't know if that's what you want because you are hurting, and I want to understand why you do these things in the first place. I won't pretend to understand. I won't pretend I don't see where you might be confused, either.

But you hurt me. You hurt others. I want to believe that's not all that you're good for, but maybe I'm wrong about that.

Please don't speak to me ever again, or at least until you sort yourself out.

[winterfrosting]

[Reading this, Cacao's heart and stomache drop. A domino effect of realizations and events all fall into place in his head, now much less clouded then it once was.

Ah.

He doesn't respond right away. In fact, the others in cookie house and anyone out and about might be very alarmed as Cacao goes tearing out of the house in a rush, sword on his back. They would be forgiven for thinking he's off to execute the sweet bastard himself, just as he promised to do day one.

Instead he settles by the therapy building door, eyes sharp but not going in. Less an invader and more a bouncer.

Shortly after, in the journal:]

Affogato Cookie is of the Ridge. And so I will be taking full responsibility for him.

[submittome]

[ It will take a bit before Affogato reads the note, before his voice will float down from the open window on the top floor. ]

Why?

[winterfrosting]

[He doesn't look up, not trusting his own face]

Because I put you there.

[ Not fully of course- Affogato is a ovensdamned adult. He made his own choices. But Cacao knows now how much he pushed him into the Creatures embrace.

...and likely Dark Enchantress' too. He can't make himself believe the comfortable lie any more. He still wants to, so much. But he can't]

[submittome]

[ And Affogato doesn't look down, perched on the edge. Frankly, an easy target for anyone who wants to shoot.

He's silent to that response, staring at the frame of the window. ]

You're a fool. I made my choices.

[ All of them.

Push Cacao away, so neither of them can be hurt. ]

[winterfrosting]

Perhaps.

[He's a fool. Affogato made his choices. He doesn't move]

[submittome]

[ After a moment, a soft disgusted noise and the sound of Affogato moving away from the window.

And a bit later the door is yanked open from the inside and Affogato shoves a small tray of a pitcher of water and a glass at Cacao.

He doesn't meet his gaze. ]

It's hot. If you're going to sit around at least make sure to drink something, lest you become even more addled in your dotage!

[winterfrosting]

[At least Cacao isn't in full armor out here- if just because he didn't take the time to don it. He blinks then nods]

Thank you.

[submittome]

I poisoned it.

[ He snaps back, though it's obvious he didn't. As if he's trying to get Cacao to realize how stupid he's being, trusting him. ]

[winterfrosting]

You're not that stupid.

[He sips it]

[submittome]

You think too highly of me.

[ But he looks annoyed Cacao called his bluff, then resigned. ]

You are the most-! Blunt frustratingly dense Cookie!

[winterfrosting]

Mmhm.

[He's not wrong]

[submittome]

You!

[ For perhaps half a second, there's actual murder in his eyes, like right there he might attempt to throttle the man on the spot. Then he deflates. ]

You have no idea what you do to me, do you? Or do you simply not care?

[lupusxylem]

better get started.

cw: suicide attempt/suicidal ideations

[leggierissimo]

[ Well, there's certainly been a lot of drama around the Grove lately! Attacks, poisonings, death, betrayal, near-suicide - it's like a delicious little arc in the dramas he watches back at home. All that's needed now is amnesia and a secret twin, and it'll be set.

But Affogato is the key player in all of this. Joshua wouldn't say that he's concerned, exactly. Interested, certainly. He does like Affogato, after all. But the fact that he went this far without prior consideration of all potential consequences to his actions, that he's now both suicidal - because let's be honest, he can sense it from the other like it's the cloying scent of incense and perfumes - and seeking a chance to make amends... it intrigues him.

Being the nosy bitch that he is, he's going to pick at that a little. So, he invites himself right into Affogato's room, sitting on the dresser like he's always been there! Isn't that just so considerate of him? Affogato doesn't even have to answer the door. ]

Bravo, bravo! How are you going to go about topping that for the next act? I'm dying to know.

[submittome]

[ There's only a few people Affogato will be open with. Mizuki. And Josh. And Josh even more so because he has a feeling the man knows way more of him than he let on. Whether mind reading or something else. It doesn't matter.

So when the voice rings from his dresser and makes him pause while staring at himself in the mirror - his eyes flicking quickly to Josh - he almost instantly relaxes. Doesn't bother putting on the mask to hide the narrowing of eyes, the sneer of his upper lip.

Knows he can be catty and sassy and mean, and Josh will either simply return it, or laugh at him. ]

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know my issues were your theatre. Do give me at least another few days to come up with something juicier then. Would you prefer sexual scandal, as I toss myself at Dark Cacao Cookie in despair, or a backslide where I offer my body up to the Corruption? Your face looks hideous by the way, when was the last time you had it done.

[leggierissimo]

Wow. Hideous? That's a bit unnecessary. And after I put on the good eyeliner today, too.

[ Does he look or sound like he's bothered by it? Absolutely not. He knows he looks good. He just returns that look with a knowing smirk. ]

Please. Throwing yourself at a man in desperation isn't a good look on anyone, let alone you. You could stand to have a little more respect for yourself.

[ Joshua crosses one knee over the other, leaning back on the dresser with one hand - which means he's pressing the back of his head against the mirror, but he doesn't care - and gesturing with the other as he talks. ]

So, what are you going to do about it? What's your big plan?

[submittome]

[ And that's precisely what puts Affogato at ease. Josh isn't acting superior, nor like someone he has to protect. He's acting like his equal. It means Affogato snorts at the good eyeliner comment and smiles, finishing his eye shadow (of course it's the one Josh gave him) and leaning back from the mirror. Scoffs at the idea of having more respect for himself, placing his fingers on his chest as he twirls towards Josh. ]

Sweetheart, the only respect I have is for myself. And if that's the good eyeliner, you need to talk with whomever is sourcing you. Move your legs and get off my furniture, I have perfectly good cushions.

[ Whether Joshua moves his legs or not, Affogato will pull open the top drawer - and bang them into his legs if he doesn't move - and pull out some more make up. Ones he made himself, ones he managed to finagle from Ydalir to pull from his world. It's obvious he intends to attack Josh's face, though the question makes him pause, his voice drop a bit into a musing tone. ]

I don't know... I've never been in this position before. The "making amends" thing is new. Usually I don't care.

[leggierissimo]

[ Josh will not be getting off the furniture, thank you! He's comfortable here. For now, until the hard wood surface starts to hurt, and then he'll move elsewhere for comfort. Bump his legs with the drawer all you want, he's not bothered. The fact that Affogato is clearly intending to put makeup on him doesn't seem to dissuade him, either.

That change in tone gets a little head tilt, though. Ah, there it is. ]

Pretty severe place to start learning, if you ask me. Usually we'd begin with a simple apology for bumping into someone in the convenience store and the like. You sure are jumping into the deep end, here.

[ Hmmm. ]

Exactly who is it you're wanting to make amends to?

[submittome]

I've had to apologize enough in my life, I don't care to do it anymore.

[ Still, he sighs and shuts the dresser, rearranging his making up as he eyes Josh's face with the critical look of someone whose going to yell at you for not moisturizing. It distracts him, helps keep his mind wandering while he's stuck here. Moisturizer first. Thankfully he also has clips, so he begins to clip Josh's hair back messily, getting it out of his face. His fingers are swift and shockingly delicate as he picks at hair strands to get them up.

His lips form a little pout. ]

Everyone, I suppose. Mizuki has already forgiven me for his death, but there is Pure Vanilla and his family to apologize to. Though I know that Saint [ yeah his tone indicates distaste ] of a man will forgive me. Clotted Cream and White Lily, then. And the Grove for naming our dear Bastard.

[ Does he want to? Yes and no. Mostly he wants to for the ones who have shown him kindness before this. He frankly doesn't care about the others. ]

[leggierissimo]

[ The fact that Joshua is letting him do as he pleases says a lot. Really, it's because he can stop anything the second he doesn't like how it's going. It may look like Affogato is in control, Josh relaxed and compliant as he is, but Josh knows better.

Keeping up with compliance, he hums thoughtfully, tapping his fingers against the dresser top. ]

Well, at least you're admitting fault. I have a feeling that will go a long way.

You're welcome to talk about it, by the way. Just don't take it out on my face, please. I only have one while I'm here.

[ what. ]

[submittome]

[ A pause as Josh makes that comment - two faces, huh? is this a commentary about something or does he mean literal. Affogato was already working the moisturizer up, then he simply snorts and slaps it onto Josh's face with less care than he was originally going to go for. ]

Don't criticize my work before I even get started.

[ But then he does rub it in gently, a frown on his face as he thinks, eyes focused on his handiwork as he rubs it in and cleans Josh up to prep him for the rest. ]

Is there anything to talk about? I named a God, I gave it power. And it used that power to hurt.

[ And he didn't even get a little bit of power out of it, either, for doing that God's bidding. Fucking ridiculous. ]

Admitting fault and taking responsibility should be the only step I need to take, but I know how people work. They will demand reparations.

[ Wolfwood already had. He heaves a sigh as he begins trying to color match Josh's skin with his make up. Ugh, such pale skin. ]

[leggierissimo]

[ Wow, rough treatment?? Rude. He's just looking out for his face. ]

Oh, no, no, not that part. We all know that part. You know what I mean.

[ He knows, after all. He knows about the drama between Affogato and Dark Cacao. He's seen it, he's heard it, both out loud and unspoken. He doesn't need to hear it from Affogato's mouth - but it sure would do Affogato well to get it off his chest.

Plus, he loves drama. He's not going to say no to a retelling. ]

What reparations will they even demand? If they're asking for a pound of flesh, that's a little hypocritical. Not a single person here is innocent. Maybe not naming ancient gods and giving them power, no, but everyone has stains.

[submittome]

[ For a moment Affogato will think about pretending to play dumb, before sighing and tilting his head back to the ceiling as if in exasperation. Instead of answering: ]

I have heard sun makes skin darker, with a lovely glow. Have you heard of it?

[ Bitch you would be lost in the Ridge, fucking snow ass. Picking up some shadow - none of his concealer or foundation MATCHES - he begins to blend it a little to lighten it, eyeballing Josh's skin as he does.

Then snorts. ]

If you were to speak with our resident Woodwolf [ Yes he deliberately says it wrong. ] that is exactly what he desires. He was none too kind in ensuring my health, as well.

[ And got smacked but still. Then, as he thinks of Cacao, his voice grows softer. ]

And there is truly nothing to tell. Neither of us will be happy around the other. Not truly. He will see me as a problem to fix, and I will see him as a conquest to win.

[ Simply ignore the small effigy of Dark Cacao that he has sitting on a chair, that has a bobby pin driven right through it's skull. ]

[leggierissimo]

[ There's a soft snort at that. ]

And sweat? No thank you.

[ Besides, that involves going outside for long amounts of time. He's perfectly fine with how he is right now, thank you.

There's a soft, considerate hum at that confirmation, and he taps his fingertips against the dresser. ]

You never know. You might end up with a guardian angel watching out for you.

[ All the drama is fun, of course, but in this place and in this very specific scenario especially, absolutely nothing will result from a revenge kill. What does Wolfwood think is going to happen, exactly? Affogato is already willing to make amends. It would be like putting someone through the Game that won't benefit from the refining. A waste of energy and resources. Anything done now is purely to make Wolfwood feel better about himself.

Sigh. Amateurs.

But! That little effigy is exactly why he's trying to provoke talking. There's clearly some strong feelings built up that need to be bled out. His lips curl up at the corners, and he - very, very slightly, he knows Affogato is trying to do his makeup and he isn't going to dislodge a curl - tips his head to the side. ]

Ooh, I sense some resentment there.

[ But he won't provoke more. Not yet, anyway. Maybe when Affogato is finished being in his personal bubble. He really was very serious about Affogato not taking things out on his face. ]