after mizuki's revival, before Sea

[submittome]

This is my confession. I, Affogato Cookie, am the one who named the Fallen Sun. I did so early in my arrival, unaware of certain matters that would come of it. I desire to make no excuses, it has been done, and I believed I had my reasons. In my allegiance with him, it was also me who summoned the snake that attacked and harmed White Lily Cookie and Clotted Cream Cookie.

Mizuki was

[ The writing, neat and elegant and swirly until then, becomes a little rougher. ]

an accident. His death was my fault, but I did not want it.

[ Except, in a way, he did to prevent suffering. ]

I ask for no forgiveness, nor do I expect it. All I ask is the chance to make amends. Somehow.


(( note: affogato will not respond to journal responses, if you want to talk to him you'll have to come to him in his room above the therapy building! ))

Comments

[winterfrosting]

[Reading this, Cacao's heart and stomache drop. A domino effect of realizations and events all fall into place in his head, now much less clouded then it once was.

Ah.

He doesn't respond right away. In fact, the others in cookie house and anyone out and about might be very alarmed as Cacao goes tearing out of the house in a rush, sword on his back. They would be forgiven for thinking he's off to execute the sweet bastard himself, just as he promised to do day one.

Instead he settles by the therapy building door, eyes sharp but not going in. Less an invader and more a bouncer.

Shortly after, in the journal:]

Affogato Cookie is of the Ridge. And so I will be taking full responsibility for him.

[submittome]

[ It will take a bit before Affogato reads the note, before his voice will float down from the open window on the top floor. ]

Why?

[winterfrosting]

[He doesn't look up, not trusting his own face]

Because I put you there.

[ Not fully of course- Affogato is a ovensdamned adult. He made his own choices. But Cacao knows now how much he pushed him into the Creatures embrace.

...and likely Dark Enchantress' too. He can't make himself believe the comfortable lie any more. He still wants to, so much. But he can't]

[submittome]

[ And Affogato doesn't look down, perched on the edge. Frankly, an easy target for anyone who wants to shoot.

He's silent to that response, staring at the frame of the window. ]

You're a fool. I made my choices.

[ All of them.

Push Cacao away, so neither of them can be hurt. ]

[winterfrosting]

Perhaps.

[He's a fool. Affogato made his choices. He doesn't move]

[submittome]

[ After a moment, a soft disgusted noise and the sound of Affogato moving away from the window.

And a bit later the door is yanked open from the inside and Affogato shoves a small tray of a pitcher of water and a glass at Cacao.

He doesn't meet his gaze. ]

It's hot. If you're going to sit around at least make sure to drink something, lest you become even more addled in your dotage!

[winterfrosting]

[At least Cacao isn't in full armor out here- if just because he didn't take the time to don it. He blinks then nods]

Thank you.

[submittome]

I poisoned it.

[ He snaps back, though it's obvious he didn't. As if he's trying to get Cacao to realize how stupid he's being, trusting him. ]

[winterfrosting]

You're not that stupid.

[He sips it]

[submittome]

You think too highly of me.

[ But he looks annoyed Cacao called his bluff, then resigned. ]

You are the most-! Blunt frustratingly dense Cookie!

[winterfrosting]

Mmhm.

[He's not wrong]

[submittome]

You!

[ For perhaps half a second, there's actual murder in his eyes, like right there he might attempt to throttle the man on the spot. Then he deflates. ]

You have no idea what you do to me, do you? Or do you simply not care?

[winterfrosting]

Before you kissed me, I did not.

[The first time he's actually acknowledged it]

And now... I do not know. If I was wise I would have left you alone, but I found I... couldn't do that. Now we're all in this handbasket together, like it or not.

[submittome]

Wisdom has never been your strong suit.

[ He's trying to hurt, to push away. He snorts to the handbasket comment. ]

We are not. I suspect you know the full truth now, do you not? I am not of the Ridge any longer. I am not your Advisor, I am not your subject. But for once heed me and turn away.

[winterfrosting]

[He nods slightly, the smallest tilt of the head. Yes, he knows now. He sighs, hating that the last bit of denial was taken away]

Is that what you want?

[submittome]

What I want hasn't mattered for a long while. And it matters even less now.

[ What he wants is to go back. Back to that moment and plead with Cacao to listen to him, for once in his damn life. To turn Pomegranates offer down.

What he wants is everything in that stupid gingerbread house. Is in front of him, being loyal towards him for reasons Affogato can't understand.

Like Mizuki. He hates them both. ]

[winterfrosting]

[It's too late. Cacao wants to fight against that, and finally turning to fully look at him that conflict is clear on his face. He's not sure if it's just his affection for the other cookie or his own self righteous need to fix what he set in motion.

The fact he has to ask himself that proves to him he can't pursue it. It wouldn't be fair. He's been cruel enough.

He misses the ignorance, suddenly. Peach Blossom's voice echos in his ears. The fruit is gone, and forever he would ache for the absence. Was this awareness the true Enlightenment? The pain without the madness to hide it? Ah. Yes, he thinks so.]

It does matter... but I can not make you happy, can I?

[submittome]

[ That look on Cacao's face finally takes the wind out of his sails. It mirrors what he himself feels. And he feels his heart breaking.

What he wants is, perhaps, not what he needs. Isn't that fucking funny. ]

No, I don't think so.

[ He raises a hand, hesitates, then touches Cacao's cheek carefully with the tip of his fingers. A little brush, before letting them fall again. ]

Go home, Your Majesty. But thank you.

[winterfrosting]

[And in that moment, maybe for the first time, they finally both know what the other feels. Cacao's eyes shimmer with grief, and he touches the the spot where Affogato's fingers brushed. It burns.]

... very well. Hopefully... one day we will both be better men.

[And maybe then they can actually see each other for who they really are. But for now he turns with a deep heaving breath... and walks away]