sticksandbones | [POST-MORTEM] not to blame

[There's a lot to look at already, even though the house is brand new. The Pines had found it half-burnt (or, well. Dipper had and then showed Stan and Ford when they got there) and have since gotten it repaired, but a lot of items from their supposed past lives remained - photographs, knick-knacks, the kind of things you would find in a well-lived in home.]

Yeah, I bet. Won't be a problem way out here though.

[If their reaction bothers him, it doesn't show. Distractions are what he would want anyway, and they're both a little too tired to put the full mask on at the moment.]

Let's see, uh. There's an armchair...Ford's probably not using his room tonight...heck honestly you could even borrow my room if you wanted? Odile kinda broke me in half and if I lay all the way down I'm gonna get stuck like that.

[It's very normal to joke about getting your ribs crushed, right? If not, too bad, Loop will have to get used to it!]

[Looks very lived in. Homey! They try to ignore the pinpricks of envy in their chest, in light of recent events. Don't think about it, Loop.

They're listening, but they perk up to full attention only at the last part. Ah, right. That does sound like something the Researcher would do. And it's something they can help with, something to focus on besides everything else, so...]

Sorry, I guess I could've warned you better. [but they did try to! Not a lot of time to explain her Craft to him, in the moment. They're glad he's still in one piece.] I can do a bit of Healing Craft. Hold still.

[They cup one hand as if making an invisible toast, then pour a sprinkle of Craft energy over Stan. Not the most effective heal, but it'll make the ribs a little less crushed, maybe. They pause to check their hand after casting with it, squinting slightly, but if anything is wrong they don't comment—they go back to crossing their arms loosely.]

An armchair is fine. I've slept in worse places before. [They would ask about somewhere with windows, but considering they could see how boarded up the place was from outside... yeah, no point asking. They'll have to deal with it.]

Edited (words) 2024-10-15 07:55 (UTC)

[Stan does hold still (though admittedly, he's been trying to keep kind of still anyway, with the injury), but he looks up curiously at what Loop is doing with their hands. Whatever they did, it actually does make him feel better? Somehow? Stan bends in a couple different directions and hey! His range of motion is-- ow, wait, that one's still bad from sitting all day.]

Oof-- ha, back to just the regular old man pains!

[He rights himself and laughs - and he can actually laugh now, instead of having to go easy on it so he doesn't make his chest move!]

Thanks. Broken ribs are the worst, especially when ice packs don't work on you anymore.

[Does he elaborate on that? No, of course not! Why would he do that? Instead he just waves for Loop to follow him to the living room, where the chair he'd been sitting in is. It's worn out, like it was once well-loved, but Stan wouldn't know anything about that. He did add the pillow for his back though, which Loop can take or leave.]

Heh. Yeah, same here. Really makes a shitty old mattress feel like you're staying at the Ritz after a while.

[They don't question it, yeah. Maybe it's to do with the fire thing? They follow behind him, taking in more of the new surroundings. Cozy here, too...]

I got used to sleeping on the ground, so pretty much anything is a step up from that. [They only had a tree in stardust's loops and barely slept at all in their own... everything before that is a blur, but they don't imagine a traveller with no name or home to speak of had many options. A week in the clinic sure did feel like luxury.

They pause, considering the chair... they should probably thank him for letting them stay here, let him get back to his night, but.]

Thank you. For believing me. [it means a lot, when not even their former friends would back them up] ... I let him get away. Sorry. I... both of them deserved better than this.

[They should've avenged them. Should've taken out the fake when they had the chance.]

Yeah, well. You were the only one making any sense anyway. There wasn't any reason not to believe you.

[There's this awkward moment where they're both standing around and no one takes the chair, and Stan finally moves to a different piece of furniture in the room - a little table with a couple of chairs in the corner. They're not good chairs for sleeping in, but they're good for a midnight chit-chat, which is apparently what's going to happen.]

You don't gotta apologize - Odile got away from me too. But hey, I'm glad she didn't wind up, y'know. Murdering you? ...Enough people died for one day as it is.

[It's the closest he gets to mentioning his own grief. He's been trying to keep it contained, since the odds are still good that Dipper will come back as a squid and everything will be fine, but that doesn't mean the whole thing doesn't still hurt - especially with the knowledge that someone murdered Dipper on purpose. But for now, he'll just bury that.]

--Plus if you hadn't wound up fighting that knockoff in the hall, I would've wound up going on a wild goose chase all day! I knew it was someone in the room, but we were still trying to figure out who. You basically brought the culprit right to us!

[Yeah, okay, midnight chit-chat it is. They take a seat, leaning an elbow on the table. It's not the most pleasant topic to discuss, but. Maybe it'll help, to process at least some of it now while it's fresh on the mind.]

Honestly, it really was just a guess at first. If he'd acted better I probably would've sided with him. [but he didn't trust them. Ironic, since he made such a fuss about Loop not trusting him.] There were footprints outside the window, too... and I didn't know any of that stuff about the camera. You would've figured it out on your own without me. He did a poor job of hiding everything.

Pfft. You still saved us a bunch of time. And since I don't actually know Siffrin that well, I wouldn't've figured out he was a copy on my own. Someone who knows him needed to go "Hey! He doesn't act like that!"

[If Loop is going to admit that he would have sided with him, Stan can admit that he was fully prepared to wreck Siffrin even if he was the real Siffrin. Grief does some weird things to you, and they both went a little off their rocker.]

By the way...

[Stan taps his fingers against the table, trying to decide if this is actually a good idea or not. But eh, fuck it, he already started saying it. And it's not like Loop has to answer.]

...what was the whole "I stopped being Siffrin a long time ago" thing about anyway? Seemed a little too real to be a bluff.

That's... fair I guess. [Their shoulders slump, relenting on that point. Okay, they did help.] I do know him best.

[The next question still surprises them, if only for a moment. Because yeah, they did say that pretty clearly in the hall there... but they were so focused on everyone else and their reactions that they kind of forgot? That Stan was also right there??

... but the surprise passes, and they just laugh.]

Yeah, we're the same person. Were the same person, anyway.

He got to keep the face. [and the name, and basically everything else.]

[Surprise! Stan was right there and actually listening!

It isn't that Stan's not surprised, but there were only so many things that could have meant and this is one of them. Granted, it's the most unbelievable one, but...weirder things have happened. There's a scale in his head from normal to cookie person, with Sleeper right in the middle, and news that Loop and Siffrin are the same person is like...at the three quarter mark. Weird on that kind of scale, but not the weirdest!

The wince is sympathetic at least.]

Eesh. So...what, is it an alternate dimensions thing? Or more of a not-so-literal "I lost my whole life in a fight with my twin" thing? And why'd you have to lose your face?

[If either he or Ford had to give up their face forever for some reason, Ford would have to fight him for it fair and square.]

[They sigh, leaning back in the chair. It's not something they've ever dreamed of talking about to anyone, but... it's kind of freeing? Like a weight has been lifted off of them. Talking about this secret they've clung onto for so long, refusing to let even stardust hear the truth until he discovered it on his own, like it's an ordinary fact about them everyone should know.

They're not bold enough to be that open, but since he already knows the gist of it...]

It's a long story. [but they have some time to kill, and it doesn't seem like either of them is eager to get to sleep tonight.]

The short version is... timeloop? I was stuck for a long time, so I got desperate. Made a wish that I ended up regretting. I got turned into this, and stardust took my place.

It came with a few perks, but mostly downsides. Didn't even get me out of the timeloop! I still had to wait until stardust figured it out. It probably took us a collective few years to break out of, if I had to guess. Definitely more than one.

[Stan nods along. Timeloop is a good enough reason. He's never gotten stuck in one, but the concept is easy enough without the details of how it worked or what they were doing.

At the end of the night, that's not really what this whole thing's about anyway. It's about commiserating.]

It didn't even work?! Wow, you've got some lousy luck...

[This is the part where a normal person would tell Loop how sorry they are this happened to them, or how they wish things hadn't happened to them this way.

But...Stan's always been a weirdo.]

...I get it, y'know. I mean, I've never been literally stuck in time before and obviously I don't have a star for a head, but...doing the same things over and over without getting anywhere? And not telling anyone who you actually are? I did that for over thirty years!

[Did, past tense. He doesn't have anything to hide anymore - at least, not about how he lied to everyone for half his life.]

Nope! Well, I suppose it worked out for one of us. [And they don't sound too mad about it. Not anymore, at least. It's good that at least one of them got out of there without losing themselves, and Siffrin is...

Well. Best not to dwell on that, too much.

Stan's story seems more interesting, anyway. They bring a hand to their non-mouth to convey the surprise.]

Thirty years! That's quite a lot of time. A lot more than I had to deal with, even if it got pretty grating to repeat the same two days for so long.

Why did you have to Change? Not another carelessly-made wish, I hope.

Nah. It was careless for sure, but definitely not a wish. Sooo, you know how Ford's my twin? I kinda...

[He trails off and thinks about where to even start this story. There's parts that get told differently now, after all - both because pieces are missing and because he and Ford are on good terms now.]

...so I'm gonna skip a lot and there's probably some memory gaps here and there, but I'll try and hit enough to paint a picture for you.

[That'll have to be good enough.]

Basically, he was studying all this supernatural crud, and he had this big dimension portal in his basement. He asked me to come by after not talking to me for years and, well. He said some things, I said some things. Next thing you know we're punching each other and I knocked him inside the thing while it was on! I tried to get him back out, but nothing I did turned it back on. He was just...gone.

[He knows the story by heart, even if there were never photographs to back it up. It was too tied up in thirty years of other memories for him to not get it back, even if some of the pieces are more emotional than factual. Instead, it gets to just haunt him at night now and then when he thinks he's over everything. He sighs and pushes forward.]

Anyway, I had to get the dumb portal up and running, but I had to keep Ford's house and I couldn't tell anyone what happened or they'd think I murdered him and then I'd never get him back. So...I faked my own death and took his place. Back home, "Stanley" is dead - I even went to my own funeral!

[0/10 stars, not really worth the effort if he's being honest.]

After that I spent every night for thirty years staring at the same stupid machine, looking through the same dumb books, trying to make myself learn things I was too stupid for to make the thing turn back on, all so I could find Ford and bring him home. By day I ran a tourist trap to pay the bills, but every night was basically me running into the same dumb road blocks over and over and over.

Edited 2024-10-15 23:58 (UTC)

[It's a very different kind of story and a lot of it goes over their head, but they think they understand enough of it to follow. The important parts make sense, at least. Losing a sibling from a mistake, and being forced to take over their life... trying to fix something you don't have the knowledge to understand, and just throwing yourself at the problem even when nothing ever changes...]

... Yeah, it's not that different.

I... I spent a lot of time, running through the same few hours. Dying to the same obstacle every time. I thought if I tried for long enough I'd eventually get lucky, but he was just too powerful...

And then I felt like I had to, because what else was I supposed to do? Tell everyone it was hopeless and we should give up? But that wouldn't even work because time would still reset, so I just... I kept going. Throwing myself at it, knowing it would always end the same. Trying to make their last moments a little better, more hopeful.

[They fall quiet after that, feeling the weight of their own guilt. At least a thousand loops of that, hopeless and desperate, unable to allow themselves even a moment of respite... how much longer would that have gone on, if they hadn't let themselves slip? If their friends hadn't finally noticed? How much more would they have lost of themselves?]

Sometimes... you can't do everything by yourself, even if telling the truth seems more cruel than anything. I guess that's what I learned from it all.

[But Stan probably knows that already, by the sound of it. He has a good family. People he can surely count on, no matter what.]

[Stan nods along, feeling similarly. It isn't exactly the same, it never could be, but there's a weird amount of overlap.]

Yeah. And after a while you've been doing it so long that you just keep doing it, even if you're not getting anywhere and just making yourself freaking miserable, 'cause there's nothing else you can do, right?

[And the unspoken part - that to some degree you feel like you deserve to be miserable.

But, that's a little too honest for now. Instead Stan chuckles when Loop gives their moral of the story.]

Sometimes, sure. For me it was more like, I did everything alone and then screwed up and got myself arrested by the US government and everyone thought I was making some kinda "doomsday device" to end the world or whatever.

[He puts finger quotes around doomsday device - you know, like that's a normal thing to act like people were just exaggerating about. He softens after that though.]

I mean, it all worked out in the end, but not 'cause I told anyone on purpose. But...who knows, maybe that would have gone better than all the arresting. Just don't tell any of them I admitted that, alright?

[There is a weird amount of overlap here, despite the wildly different circumstances. They didn't think they'd find someone else who could understand this. It's funny!]

Your secret is safe with me~ Don't go telling anyone what I said, either. Sounds fair?

[It's hard enough to confess their identity to their friends, but all the details of how bad they were at escaping a timeloop? Haha, no. They're taking all of that to their grave, if they ever find a way to die for real.]

Thirty years, though... You must've worked hard to get it all done by yourself. [and it's impressive, genuinely. They would've given up so much sooner if they knew how. To stick to such a agonizing, repetitive routine for decades, and actually succeed...] You should give yourself more credit! It sounds complicated! I wouldn't even know where to start with something like that. I struggled just remembering where to go, and it's not like the floor layout ever changed. Imagine learning portal-ology ontop of everything else.

You got it!

[Stan gives them a sincere thumbs up, and it's a sealed deal.

He wasn't expecting sincere praise though, and he actually seems unsure how to take that compliment.]

I mean, I didn't know where to start either! I just worked with what I had, and even then it didn't all click together until I got the last couple pieces of the blueprint - and I definitely don't remember any of it. At that meeting a couple weeks ago Dipper brought it up when we were all talking about skills and I had to tell him to can it so people wouldn't go around thinking I still know anything about portal junk!

[The last thing he needs is someone quizzing him on quantum physics because they thought he knew what he was talking about, because Dipper had to go and talk him up in front of everyone.]

But you still figured it out! And all by yourself, too! Even if you forgot it after, that's really impressive.

What else did he say... [They hum, drawing out the memory. Town meeting introductions are important enough to recall, so—] A boxer, a business owner, taxidermist... what else is on that resume of yours?

[That gets a deadpan look from Stan.]

Uh. Crime? Lots and lots and lots of crime.

[Not so impressive NOW, huh?! Wow, he sure sabotaged all of that admiration real good! Oh, well! Guess Loop will just have to see him like everyone else does!]

A criminal!! [yeah no sorry Stan, now they look even more impressed]

What sorts of crimes? [thinks about this for 2 more seconds] ... not like murder, right? Any fun crimes?

[Stan wiggles his hand, which is probably not the confirmation Loop was looking for!]

I've got more than a decade totally unaccounted for, so...I dunno. Then there's the whole "faking my own death thing" but that's more illegal in a taxes kinda way than a murder kinda way...

[Question of fun crimes is enough to get Stan grinning though!]

The best crimes are the fun ones! A lot of my greatest hits are stealing - theft, shoplifting, breaking and entering's always good. Really anything where I can throw down a smoke bomb and run is ideal, something where I can make a real spectacle, y'know? Oh, and counterfeiting! Counterfeiting's great too. Back where we're from no one really paid any attention to anything so half the time I'd just draw my own face on money and pay with "Stanbucks".

[He could go on for days if Loop let him.]

[They sparkle a little more brightly as they listen. Should they be this excited to hear about a man's criminal record? Probably not, but committing petty crimes sounds very cool when he puts it like that. There are even smokebombs! They're pretty sure only cool people get to use smokebombs.]

Wow, you're a real rogue, aren't you? ... I've broken a few laws, but mostly by accident. I know some sleight of hand, though! [and timeloops turned them into a kleptomaniac but that doesn't feel like it should count.]

What kind of stuff did you steal?

Ha! Well, all criminals gotta start somewhere, right?

[That's probably not what Loop should be getting out of this, but oh well, too late now!]

I've been picking pockets since I was a little kid! If something's not nailed down I could prolly find a way to walk off with it - and even if it is, it's not like a few nails are gonna stop me. Hm, what good stories do I have though...I stole a watch from a witch once? And this other time I robbed a guy of a dozen cursed wax figures. I've gotten thrown outta Vegas more times than I can count for counting cards too, but that shouldn't even count as stealing. It's more like..."creative winning"!

[He pauses, and then thinks out loud - certainly loud enough for Loop to hear.]

...Huh. Did I steal that bear before I taught it to drive? I feel like I definitely did not pay for that bear.

What, like the animal? A bear??

[They heard the rest too, but how can they not focus on the most insane statement in there? Bear theft...]

Was it a good driver?

Yep! The animal!

[Yes, Loop. You heard all of that correctly.]

And it sure was. It wound up an even better driver than me, if you can believe it!

[Whether that says more about the bear's driving skills or his own is...unclear. But he tells the story with a big grin and a real sense of showmanship.]

The local cops pulled us over, but I just told 'em I needed a seeing eye bear and they let us go - after a little forgery from yours truly!

[POST-MORTEM] not to blame

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