sticksandbones | Netbook

[ Once he's managed to pry Shadow Milk off him, and also gotten the other to down the other medications, he moves to join Lily out in the hallway, shutting the door quietly behind him and sighing hard. ]

Thank you...

You seem... tired. Do you want to go sit down? The lobby seems cozier.

Please.

[ He will wait for Lily to move with him before heading for the lobby. With Shadow Milk out of it now, he no longer feels ill himself and can focus better.

Though he will almost flop into a seat. ]

( oh- oh goodness. she wants to laugh at the silliness, but it's also worrying... lily almost chooses a close but not direct seat, before hesitating. where would he want her? )

...

(

girl sit down oh my god )

[ .... He holds out his hand to her, and scoots aside in the chair. It's big enough for them both and he... they may be taking time apart but he really wants her closeness. ]

( oh.

oh.

okay.

lily takes the offered hand, and sits with him. ... if he lets her, she'll even lean against him, mindful of her horns. )

You seemed- off, in there. Is everything okay?

[ And he leans back against her, his hand holding hers still as they lean. ]

Oh, my dear, I'm not sure. Yes, and no. May I show you, instead of explaining out loud? I fear it ... will make more sense.

... Yes.

( if she could hold a connection of their own, she would. but all she can do is wait and accept what he can show. )

[ He exhales softly and reaches out. Touches her mind with the power of his Jam. It's warm and soft and goes no further than allowing her to see the memories of what happened after she left.

He doubt chewing away at him, Shadow Milk manipulating his memories. His fall into Truthless Recluse. The games they played. How he almost truly became a Cookie of Deceit in the yogurt river, how he had to embrace that to fool Shadow Milk to the point he almost believed it. How his Soul Jam faded into Deceit, how he joined his Soul with Shadow Milks and offered eternity by his side, how they became one. His awakening afterwards when he shattered his jam to keep Shadow Milk from having it, and how he offered the other friendship and love.

How he collapsed as the other was dragged away through the other-realm, and how he felt it when Shadow Milk arrived here.

He eases the connection back and silently lets her process it all. ]

( she watches it all, accepts it all- and when the connection ends, she's holding him close, fiercely protective. )

I'm so sorry. And I'm so proud of you.

( (he never should have had to hurt himself like that he shouldn't have been that deep in danger)

lily inhales. )

You're both still connected, then...?

[ And he takes the comfort, sagging into her, his eyes closing to just soak in her scent and the warmth of her touch. Inhales hard and then exhales softly, slowly. ]

Yes. I believe our souls themselves are still mingled, far beyond what the Soul Jam offers. I can feel him, not merely in my mind. I can feel his soul.

[ He doesn't want to narc on Shadow Milk, but Lily saw that look the jester gave her. ]

And he feels me. We are leaking in to each other, and I fear it's making us oscillate wildly emotionally.

What can I do to help, Vanny?

( there's no hesitation, not in asking. but she has no idea what she could do, or... if he asks the unthinkable of her, could she? with the changes she's trying to make?

...

yes.

for him, in a heartbeat. )

I don't know.

[ Which is the truth. He doesn't. ]

... Don't hate me? That's all I can ask. I know it hurts, and I'm so sorry. I know he's your enemy in so many ways, and I know it must feel like you're losing me, but you aren't. I don't know what's to come-

[ Well, he might if he drew some tarot... ]

-but I know it's going to include him and I can't shove him away. I can't.

Oh, Vanny... I could never hate you. I love you. Even now, I love you.

( despite what doubts and anxieties may linger, she does. it shows in the truth that he sees, even. ... but... she hates whats happening. she hates shadow milk for the pain he's inflicted. she hates this situation, wishes life paused the moment of their reunion and nothing more happened-

but she can't hate him. )

... I will always be there when you need me. I promise.

[ It's the Truth and it makes an ache in him lighten. Tension in him ease away. He doesn't make a sound but tears prick at the corner of his eyes, as he leans his head in against her. ]

I know... I know, my love.

[ It feels good to know but he also can't ask her to extend the same ideal to Shadow Milk. But... ]

And I know it's going to be hard but... he needs friends. He needs understanding. Even if you cannot give him that, do not give in to his antagonism. He's trying to find who he was, who he is now, and he's striking out in confusion.

[ She saw the memory of the memory, of the longing for companionship. ]

Before he was the Beast he was just a Cookie who had the weight of all Knowledge thrust onto him. Alone.

If he calls me 'Toots' again, we might have some problems.

At least he didn't call you babycakes.

I'm putting parental controls on his internet browsers.

( ... this is- she hates this. she wants to be glad that someone has another chance, but- it hurts. that shadow milk gets to keep going, that she gets to, but elder faerie...

it makes sense. it does. and of course pure vanilla cookie would be, could be the one to offer this to him. she doesn't begrudge her love and oldest friend for this. but something twists and hardens in her and she can only pull him close and bury her nose in his hair, inhaling slowly. )

... I've no intention of giving him what he wants. Don't worry.

[ He doesn't need to read minds, he can feel that inside of her. The twist, the hardening. She will not or cannot offer Shadow Milk anything right now, and he doesn't blame her. Because of Shadow Milk, her first love is dead. A part of her now, but not in the way she wanted.

He sighs softly to the touch against his hair and moves to wrap his arms tightly around her, squeeze her tight. ]

Thank you. That's all I will ask of you, my heart.

Mm.

( lily sighs, and just takes his presence in. the scent of vanilla. the warmth. the softness of his hair, different from her own or cacao's. it feels right.

she's missed this. missed him. )

... Can... we stay here for a bit?

Yes...

[ There is no hesitation to the breath of the word, rushed out a little as it is. He buries his face in against her in return, hiding his face against her hair and shoulder. ]

I... miss you. And I know Cacao does. Will you not consider coming home?

...

I was so sure in my decision. But I wake up alone, and I hate it. I don't know how I managed that as a nomad, anymore.

We change, my dear. Who were were before no longer suits the changes we have gone through.

[ He moves his hand to take one of hers, folds their fingers together. ]

Please come home.

... O-okay. Okay...

( lily inhales, and oh, she always was a crybaby. don't look at her- )

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ok real tag

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