Spam Likely — Netbook

[unheiring]

[One morning, after everyone has been bone-raptured out of the grove, a series of messages begin appearing both on cellphones and netbooks alike. They’re… ingredience? Weird.]


Love Potion Cocktail
5 fresh raspberries
1 ½ ounces vodka
1 ½ ounces Chambord, raspberry liqueur
4 ounces ginger beer
dry ice, optional

The Nomad Special
Whiskey
Greasy Nut

Galaxy Lemonade
3 Ice Cubes Of Blue Matcha Powder
1 Cup Water
½ Cup Vodka
72 Ounces lemonade

The Blood Razor
Red Wine
Brandy
Razor Blade
Cherry Soda

Il Rigeneratore
1 Egg Yolk
Half a Glass of Asti Spumante
3 Roasted Walnuts
3 Teaspoons Sugar
1 Banana

Champagne Jelly Shots with Pomegranate Bursting Boba
2 cups Champagne or sparkling wine
1/3 cup 65g granulated sugar
1 packet .25 oz. powdered gelatin
1 container 15.8 oz. pomegranate bursting boba
1/3 cup heavy whipping cream
2 tablespoons white nonpareils
Gold edible stars
18 sprigs of rosemary about 1 ½ stems

[The spam continues on like this for some time. When the messages do finally stop, it lasts for about three minutes before one final note comes through.]

… Sorry. No other option but to send through these strange devices.

Comments

[cryopathy]

I would like the Potion Cocktail, please. Hold the Love.

P.S. Luca, darling, birdbrain, cherished and beloved brother, please don't eat razor blades.

[unheiring]

It is removed before serving.

... You can have the cocktail though. After you learn to make it. We are updating our options at the bar.

[cryopathy]

What in the world is the point? You might as well simply serve the drink in a copper goblet. It would impart the same flavor.

UGH. Lucaaaaa! These are so complicated.

[unheiring]

The visuals, I suppose? Who can say.

And? Where is your sense of... whimsy?

[cryopathy]

You just want me to make and test the banana monstrosity so that you can call me a harlot.

[unheiring]

I wasn't even thinking of that!!!
... You harlot.

[cryopathy]

A likely story, Ser Aurelius!

Your true colors shine through!

[unheiring]

I'm just saying. You were the one that made that correlation. It says more about you than it does me.

[cryopathy]

I believe it says the most about how you treat your poor, innocent, sensitive sibling!

[unheiring]

Innocent?!
Pah!
Are you working on a comedy routine? Is the Watchtower so lacking in entertainment? I was going to hire the those two boys who seem to be in love with each other, but if you're vying for the slot -

[cryopathy]

How DARE you? When you have the multiverse's preeminent jester on staff! How DARE you so much as consider anyone else!

[unheiring]

And yet your jester bells have failed to tinkle in months! Slacking like that is bound to get you replaced, Kiera!

[cryopathy]

I wholeheartedly disagree! I've made quite a fool of myself of late! Within the past few weeks, even!

[unheiring]

Being emotionally vulnerable is not being a fool, Kiera Aurelius. Were that true, I would be the court jester.

[cryopathy]

[give her a few minutes to process him calling her that publicly. then --]

You're cringe.

[why, yes, she HAS picked up some slang. (neo eden helps.)]

[unheiring]

NO YOU'RE CRINGE.