Spam Likely — Netbook

[unheiring]

[One morning, after everyone has been bone-raptured out of the grove, a series of messages begin appearing both on cellphones and netbooks alike. They’re… ingredience? Weird.]


Love Potion Cocktail
5 fresh raspberries
1 ½ ounces vodka
1 ½ ounces Chambord, raspberry liqueur
4 ounces ginger beer
dry ice, optional

The Nomad Special
Whiskey
Greasy Nut

Galaxy Lemonade
3 Ice Cubes Of Blue Matcha Powder
1 Cup Water
½ Cup Vodka
72 Ounces lemonade

The Blood Razor
Red Wine
Brandy
Razor Blade
Cherry Soda

Il Rigeneratore
1 Egg Yolk
Half a Glass of Asti Spumante
3 Roasted Walnuts
3 Teaspoons Sugar
1 Banana

Champagne Jelly Shots with Pomegranate Bursting Boba
2 cups Champagne or sparkling wine
1/3 cup 65g granulated sugar
1 packet .25 oz. powdered gelatin
1 container 15.8 oz. pomegranate bursting boba
1/3 cup heavy whipping cream
2 tablespoons white nonpareils
Gold edible stars
18 sprigs of rosemary about 1 ½ stems

[The spam continues on like this for some time. When the messages do finally stop, it lasts for about three minutes before one final note comes through.]

… Sorry. No other option but to send through these strange devices.

Comments

[lupusxylem]

…what the fuck? Why?

[Okay maybe the people here are just stupid. He’s going to assume they’re stupid until further notice.

For now…hmm.]

Let’s do the Galaxy Lemonade. That’s one of the few normal soundin’ ones.

[unheiring]

[Luca just shrugs as he pulls down a bottle of vodka, then bends down to remove a pitcher of lemonade from the fridge, and some ice cubes from the freezer. Three of the cubes are added to a glass, then both of the liquids, before being stirred together. The colors already begin to bleed together.]

Probably a touch fruity for you, but... enjoy.

[Luca pushes it over to Wolfwood.]

[lupusxylem]

Hey, I can fuck with pretty much any kinda drink. I like sweet stuff too.

[Why do you think he has suckers in his pocket!!

Anyway, thank god for a normal fucking drink. He’ll take a relieved sip of it, relishing the sweet and sour flavor.]

I just prefer whiskey and bourbon n’shit. Hits you faster with less effort.

[unheiring]

How surprising!

[He'll mentally jot that down for his own purposes. In the meanwhile, a sly grin splits his lips.]

And shit? In your whiskey, or on the side?

[lupusxylem]

Haha.

[Wolfwood shakes his head, taking another swig from the glass.]

Are you capable of NOT bein’ sarcastic?

[unheiring]

Sarcasm?

[He holds his hand to his chest like an affronted maiden.]

I have no idea what you could possibly mean!

[lupusxylem]

Yeah, you could win a contest with that. A “who can be the most sarcastic” contest.

[But is that truly a bad thing? He speaks as if HE isn’t a sarcastic motherfucker half the time.]

Have you had anybody else come try this stuff, by the way?

[unheiring]

I don't know. The competition would be rather steep, don't you think?

[He sees you, Wolfwood. He knows you.]

A few have, though none have been quite so... [His mouth forms a word that starts with an "s," but he thinks better of it.] Adventurous as you.

[lupusxylem]

[Wolfwood scoffs.]

Well why have a drink at all on the menu if nobody’s gonna try it, right?

[So you chose to be the guinea pig-]

[unheiring]

You know nothing about this populace though, Saint. There could be robots capable of actually enjoying the swill you drank.

[Just smirking away.]

Perhaps think twice next time you see something strange on a menu? Lest I make a point of pulling awful pranks on you!

[lupusxylem]

I mean, you can do that. Just expect me to come back for revenge if you do.

[Wolfwood doesn’t let a prank go laying down, alright, which reminds me I have a super belated netbook post to make-]</