sticksandbones

🤡

Who: Allen + You!
What: Holy clown boy coming to a Grove near you!
When: Beginning of March
Where: ??? Around
Warnings: None yet, will be in headers as the pop up.

I. I've tasted all your sin (Forest entrance)

[ There is, perhaps, not a single person who would say arriving in the Grove isn't jarring. Some woke up here from their own slumber back home, and that is perhaps the smoothest transition you can get, even even that has yet to be graceful. For Allen, one moment he's holding the hand of his friend, trying to wake him up from what he could only assume was a horrific coma, and then next he's... here. His hand clasps in on itself, and he's suddenly looking around in a panic. He knew that the place he'd ended up may very well kick him out of his consciousness. May lend just the right amount of strength for Nea to pull him out of the "driver's seat", so to speak, but... is that what's happening now? Now, when he was so close to saving his friend?

No.

No, no, no.

The panic sets in as he darts from out of the trees, attempting to look for something, anything that might help him figure out how to get back. It's once he gets into the Grove proper that his eye activates. He has his own questions about that - if he's not in control, where is that coming from? What would his eye see... in his own head? Before he can ponder it for too long, he at least gets one of his answers. What does his eye see? Well.

Death.

It's the first time Allen's seeing souls not attached to something else, but Allen doesn't have time to process that part. Rather, he is trying to remember how to breathe again, because as of now, seeing the horrible visions in front of him - death of his friends, of those he loves, of a fire that isn't really there - all has the air he's trying to get out caught in his throat. It's only once his eye deactivates, the sclera turning from black to white and the red of his eye back to a silvery gray, does he finally have some kind of reprieve from the overwhelm. It's not much. The panic has only gotten worse, after all.

He falls to his knees, gasping for air as if he'd been held underwater for too long. ]

II. You've lost your appetite (for sacrifice) (Timcanpy, the Inn)

[ Timcanpy is a little golden golem. He is here! He isn't sure why he's here, but he is! How exciting! He's gonna...! He's...!!!

...

Where is this!!!!!!!!!! He is going to float out of the inn room he Spawned(tm) in and??? chew on the first person he sees. Hello. ]

III. How can we terminate this parasite (Around the Grove)

[ Fortunately, although the panic attack hits Allen like a train, the fact that he's so fucking hungry does as well. Which means... this is definitely his body. He's not stuck in his head. That's?? Good. Probably. Well, it's not good that he doesn't know where he is, but it's good he's still Him. Does this make sense? No. It doesn't. Fuck, he's SO hungry-

He will very hastily try to find the first person he can and catch their attention with a friendly wave of his normal-looking hand, and in a thick, British accent: ] Cheers! Uh, I have a lot of questions, but... most important, do you know where a bloke might find some food? Preferably, a lot of it?

...

Oh, also, what is that? [ He's, uh, pointing at Moder. ]

IV. If you keep digging up the Host? (Wildcard)
HMU if you wanna do something else pls I have such a strong muse for my baby boy I'm gonna be SO annoying-

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Link doesn't really know how to articulate how he's feeling right now, other than vulnerable. He feels like all eyes are on him right now (which, they are), and he feels guilty for not being able to have an immediately positive, supportive reaction here when this goes against everything he's ever been taught. Never mind what he, personally, is going through right now with his own emotions.

He takes a long, slow breath, looking down at the sand in front of him as Atuuda floats over to hover at his side.]

Is it alright if I speak to you...alone, Allen? Back down the beach. I think it would be easier.

[Nothing against Kanda, but like. You know.]

[ Allen flinches a little. He... gets it. Sure. But also he'd be lying if he said he didn't feel a little... more comfortable with Kanda here. But Kanda definitely doesn't want to be here, so it's for the best.

He nods, looking at Kanda after. ] ...Could you...clear off the bed, and look after Timcanpy? [ 'Cause even if Link goes back to the Grove, Allen still intends to spend the night here. He could use the break. And giving Link space to have the house to himself would be good, too, probably.

He gestures for a very reluctant Tim to go with Kanda. He... mostly thinks that it's for the best if this conversation doesn't have a Tim-record on hand. After, Allen will start to make his way for the beach. There's a slight limp, but he seems to be doing... marginally better, if a little slow. ]

Sure. Take your time. If I'm asleep when you get back, just kick me.

[He's picking Tim up. He's gonna go put clothes on and shower the ocean off of him and chill with Tim for a bit, and also clear off the bed and y'know that whole thing you do when you're an adult with chores yeah. Have fun boys.]

[As much as Link understands that Allen would feel better if all three of them were there for this, Link is pretty confident that things might devolve into actual fighting if that were the case, and he wants to avoid that if at all possible. Seeing him limp along the way he is makes him feel awful despite knowing that the Gate caused this weakness, not anything he did...and given Allen's reaction to being helped earlier, he decides to keep his hands to himself even if his instinctual response is to want to help him stand.

For a while, neither speak as Link walks back down the path he'd taken originally, which Allen will see as his footsteps from before are being washed away. Atuuda is still in their vicinity, floating slowly behind them, staying close while giving the two space to just be. There's a place some distance from the cabanas that Link found earlier- a little cluster of rocks near the shore, nearer still to the tide pools where the sea monkeys live. This is where he walks over to sit, quiet as he waits for Allen to sit beside him.

And for an even longer while, the only sound is the ocean softly rolling in.]

I guess...I didn't notice.

[ Allen does not Like to be quiet, but he's also willing himself to not say anything first this time. Because that was disastrous last time. Also because he might still be trying to rest himself the best he can so that his legs don't have that constant pins and needles feeling. He's staring at the footsteps in the sand for a while until Link speaks, to which he turns his gaze to him instead. ]

It's... not really something you think about when you look at someone. Who they love, I mean.

...I'm still me. [ Which. Uh. Is a LOADED fucking sentence coming from Allen Walker. But- ] Things don't have to be different. We can both just continue as normally - I would be happy if we can still be friends. But I understand if... [ "If you let you faith dictate things." ] If you don't want to, I guess.

[That's just it, though. Allen Walker is FULL of love. He's bursting at the god damn seams with it. Maybe that's why Link didn't realize what was right in front of him. Allen just...loves everyone with everything he has, so it just seems normal for him. It would have been a lot more damning if Kanda were the type of person to show outward affection, but.

Link's brows furrow, because while he's listening to Allen, he isn't looking at him directly. He's still looking out at the water as it rolls in, still steadily eroding his footsteps until it's as if he were never there.]

...how did you know?

[He asks, suddenly. And before Allen can answer, he asks another question.]

It didn't scare you?

The only scary part about loving someone is conversations like this. [ He gives a weak laugh at his own joke, but eventually shifts his weight nervously from foot to foot. ] I guess I'm not certain? It's not a black and white thing, only just following... what your heart says? If something feels right than that's probably love?

...I'm still new to this, so I don't really have a good answer to that first part. But I don't think it's scary. On the contrary, I've... I don't think I've ever felt more comfortable, ever.

[...]

Myself, and the only family I've ever known, were rescued by the church. It's thanks to the Order that we still have our lives.

And...it's also thanks to the Order that...I'm the only one left. Thanks to...me.

[Link falls into a tense silence, his fists clenched tightly in his lap. Trembling.]

My faith has been the only thing I've had to rely on for a very long time. And now, I-I...

...Allen, I don't know what to do.

[The way he talks seems to imply MUCH more than displeasure at whatever Allen and Kanda have going on.]

[ Yeah, that... tracks. Allen knows this has been something probably seeping like poison into poor Link's skin for a while. It's obvious. He imagines this is probably why Link has been pouring into work, work, work because any relaxing he tries to do probably feels like knives against his skin. Allen... knows that feeling. Too well. ]

Firstly, Link, that was not your fault. I understand what you gave them, and I understand that weight lays heavy on your heart, but you couldn't have known what they would've done with that. What if they studied the egg, and found a secret... I dunno, self-destruct switch or something for all Akuma? What if they figured out a way to convert them, or what if they studied it and figured out how to rip the souls from them so that everyone could be free? Those were probably the things you were thinking when you handed it to Central, right? Because I know you, Link, and you want this war to end with the least amount of casualties.

Secondly, [ He turns to Link, stepping into the water and grabbing both of Link's hands and sandwiching them tightly between his own. The fire that burns in Allen's eyes as he stares the other down is intense. ] you had told me you believe in a world where God didn't want 'the Heart' to get out of hand, and didn't want people to despair or suffer. If... if that's true, than to combat despair is to love and care for one another, isn't it? If your faith is something you want to rely on, then let me ask you: Do you believe in a world where God wants you to despair, or a world where God wants you to love?

Thirdly, you are not the only one left. We're going to get them back! The Earl may have them now, but I'm going to return them to you! Alright?

Fourth...edly(?)... you don't... have to do anything! Or whatever you want to do! That's the beauty of free will!!! [ Which, like, arguably goes against his previous point. Pretty sure free will is a sin if the Adam and Eve story is anything to go by but uhh. Uhhhhhhhhh. It's fine, Allen hasn't finished reading the Bible- ] What I mean to say is... no one should make that choice for you. You said yourself, God gives humans the tools to do the things they want to do, and will only ever give guidance. That means you have to decide: What do you want to do?

[But it was, he wants to shout back, but the words linger on his tongue, because he knows that Allen is ultimately right. He didn't give Central the dark matter knowing they'd use it that way. He had only hoped it could be used for the purposes of stopping this War...but not by any means necessary. Not like this. It's this, and many other decisions Lvellie and others have made, that have left him wondering what the point of it all is. Casualties are an inevitability of war, he gets that. But what exactly is the world going to be like if they deliberately halve the population to stop the fighting?

What was the thought process behind putting more Akuma into the world, artificial or not?! Why did it have to be them??

He's pulled from those darker thoughts by Allen when he grabs his hands and holds them, forcing the other to look up from the sand and back at him as he continues. Returning Link's own words to him is a clever tactic, because it's impossible for him to argue these points. He did say that, and he does still believe what he said. He wants to believe it. He...has to, if he wants to not go insane any time soon.

His grip tightens slightly on Allen's hands, breath catching audibly in the back of his throat as the water crashes into his calves. He pays it no mind.]

...I...I want to save them. I don't want them to have to be Akuma anymore. [Though, he's not even sure if reversing such a thing is possible, now. They've been through so much, and...Alma didn't survive the dark matter eating his body away, in the end.] And I want to...save you.

[His eyes flash darkly, knowing well that he's speaking directly to Nea too as he says this, but not really giving a fuck in the moment.]

I want you to be able to live your own life, as you. As Allen. I want to find a way...

[Link's legs had been locked this entire time (bozo), so without warning he wobbles and collapses onto his knees in the shallow surf, inevitably dragging Allen down with him. He's fine, he didn't faint, but...he's not getting back up, either.

He shudders, and if Allen looks closely, he'll see that Link has bitten his lip so hard it's started to bleed, never mind the wetness clinging to his lashes.]

I want to u-understand why I feel this way.

[ Ah.

So maybe it's not entirely shocking to hear Link say that to anyone that has reasonable critical thinking, but Allen's critical thought is a solid D-. At best. So he is surprised to hear that Link wants Allen to be saved. Kanda certainly seemed so certain Link was so loyally under Lvellie's thumb to a fault, so then...?

...

But then, these are the exact "feelings" Link is also struggling to understand now, isn't he? Allen goes down fairly easily - his own legs are still a bit numb, but he very quickly pulls him into a hug when they're on their knees. Oh, poor Link. He hadn't meant to... break open this dam like this. ]

...I'm right here. I am living my life. [ Nea's still... here, sure. But??? ] Don't count me out just yet.

But I'm sorry. I hadn't meant to... [ He pauses. Hadn't he? That's a lie. And, besides, he supposes this... isn't bad, all things considered. It was either this, or Link keep everything bottled up forever. The latter seemed... dangerous. So he squeezes Link. ] M-...maybe I'm not sorry, actually. I do... I do want you to talk to me! About how you're feeling, proper feeling, and not just... the stuff you show.

Even if I can't tell you why you're feeling it, maybe you'll feel better expressing what you're feeling?

[It's very likely that if Allen had not become such a fixture in his life, Link would have simply placed all of these feelings into the center of his chest until he blew up and died one day. He would have struggled to untangle all of it, and probably die a second time being known only as Lvellie's ever-obedient watchdog. Because it's true that he still admires the man. Looks up to him, even, as an example of the type of person...leader, he needs to be.

But how can he possibly, when he's done such horrific things? Not just to him, but to the people he cares about? It's not even about the war anymore. Hell, it's not sure what it's about.

Lvellie's fervor to protect the Fourteenth frightened him. He still doesn't understand it. The Fourteenth's goals surely do not align with that of the Order...not when he claims to want to take the Earl's place.

Right?

He feels Allen reach up to pull him into an embrace that's tight, but not so tight as to be crushing, the waves continuing to wash over them as Link allows himself to return it, dropping his forehead down against Allen's shoulder.

Useless. How can he be this useless? Allen shouldn't have to worry about him. He has too much to worry about himself to be worrying about the woes of a regular, human man who wouldn't really have anything special going on if it weren't for the fact he was a CROW. And even then, he's not sure what to think about all of that anymore, either.

He closes his eyes, breathing in the salt and sunscreen he can smell on Allen. He smells a little like the freshly-roasted fish that he'd prepared, too, and hadn't actually eaten any.]

I've never felt this way before. About anyone. Not the way I feel about you.

It's terrifying.

[ For someone who fights demons everyday, he sure is having a tough time fending Link from his own. He should, since this is all kind of his fault. He's been playing a dangerous balancing act, though, hasn't he? Somehow both not wanting to waver Link's faith more, but also wanting to share his feelings with him. Even now, it feels like he's teetering on the world's most sketchy tightrope.

And... Allen would be a fool to not melt at those words. His stomach is doing those twisties he's not even close to being used to, and his face heats up, and all Allen could think is that it really wasn't the time! He's supposed to be comforting Link! He tries to laugh off his nerves. ]

Saying something like that is right going to make me fall harder, dummy. [ He bonks his head against Link's for a moment, before gently coaxing him to lift his head. ] Would you allow me... to kiss you, Li?

[Link's breath hitches once again, because it feels like Allen's reached out and grabbed his heart directly and squeezed as tightly as he can muster. How...how is he supposed to act appropriately here when Allen says something like that?

He sniffs, feeling another painful pang in his chest, visibly shocked that Allen would even tease the notion. And...not for the reason you would expect.]

...no matter how I may or may not feel, I refuse to be a homewrecker.

...hwh...whw???

[ Snrk- ]

Oh! I see! No, Kanda is well aware of my feelings for you! I did... confess to you, in front of him, no less! [ Maybe to Kanda's dismay. Not about the feelings, but the whole tense conversation that happened after the confession- ]

Obviously, if you're not fine with that, then that's alright. But... he is! It's... um... apparently not a totally uncommon thing? Sometimes people... just have a lot of love that they want to give, and... they can have multiple partners, so long as everyone is aware and such! They called it "polyarms" [ No. ] and... I think that's me! I think I'm polyarmed! [ Allen- ]

Poly...armed?

[???

What on earth are the millennials doing.

Then again...Allen IS right. He did say that right in front of Kanda, and Kanda was more concerned about Link being an asshole to him than he was about Allen being like "I like you".

Baffling. He is going to need...a lot of time to process all of this. A lot.

That said, he's turning red, his hands resting flat against Allen's back now as they continue to get pounded (lol) by the sea. He still looks a little confused, and maybe a little conflicted, but that doesn't stop him from resting his forehead against Allen's.]

If...you're sure, then yes. I will allow it.

[ Nea voice: why the fuck does this one boy have so much game wtf

Allen's own face feels a lot hotter than he'd like to admit. He's glad the sun's light has mostly vanished so he can hide that for the most part. And, like, if his heart wants to settle at any point, that, too, would be helpful.

Allen moves his own hands for a moment to start brushing back Link's hair, since he still hasn't braided it back yet. He closes his eyes for just a moment to really take in their closeness before he goes to tilt his head in and press his lips to Link's. It... immediately catches him off guard when there's the taste of iron, but he ignores that when he remembers that Link had just prior been biting his lip.

Otherwise, it's just a very gentle, yet very loving kiss. ]

[And just like that, Link has committed a sin and had his first kiss all at the same time. Whodathunk it would have happened like this?

He feels every inch of his body flash white-hot the second their lips touch, and he realizes in that moment he has no idea what to do. There's no book to study on how to kiss someone properly, and he's sure there's got to be some sort of technique to it, but God if he knows what that is. To that end, he ends up sitting there dumbly for a handful of seconds letting Allen do all of the work, forgetting to breathe like a certain someone Allen's kissed in the last couple weeks...

But Link, in contrast, does try to return it. He doesn't know if it's right, or even remotely close, but he does press back to show him he intends to reciprocate, even if he feels like he's going to burst into flames at any moment.

What he can do- and doesn't have much control over, in the heat of the moment- is wrap his arms even tighter around Allen's torso, lifting him up against his chest out of the water just slightly as they kiss.]

[Only to immediately get absolutely bodied by an oncoming wave.]

[ Just as Allen started to genuinely relax in Link's arms, too-

Allen makes a very startled snort as the both of them get knocked over. Right. Yes. Water. The tides are reaching further because??? That's how tides do. Especially regarding The Moon(tm). He does his best to sit back up and scoop Link with him as quickly as he can, though. ]

We-

uh.

We should... probably get back to the cabana.....

[Well that was embarrassing...

Link is still buzzing, practically vibrating both in and out as he and Allen get up from the surf, with Link holding onto one of Allen's hands while his other still rests against his back, sputtering. His hair got thrown over his head and into his face like a damp shower curtain, so he has to throw his head back to clear his vision before they can actually get back out and onto the sand.]

R-right...

[We're coming home Kanda we're gay-

Also Link should. Probably also eat since he never did that but he's genuinely forgotten at this point.]

[ Well great news about that, because Allen was going to head over to the fireplace anyway so he could snuff that out. So it's where they're being led to first. He'll hand that bowl off to Link before they head to the cabana. Look! The birds didn't even get to it yet! Probably due to the fire. ]

You... should eat, get some of your energy back. [ Emotionally taxing days can really kill you. ] I'll take a shower and get changed, and you can do so after you eat and... we can turn in for the night?

Assuming you're alright with that?

[Oh thank God, nothing would have been more embarrassing than to come back to their food having been eaten by the birds on top of everything else. At least Allen and Kanda got to eat though, if nothing else.

Link will take his portion, and it's not going to be until he's taking some time to himself to eat and also shower that it's all going to really sink in that 1) he kissed Allen Walker, known man and 2) they did this while shirtless wearing only swim trunks in the middle of the ocean

Also he picked him up??? The Lord is going to strike him down before he makes it back to the cabana.

But...he will nod, even if the way he glows red makes it seem like he got a sunburn despite the sunscreen they put on.]

I am, yes. I'll meet you there?

[ He nods, and parts with Link with a little wave to leave him alone with his homophobic thoughts while he goes back to ??? get the smell of Ocean off of him.

Allen replays all of that in his head in some attempt to... analyze it or have some kind of meaningful conversation with himself. All that goes through his head after three replays is AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

So he's doing well.

Once he's clean, he'll head into the bedroom where Kanda is though. He doesn't say anything or shake him awake, he just climbs over him in the bed and flops his full body weight onto him to lay on him. ]

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