sticksandbones | sunyonce???? written around the 1st of the month after he's had a days rest

I've been fine so far, so it's fine! Really! How would star even get sick? I'm pretty sure I don't have organs at all, all the germs just get burned up! And I like it outside! You wouldn't deprive a poor homesick star of the great outdoors, would you??

Edited 2024-09-13 02:16 (UTC)

[ He's rapidly approaching you're position. ]

Oh, my friend, of course I would not force you to change your location, but do come inside once in a while? Would you perhaps be more comfortable inside the Observatory in the School? It has been fixed enough to be safe, as well as it will offer protection better from the elements, and you can see the stars that have returned!

I'd rather die than be surrounded by walls every blinding night. Is that enough of an answer for you?

But I guess no one cares how I feel about any of this! So why even ask! You can all talk with each other about how weird I am, if that's the fun new thing to do around here!!

Of course I care about how you feel, my friend! I would never dream of forcing you into a place you are uncomfortable with! If being outside is what makes you comfortable, then outside you shall stay. But do let me help make it a little more cozy? You can be outdoors and still protected from the elements if they get too harsh, especially with Winter approaching!

And I do not think you weird at all! For many a year I was an adventurer, and there was a comfort in sleeping outside under the stars and moon that, though an Inn was more comfortable after a weary day of travel, was comforting in a way indoors could never be.

[They don't respond.

...

Unfortunately for them, they still have a glowing star for a head. So.

They're easily found up on the roof of the inn, legs pulling up tightly to their chest and face hidden... also, surrounded by pigeons. SO many pigeons. The netbook is on the opposite end of the roof, tossed carelessly.]

[ Yeah the lack of response is so very worrying, so after loading up on various things like a pack mule - blankets, pillows, some various things to create bedding that should stay dry enough for now (food in a basket) - Pure Vanilla sets out.

A glowing star is not very hard to find, indeed. Thankfully he has his Staff "off" so he's not absolutely blinded by Loop upon coming across them. Pure Vanilla pauses when he's close enough and clears his throat gently. ]

[They... don't respond.

Maybe, if they stay quiet and refuse to interact, PV will give up! This is their plan, apparently. It's not a very good one. They don't have any better ideas.]

[ Oh, sweetie. Pure Vanilla is so old, so ancient, and so stubborn. He smiles a little, however, digging the end of his Staff into the ground to proper it up. And begins talking, as he begins to unload things. ]

As I said, my friend, I have no interest in dragging you inside. Nor do I think you are odd, or weird, or anything else you may think. The outdoors is a wonderful place to be, and I will not fault you for your desire to not be trapped inside.

[ Thick cozy blankets, overstuffed pillows both big and small. A tarp or two to act as water proofing. How did he fit all this? Minotaur strength, the man rolled and squished and tied it all together.

And he sets the basket of food down. The smell of sweets - baked and jammed. ]

[They tighten their grip on themselves, the longer he insists on staying and talking and helping. They didn't ask for help! They don't need any of these things! Why does everyone have to make a big deal out of something that doesn't even bother them???

They ignore it, they ignore it, they ignore it, they don't have to look, but— the smell. The basket, so delicately placed next to them. It smells sweet.

It smells sweet, like sugar and stars and bile in their blinding empty stomach that isn't there, but they can still feel it! The hunger! The endless hunger they learned to ignore after hundreds of loops, the constant gnawing of a hollow cavity they can never fill because they already filled it up with fire and plasma! And ohhhh, they still want to! No matter how much time passes, they can still remember it! What it's like to eat and enjoy things! Because Siffrin needs to remember! And if Loop doesn't remember, they can't tell Siffrin what foods Bonnie likes! Or not to eat the spicy spicy pineapple! Or any number of things he might need to recall, but it's okay, because Loop is here!! To carry all these burdens for him!!!

They lift up their head, face screwed up in disgust and anger and envy and sorrow and]

Is this some kind of joke? Does it look like I can eat to you?!

[fragments of light splinter off their face like an out of control sparkler. they're going to start crying. congrats, peepaw, you made them Worse]

[ The pain is obvious in the words, and he doesn't need to open his eyes for that. It's something that goes far deeper than the vitriol spit at him, and Pure Vanilla doesn't recoil from it. Instead his ears lift a little, his Staff staring at Loop yet even it seems to convey a sense of sorrow. His voice is soft, soothing. ]

Forgive me, my friend. I was unaware you were unable to eat.

[ Mouths do not mean eating. Not necessarily. He judges by the sheer anguish in Loops voice that Loop still desires to, as well. How long has it been? Vanilla doesn't know the specifics, won't ask the specifics. Not yet. Let's remedy this first, if he can.

He might make Loops pain worse but haha would not be the first time he failed.

Something easy to start with, Vanilla opening the basket to pick up an apple. Though Transmutation and Transfiguration are not his Specialty... he WAS a scholar of great standing. Holding it in the palm of his hand, he opens hie eyes and concentrates, lines lighting up underneath his robes, glowing faintly through them. Shortcuts carved into his body so he doesn't need circles drawn. The apple glows in turn, a faint light that slowly - as Vanilla glances up to Loop with eyes that shine with their own inner light (the Truth that Loop might see being who and what they are) - turns more Loop-colored. It's over and done with quickly and if Vanilla is way more tired than he should be after, he doesn't show it. Merely holds the apple out. ]

Please, simply hold it.

[He was unaware of it. Hilarious! All that talk, and still no one knows how to help them! They're hopeless!

It would be better if the outburst made Pure Vanilla upset. Instead all they get is a look of undeserved pity. Their eyes sting. They want to rip them out, just pluck them out of their star like wobbly little snake eggs— that's disgusting. They don't do that, even if they dig their fingers in until their face starts to hurt. They shouldn't do that, either. They look away and breathe unsteadily. The pain, at least, gives them something fresh to focus on.

Whatever PV is doing is, unfortunately, completely lost on Loop. They're struggling enough just holding themselves together. They barely register what's happening until he moves to hold the apple out, peering at it through the gaps in their lightless fingers. It looks...

It looks weird. It feels weird, even without touching it.

Why does he want them to hold it? Doesn't make sense.

Their voice trembles, barely more than a whimper. Any more and they're sure they'll start crying and won't be able to stop.]

Why? So you can feel better about yourself?

[ The way those fingers tighten makes Pure Vanilla make a little noise in the back of his throat. Sweetie, no. None of that. The question makes him shake his head, his expression soft. He's, sadly, been swamped in his own things so he hasn't been able to really learn about Loop or Siffrin since they're arrival. He doesn't know who they are. Not really.

But it doesn't mean he can't try and help some of the pain they both may be feeling.]

No, my friend. What I am feeling right now does not matter. It's not important. I merely wish to... let you have something I think? You may not have had in a while. It's not going to magically make all the pain go away, it may make things worse because I do not know what you have been through. What you are going through right now, that walls would make you sick and the open sky is where you only truly feel peace. But if it helps, even just a little bit, then it is something I would be glad to do over and over again, to help ease the pain.

[So gentle and kind, even though they're strangers. It makes them feel worse for soaking up all this attention. They shouldn't be so selfish. The more they resist, the more they seem to make him worry. He shouldn't have to.

He wants to help, still. To try. A tiny speck of hope that they're afraid to accept, because what has hoping ever done for them? They're a lost cause. No matter what they try, it always seems to blow up in their face. If it makes things worse, they'd rather just give up all over again.

Maybe if they give themselves up to the Forest they'll be allowed to die. They wouldn't mind if it was painful.

Stars. They need to stop thinking so much.

Slowly... they release their grip, the stinging in their face turning to a dull throb. They look at the apple. Blind it, if he's not going to give up otherwise, then—

Loop takes the fruit in their hands.]

[Oh.

Oh.

They inhale sharply. That... wow. It's a lot. They're overwhelmed pretty much immediately. Not just flavour, but texture, feeling, so real they'd almost believe it. It slips through their fingers like mist, and they continue to grip the nothingness left behind just as tightly, hands clasped together.

They think about... grilled fish heads. Crunchy.

...

Hah. That's kind of funny, actually. How this would happen to them a second time, somehow! Even with all of their Changes!

They laugh quietly to themselves, ignoring the tears that start to fall, the hitch in their breath.]

[ As the apple disappears and lets Loop experience the sensation of truly eating the apple, of feeling - even for a brief time until the energy fades like anything else - satiated, Pure Vanilla watches. Watches the eyes, watches the way they position themselves, watches for their body to speak to him in ways they may not be able to. It will fade with time, everything does, but should they desire to eat again, Pure Vanilla will do it again. And again and again. For every little thing they want to experience. The jam in the basket, the cherry turnovers, the little round cookies, or the soft biscuits. But for now, just the apple will do, he suspects.

Especially as he hears the hitch in their breathing, and sees the way the tears begin to fall. ]

Oh, my friend. How long has it been for you?

[ He doesn't like invading space, but he will scoot a little closer, set his Staff down onto the roof against his hip so it won't go rolling away, and opens his arms. It's a very gentle offering. ]

[They savour every second of it, clinging to the sensation even as it starts to fade away. They can taste it on their phantom tongue, sweet but not overpowering, no burnt aftertaste, something so mundane and normal and real. If they close their eyes they can picture their friends surrounding them, smiling and talking and laughing together...

... and then it's gone, as all things do. The feelings linger, but their chest still aches.

They'll always remember this.

...

Hey, so it turns out when you bottle everything up for basically your whole life it's really hard to stop? They've been crying quietly the whole time, but now they're full on sobbing and the waterworks are showing no signs of stopping any time soon, which makes answering that question basically impossible (not that they'd even know the answer). They can vaguely make out the shape of Vanilla's arms through the tears, but they are also incredibly lacking in hug-experience... they slouch forward, grasping at their knees and the shingles now that the apple is fully gone, but they can't quite will themselves to go in for a hug.

Please take the hint, they're so touch-starved, they're bawling, they look ready to collapse at any moment, this is as close as they can get in their current state, please...]

[ That's enough to tell him what he needs to know. A yearning someone doesn't know how to fulfill themselves. As Loop sobs harder, Pure Vanilla closes the distance enough to gather the other up gently and pull them into a warm hug. It's tight enough to feel anchoring, but there's give that if Loop wished it, they could easily pull back.

But if they want to bury in, they'll find the Minotaur's wool soft and warm to snuggle in to, and the former Cookie still smells like vanilla. He sets a hand lightly on Loops upper back to rub gently in circles, shhh'ing softly as he rocks the other back and forth. ]

Let it out. It's okay. Cry as much as you need to.

[Siffrin waits a bit for Loop to respond, but he knows he's gonna be ignored, so it's only a short while later that he's out on the hunt. It's a pretty short hunt, since all he really has to do is walk outside and look up. Loop is pretty hard to miss.

But what's also hard to miss are the sobbing sounds and another figure up there as well, although it's hard to see what's going on from this angle. And Siffrin doesn't waste the time observing further. Immediately, he's scrambling up the side of the building – they'd spent so long practically living in random trees back in the day that climbing is practically second nature. When he pulls himself up over the edge of the roof, there's already a knife in his hand and fury in his single eye.]

What did you do?!

[They jolt at every bit of contact but they refuse to pull away, burying their face in soft wool. It's nice... like a big cozy sweater... very absorbent... hopefully not uncomfortable, they're not sure how hot their head gets with all the light coming off it constantly, but wool is a pretty good insulator like that. The back rub makes their skin tingle, little spikes rippling outwards across their skin. It takes awhile for them to remember what to do with their hands, loosely gripping wool and pulling them both closer together.

Stars. This is, without a doubt, the most physical contact they've ever had with a person, ever. It's really nice. Hugs are amazing, actually. And they felt so bold the last time they held stardust's hand...

... speaking of their stardust!!! The familiar voice does make them pull away a little, enough to lift their head and peer with their good eye, still wobbly with tears. The angry tone makes them worried for a second, but he's... looking at Pure Vanilla?

Oh. That's kind of cute?? (Loop he has a KNIFE) Stardust is worried about them, that's adorable. (LOOP YOU SHOULD EXPLAIN??)

They start laugh-sobbing again, half buried in wool.]

[ Loop, please explain. The sudden appearance of Siffrin makes Vanilla a little startled, especially considering knife, and for a moment his arms tighten as if to protect Loop of all people. Then he realizes the knife and anger are aimed at him and he oh's softly. Oh right. Loop called Siffrin their stardust.

Yes, he kind of assumes they're dating.

As Loop reburies against him he shh's again, keeping his hand going as he turns his attention to Siffrin. Now that he's aware the threat is towards him, the protectiveness has dropped. He doesn't seem to mind it being him the danger is aimed towards. ]

It is a bit of a story, but do not worry. Your Loop is unharmed. [ Physically, mentally is a whole other issue Pure Vanilla will gently untangle and soothe out. ] I allowed them to "eat" an apple.

[ That would sound so strange to anyone else, but Siffrin should be able to understand. ]

[Anger gives way to confusion as Siffrin fully takes in the scene and the sheep man explains himself. It's not really much of an explanation. They can practically hear the quotation marks around that "eat", but that doesn't mean they actually understand it.

Still, it tones the fury down to wariness, their brows knitting together uncertainly.

Loop is still crying, regardless.

With a manner all too similar to a skittish animal, Siffrin carefully moves across the roof, giving Vanilla a wide berth as they circle around to Loop's other side. There's still a suspicious look aimed at the fluffy man they're clinging to, but Siffrin at least lowers the knife as he crouches down beside his star, gingerly nudging them.]

Are you okay?

[It gives them time to collect themselves, setting aside their feelings less roughly than they normally would. They'll be embarrassed about this later, sure, but right now they feel so much lighter. Who knew crying and a hug could do this much?

They sigh, pulling away again to look at Siffrin fondly. He's been putting up a front again lately, but they can tell, they can always tell. He could use some more attention, too.

Loop rubs the tears from their eye, composed enough to finally give a proper answer to the question. Instead they reach for his shoulder, gently tugging him into their side.]

Get over here, stardust. [they remembered how to hug, they've gone mad with power and they're not afraid to use it. put the knife down and get hugged idiot]

[ Being skittered around like he's a wild animal makes him chuckle gently, and when Loop pulls away, Pure Vanilla will scoot himself back a bit to give the two some space and room. And he smiles as Loop pulls Siffrin into a hug, reaching into the basket to pull out a little sealed contained of fresh pressed strawberry juice.

This one is a little more complicated because he doesn't want to turn even the glass, so he'll fiddle with it until the red juice on the inside turns into the similar sort of hazy Loop-color as the apple, but leaves the glass.

And now he really needs to sleep but he'll pretend he doesn't to set the jar down within reach of Loop if they desire it. ]

I'm afraid, when I came to cheer Loop up and make a comfortable place outside for them if they desired to sleep out doors, that I also brought food. Unaware they could not eat it. It upset them greatly, and after I realized why, I... hm, it is quite hard to explain what I did, but I allowed them to absorb an apple and it should have given them the sensation as if they ate one. From taste, to texture, to even the sensation of their stomach with the weight of it. The satiation should last for a bit, but the sensation itself was merely an invocation of memory, so it fades. I apologize, my friend, I will see what I can do later to make the spell last a little longer.

[Yeah, still not the reaction he was expecting. Siffrin's giving Vanilla a confused look, just trying to process that explanation, and then suddenly Loop is tugging him in for a hug.

Touch is still weird, most of the time. It's like his body just doesn't know what to do in response, and even after all his (admittedly pretty pathetic) self-imposed touch therapy, he still find himself stiffening or flinching automatically. But Loop doesn't trigger those same instincts. Maybe it's because it's basically just touching himself? In a Not Weird way. So once the initial surprise has faded, it's easier to relax into it. Siffrin huffs a breath, half uncertain and half just reluctant to fully embrace the PDA right in front of a virtual stranger, but he tucks his knife away and wraps his arms around Loop in return. Also tugs them a little closer and thus further away from said stranger, but it's mostly for the sake of hugging.

He still doesn't know what to say. It kinda feels like he interrupted a Moment, and given Loop's current state he feels a little bad about that. So Siffrin just nods, a bit absently and maybe a little embarrassed.]

(no subject)

theuniverseleads - 2024-09-16 06:34 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

purevanillacookie - 2024-09-16 19:45 (UTC) - Expand

For what it's worth, that genuinely was not my intent.

sunyonce???? written around the 1st of the month after he's had a days rest

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

hello it is ISAT spoilers i hope u enjoy pain

hehe

cw: eyegore thoughts, loop is fine (physically) i promise (for now)

no subject

1/2 also more cw: suicidal thoughts

2/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

no subject