sticksandbones

🤡

Who: Allen + You!
What: Holy clown boy coming to a Grove near you!
When: Beginning of March
Where: ??? Around
Warnings: None yet, will be in headers as the pop up.

I. I've tasted all your sin (Forest entrance)

[ There is, perhaps, not a single person who would say arriving in the Grove isn't jarring. Some woke up here from their own slumber back home, and that is perhaps the smoothest transition you can get, even even that has yet to be graceful. For Allen, one moment he's holding the hand of his friend, trying to wake him up from what he could only assume was a horrific coma, and then next he's... here. His hand clasps in on itself, and he's suddenly looking around in a panic. He knew that the place he'd ended up may very well kick him out of his consciousness. May lend just the right amount of strength for Nea to pull him out of the "driver's seat", so to speak, but... is that what's happening now? Now, when he was so close to saving his friend?

No.

No, no, no.

The panic sets in as he darts from out of the trees, attempting to look for something, anything that might help him figure out how to get back. It's once he gets into the Grove proper that his eye activates. He has his own questions about that - if he's not in control, where is that coming from? What would his eye see... in his own head? Before he can ponder it for too long, he at least gets one of his answers. What does his eye see? Well.

Death.

It's the first time Allen's seeing souls not attached to something else, but Allen doesn't have time to process that part. Rather, he is trying to remember how to breathe again, because as of now, seeing the horrible visions in front of him - death of his friends, of those he loves, of a fire that isn't really there - all has the air he's trying to get out caught in his throat. It's only once his eye deactivates, the sclera turning from black to white and the red of his eye back to a silvery gray, does he finally have some kind of reprieve from the overwhelm. It's not much. The panic has only gotten worse, after all.

He falls to his knees, gasping for air as if he'd been held underwater for too long. ]

II. You've lost your appetite (for sacrifice) (Timcanpy, the Inn)

[ Timcanpy is a little golden golem. He is here! He isn't sure why he's here, but he is! How exciting! He's gonna...! He's...!!!

...

Where is this!!!!!!!!!! He is going to float out of the inn room he Spawned(tm) in and??? chew on the first person he sees. Hello. ]

III. How can we terminate this parasite (Around the Grove)

[ Fortunately, although the panic attack hits Allen like a train, the fact that he's so fucking hungry does as well. Which means... this is definitely his body. He's not stuck in his head. That's?? Good. Probably. Well, it's not good that he doesn't know where he is, but it's good he's still Him. Does this make sense? No. It doesn't. Fuck, he's SO hungry-

He will very hastily try to find the first person he can and catch their attention with a friendly wave of his normal-looking hand, and in a thick, British accent: ] Cheers! Uh, I have a lot of questions, but... most important, do you know where a bloke might find some food? Preferably, a lot of it?

...

Oh, also, what is that? [ He's, uh, pointing at Moder. ]

IV. If you keep digging up the Host? (Wildcard)
HMU if you wanna do something else pls I have such a strong muse for my baby boy I'm gonna be SO annoying-

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[...

......

For a long moment, all that can be heard is the sound of the fire crackling, the ocean waves rushing in...nothing else. Not even the wind past their ears, just this deafening fucking silence, until Link drops his spoon. It clatters painfully loudly off his bowl before landing into the sand somewhere near his foot.]

[ Allen, why the fuck-

No, no, it's fine, it's salvageable, surely. (No it's not. He can't "haha it's joke!" his way out of this one.)

He near immediately hides his face in his hand, while his mind is filled with profanities that would make anyone gasp at. He really is the stupidest motherfucker. All he can think in that moment is how he's gone and taken a sledgehammer to this friendship he'd built with Link. "I'm gay" is the new demolition project. Ugh! Fuck!!!!

The sound of the spoon falling makes Allen tense, frowning at himself. He had so many other things, so many other graceful methods he could've taken, and yet.

And fucking yet.

There's a moment where Allen opens his mouth to say something else, but all he manages is a very quiet: ]

Sorry...

[Okay, so, it's going well.

Kanda is done pinching the bridge of his nose now, but his face says something along the lines of "oh God, I have to mediate this". He has the mediation skills of a fucking cow. Genuinely, this is a job better suited to Lenalee or Marie or, fuck, even Lavi would do better at mediating. Miranda would do better at mediating than he will.

He asks himself why he cares, says to himself "it's for Allen's sake", and then breathes a sigh.]

He felt bad lying to you for so long. That's all. Go easy on him.

[Don't say "or I'll beat your ass" don't say that don't fucking say that, be mature, channel Lenalee, channel Marie, summon their spirits into you do NOT fuck this up for others—]

You can call me anything you want, but not him. [THIS IS ALSO NOT HOW YOU COME OUT OF THE CLOSET KANDA]

[This is not how you come out of the closet Kanda.

This is the equivalent of taking a sledgehammer to the face. That's how gracefully this has been handled. Link, for all intents and purposes, is a smart man...but his autistic ass is NOT perceptive enough to realize that the way Allen has been acting up to now is, in fact, him being a flaming homosexual.

His gaze flickers to Allen at his apology, then snaps back to Kanda when he basically admits to also being gay in the same breath, and suddenly Link feels a lot like his head is going to burst. His mouth works soundlessly, the thoughts racing through his mind not managing to make it from his lips.

For once, Link is at a complete and utter loss.

He felt bad lying to you for so long.

So long? So long?]

I. I don't...understand.

[Is what he finally ends up saying, lamely.]

[ Allen picks up his head, desperate for someway to try and backpedal. Unfortunately, Allen sort of made himself a nice little wall behind him. There's no going back, there's only go forward.

Just. Keep walking.

There's the briefest of glances to Kanda, both upset that he was adding to the fire (metaphorically) (not the real fire in front of them-) and also a bit relieved he isn't throwing himself on the stake solo here. There's... realistically a lot of feelings swimming around in his head right now. ]

That's alright! Y-you don't have to... do anything with this! I just... I've... [ Hh. ] I still want to be your friend, Link. [ No "Li" this time, if just because he doesn't want that to be sore for him right now. ] But... I... I have felt like a right arsehole today because I've pulled you to doing things you wouldn't normally under guise of just wanting you to have fun. And... that wasn't wholly true. I do still want you to have fun. I do like spending time with you.

But that's all 'cause I also... fancy you...

...

I... If you want to go now, I can use the Ark. I know I've gone and made a pig's ear of all this.

[Kanda is remembering he told Allen he'd let Allen handle it but he was wholly unprepared for this to be like, right now. Like fuck dude he thought he was gonna have prolonged eye contact that meant "I'm gonna tell him" so he could get the hell out and let Allen handle it. Bumblefucking through this does not feel correct but also what would Kanda know, he's bumblefucked through his entire life!

Ugh.

He's next to Link since they were just cooking together, so he's going to sort of hold the line here but also give Link room to escape if he really wants to.]

...take your time. [Also that.] We're... he's not trying to corner you or put you on the spot.

[Trying his best over here, meanwhile.]

[Okay. Um. Well.

The pure, bewilderment he's feeling right now has suddenly transitioned into panic panic panic panic-

It probably shows in his eyes as much as it does in his expression, which is saying a fucking lot since usually Link is a hell of a lot better at masking his emotions than this. It's quite a bit of emotional whiplash to be sitting down to enjoy a meal by the beach one moment, and then the next having your friend(S???) admit to you that they're homosexuals, but also that one of them likes you. In a homosexual way.

He. He doesn't?

He doesn't know. He doesn't know what to say, or do, or how...to handle this even remotely.

The muscle in his jaw flexes. His eyes tremble. His hands flex where they're clenched now on his knees because he made sure to put everything else down so he didn't drop even more.]

I....hold on. Just hold on a moment.

[To Allen, who is like if you want to leave I understand, while Link is like I can't process this if I just Go, I need to figure out what the fuck is going on here and I can't do that if I leave right now.]

How...long.

[Like. Did you start blaspheming before or after the Nea shit.]

...uh. How long...? [ Has he been gay, or liked you? He's not clarifying that, actually. Sure, he can roll with how long he's been gay. ] I dunno? I didn't really think about romantic stuff much until I realized how much my friends meant to me. It wasn't like I woke up one day and decided, "whoops, I got the dandies!"

I guess being alone made me realize how hopelessly I loved? How desperately I felt adoration for those my heart attached to. [ He looks to Kanda here. ] It made me experience a yearning that I hadn't felt before, born from something soft and affectionate, instead of something born from bitterness.

[ Back to Link: ] It's not really easy to have a frame of reference for this stuff, though.

["How long" is a funny question to pose at the end of the day. Kanda can hear the hamster wheel turning and the gears clicking and getting gummed up. It's not like he'll ever really understand; he was born out of a goddamn hole, the first person he loved readily accepted it (and was a little more gung-ho about anything than Kanda realistically was), and he knew better than to tell anyone at the Order that he and Alma were sneaking off to go imitate Tui and Edgar's secret kisses.

At the end of the day, this isn't really about him, and he doesn't like the mortifying ordeal of being known. If Link is asking Kanda too, Kanda doesn't give him an answer, merely staring down into his food and continuing to eat until he's finished with it. They only barely get along anyway, it's not worth an explanation at this point.

So he stays silent, shooting Allen a short glance but ultimately not bothering to speak. At this point he's just here for moral support or something. Be here for when Beansprout breaks down about it later.]

[Though Allen’s explanation…helps, to a degree, there is still a part of him that can’t wrap his head around what he’s hearing, regardless of how well the puzzle pieces fit together. He hasn’t even touched his food yet, too gobsmacked to really be able to think about anything right now other than this. At least the food is plenty hot enough to stay warm for…a while.]

……you understand that homosexuality is a sin. Correct?

[The words kindof come dumbly off his tongue, because obviously he knows that. But, like.

How could you call yourself an exorcist, for this long, and be…?]

[ Allen also hasn't touched his food, which is shocking in its own right. He'll probably devour this later when Link decides he wants to become one with the ocean or something-

For now, Allen breathes a heavy sigh through his nose. ] I'm electing to believe that people decided that, and that God would not be so infinitely cruel as to make, of all bloody things, love a sin. If He has, than humanity truly has no hope.

[Biting his tongue biting his tongue not saying anything not saying "yeah I'm pretty sure making kids in a lab is also a sin" chewing on his tongue looking out to the ocean. We are calm we are meditating we are not going to fuck this up for Allen we are Good we are Channelling All That Is Good And Holy RN we are so fucking good we are s]

[Link’s expression has become infinitely harder to read as they talk, his complexion pale and his hands still tight fists on his legs. It’s clear it’s a lot for him to process, not just the homosexuality, but the fact Allen…he…

…

His head dips forward slightly, gaze angled towards the ground in front of him. For a long handful of moments, he’s silent.

His gaze shifts up to Kanda without lifting his head.]

You too?

Edited 2026-03-21 04:43 (UTC)

[ Allen immediately puts his food down on the nearest flat surface or makes a little hole in the sand for the bowl to sit, then just hops up and goes over to Kanda and Link. He swats at Kanda to move over and then plops himself down immediately next to him to put Something between him and Link. ]

Don't.

[ Hi, he's no longer feeling guilty suddenly. Just Protective(tm). ]

Kanda's situation is different. I don't need to tell you that - I know you know. [ There's a difference between Liking Men Because You're You, and being lab grown while your best friend is also lab grown and then the two of you realize you were lovers in a past life. Shit is. Fucked! So!!!! No. They're not touching this with a 50 foot pole, thanks. Allen would sooner just take Link yelling at him. ]

If you're going to be pissed, be pissed at me. I'm the one who wanted to bring this up at all, Kanda didn't want to be part of this.

[He's hardly expecting an Allen-shaped missile to shoot over and squeeze between them, so yeah, he moves, but only because the alternative is either getting shoved over or someone has to sit thigh-to-thigh and this seems like a horrible situation. He grimaces a little and looks off at the cabanas, wondering if they're going to be one man short because the other man is next door, or if they're going to be one man short because the other man went home.]

Allen. [He sighs, a bit tired, a bit over it.] It's fine.

[He readjusts how he's sitting, managing to have space for Allen while also being able to look Link in the eye if he just leans forward a bit. By now he's done eating, the rest of the food forgotten by the others.]

I don't owe you an explanation. Just know that I have no problems with myself, and if the church or God has a problem with me, they should take issue with how I was created rather than prioritizing the fact that I'm gay.

Just food for thought.

[Link flinches when Allen suddenly plops himself between him and Kanda, not because he has a problem with him sitting there, but because of…everything else.

He sucks a breath through his teeth, but at least has the decency to quickly clarify:]

I’m not asking for an explanation. Just clarification. You had…implied you felt the same way.

[Link lifts a hand, smudging it over his mouth as he turns to look out towards the sea, because he’s. Thinking.

He himself has never followed romantic pursuits. Not even with women. He just…hasn’t at all. He’s been too married to his duty, and even if he wasn’t, he’s too autistic to realize when someone is flirting with him or making a move. When someone is holding his hand, or laying his head on his chest, or teasing him as he learns to cook, or holding him up as he learns to swim-

He tightens the grip of his hand against his mouth for a moment. His eyes burn, which he blames on the smoke and the salty air.]

I’m not. Mad, I’m just.

…

I- I shouldn’t be- …fe-

[His hand drops down to his chest, his ears down to the back of his neck flaming red.

I fancy you.]

I’m sorry. I need to…take a walk. I won’t go far…please just. Eat, while it’s warm.

[He’s hurrying down the beach before they can question him.]

[ For what it's worth, Allen doesn't try to stop Link. Not even a little. He lets him go, and basically the moment he's far enough away, Allen turns to Kanda and bonks his head into his shoulder. ]

Don't say it. I know that was stupid, I don't know why I said it like that, either!

[ uuuruuguguuuhhghghhh.h..... ]

...Really that went about as well as anything else I thought to say, though.

[Sigh. Anything could have gone better than that. Kanda is glad he didn't entirely walk away because the wondering would have probably kept him from going too far, but at the same time he really wishes he'd wandered off for that. It all seemed like bad timing, though, and he doesn't trust anyone who Bible-beats like that to not say something vile even if Link is often quite polite about things. But Kanda's also seen his more emotional side once before, so...

Not a risk he was willing to take, already happened can't change it, yadda yadda.

He bonks his head into Allen's.]

It's said and done, so there's no use dwelling on it.

...

Are you okay? You should finish eating.

[ Allen nods, picking his head up after a moment, and starting to stand. Before he goes to grab his food, though, he does bend back down to kiss Kanda on his forehead, brushing a few of his knuckles over his cheek as he does. ]

...Thank you. You... [ He was calm. Which is not usual for Kanda. The Kanda he knows would've started threatening at the first sign of Distress in the conversation. ] I didn't mean for that to go like it did, or to drag you into it, but I'm glad I had you here, and I'm even happier that you handled it like you did.

I love you.

I almost wasn't. I think I chewed a hole through my goddamn tongue at one point.

[He shakes his head, watching Allen go and leaning back to spread his arms out behind him, hands in the sand.]

But I know he means something to you, and I wasn't about to fuck that up for you. [Allen definitely never did that to Kanda and Alma, so... two way street.] I love you too.

[...]

We did not tell him we're lovers. [no u super did not lol]

No, we didn't... but I feel if we head it would've been like we kneecapped him and then also kicked him in the nads, right? One ball kick at a time, Kanda.

Besides, I'm sure he'll figure it out. I have no intention on leaving you alone.

[ He scoots back to his bowl, picks it up, then sits down next to Kanda again so he can start stuffing his face. ]

...This is really good.

Maybe. He's mid crisis right now, I doubt he's thinking of anything other than... I don't fucking know, Jesus or something.

[Kanda's going to add more wood to the fire, though. Keep that burning, now that they've spent all day here and it's getting chillier out. They're also still in their swimsuits, so.]

...yeah, make sure to thank him for his help when he comes back. [What a fucking mood kill this whole thing was.]

Fucking Jesus might make things worse. [ He tries to joke. ]

And my goodness, Kanda, if you say it like that you sound like you’re my mother or something. I intend to talk to him. Later. I’ll be sure to thank him, too.

…I’ll make a gateway after I eat. I’ll need you nearby, though. It doesn’t usually take a lot out of me, but with the energy being so chaotic, I might topple over after trying.

I don't fucking know, I thought saying thanks would calm him down or some shit. [He gruffs, defensive.] You know I'm bad at this.

[Surely Link is like a housewife in that all you have to do when he's upset is say thank you and do some chores for him??? This is about how Kanda understands mothers to work.]

And yeah, I'll be there, obviously.

...I do. It's alright. I'm teasing you, but... I do appreciate you trying. I... I'm sorry I ruined all that. You and Link finally seemed to be getting along.

[ He scoops another bite into his mouth, thinking for a moment, then smiles at Kanda. ]

...Were you doing all that for me?

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