Mister Daddy Priest is In [OPEN]

[lupusxylem]

Who: Wolfwood and YOU
What: Wolfwood's confessional is open!
When: Any time throughout the month
Where: The Church
Warnings: will tag if needed


[A message appears on the Netbook!]

oi

the confessional is open again

come by the church 3PM-5PM if you want to make a confession. leave one shell as payment

whatever you say will be completely confidential btw

Comments

i think this is an ideal time for them to bond if kanda wants to cooperate with me today-

[lotusflower]

[This is such a fucking bad idea. But.

Wolfwood (he has to assume this is Wolfwood) ("Saint Nicholas" according to the plaque he read when he first got here a week ago) isn't with the Order. Wolfwood is apparently doing his priestly duties. Kanda needs to vent to someone with zero biases, or at least float the idea that God is killable to someone else because he's fuckin' pissed. So.

He supposes he'll just get up and waltz in and sit down. Except he doesn't have that many sins to confess, at least in terms of sins he actually believes are sins in the first place, so. As he slides into the confessional and closes the door behind him, he stares at the mark of the Fallen One on his arm and huffs out what's almost a laugh through his nose.]

What does your version of God say about interfering with His grand plans?

[lupusxylem]

[Wolfwood has been sitting around waiting for someone to show, a trail of smoke filtering through the small slats in the screen separating them in a way that's definitely not healthy, but probably isn't enough to be harmful for anyone who visits. They'll just have to smell it a little bit. He exhales upwards towards the ceiling when he hears the sound of wood creaking as someone has a seat, glancing sideways when he realizes he recognizes the tone of that voice. Not well, but.

Surprised to see him here.]

Well. In my world, God ain't exactly someone you can just have a little chat with whenever you feel like. Nobody knows what God's plans are. What I do know...is that His love is 'sposed to be unconditional. Even if you fuck up. And that everythin' that happens happens for a reason...that even the bad shit is part of God's plan, somehow.

[lotusflower]

[He's just as surprised as you, bud, but he has questions for the big man upstairs.]

Hah. So what you're saying is we got the vengeful version? [Well. No he's not saying that, but also yeah To You Specifically Kanda, he's saying that.] We can't talk to Him directly either, but He imparts His will on us. He chose a nine year old boy to fight his holy war.

[Half of the Order are kids and always have been, but Timothy is an especially egregious case. That is a child. A baby. So was he, but at least he was moulded for it, and not a little kid in an orphanage that just so happened to be picked for the role.]

God has a plan for someone important to me, let's say, and that plan is a heinous fucking thing. But when I interfere with it to try to stop it, I'm the one punished instead. [Kanda stares down at the hidden marks on his arm. Glowers at them.] You'd think He wouldn't let His children die, if He actually cared, wouldn't you?

[lupusxylem]

Pal, I ask myself that same question every damn day. You think God answers?

[He exhales a puff of smoke, some of which probably filters towards Kanda a little on the other side, sorry.

Now normally...normally, Wolfwood is completely unwilling to talk about this sort of thing with anyone, but especially people he doesn't know. Especially this guy, with how prickly he was when they first met. But...this is a confessional, and confidentiality is a two way street.

If Kanda spills anything he says here to anyone else, he'll just come find and kill him. So.]

I was nine when they picked me, too.

[lotusflower]

[The way Kanda shifts as though he can see Wolfwood through the slats. Hello?]

Oh great. So it doesn't matter what world the jackass oversees, he's just picking up nine year olds and sending them right to war.

[Well, Wolfwood's was more of a cult and Timothy is obviously one of God's directly chosen, meanwhile there's Kanda, who—]

Chronologically, I'm also nine. God's pupils made me in a goddamn lab. [Yeah we're just. commiserating now. Kanda would not say this to fucking Anybody Else had Wolfwood not come out with it immediately. Feels good to get it off his chest, though.] I age twice as fast, and I was the only one out of everyone they tried creating to have lived.

You could say I'm after God's ass to make it personal, once I'm through with the Order.

[lupusxylem]

[Okay now it's Wolfwood's turn to shift and try to look at Kanda. Neither of them can see each other, not really, but the effort is being made.]

You've got to be kiddin' me.

[Fuck. Fuck.]

There's...this fuckass Cult where I'm from. They don't worship God, but somethin' they consider to be like one...and they took me from my orphanage to experiment on.

[There's a dull thud as Wolfwood drops his head against the back wall of the Confessional, looking up towards the ceiling.]

I wasn't...made there, but. They made me what I am now. Pumped me fulla' drugs, tore my body apart to see if they'd heal me back. Gotta take a serum to heal myself if I fuck up.

I'm 26. I should be 18, maybe.

[lotusflower]

[Well.

Wolfwood is his friend now and they're getting soft tacos later.]

So.

[...Kanda is commiserating, yes, but he's also bad with words and talking and being sympathetic outwardly. So, what he says instead is a simple:]

Fuck God.

[Fuck any version of God!]

I guess we can shake hands on being lab-born weapons of war. Hooray.

[eidxiety]

Mr. Father Daddy Priest!! You've returned to form after so many years~!!!

[It's been like two, Ain. Maybe not even that.]

Did Jesus find new sins while you were away? Is that why you're doing this?

[lupusxylem]

i did not return for you to call me that again
i just hadnt done it in a while because there were giant bugs on my roof

[eidxiety]

But you loooove being called Mr. Father Daddy Priest! You looove it.

What are the new sins Jesus wrote?? You didn't tell me about them :O

[lupusxylem]

no.

also jesus dont write the sins, people sin thats the whole point

[eidxiety]

Ugh. Your religion is so confusing... didn't a different guy make the earth too? But he's not the sins guy. So there aren't new sins? Why are you running confessional again after so long if there are no new sins?

Should we make new sins for Jesus?????

[lupusxylem]

I think the only reason God hasnt smote you yet is cause youre an angel.

[ezellotry]

I could see about getting you an automated confessional unit, if you find it’s hard to make time, you know.

[lupusxylem]

sorry, a what now?

[ezellotry]

An automated confessional!

We had them in Laterano. You could confess your sins on the go without needing to find an available priest.

[lupusxylem]

huh. they just...automate everything these days?
so what, do you pay it and then it just records you talkin to it or somethin?

[ezellotry]

Paying for something like that is barbaric. They’re covered by taxes!

But… yes, essentially!

[lupusxylem]

[...]

well we dont got that here, so jot that down.

how do i get one, out of curiosity.

[godsfavourite]

[ Allen, who’s too embarrassed to ask these sorts of questions over the notebook where everyone can see, ends up at the confessional to talk to father daddy Wolfwood in said confessional. Hi. He’s not here for anything specifically he just— ]

So… I know these things are usually in churches, but… what… are you supposed to confess to?

[lupusxylem]

You confess your sins here. No sin's too big or too small. You can tell me you killed a guy and I ain't gonna do nothin' about it, I ain't a cop.

So if you got anythin' on your chest you wanna make right with God or whatever, this is the place to do it.

[godsfavourite]

Huh?! Oh, Lord, no thank you. Do you know how long we'd be in here for?! God thinks so many things are sins!

[lupusxylem]

Kid, I ain't tellin' you to tell me every sin you've ever committed in your whole damn life, here. Just...yaknow. You got any weighing on you right now? That sorta thing?

[godsfavourite]

I'm not a kid! I'm older than you!!! [ Frowning. ] I have lots of things that weigh on me, but none of them are sins! They're just stuff that I'm dealing with.

[lupusxylem]

Look, I told ya on the post I ain't the therapist around here. But since you're already here...I dunno.

[Wolfwood sighs.]

Do you have anythin' you wanna talk to a Priest about?