sticksandbones

🤡

Who: Allen + You!
What: Holy clown boy coming to a Grove near you!
When: Beginning of March
Where: ??? Around
Warnings: None yet, will be in headers as the pop up.

I. I've tasted all your sin (Forest entrance)

[ There is, perhaps, not a single person who would say arriving in the Grove isn't jarring. Some woke up here from their own slumber back home, and that is perhaps the smoothest transition you can get, even even that has yet to be graceful. For Allen, one moment he's holding the hand of his friend, trying to wake him up from what he could only assume was a horrific coma, and then next he's... here. His hand clasps in on itself, and he's suddenly looking around in a panic. He knew that the place he'd ended up may very well kick him out of his consciousness. May lend just the right amount of strength for Nea to pull him out of the "driver's seat", so to speak, but... is that what's happening now? Now, when he was so close to saving his friend?

No.

No, no, no.

The panic sets in as he darts from out of the trees, attempting to look for something, anything that might help him figure out how to get back. It's once he gets into the Grove proper that his eye activates. He has his own questions about that - if he's not in control, where is that coming from? What would his eye see... in his own head? Before he can ponder it for too long, he at least gets one of his answers. What does his eye see? Well.

Death.

It's the first time Allen's seeing souls not attached to something else, but Allen doesn't have time to process that part. Rather, he is trying to remember how to breathe again, because as of now, seeing the horrible visions in front of him - death of his friends, of those he loves, of a fire that isn't really there - all has the air he's trying to get out caught in his throat. It's only once his eye deactivates, the sclera turning from black to white and the red of his eye back to a silvery gray, does he finally have some kind of reprieve from the overwhelm. It's not much. The panic has only gotten worse, after all.

He falls to his knees, gasping for air as if he'd been held underwater for too long. ]

II. You've lost your appetite (for sacrifice) (Timcanpy, the Inn)

[ Timcanpy is a little golden golem. He is here! He isn't sure why he's here, but he is! How exciting! He's gonna...! He's...!!!

...

Where is this!!!!!!!!!! He is going to float out of the inn room he Spawned(tm) in and??? chew on the first person he sees. Hello. ]

III. How can we terminate this parasite (Around the Grove)

[ Fortunately, although the panic attack hits Allen like a train, the fact that he's so fucking hungry does as well. Which means... this is definitely his body. He's not stuck in his head. That's?? Good. Probably. Well, it's not good that he doesn't know where he is, but it's good he's still Him. Does this make sense? No. It doesn't. Fuck, he's SO hungry-

He will very hastily try to find the first person he can and catch their attention with a friendly wave of his normal-looking hand, and in a thick, British accent: ] Cheers! Uh, I have a lot of questions, but... most important, do you know where a bloke might find some food? Preferably, a lot of it?

...

Oh, also, what is that? [ He's, uh, pointing at Moder. ]

IV. If you keep digging up the Host? (Wildcard)
HMU if you wanna do something else pls I have such a strong muse for my baby boy I'm gonna be SO annoying-

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I tried both.

[Obviously. What kind of cook do you take him for?]

The eye is very...watery, but also strangely tough? I think it might be due to the fact the eye makes up so much of the body. It's a huge muscle for that creature. I don't think it would have a very pleasant texture, but the taste is otherwise unremarkable.

Eugh.

[Yeah okay they'll probably have to pass on that.]

Normal fish eyes don't taste like that. They're gelatinous and a bit chewy, and taste like the fish does. They also burst in your mouth when you bite them. [Obviously they eat the entire fish where he, uh... "grew up" may not be the right word but grew up. Other nationalities commonly do not do this.] I think sinew would probably ruin the texture of the dish.

[In any case, time to show Link how to be doing!]

So, you want to criss-cross the noodles like you're weaving a basket. The molds are obviously meant to help hold the shape. It's easier with taro since it's stiffer, but it should be fine since you make pastries and are probably used to this. These need to fry first thing and we can set them out to cool before turning to the fish and vegetables.

Got it.

[Link is a pro at crisscrossing things, noodles be damned. The moment he gets to work, his hands move deftly, his lithe fingers carefully crossing the noodles over and pulling them into shape quickly and efficiently without breaking a single one.]

The best fat we have for deep frying out here is butter, without the advent of being able to hunt something for the lard. Would that suffice?

[ Holy shit ]

[Damn dude what do those fingers do???]

It's a little rich, but it should be fine. You'd normally use plain oil, but butter works. [It's not like it'll change the flavour THAT much.] It'll take... ten minutes to fry, probably. We're going to keep some of the fat to stir fry the rest of it with after the bowls are done.

[Damn this truly is the way to get these bitches to get along, huh? This is like, the first time they've had a conversation this civil, basically ever.]

That's fine, we have plenty. What else do we need? Vegetables, spices?

Ginger, garlic, cloves, white pepper— oh, shit, hold on.

[He forgot to grab the wine they'll need for the stir fry! He's back in a second with it. The bottle can be set in the sand nearby, it'll stand up on its own. It's new!]

We only need a tablespoon of that, so I guess we're drinking the rest. [This is a horrible idea and you know it.] Any vegetables work, but typically it's done with carrots, mushrooms, bell peppers, scallions, and snow peas. It's not supposed to be spicy, so we shouldn't need anything else.

[And he brought everything along to make it other than the shellfish since, y'know. Beach. More by coincidence anyway since this was unplanned, but in the back of his brain he truly was like "stir fry and noodles :)" until the topic was brought up at the time.]

[Link nods, listening as he continues to busily make the noodle nests they need for the bowls. Once they've weaved enough to make at least a few servings, because one or even two is NOT going to be enough for Allen, he'll turn to the vegetables that Kanda brought so he can start chopping.]

Sliced? Diced?

Sliced. Give me half.

[The boys are... working together... holy shit. Who would have thought such a thing was possible...]

You have this dish during celebrations typically, or weddings or banquets. It's close enough to Lunar New Year though, so it counts, I guess. [It like super doesn't but who said you can't have nice food whenever you want? Losers, that's who.] The nest is supposed to symbolize unity, and the fillings good fortune.

I don't buy any of that shit, though, [way to ruin it,] I just like how it tastes.

I think if anything were to give good fortune, it would be food.

[ just saying.

His sand castle now has layers. There's a small seagull-shaped gummy creature that is taking residence on top of it now. ]

That's what's most important, isn't it? Food is meant to be enjoyed. Any other meaning it might have is secondary.

[Like, idk. Making sure you stay alive maybe.]

Allen makes a good point, though.

[Anyway, he once again is showing off his handiwork as he slices the veggies with expert knife cuts, the correct form so he doesn't chop off a finger, the whole nine yards. Once he's sliced a decent amount, he'll slide half over to where Kanda is presumably doing the same.]

You'd love tang yuan, Beansprout.

[He just gets that vibe... most Lunar New Year foods are all symbolic of fortune and somehow he feels like Allen would eat his weight in tang yuan and then go comatose for an hour.

Anyway, Kanda is slower at choppies on account of not being a pro chef all the damn time, thanks. If he wanted this to look nasty he'd just go ham like he does with Mugen but that is not an option and the cutting board would also die, so! Veggies is choppies. Ingredients are mixed in the pan to make stir fry. Kanda is explaining how to stir fry.

The boys are getting along :)]

[Fry is stirring, noodles is frying, etc. They are doing, they are!! Getting along for once in their lives, it's a Christmas miracle.]

The temperature is harder to control on an open flame, so you'll have to be the judge of how long and how direct the heat needs to be here.

[The frying is a bit easier, since all you have to do is keep an eye on it and pull it when the noodles are golden brown. The rest might be a little trickier. Gotta keep it moving so it doesn't burn, after all.]

Yeah, I can watch it.

[They don't have long left on the noodles anyway, realistically, and those can sit out and cool while the stirs are frying. Kanda will do that part, pulling them out with a spoon and making sure that they're going to hold their shape as they're left out to become not scorching hot.

The food is starting to smell good, too, which means they're probably about to hear Allen's stomach growling from halfway across the beach.]

Maybe... two more minutes, and it should be cooked through.

[The shrimps are looking quite opaque and curled, which is good! That's what you want from shrimps.]

You hear that, Allen?

[Link calls to Allen across the sand, who can undoubtedly smell things from here.]

I've been listening!!!! Food!!!!!! [ Thanks, Allen.

He gets up, though, patting himself off. For the time he spent on the castle, it's truly nothing to write home about, but at least it's home to one gummy seagull. If he hadn't spent half of his time staring blankly out at the ocean and rubbing one side of a wall absent-mindedly, he might have done something better. Alas.

He walks over to where Tim has half buried himself, grabbing his tail to pull him out of the sand. He is holding onto a weird crepe crab with his teeth??? Tim. Please. Stop bothering the creatures. Allen will coax Tim to let go so he can join the other two by the fire.

He thinks he... has this. He thinks he knows! He's been preparing. He has a plan.

...

Hopefully! ]

[...Tim... why are you so hungry, buddy...

Kanda will generally explain to Link how to put the stir fry in the little bowls, which is basically "scoop it and put it in there but don't overfill it", so standard stuff. They're small and cute, like a medium-ish fruit tart in size, and that means Allen will eat a fucking million of them.

Good job on dinner boys, you did it!]

I don't finesse things like you, so I can't really teach you how to make sushi or anything. But if you ever wanted to learn how to make various soba dishes, I've got that covered.

[of course you fucking do]

Anyway, Beansprout, you eat this with a utensil. [Before you start trying to deepthroat them in one bite,]

Allen-

I would love to learn. If you do well on your homework, I'll make you any soba dish you'd like.

[Smiles!!!

Anyway yes Allen come here it's foob time.]

Careful, it's hot.

[ROLLING his eyes.]

I don't need your help making it, I'm offering to teach you something new. [He's rescinding his olive branch FUCK you he hopes you explode.] If you wanted me to do well at English then the founders of English wouldn't make English like that.

[ok fair]

[ It's okay, Allen. You've been thinking hard thoughts about this. You've been doing so good. Surely, after staring at the ocean for an hour, he knows at least a rough outline of what he's going to say to Link. He is going to ease him into this. He's going to give the conversation time to organically fall into telling Link what's going on so it's not overly jarring. Surely, he's done this.

Realistically, Allen doesn't know how to start. Kanda is being spicy again. Maybe he should just let that be? Maybe the conversation can talk about that. Maybe he can talk about how much he wants to kiss Kanda for doing good and being behaved around Link and making food with him? Maybe he wants to sit over by him and lean his head on his shoulder while he horfs down his meal? Maybe he could talk about all that, or do all that, and that would help Link understand things, even if he might get mad? Maybe literally anything would work.

Allen is handed his bowl, and for a long fucking time, Allen doesn't touch the food, squinting into the fire like it personally wronged him or that he's deep in thought (they're the same face). It takes him a little too long to get his thoughts on track. He has to do something before they go to bed. Has to. Otherwise the guilt is gonna suffocate him. He can't do that to Link. But godDAMN is this hard to figure out how to navigate!

It's fine though!

It's good!

Allen, you thought about this for like an hour now. Surely you have something- ]

Li, I'm gay.

[ Oh my God. ]

[Pinches the bridge of his nose.]

[...

......

For a long moment, all that can be heard is the sound of the fire crackling, the ocean waves rushing in...nothing else. Not even the wind past their ears, just this deafening fucking silence, until Link drops his spoon. It clatters painfully loudly off his bowl before landing into the sand somewhere near his foot.]

[ Allen, why the fuck-

No, no, it's fine, it's salvageable, surely. (No it's not. He can't "haha it's joke!" his way out of this one.)

He near immediately hides his face in his hand, while his mind is filled with profanities that would make anyone gasp at. He really is the stupidest motherfucker. All he can think in that moment is how he's gone and taken a sledgehammer to this friendship he'd built with Link. "I'm gay" is the new demolition project. Ugh! Fuck!!!!

The sound of the spoon falling makes Allen tense, frowning at himself. He had so many other things, so many other graceful methods he could've taken, and yet.

And fucking yet.

There's a moment where Allen opens his mouth to say something else, but all he manages is a very quiet: ]

Sorry...

[Okay, so, it's going well.

Kanda is done pinching the bridge of his nose now, but his face says something along the lines of "oh God, I have to mediate this". He has the mediation skills of a fucking cow. Genuinely, this is a job better suited to Lenalee or Marie or, fuck, even Lavi would do better at mediating. Miranda would do better at mediating than he will.

He asks himself why he cares, says to himself "it's for Allen's sake", and then breathes a sigh.]

He felt bad lying to you for so long. That's all. Go easy on him.

[Don't say "or I'll beat your ass" don't say that don't fucking say that, be mature, channel Lenalee, channel Marie, summon their spirits into you do NOT fuck this up for others—]

You can call me anything you want, but not him. [THIS IS ALSO NOT HOW YOU COME OUT OF THE CLOSET KANDA]

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