where the forest has teeth

The residents of Aldric’s Grove have been down in the dumps recently, haven’t they? Whose fault could that be? Is it the fault of Wolfwood, who started the catastrophic bonfire? The Forest, who took over the body of Elsword and set him to the slaughter? Perhaps it’s the fault of Vash, who disappeared and came back with a corpse, or Beat, who went berserker-mode on everybody. Maybe it’s Gnosis’ general mopey energy spreading like a plague, or the fact that Luca has had the bar closed up for so long, or Pure Vanilla’s forays into his past. Why are you all so depressed, wonders a spirit in the forest, a spirit who has watched you for a long time. Why are you all staying indoors and not talking to each other?

This spirit knows what to do to cheer everybody up. A fun little prank, an event that will spark joy and lead you to somewhere vast and unknowable. Yes… the spirit has been here before, always observing you, even if you don’t often see it. It is the same spirit who hosted that masquerade all the way back in October before diving feet-first into a sinkhole. It is… a walking skeleton by the name of Mr. Bone-Jangles, and he is casting a spell.

At midnight, the sound of rattling bones rings out across the Grove, alongside a chime that sounds like the bell that hangs over the General Store’s door, and then a distinctly warped sound like trying to listen to music underwater. Were you to look outside your windows, you’ll spot a skeleton dressed like a cashier dancing around the well and the two statues next to it, movin’ and groovin’ to the beat of his own drum. Should you try to get outside through a door or a window, however…

You’ll wind up somewhere else. Not where you expected that door to lead, certainly. Your bedroom door might take you to your bathroom, or to your neighbour’s room, or to Ydalir’s tent. Your window might have plopped you right into the church, or the clinic, or one of the many weight-lifting rooms in the rec center. Should you try to leave the new location you’ve found yourself in, you’ll be in a similar spot — these doors also don’t go where they’re supposed to. The doorways have been scrambled, but at least — once they’ve been walked through — their randomized location is permanently set. If the inn doors lead to the bar, they’ll continue to lead to the bar.

Should you manage, by some miracle, to make it outside? Mr. Bone-Jangles will simply wave his phalanges at you and disappear into a puff of smoke.

This enchantment, or perhaps “prank” will last for the month. Good luck, Aldric’s Grove! Merry April Fool’s Month!

One door in the Grove, and only one, will lead you to a completely new space. A space named Alpha Mart, designated by the golden sign. It is, for all intents and purposes, a fairly advanced (by Grove standards) grocery store, and it carries… products of the uncanny and unusual. Once you’re inside, you can’t leave via the door you came from — it’s up to you to find a different exit, because that entrance door will simply plop you back inside.

What kind of products are here, one might ask? Well, the produce section contains the, erm, expected yet unexpected fruits and veggies, which at times seem to be alive and have minds of their own; the carrots will stop mid-yoga session to run away from you, the beetroots will try to bite, the raspberries have tiny eyes, and the tomatoes act much like lemmings, throwing themselves off of the displays at your feet. Nets in a tall, warped basket near the produce section can be used to catch anything that moves, and once caught, they’ll rest like normal food items would in your cart or basket or hands or pockets. All of these are perfectly edible despite the moral implications!

Head on to aisle fifteen, where the snacks are, and you may be pleasantly surprised by the great savings (100% Off!) on blueberry-flavoured pretzel bites, 100% salt peanuts, fried sunflower petal chips, and cookies shaped like Moder’s head. The deli section is a delight of chocolate-flavoured cheeses and lunchmeats with your faces printed on them. Even though some displays clip out of reality, rest assured, you’ll be fine to walk through those spots. The hard-working staff of skeletons are working on cleaning it up. Speaking of cleaning up, do you need something to wash your sins away with? How about some Plausible Deniability?

The walk-in freezers nearby are pleasantly deep and chilly, and should you walk through them, you might find yourself spat out somewhere else. …still within the Alpha Mart, of course. You didn’t think you could leave through a twisting maze of soda bottles, did you? Come on.

cw in first image link: eyes, trypophobia

After making it through the freezer aisle and its twisting, cold maze of products, you’ll arrive at the, uh… um… the eyeball space! Anyway, let’s quickly move on from there.

Quite a ways out of the eyeball space, where the walls blink at you and follow your every move, is something of a playground indoors, featuring both your run-of-the-mill slides and waterslides where the water is dish soap and the swimming pool at the bottom is white chocolate. Try not to get any in your mouth; it doesn’t taste great! Inner tubes are provided by a skeleton staff member wearing a speedo, who also functions as a lifeguard should you drown in chocolate. Your grocery products can safely be set in a cubby nearby for “purchasing” later. Or you can use them between slide sessions. They are free, after all.

When you’re done with the slides, heading through a side door will lead you into a different section of the Alpha Mart, where the products continue to be bizarre and sometimes-sentient. Anything and everything you can imagine is here, unless it makes sense, in which case it’s completely absent from the store. At the tail end is the checkouts, where Mr. Bone-Jangles stands in his cashier uniform, miming a tired retail worker. He’ll send you through with your products after you pretend to pay him and will refuse actual attempts to pay, and then the exit door to the Alpha Mart will be revealed on the back wall. If you walk through it…

It spits you out in the middle of the Grove, and your silly “purchased” products are gone. If you want to go back in, you’re going to have to find the door again. The entrance should be in the same location it just was, at least.

…or maybe, after all of that, you need to wash the chocolate off and take a nap.