sticksandbones

🤡

Who: Allen + You!
What: Holy clown boy coming to a Grove near you!
When: Beginning of March
Where: ??? Around
Warnings: None yet, will be in headers as the pop up.

I. I've tasted all your sin (Forest entrance)

[ There is, perhaps, not a single person who would say arriving in the Grove isn't jarring. Some woke up here from their own slumber back home, and that is perhaps the smoothest transition you can get, even even that has yet to be graceful. For Allen, one moment he's holding the hand of his friend, trying to wake him up from what he could only assume was a horrific coma, and then next he's... here. His hand clasps in on itself, and he's suddenly looking around in a panic. He knew that the place he'd ended up may very well kick him out of his consciousness. May lend just the right amount of strength for Nea to pull him out of the "driver's seat", so to speak, but... is that what's happening now? Now, when he was so close to saving his friend?

No.

No, no, no.

The panic sets in as he darts from out of the trees, attempting to look for something, anything that might help him figure out how to get back. It's once he gets into the Grove proper that his eye activates. He has his own questions about that - if he's not in control, where is that coming from? What would his eye see... in his own head? Before he can ponder it for too long, he at least gets one of his answers. What does his eye see? Well.

Death.

It's the first time Allen's seeing souls not attached to something else, but Allen doesn't have time to process that part. Rather, he is trying to remember how to breathe again, because as of now, seeing the horrible visions in front of him - death of his friends, of those he loves, of a fire that isn't really there - all has the air he's trying to get out caught in his throat. It's only once his eye deactivates, the sclera turning from black to white and the red of his eye back to a silvery gray, does he finally have some kind of reprieve from the overwhelm. It's not much. The panic has only gotten worse, after all.

He falls to his knees, gasping for air as if he'd been held underwater for too long. ]

II. You've lost your appetite (for sacrifice) (Timcanpy, the Inn)

[ Timcanpy is a little golden golem. He is here! He isn't sure why he's here, but he is! How exciting! He's gonna...! He's...!!!

...

Where is this!!!!!!!!!! He is going to float out of the inn room he Spawned(tm) in and??? chew on the first person he sees. Hello. ]

III. How can we terminate this parasite (Around the Grove)

[ Fortunately, although the panic attack hits Allen like a train, the fact that he's so fucking hungry does as well. Which means... this is definitely his body. He's not stuck in his head. That's?? Good. Probably. Well, it's not good that he doesn't know where he is, but it's good he's still Him. Does this make sense? No. It doesn't. Fuck, he's SO hungry-

He will very hastily try to find the first person he can and catch their attention with a friendly wave of his normal-looking hand, and in a thick, British accent: ] Cheers! Uh, I have a lot of questions, but... most important, do you know where a bloke might find some food? Preferably, a lot of it?

...

Oh, also, what is that? [ He's, uh, pointing at Moder. ]

IV. If you keep digging up the Host? (Wildcard)
HMU if you wanna do something else pls I have such a strong muse for my baby boy I'm gonna be SO annoying-

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

There's a lighthouse, and someone lives there. He apparently doesn't like company? So maybe if we're gonna be around we say "hi" but keep it brief? [ Elsword is there, too. He'll be delighted to know that a gateway to seeing his Boyfriend will be accessible. Allen and Elsword should be kept 400 feet apart at all times else nothing will get done. ] Oh, there's also a statue for one of the Goddesses.

[ So. You know. Something that Allen will largely ignore. Sorry, Goddesses, Allen is just wholly put off from divinity, thanks. ]

We can spend a night at one of those cabanas, too.

[God they're gonna see Elboy2 and it'll be like getting hit with the sun. Kanda is already cautious about Elboy1 visibly being Holy. Why are there two of those little bitches running around...]

From what I ascertained talking to Heimr, the cabanas are pretty nice, and it sounded like people were trapped out here for the summer a few years ago due to some stunt the Forest pulled. Apparently he's terrified of the sea, though, so we should be fine.

[...]

Some fucking "deity". [Throwing that in because he knows Suri can hear him. Fuck you dude.]

[Link keeps his opinions on all of that to himself. Less because he doesn't agree, and more because...well. Allen wasn't wrong when he said that Link was probably having some sort of crisis of faith right now. His head is in a bad place regarding...all of that right now, so it's been easier to just shove it aside and not think about it instead. You know, like all well adjusted people should.]

Then the sooner we get there, the better.

[ Allen does catch that, and it gets a little glance back for a moment. Then, he intentionally slows his steps so that he's walking side-by-side with him instead of just leading the charge. He attempts to get his attention by giving him a little bump with his shoulder. ]

Hey, do you know how to cook shellfish, Li? 'Cause I'll catch a whole bunch of those for us to eat if you can!

[SQUINTING AT THE BACK OF LINK'S HEAD LIKE ???????????????

God damn hold on is THIS what a gaydar is?? 🏳️‍🌈❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓]

[Oh, hi Allen...Link snaps back to reality when Allen bumps into his shoulder, prompting him to stand up a little bit straighter as they walk. He doesn't seem to notice that Kanda has picked up on anything weird.]

I do. I haven't gotten to cook it very often, but the Central Agency would often have fancier get togethers that called for higher quality foods, so I learned. It just depends on if you would rather have them cooked in a stew, or over a campfire grill.

Edited 2026-03-17 00:52 (UTC)

Oh, that's easy, then, we can do both! One for lunch, one for dinner, and see which we like better~!

[ Allen-

He picks up his happy-swaying walk again, only occasionally glancing around to check their surroundings. He knows this path is supposed to be safe, but you can never be too careful. ]

You're also allowed to breathe a little when we get there, alright? Just because we have stuff to go looking at doesn't mean you can't kick your feet up.

[ Looking back at Kanda- ] This goes for you, too!

Edited 2026-03-17 01:02 (UTC)

[Was he not the one who brought up swimming... well, whatever, he knows even swimming he'd try to find something underwater as if they're actually looking for Innocence pieces and not like... you know, on theoretical hell-woods vacation.

(Little does Kanda know as they're approaching the seaside that they're about to be lovingly accosted by fruit sharks. Godspeed boys you'll need it.)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Hmm... shellfish...]

Depending on what we find, we might be able to do hai xian qiao chao. [It's not a holiday but who cares if it fucking tastes good—] It's a seafood stir fry in a taro root bowl. Looks like a bird's nest.

[Obviously he can help with that one.]

[This is how Link and Kanda bond. Kanda shows Link how to make cultural foods and he's like :O about it.]

I would love to learn how to make it. Do you think taro root grows naturally here?

[Allen your boyfriends...they're talking and not killing each other...]

[ Allen reaches behind him to pull Kanda closer, then links his arms with both Kanda and Link happily, like they're Wizard-of-Oz-ing it down this path together now. ]

Brilliant! And I! Will be the taste tester~!!!

[ Thanks, Allen. ]

[He shrugs. And then he's yoinked.]

It might. Don't get your hopes up yet, Beansprout. ...but if nothing else, I brought some noodles we can use instead. [OF COURSE YOU HAVE FUCKING NOODLES ON YOUR PERSON] It'll taste mostly the same.

[The point is the edible bowl either way. Like taco salad but from China and it has nothing to do with taco salad.]

I'm sure it will be delicious either way.

[Kanda we need to talk about your noodle addiction.]

How would you suggest preparing it with the noodles instead of taro?

[He's going to continue chatting about food as they make their way beachward if he isn't stopped, happy to walk arm-in-arm with Allen even though it wasn't expected...he will not be like "hey what the fuck", this is Allen we're talking about.]

[ Unfortunately(?) for them, this is a few days journey, so they will have to camp out on the path at some point. Likely with a rotation of sleeping, since, despite the road being told to be safe, the chaotic magic has made it so that a lot of things aren't working like they should. But maybe when they're actually on the beach, then they'll have safety, and rest will come easy.

Or, Allen hopes that's the case.

For now, Allen is just happy to keep them close and keep eyes on the wall that surrounds the path. ]

It's the same preparation, but you shape the noodles into that nest shape and fry them, and that's why I prefer taro root. It holds its shape better.

[Yeah, they're gonna camp out. This is going to be a cooking thread long into the night, but at least camping and taking watches are easy. No one is having noodles tonight, they're going to have to have normal camping food. The horrors.

At least the boys are all getting along??]

I see...I bet I could figure out a way to make it more secure, though. You'd just need to pack the noodles a little bit tighter, and-

[Yeah this is going to be The Conversation Topic unless someone manages to veer it elsewhere, though maybe it's a good thing that they're not screaming and trying to beat each other up. Allen will have to listen to this food talk and wait a couple of days for the fish though, sorry to say...

Travel they've all done before, and they manage to make it to the beach without getting attacked or killed. It's the sound of the waves that herald the fact that they're getting close, as well as the distant smell of the salty sea...a rarity for these boys.]

[ The travelling was easy. Used to it, yes, but there were also very few problems. Unless you count "Allen is needy for attention and kept trying to cuddle with Kanda somehow at night" a problem. He did good, though! Mostly! There might have been times he held Kanda's hand-

Anyway! Beach! Allen nearly wants to drop all of his thinks and just flop into the sand to enjoy it, but he's immediately meant to go wrangle Timcanpy, who started to float off and bite a banana shark that had been washed ashore. ]

Oi! Tim, no!

[ Allen is running off. Bye boys-

He does return with his golem after just a quick moment. ]

It's a little colder than I had hoped it'd be here. Ah, I still wanna go swimming... should we pick a cabana to drop our things off in first? I'll see about summoning the Ark when I have a chance to sit down for a moment.

Probably.

[Yeah cuddling with Allen is hard when there's a catholic in the area fucking everything up. Luckily ?? ? ????? they make it to the beach un-Bible-versed, and Tim is immediately off biting these poor sharks. Kanda looks up in time to see that they can swim through the goddamn air and has to wonder what the fuck his life has come to to lead to this exact point.

Like what the fuck.

Fruit creatures aside, Kanda is crossing through the sand toward the nearest cabana, opening the door and assessing the room. It's exactly as he'd imagined it would be; large enough for the three of them if they want to cram into one bed, with a kitchen and bathroom. Realistically, all they need, because these things aren't meant to be lived in long-term. He picks a random corner for his bags and immediately heads into the kitchen to put some of the ingredients on the counter to be used, and then does a double-take at a creature that's just. sitting there.

Hi.]

What the fuck is going on.

[Allen and Kanda are dating and pining and wanting to cuddle and Link has no goddamn clue. Honestly they probably could have gotten away with it while he was sleeping, assuming they were very careful about it…though Link also definitely got up some during the night to do night watch because he can’t beat that out of himself when he’s on the road, so. Maybe for the best they didn’t.

As they arrive, he will follow Kanda into the chosen cabana and place his things down as well, sort of boggling at the turtles happily sitting on the counter.]

…is all of the food here. Alive?

[And he does not mean alive as in “an animal we can eat”. That’s a whole ass pastry creature.]

[ Allen takes a minute longer to follow after the boys, gripping Timcanpy in his hands so he doesn’t do crimes. Until he’s inside at least. ]

Oi, the fruit animals are not just a pattern, they’re actually made of—

[ He stops on seeing the turtles. He lets go of Timcanpy to immediately race over and pick up the big one. What! What the fuck! He loves them?! ]

What are you?! Oh!! We should’ve come here WAY sooner!!

[Toaster turtle lifted. Kanda is wondering if these things know how to open doors or not because that cabana door was pretty firmly shut when he shouldered it open.]

This place is so goddamn weird.

[No whimsy. If he admits he has whimsy he will surely pass away.]

…that turtle is a toaster.

[He doesn’t know what many modern appliances are yet, but he has seen the toaster and used it in the Inn enough times that he’s become familiar. Fascinating technology.

Not typically in turtle form though.]

Reminds me a little of Tim’s siblings! [ Who Kanda hasn’t met. Kanda would fucking hate Cross’ inventions. ]

This turtle is a friend! [ No Allen, it’s trying to hide. ] You are darling, don’t let them say otherwise. Are you gonna be our roomie tonight? Thank you for letting us stay!

[ Put him down, Allen- ]

[If that turtle is a toaster then what the fuck are these babies...

Kanda picks one up.]

It's a— it's a dry pastry? I think?

[PUT. TJE TURTLES DOWN. I'm leaving that typo put the turtles down. Put! The turtles. Down.]

It seems like they made a home here before we showed up.

[He’s going to try to gently take the turtle toaster from Allen so he can put it back down with its babies.]

Let’s just leave them be here in the kitchen. I’ll check the rest of the cabana to make sure we aren’t intruding on any other…guests.

Oh, alright. I’ll make sure Tim doesn’t try to eat them. Maybe the turtles will be okay, though…

[ To Tim: ] Be nice to the critters, Timcanpy.

[ Now that his hands are free, he’ll grab Link’s the second he starts to walk away. ]

Hold on. I’ll come with. Just in case you find something hostile, yknow?

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sorry this is all you fucking get it's too funny tho

god bless

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