where the forest has teeth

You open your eyes, and with a jolt, find yourself within the clearing of a miniscule town surrounded by trees and thick, black fog. Despite the ominous backdrop, nature seems to be thriving — it’s a pleasantly chill spring day, as far as anyone can tell, and everything is vibrant and blooming… even some of the animals. At some point, a friendly old dog with red fur approaches, carrying a basket in his jaws. Inside are blackberries and apples other fruits. Did he find this himself? Or did someone give them to him to bring to new arrivals? Regardless, he very clearly hopes that you’ll share.

A giant golden brown turtle sits by a tent, napping in the sunlight. Two statues sit in the courtyard by an old well — a haloed woman marked as the Goddess of the Sun, Beiwe, and a gentle woman looking adoringly at her counterpart, marked as the Goddess of the Moon, Ourania. If you pay your respects, the air feels gentle and warm in the day, and like a fresh cool breeze at night.

As you explore more, perhaps the bloomed animals will approach — a mossy squirrel, or a frog who happens to also be a lilypad. It’s charming, almost. Whimsical and kind.

Shame that the wall of fog looms ever on, watching. Waiting.

cw: hallucinations, compulsions, near-death experiences

For a while, spring seems gentle, almost. Peaceful. The previous month may have been full of jokes, but things are actually safe. Of course, that can’t last forever. Every night, a purple, shimmering mist floods the town. It does not breach the doors and windows, even if left open, but looking at it is… enticing.

Should you give in, the mist is cool and gentle, swaying around you like smoke. The longer you stay in, the more your eyes feel blissfully heavy. Soon, you find yourself surrounded by loved ones, in a place that brings you joy — a childhood home, a vacation spot, some place warm and safe and dear to your heart. Everyone is playing and having so much fun. Join them! Join them!

Of course, by the time you do jump into the fun, you’ll find yourself awakened with a start, just about to fall into danger. Perhaps you climbed a tree and were about to leap to the ground from too high up. Or maybe you stuck your head in the river and your lungs were about to empty. Regardless, the happy dream shatters with imminent danger, and perhaps you’d better hope that someone else is nearby to help you. … Especially since with each night you give in, the more enticing the mist is the next night.

At some point, the mist is forcibly dissipated and instead the moon shines brightly, almost like a spotlight. Investigation will reveal an absurdly large capybara that seems more like a vehicle than an animal, even with the jasmine flowers hanging off of it, siting down with the ‘door’ accessible to anyone willing to climb in.

“Come with me, and I will bring you to a night of festivities.” is all that it says when asked. And it knows that you will — you’re all curious as kittens, after all. Once the last person takes a fuzzy seat within the capybara, it slowly stands up and begins walking through the woods, and for the first time, everything seems peaceful. Normal, even. Why, there’s not even a monster or misshapen, grabby tree! Just a moonlit forest, and fireflies in the distance.

Eventually it brings you to a small but beautiful cabin, crouching down to let everyone out again. Outside is a layer of marble surrounded by pillars decorated with sheer fabrics and an abundance of lilies and calendula, jasmine and marigolds, hydrangeas and gladiolus. A buffet table has also been spread out, and within the cabin are changing rooms with a multitude of ornate gowns and suits, alongside sitting rooms and other potential necessities — though you get the feeling that you should still be on your best behavior here.

Gentle music plays from an unknown source. The capybara is resting, until it’s time to leave come sunrise. For one night, everything is at peace. You may as well enjoy it, and dance to your heart’s content.

The residents of Aldric’s Grove have been down in the dumps recently, haven’t they? Whose fault could that be? Is it the fault of Wolfwood, who started the catastrophic bonfire? The Forest, who took over the body of Elsword and set him to the slaughter? Perhaps it’s the fault of Vash, who disappeared and came back with a corpse, or Beat, who went berserker-mode on everybody. Maybe it’s Gnosis’ general mopey energy spreading like a plague, or the fact that Luca has had the bar closed up for so long, or Pure Vanilla’s forays into his past. Why are you all so depressed, wonders a spirit in the forest, a spirit who has watched you for a long time. Why are you all staying indoors and not talking to each other?

This spirit knows what to do to cheer everybody up. A fun little prank, an event that will spark joy and lead you to somewhere vast and unknowable. Yes… the spirit has been here before, always observing you, even if you don’t often see it. It is the same spirit who hosted that masquerade all the way back in October before diving feet-first into a sinkhole. It is… a walking skeleton by the name of Mr. Bone-Jangles, and he is casting a spell.

At midnight, the sound of rattling bones rings out across the Grove, alongside a chime that sounds like the bell that hangs over the General Store’s door, and then a distinctly warped sound like trying to listen to music underwater. Were you to look outside your windows, you’ll spot a skeleton dressed like a cashier dancing around the well and the two statues next to it, movin’ and groovin’ to the beat of his own drum. Should you try to get outside through a door or a window, however…

You’ll wind up somewhere else. Not where you expected that door to lead, certainly. Your bedroom door might take you to your bathroom, or to your neighbour’s room, or to Ydalir’s tent. Your window might have plopped you right into the church, or the clinic, or one of the many weight-lifting rooms in the rec center. Should you try to leave the new location you’ve found yourself in, you’ll be in a similar spot — these doors also don’t go where they’re supposed to. The doorways have been scrambled, but at least — once they’ve been walked through — their randomized location is permanently set. If the inn doors lead to the bar, they’ll continue to lead to the bar.

Should you manage, by some miracle, to make it outside? Mr. Bone-Jangles will simply wave his phalanges at you and disappear into a puff of smoke.

This enchantment, or perhaps “prank” will last for the month. Good luck, Aldric’s Grove! Merry April Fool’s Month!

One door in the Grove, and only one, will lead you to a completely new space. A space named Alpha Mart, designated by the golden sign. It is, for all intents and purposes, a fairly advanced (by Grove standards) grocery store, and it carries… products of the uncanny and unusual. Once you’re inside, you can’t leave via the door you came from — it’s up to you to find a different exit, because that entrance door will simply plop you back inside.

What kind of products are here, one might ask? Well, the produce section contains the, erm, expected yet unexpected fruits and veggies, which at times seem to be alive and have minds of their own; the carrots will stop mid-yoga session to run away from you, the beetroots will try to bite, the raspberries have tiny eyes, and the tomatoes act much like lemmings, throwing themselves off of the displays at your feet. Nets in a tall, warped basket near the produce section can be used to catch anything that moves, and once caught, they’ll rest like normal food items would in your cart or basket or hands or pockets. All of these are perfectly edible despite the moral implications!

Head on to aisle fifteen, where the snacks are, and you may be pleasantly surprised by the great savings (100% Off!) on blueberry-flavoured pretzel bites, 100% salt peanuts, fried sunflower petal chips, and cookies shaped like Moder’s head. The deli section is a delight of chocolate-flavoured cheeses and lunchmeats with your faces printed on them. Even though some displays clip out of reality, rest assured, you’ll be fine to walk through those spots. The hard-working staff of skeletons are working on cleaning it up. Speaking of cleaning up, do you need something to wash your sins away with? How about some Plausible Deniability?

The walk-in freezers nearby are pleasantly deep and chilly, and should you walk through them, you might find yourself spat out somewhere else. …still within the Alpha Mart, of course. You didn’t think you could leave through a twisting maze of soda bottles, did you? Come on.

cw in first image link: eyes, trypophobia

After making it through the freezer aisle and its twisting, cold maze of products, you’ll arrive at the, uh… um… the eyeball space! Anyway, let’s quickly move on from there.

Quite a ways out of the eyeball space, where the walls blink at you and follow your every move, is something of a playground indoors, featuring both your run-of-the-mill slides and waterslides where the water is dish soap and the swimming pool at the bottom is white chocolate. Try not to get any in your mouth; it doesn’t taste great! Inner tubes are provided by a skeleton staff member wearing a speedo, who also functions as a lifeguard should you drown in chocolate. Your grocery products can safely be set in a cubby nearby for “purchasing” later. Or you can use them between slide sessions. They are free, after all.

When you’re done with the slides, heading through a side door will lead you into a different section of the Alpha Mart, where the products continue to be bizarre and sometimes-sentient. Anything and everything you can imagine is here, unless it makes sense, in which case it’s completely absent from the store. At the tail end is the checkouts, where Mr. Bone-Jangles stands in his cashier uniform, miming a tired retail worker. He’ll send you through with your products after you pretend to pay him and will refuse actual attempts to pay, and then the exit door to the Alpha Mart will be revealed on the back wall. If you walk through it…

It spits you out in the middle of the Grove, and your silly “purchased” products are gone. If you want to go back in, you’re going to have to find the door again. The entrance should be in the same location it just was, at least.

…or maybe, after all of that, you need to wash the chocolate off and take a nap.